There are many ways to express our negative emotions and once we express them, we can calm down quickly, move on, and be in control. I find that expressing my anger and frustration in writing is very therapeutic. If I am at work and I have got angry, by quickly writing down what has happened and my reactions to it, I can calm down and continue with my work. I can re-read what I have written later on at home if I still wish to sort through the issue. Emotional intelligence skills include the ability to defer an emotion so it can be dealt with later. This is not the same as repressing or ignoring it. It's simply being emotionally intelligent. To master the art of expressing negative emotions, such as anger, humiliation, embarrassment, frustration, and sadness, requires a sophisticated self-awareness. Imagine how useful this skill can be when you are having a crazy hectic day, feeling frustrated and stressed, and you still need to interact in meetings, negotiations, or a networking event. By writing down what you are feeling, you have more control over your emotions and can easily change your mood to a more positive one. Let me share with you a little secret that we also use in meditation--smile-- keep smiling for yourself. A smile is the trojan horse to infect us and our environment with a positive vibe.

How to express negative emotions:

• Separate feelings from judgments: To express negative emotions properly, you need to be able to distinguish expressions of your own feelings from judgments. For instance, when you say: "You make me feel so angry," "You were so aggressive," or "Your behaviour was wrong," you are just expressing a judgment. You are not owning your own feelings--you are just blaming someone else for how you feel. An emotionally intelligent individual takes responsibility for their emotions; he doesn't blame others for his unpleasant feelings. "I'm feeling angry," "I felt vulnerable," "I'm proud of you for meeting the deadline under such tough circumstances"--this is the right way to own your feelings. Knowing this difference helps you to express your feelings more clearly and wisely, so that you build rather than destroy working relationships.
• Know your feelings: To own your negative emotions, it's important that you can properly identify them--just calling it "anger" is not enough. Knowing exactly which feeling it is helps you to understand why it was triggered, how to express it, and how to best manage it and move through it. And because emotions and feelings like to come in bundles, it's important that your emotional vocabulary is good enough so you can be able to select the correct emotional word, such as - "I am feeling humiliated, cheated, thwarted, bitter, and so on." If you want to improve your emotional vocabulary, you can find on the internet several lists with more than 3,000 English words expressing emotional states.
• Choose the right vehicle of expression: You don't need to express your negative emotions face to face. In psychotherapy, we use different techniques to express our negative emotions. They are so simple that you can use them anywhere, even in the workplace. You can start by simply naming your feeling--naming is taming. Or, you can write a letter to the person involved but don't send it--tear it into pieces and put it in the trash. Or write down in your journal a free flow of consciousness about how you feel and why. Writing about a recent experience that angered you is very helpful and the best tool to master the art of expressing negative emotions, because practice is key to expressing your anger effectively.