Consider a current unresolved conflict. Does it serve you well to work on getting this conflict resolved? What are your other options? Is it possible to reduce the level of contact or the number of interactions you have with the person on the other side? Is walking away or cutting off communications a viable option? What are the costs involved in ending this relationship? When you are clear, you can choose to follow these action points:
Action Point
Focus on figuring out what happened to make the other person perceive your actions as devaluing them. Can you determine why the other side feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, disrespected, or disappointed? If you need help with this, consider switching roles and writing a letter to yourself as if you were the person on the other side.
Think about what the other person did to trigger this feeling in you. Define the "dissed" feeling that is fueling the conflict. Dismissed. Discounted. Disenfranchised. Disrespected. Disappointed.
Armed with this information, approach the conflict as an opportunity to improve your relationship, lessen tension, and eliminate any long-standing problems. If you feel confident that the person on the other side will be receptive to shining light onto the situation, you may decide to share your assessment with them. The goal will be to show them that your conflict is like a ping-pong game with the two of you sending the ball (represented by negatively perceived actions and communications) back and forth.
Once the conflict has been decoded—in that you are clear about how you co-created this mess—you will be able to treat the conflict as a natural part of the relationship. Once the core cause of the conflict has been exposed, you can move into brainstorming (tossing around ideas) and problem solving until a solution is reached and effective communication has been re-established.