This is a challenging skill to develop because it requires that you experience conflict in order to learn how to solve it. You may even need to bring conflicts to light that others would rather leave in the dark. However, conflict management will make you a better leader, co-worker, and even parent, spouse, or friend. A skilled conflict manager knows that a conflict is always an opportunity to evolve. It can help individuals or a work group to solve problems, improve processes, heal rifts, strengthen relationships, and learn new skills. To properly manage a conflict, you need to discover the root of the conflict and use all the other emotional intelligence competencies. To build or enhance your ability to manage conflicts, consistently practice the following:

• Build bonds, even with your adversary: The key to defusing conflict is to form a bond, or to re-bond, with the other party. We do not have to like someone to form a bond - we only need a common goal. Treat the person as a friend, not an enemy, and base the relationship on mutual respect, positive regard, and co-operation. Leaders must learn to separate the person from the problem. Once a bond has been established, we must nurture the relationship as well as pursue our goals. We need to understand each other's point of view, regardless of whether we agree with it or not. The more effectively we communicate our differences and our areas of agreement, the better we will understand each other's concerns and improve our chances of reaching a mutually acceptable agreement. We can all learn to communicate acceptance of the other person while saying no or disagreeing with a specific point or behavior. Feeling accepted, worthy, and valued are basic psychological needs. And, as hostage negotiation demonstrates, it is more productive to persuade than to coerce.
• Dialogue and negotiate: Many leaders in conflict situations are hostages to their inner fears and other negative emotions, hence, they fail to see the opportunities in resolving the conflict. Talking, dialogue, and negotiation create genuine, engaging, and productive two-way transactions.
• Raise a difficult issue without being aggressive or hostile: Once an issue is raised, we can work through the mess of sorting it out and find a mutually beneficial outcome. We should be direct, engaging, and respectful, always helping the other person to save face. In addition, timing is important. Choosing the right time and the right circumstances are part of an effective conflict management strategy.
• Understand the root of the conflict: To be able to create a dialogue aimed at resolving the conflict, we need to understand the root of the disagreement. Among the common causes of a disagreement are differences over goals, interests, or values. There could be different perceptions of the problem, such as "It's a quality control problem" or "It's a production problem", and there may also be different communication styles. Power, status, rivalry, insecurity, resistance to change, and confusion about roles can also create conflicts. It is crucial to determine whether a conflict relates to interests or needs. Interests are more transitory and superficial, such as land, money, or a job. Needs are more basic and not for bargaining, such as identity, security, and respect. Many conflicts appear to be about interests, when they are really about needs. The most conflict provoking losses have to do with needs, and those needs may connect to the deeper wounds people have suffered in their life. Someone passed over for promotion, for example, may seem to be upset about the loss of extra money, when the real pain is caused by a loss of respect or loss of identity.
• Empathize and reciprocate: Reciprocity is the foundation of cooperation and collaboration. What you give out is what you get back. Humans have a deeply hardwired pattern of reciprocity. Mutual exchange and internal adaptation allows two individuals to become attuned and empathetic to each other's inner states. Hence a powerful technique to master in any kind of dispute is to empathize with the feelings and views of the other individual by managing what we express both verbally and non-verbally. This social awareness allows you to make the right concessions at the right time. Once you have made a concession, it is likely that the other party will respond in the same kind. Moreover, when you recognize a concession has been made, reciprocate with one of your own.