NOTES

Foreword

1. Dov Cohen, Joseph Vandello, and Adrian K. Rantilla, “The Sacred and the Social: Cultures of Honor and Violence,” in Shame: Interpersonal Behavior, Psychopathology, and Culture, eds. Paul Gilbert and Bernice Andrews (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1998), 261-82.

2. Paul Gilbert, Living Like Crazy (York, U.K.: Annwyn House, 2018). See pages 1 and 12.

3. Christopher Ryan, Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress (New York: Avid Reader Press/Simon & Schuster, 2019).

4. Robin I. M. Dunbar, “The Social Brain Hypothesis and Human Evolution,” in Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Psychology (March 2016), http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/acrefore/9780190236557.013.44.

5. See, generally, David D. Gilmore, Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1990).

6. Ryan, Civilized to Death.

Preface

1. See these media appearances by Ed Adams: “Michael Discusses Toxic Masculinity with Dr. Edward M. Adams,” interview by Michael Strahan, Good Morning America, January 23, 2019, https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/gma_day/video/michael-discusses-toxic-masculinity-dr-edward-adams-60573623; “Traditional Masculinity Under Attack,” Edward M. Adams interviewed by Laura Ingraham, The Ingraham Angle, January 14, 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYJhfZ9Ad4U; “Is There Such a Thing As Toxic Masculinity?,” Edward M. Adams and Allie Stuckey interviewed by Todd Starnes, Fox News, January 15, 2019, https:// video.foxnews.com/v/5989711340001/#sp=show-clips; “The APA’s New Guidelines for Men and Boys,” Edward M. Adams and Matt Englar-Carlson interviewed by Alison Stewart, All of It, WNYC, February 15, 2019, https://www.wnyc.org/story/apas-new-guidelines-men-boys/; Ed Adams, contributor, The Good Men Project, “The Healing Power of Compassion in Men’s Lives,” HuffPost, September 13, 2015; updated December 6, 2017, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-healing-power-of-compassion-in-mens-lives_b_8033430; and Thomas B. Edsall, “The Fight over Men Is Shaping Our Political Future,” The New York Times, January 17, 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/17/opinion/apa-guidelines-men-boys.xhtml.

2. Michael C. Bush and the Great Place to Work Research Team, A Great Place to Work for All: Better for Business, Better for People, Better for the World (Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2018), https://www.greatplacetowork.com/book.

3. Ed Frauenheim, “Losing Our Way: How Worrying Too Much about Winning Derailed Me—And Puts All of Us off Course,” Medium, February 10, 2018, https://medium.com/@edfrauenheim/losing-our-way-a0a107d94aa8.

Introduction

1. Ella Koeze and Anna Maria Barry-Jester, “What Do Men Think It Means to Be a Man?” FiveThirtyEight, June 20, 2018, https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/what-do-men-think-it-means-to-be-a-man/.

2. American Psychological Association, “APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men,” August 2018, https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf.

3. See U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide: Facts at a Glance 2015, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/suicide-datasheet-a.pdf; and American Psychological Association, “By the Numbers: Men and Depression,” Monitor on Psychology 46, no. 11 (December 2015): 13, https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers. The figure of 30.6 percent of men suffering from a period of depression in their lifetime involves measurement with a “gender inclusive depression scale” that includes symptoms such as rage and risk-taking.

4. Shana Lynch, “Why Your Workplace Might Be Killing You,” Insights by Stanford Business, February 23, 2015, https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/why-your-workplace-might-be-killing-you; and Ed Frauenheim, “Giving Thanks for a Great Workplace,” Great Place to Work (blog), November 21, 2018, https://www.greatplacetowork.com/resources/blog/giving-thanks-for-a-great-workplace.

5. Aja Romano, “How the Alt-Right’s Sexism Lures Men into White Supremacy,” Vox, updated April 26, 2018, https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/12/14/13576192/alt-right-sexism-recruitment.

6. Ken Wilber, “Foreword” in Reinventing Organizations: A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness (Brussels: Nelson Parker, 2014), ix-x.

