Leaders with emotional self-control are able to remove themselves from the situation in which they are experiencing destructive emotions, such as fury and exasperation, until they have returned to a more productive state so that no one gets harmed. In a leadership position, emotional self-control helps the leader to build long-term relationships, gain the respect of the team, colleagues, peers, and so on, and build trust. Leaders who lack emotional self-control are reckless, irresponsible, blame others and the circumstances, and don't know how to take steps to reduce the impact of negative emotions on the team or organization. They hijack meetings with their outbursts of anger. To build or enhance your self-control, consistently, practice the following recommendations:

• Deep breathing: If you focus on the rhythm and the smoothness of your breathing, the production of cortisol and adrenaline will stop.
  • Inhale, counting 1, 2, 3, and 4, and then exhale, counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Inhale again, counting 1, 2, 3, and 4, and then exhale again, counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 this establishes rhythm.
  • At the same time, keep the volume of the breath consistent as it moves in and out, like sipping liquid through a narrow straw. If you manage those two qualities for just a few minutes, the breath assists us in remaining present, making it possible to stay with the intense sensation in the body.
• Reflection: To help you identify from where your strong reaction is coming from, take a moment and ask yourself the following set of questions:
  • Is this situation really a threat?: Our knee-jerk reaction may be an over-reaction. Take a moment to determine whether or not there is really a threat to something you value. Is the severity of your reaction truly warranted?
  • What action would be best in this situation?: Identify the action or behavior that would be best in the situation. For instance, take a break, take a walk, have a conversation with the other person (or people) involved, apologize, calming down and then coming back to listen, or just walking away. By identifying what you should do, you are also identifying what you should not do.
  • What do I need in order to be able to take that action?: Do you need more time? Do you need more information? Do you need to de-stress? You don't want to attempt to take the right action if you aren't in the right mindset or don't have all the tools you need in order to be successful.
• Reframing: With strong emotional reactions often comes negative self-talk. You can start to practice positive self-talking by using the following positive sentences:
  • I made an honest mistake. That's frustrating, but I can certainly fix it.
  • I need to take a break so my frustration doesn't prevent me from doing a good job I'm not in a good mood today.
  • My ideas aren't always the ones chosen. I need to get honest feedback on that last idea.
  • Let me make sure I have fully understood the goal.
• Rehearsal: Consider how you would like the action to take place in detail and then rehearse it in your mind or out loud, so you can build your confidence. For example, suppose you are going to have a serious talk with your team manager about a problem you are having with another teammate: What would be the best environment in which to have the talk? Will you sit or stand? How will you start the conversation? What should your body language look like? What about your facial expression? What are the important points that you need to make, or what are the key pieces of information that you need to get? If it is helpful, you can write an outline or list in order to assist you with your rehearsal.