Helping makes the difference in all human encounters! Expressions we make do make a difference in the lives of other people. It may be the frown on our foreheads. Or the beginning of a nod. Or an unfriendly phrase beginning like “You people …” Or an inappropriate initiative, ending like “You must do this!” Or a stinging punishment, “You failed again!” Everything matters because all of life’s encounters may be “for better or for worse!”
In this context, the largest body of evidence ever put together indicates that all interactions between all helpers and helpees have a “for better or worse” effect upon the helpees (See Figure 1-1). In parent-child, teacher-student, counselor-counselee, husband-wife, and management-worker relationships, the consequences may have constructive or deteriorative effects upon physical, emotional, intellectual and even spiritual functioning. In perspective, the facilitative or retarding effects can be accounted for by the levels of empathic relating that are shared by all interactive human processes, independent of theoretical orientation. Children, students, counselees, spouses, workers of persons functioning at high levels of empathy improve on a variety of criteria, while those of persons offering low levels of empathy deteriorate on indexes of change or gain.
As may be viewed, the effects of all human encounters may be cumulative and developmental or subtractive and detrimental. High-relating interactions will yield “for better” effects; low-relating encounters will yield “for worse” effects. Having stated these relationships, it is important to understand that one powerful and continuing interaction may reverse the developmental or detrimental effects: one truly potent relationship may reverse a downward spiral; one truly impotent relationship may reverse an upward spiral.
For example, a person may be well nourished in developing his or her human potential and, yet, reversed in direction by a single encounter with a retarding teacher or coach or boss. Rejection, presumed or overt, may send the developing person into a “tailspin.” Getting “cut” from a theatrical production or a ball team for which the person held lifelong ambitions can be traumatic. Getting “cut coldly” can be disastrous.
Similarly, one sustained facilitative relationship by truly helpful people may reverse a lifetime of retarding relationships. Discovering a new opportunity or a new direction in one’s life may release that person to discover his or her destiny.
This is precisely why we have professional helpers such as counselors and therapists, ministers, social workers, and physicians to reverse the flow of retarding experiences. These helpers may relate to their helpees’ experiences and empower them to develop new and more meaningful directions in their lives. In the hands of a high-level functioning helper, getting “cut coldly” may become the crisis that unfolds new opportunities previously not considered.
Helping is a way of life!