Chapter 1

1. Richard Godbeer, The Overflowing of Friendship: Love Between Men and the Creation of the American Republic (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2009), 164.

2. Brian Ogawa, A River to Live By: The 12 Life Principles of Morita Therapy (Philadelphia: Xlibris, 2007), 127-28.

3. Stephanie Pappas, “APA Issues First-Ever Guidelines for Practice with Men and Boys,” Monitor on Psychology 50, no. 1, (2019): 34, American Psychological Association, https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/01/ce-corner.

4. Robert Brannon, “The Male Sex Role—and What It’s Done for Us Lately,” in The Forty-Nine Percent Majority, eds. Debra S. David and Robert Brannon (Reading, MA: Addison Wesley, 1976), 1-40.

5. We’d like to add a caveat to the notion that recorded history has been marked by a male ethos of domination, stoicism, and sexism. While that is generally true, there has been great diversity in the way men have defined themselves in both Western and Eastern civilizations. Men haven’t always conformed to a rigid version of confined masculinity over the past 6,000 years or so.

6. Author Christopher Ryan sums up much of the research on foraging groups in his 2019 book, Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress. He notes that hunter-gatherer societies tend to feature relative equality between men and women; see Ryan, Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress (New York: Avid Reader Press/Simon & Schuster, 2019), 60.

7. Ken Wilber, A Brief History of Everything (Boston: Shambhala, 1996), 48-52.

8. See Paul Gilbert’s foreword to this book. Christopher Ryan is among those who question whether farming and the rise of nations amounted to true progress for men and women. “If you . . . were hoping for an egalitarian world of shared plenitude and lots of free time to enjoy the company of those you love, consider that our ancestors enjoyed a world very much like that until the advent of agriculture and what came to be called ‘civilization’ sprouted about ten thousand years ago.” Ryan, Civilized to Death, 8.

9. Robert M. Sapolsky, The Trouble with Testosterone:And Other Essays on the Biology of the Human Predicament (New York: Touchstone, 1997), 151-52.

10. Robert M. Sapolsky and Lisa J. Share, “A Pacific Culture among Wild Baboons: Its Emergence and Transmission,” PLoS Biology 2, no. 4 (April 2004): 534-4, https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article/file?type=printable&id=10.1371/journal.pbio.0020106.

11. Janet Shibley Hyde, “The Gender Similarities Hypothesis,” American Psychologist 60, no. 6 (September 2005): 58–92, https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-606581.pdf; and American Psychological Association, “Men and Women: No Big Difference,” Research in Action, October 20, 2005, https://www.apa.org/research/action/difference.

Chapter 2

1. Brian Ogawa, A River to Live By: The 12 Life Principles of Morita Therapy (Philadelphia: Xlibris, 2007).

2. “Striving for Ubuntu,” Desmond Tutu Peace Foundation, October 6, 2015, http://www.tutufoundationusa.org/2015/10/06/striving-for-ubuntu/.

3. Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, Modern Buddhism: The Path of Compassion and Wisdom, vol. 1, 2d ed. (Glen Spey, NY: Tharpa Publications, 2015), 83.

4. Gyatso, Modern Buddhism, 74-81.

5. Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet, rev. ed. (New York: W. W. Norton, 1993), 41.

Chapter 3

1. Ed Frauenheim, “How Edward Jones Keeps Its Employees Happy to Come to Work,” Fortune, March 27, 2018, https://fortune.com/2018/03/27/edward-jones-best-company-finance-happy-workers/.

2. Marilee Adams, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 12 Powerful Tools for Leadership, Coaching, and Life, 3rd. ed. (Oakland: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2016); for the Choice Map visit https://inquiry-institute.myshopify.com/collections/frontpage/products/cm-dl.

3. Kyle Buchanan, “The Planets, the Stars and Brad Pitt,” The New York Times, updated September 8, 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/04/movies/brad-pitt-ad-astra.xhtml.

4. Brené Brown, quoted in Peter Economy, “17 Brené Brown Quotes to Inspire You to Success and Happiness,” Inc., January 8, 2016, https://www.inc.com/peter-economy/17-brene-brown-quotes-to-inspire-you-to-success-and-happiness.xhtml.

