If you want to be believed, your tone of voice and body language must be in agreement with your words. Others will believe your tone and your nonverbal messages, as opposed to your words, if there is inconsistency between them. This is one of the reasons why it's especially difficult to effectively communicate when emotions are strong. However, if you follow these communication tips, you can get through almost anything.
Action Point
Frustration can best be understood as the feeling of waiting behind another car at a green light. You just want them to move—now! When someone you are dealing with is feeling this frustration, it is best to validate the feeling and give them a way out of it. Start with "I understand your frustration. In order to help you, I need…"
Never tell someone who is agitated to "calm down." When we are upset, we usually believe that the problem is external. Telling someone to calm down tells them "you are the problem," and this is the last thing they want to hear. Instead, start off with "Let's both stay calm. I will do whatever I can to fix this problem."
Avoid trading insults or nastiness
Avoid formulas such as "have a nice day," and "thank you for shopping at XYZ department store." Formulas tend to become singsong and insincere.
Use this set of questions to guide a discussion under stress:
- Where are we now?
- Where do we want to be?
- How will we get there?
- What do you need to do?
- How can I help?
Suggest a delay so that people can cool off, think, and process information. Sometimes, all that's necessary is a few minutes, but a few hours or days may be the best prescription.
Before you respond with "but", consider using "and" instead.
Frame workplace disputes as mutual problems. Separate the people from the problem by laying out the facts and then asking "how can we resolve this?"
Don't waste energy asking someone else to change. It's difficult to change when we are highly motivated. It's almost impossible to change when the impetus for change is coming from an external force.