People in conflict can use a wide variety of methods to resolve or manage their conflicts. In a perfect world, you wouldn't need all these methods. Instead, every time you found yourself in conflict, you would be able to sit down with the person on the other side and hash out your differences. However, as you have already learned, when we perceive a threat and start responding from the reptile brain, effective negotiation and discussion becomes difficult. So, other methods are necessary.
In this section, you will learn about seven conflict-management methods:
- Insight
- Negotiation
- Facilitation
- Mediation
- Arbitration
- Litigation
- Unilateral power
These methods can be plotted along a Conflict Management Continuum.
At one end of the continuum is insight (or conscious conflict ownership). At the other end is unilateral power. In the middle, the possibilities are just about endless.
Conscious conflict ownership is self-reflection that is used to provide insight into a bigger picture. This process involves your ability to reflect on your own behavior in order to assess your real or perceived contribution to a conflict, along with the willingness to accept responsibility for that contribution. Your conscious conflict ownership functions like a mirror helping you see your blind spots and unconscious patterns. This reflection allows you to gauge your position and posture, and adjust and improve your standing. In Chapter 5, Becoming an Expert Conflict Manager – Self-reflection and Skill Development, I discuss conflict conscious ownership and the ways you can use this process in greater detail.
Negotiation is a component of almost every human interaction. We negotiate nearly all of life's transactions and conflicts. The process of negotiation involves two or more people in conversation, working together to bridge their individual agendas and reach a mutually acceptable resolution. Some people are born negotiators. Others have to learn the basics and practice in order to become effective. In Chapter 5, Becoming an Expert Conflict Manager – Self-reflection and Skill Development, I will present you with a crash course in negotiation so that you can move towards mastering this critical skill.
Action Point
In the meantime, as you go about your daily interactions, observe yourself and your negotiations. You are already familiar with the five basic negotiation styles—avoid, accommodate, compromise, combat, and collaborate. Today, see if you can catch yourself using all of these styles.
Facilitation is an experiential process that can be used for the following:
- Problem-solving
- Teaching content
- Providing structure
- Conflict management
- Tapping into the wisdom of a group or team
- Gathering or sharing information
- Creating a collaborative work environment
- Team building
- Strategic planning
- Goal setting
- Debriefing
- Group decision making
Typically, the facilitator designs an interactive process and then acts as a guide as the group members move through a set of activities. The process is frequently used at corporate retreats and other events where a group of stakeholders needs to work collectively. You can learn more about facilitation from the International Association of Facilitators (www.iaf-world.org).
When communication is difficult or derailed, an impartial mediator can provide a forum for dialogue. The mediator acts as the guardian of the process, while the parties control what is discussed as well as the outcome. A skilled mediator helps the people in conflict move their blinders back so that their focal points can shift away from their positions and their projections of possible legal outcomes toward their interests (see the Lemon story on the next page, for an example and an explanation of the concept of interests).
Arbitration is sometimes considered litigation lite. This process employs a decision-making arbitrator who, like a judge, decides how the parties' dispute will be resolved based on the arbitrator's interpretation of legal rights and industry standards. Arbitration differs from litigation in that (a) arbitration may be binding or nonbinding, (b) the rules of evidence are relaxed, and (c) arbitration does not typically provide an option to subsequently appeal the arbitrator's decision.
Litigation involves the use of a lawsuit to obtain an outcome that is based on legal rights. The process typically involves a series of steps that may lead to a court trial where the parties involved present their cases to a judge, who decides the outcome based on his/her interpretation of the law.
Unilateral power is commonly used by dictators and gangster bosses. Those who wield this form of power ultimately have the ability to directly or indirectly influence others in a coercive or persuasive way. These power brokers decide outcomes without regard to the law or fair treatment of the people involved. Violence, intimidation, and fear are typically used to make unilateral power work.