5. Ed Frauenheim, “My Son Laps Me,” Medium, November 30, 2018, https://medium.com/@edfrauenheim/my-son-laps-me-ca5ebea284bf.

6. Emily Tate, “Why Social-Emotional Learning Is Suddenly in the Spotlight,” EdSurge Podcast, May 7, 2019, https://www.edsurge.com/news/2019-05-07-why-social-emotional-learning-is-suddenly-in-the-spotlight.

7. Tony Bond, “High-Trust Culture Consulting,” Great Place to Work Annual Conference, June 27, 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2euRJyCJkn8&t=4s.

Chapter 4

1. Personal communication with Paul Gilbert. See also the foreword of this book and Paul Gilbert, Living Like Crazy (York, U.K.: Annwyn House, 2018).

2. Emma Seppälä, “Are Women Really More Compassionate?” EmmaSeppälä.com, June 20, 2013, https://emmaSeppälä.com/are-women-really-more-compassionate.

3. Kristin Neff, cited in Lisa Firestone, “The Many Benefits of Self-Compassion,” Psychology Today, October 29, 2016, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201610/the-many-benefits-self-compassion. See also Kristen Neff’s TEDx talk on “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion,” February 7, 2013, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4.

4. Ronald F. Levant, “Desperately Seeking Language: Understanding, Assessing and Treating Normative Male Alexithymia,” in The New Handbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy for Men: A Comprehensive Guide to Settings, Problems, and Treatment Approaches, vol. 1, eds. Glenn E. Good and Gary R. Brooks (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2001), 424-43.

Chapter 5

1. Vivek Murthy, “Work and the Loneliness Epidemic,” Harvard Business Review, September 27, 2017, https://hbr.org/cover-story/2017/09/work-and-the-loneliness-epidemic.

2. See Jane E. Brody, “The Challenges of Male Friendships,” New York Times, June 27, 2016, https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/06/27/the-challenges-of-male-friendships/.

3. Andrew L. Yarrow, “All the Lonely Men,” Baltimore Sun, October 19, 2018, https://www.baltimoresun.com/opinion/op-ed/bs-ed-op-1021-lonley-men-20181018-story.xhtml.

4. Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence (Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2013), 7.

5. Brené Brown, “The Power of Vulnerability,” filmed June 2010, TEDxHouston video, 20:04, www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability.

6. Godbeer, The Overflowing of Friendship: Love Between Men and the Creation of the American Republic (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2009), 193, 4.

7. Interview with Dusty Araujo, conducted by Ed Frauenheim, December 7, 2019.

8. Araujo interview, December 7, 2019.

Chapter 6

1. Michael C. Bush and the Great Place to Work Research Team, A Great Place to Work for All: Better for Business, Better for People, Better for the World (Oakland: Berrett-Koehler, 2018).

2. Studs Terkel, Working: People Talk about What They Do All Day and How They Feel about What They Do (New York: New Press, 1997), xi.

3. Ed Frauenheim, “The Great Workplace Era Emerges in Asia,” Great Place to Work Institute Blog, March 13, 2015, https://www.greatplacetowork.com/resources/blog/the-great-workplace-era-emerges-in-asia.

4. Ed Frauenheim and Great Place to Work, “How the 150 Best Medium and Small Workplaces Race Ahead,” Fortune, October 18, 2018, https://fortune.com/2018/10/18/150-best-medium-small-workplaces-2018/.

5. The Police, “Synchronicity II,” from Synchronicity, A&M Records, 1983.

6. See Jim Harter, “4 Factors Driving Record-High Employee Engagement in U.S.,” Gallup Workplace, February 4, 2020, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/284180/factors-driving-record-high-employee-engagement.aspx; and Jim Harter, “Dismal Employee Engagement Is a Sign of Global Mismanagement,” Gallup Blog, n.d., accessed April 10, 2020, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231668/dismal-employee-engagement-sign-global-mismanagement.aspx. Survey organization Gallup found in 2019 that 35 percent of U.S. employees were engaged—meaning they are “highly involved in, enthusiastic about, and committed to their work and workplace.”
That represented the highest level since Gallup began tracking the statistic in 2000, when engagement stood at 26 percent. The progress may reflect changes in the business world in keeping with a liberating masculinity. But the fact that, despite the improvement, only about one-third of employees were engaged in 2019 is telling. It signals how far our organizations have to go to be places where all people thrive, and is an indictment of confined masculinity as a management model.

