Empathy is generally defined as the ability to sense other people's emotions and feelings. Contemporary researchers often differentiate between affective empathy--our ability to mirror the sensations and feelings we get in response to others' emotions and cognitive empathy--our ability to identify and understand other peoples' emotions by perspective taking, to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. When you do that, you gain an understanding of why a person feels or behaves the way they do and what triggered that feeling or behavior. Then and only then can you employ the other emotional intelligence tools in order to influence or manage the emotions and behaviors of others. "Ok, Emilia! But, I don't need empathy to work in the sandbox. Also, I am not a very emphatic person." According to the neuroscientist, Marco Iacoboni, we human beings are, literally, wired to connect. Mirror neurons are always on--meaning we affect one another even when we do not mean to. When we see someone feeling sad, for example, our mirror neurons fire and that allows us to experience the same sadness and to feel empathy. We don't need to think about the other person being sad, we actually experience it firsthand.

How to be empathic:

• Listen and be vulnerable: Truly listening can be a challenge. Sometimes we are just waiting to give our own opinion. Increased empathy only comes through interacting with others, so you want your conversations to be as deep and revealing as possible. In order to do that, you need to develop two interrelated skills: emotional listening and making yourself vulnerable. Removing our masks and revealing our feelings to someone is vital for creating a strong empathic bond. Empathy is a two-way street.
• Be fully present and tune in to non-verbal communication: Put away your phone, don't constantly check your email, and don't accept calls while you are interacting with someone. The things we say account for only 7% of what we are trying to communicate. The other 93% of the message is in our tone of voice and body language. If while you speak with someone, you scroll through your upcoming appointments, you will miss the bulk of the message.
• Smile at people: Smiles are literally contagious. The part of your brain responsible for this facial expression is the cingulate cortex, which is an unconscious automatic response area. A smile releases dopamine and oxytocin, also known as the happiness and bonding hormones.
• Use people's names and encourage them: Encouraging people can be as simple as nodding at them while they talk in a meeting. This simple gesture, along with using their name, makes great impact on relationship building.