We are either direct communicators, also called pointers (who want to get to the point), or indirect communicators, also called painters (who want to paint a picture). Direct communicators (the pointers) see talking as a means of trading information. Indirect or relational communicators (the painters) see talking as a way of connecting. Both pointers and painters will frequently find the other style irritating. Difficulties arise in the workplace when pointers and painters fail to find balance between their two styles and instead allow their conversations to turn into a series of misinterpretations.
Make a note
When you are dealing with a painter/pointer situation, there is hope. If you are directly involved, try to alter your style so that your message is not lost. If you are indirectly involved, serving in an intermediary role between two other people, explain the pointer-painter concept and ask them if they can see how it fits their situation. Remember, neither style is right or wrong. Most of us fall somewhere along a pointer-painter continuum, and we can comfortably use both styles. With just a little insight, it is almost always possible to find common ground.
In her book, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, communications expert Deborah Tannen says that "talk between men and women is cross-cultural communication", because "girls and boys grow up in different worlds of words." Men's language often reflects the fact that men see themselves as problem solvers. This problem-solving focus can be interpreted as domineering by a woman who wants to build rapport. For more details on her work refer to http://www.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/index.html.
Women can talk to other women in ways that they cannot talk to men. Men can talk to other men in ways that they cannot talk to women. Keep in mind that the high comfort level we often experience with same-gender communications may be used to bypass status lines and workplace hierarchies.