When you know how to craft a powerfully effective apology, you can cover your tracks without leaving blood on your hands or appearing weak. This is a must-have skill for every woman in business.
As a professional mediator, I have seen the power of the apology first hand. The 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous promotes the spiritual directive to "make a list of all persons we have harmed, become willing to make amends to them all, and make direct amends wherever possible" (http://12step.org/). This may be one of the best life practices you can incorporate. In fact, adopting this philosophy can drastically improve your relationships.
A genuine apology can be very powerful and go a long way towards repairing a relationship. Even if you don't want reconciliation, an apology can bring closure and internal peace as well as reduce the possibility of negative repercussions in the future. In fact, many of the workplace disputes that end up in court could have been settled by someone making a sincere and timely apology before things got out of control. The problem is, usually, both people think that they have been wronged. It is usually difficult to make an apology if you think that the apology should be made to you instead.
Make a note
To avoid the "I will not apologize when I did nothing wrong" trap, base your actions on the big picture. Refocus so that you can see your disputes from the vantage point of the person on the other side.
Make a note
People in the wrong are often afraid to apologize. This apology aversion is usually motivated by a belief that an apology will make them legally liable or open them up to blame and shame. However, we know that doctors who apologize to their patients for medical mistakes don't get sued nearly as much as the ones who take a more arrogant attitude. It is possible to apologize without admitting wrong doing. And, people on the receiving end of the apology are often so grateful for the apology that almost anything works.
List
When you don't want to admit wrong doing, You can simply apologize for the distress that the situation has caused both of you and your contribution to creating this distress.
When appropriate, you may want to say "I made a mistake and I am sorry. While I know we will both make mistakes in the future, hopefully, I will not repeat this mistake."
Even "I am so sorry that this is where we ended up," which allows the apologizer to escape any admission of wrong doing, when said with an earnest tone, can do wonders.
If you want to avoid rehashing the whole situation, it's okay to let the receiver know that it is not your intention to discuss the situation—you just want to apologize.
A sincere apology is one that is made with no expectations for how the other side will respond.
There are three possible responses to any apology. They are as follows:
- The receiver accepts the apology, and the parties go forward with the goal of re-establishing their connection
- The receiver accepts the apology, and the parties agree to disagree and move on—with their connection severed
- The party that is receiving the apology is unable to accept it
Even with this last response, the giver of the apology can feel that she has done her part and kept her side of the street clean. Sometimes, even the most heartfelt apology is not enough to re-establish a connection. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When it comes to workplace relationships, it is often not clear, especially initially, how long someone will be around.
An apology can be magical, cleansing, and healing. Who do you need to apologize to?