7. The term “deadening” isn’t just figurative. Our workplaces— informed by a confined masculinity model of management—literally kill people. In the United States, relatively few of those deaths are from workplace accidents directly. Instead, they come mostly from stressful, toxic work environments. Research from Stanford and Harvard business schools shows “health problems stemming from job stress, like hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and decreased mental health, can lead to fatal conditions that wind up killing about 120,000 people each year.” See Gillian B. White, “The Alarming, Long-Term Consequences of Workplace Stress,” Atlantic, February 12, 2015, https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/02/the-alarming-long-term-consequences-of-workplace-stress/385397/, and Stephanie Denning, “How Stress Is the Business World’s Silent Killer,” Forbes, May 4, 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/stephaniedenning/2018/05/04/what-is-the-cost-of-stress-how-stress-is-the-business-worlds-silent-killer/#71f7d4986e06. Among the causes of that job stress are factors directly tied to hyper-masculine-flavored management: lack of power over one’s job (reflects the domination of power by leaders), the inability to balance work and family conflicts (reflects indifference to emotional ties beyond work), and long hours (reflects an unwillingness to tolerate or show weakness).

8. See Dov Seidman, “From the Knowledge Economy to the Human Economy,” Harvard Business Review, November 12, 2014, https://hbr.org/2014/11/from-the-knowledge-economy-to-the-human-economy.

9. John T. Chambers, the long-time CEO of technology giant Cisco Systems, says companies will not be able to succeed if they wait for senior executives to learn about problems and make decisions— especially as more and more data streams flow into organizations. “You’re going to have information coming into your company in ways you never imagined before,” Chambers says. “Decisions will be made much further down in the organization at a fast pace.” See Michael C. Bush and the Great Place to Work Research Team, A Great Place to Work for All: Better for Business, Better for People, Better for the World (Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2018), 2. https://www.greatplacetowork.com/book.

10. Marcus Erb, Jessica Rohman, Ed Frauenheim, Chandni Kazi, and Nancy Ceseña, “Innovation by All: The New Flight Plan for Elevating Ingenuity, Accelerating Performance, and Outpacing Rivals,” Great Place to Work, 2018, http://learn.greatplacetowork.com/rs/520-AOO-982/images/2018_innovation_by_all_FINAL.pdf.

11. Ed Frauenheim, “From Man of Steel to Men of Teal: A New Vision of Male Leadership,” LinkedIn Pulse Blog, June 14, 2019, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/from-man-steel-men-teal-new-vision-male-leadership-ed-frauenheim/.

12. Julia Rozovsky, “The Five Keys to a Successful Google Team,” re:Work, November 17, 2015, https://rework.withgoogle.com/blog/five-keys-to-a-successful-google-team/.

13. Ed Frauenheim and Shawn Murphy, “Caring as a Competitive Advantage,” Great Place to Work Blog, January 13, 2017, https://www.greatplacetowork.com/resources/blog/caring-as-competitive-weapon.

14. See, for example, Marshall Goldsmith with Mark Reiter, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful (New York: Hachette, 2007).

15. Adam Grant, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (New York: Penguin Books, 2014), 10. Grant notes that there’s a shadow side of a “giving” style of interaction. Givers tend to be concentrated at the extremes of the success scale—not only at the top but at the bottom. They end up among the lowest in measures of success, Grant notes, because others often take advantage of them.

16. See Ed Frauenheim, “Elon Musk, ‘Atlas CEOs,’ and Rehumanizing Leadership,” LinkedIn Pulse Blog, August 29, 2018, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/elon-musk-atlas-ceos-re-humanizing-leadership-ed-frauenheim/.

17. Richard Henderson, “Industry Employment and Output Projections to 2024,” Monthly Labor Review, U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, December 2015, https://doi.org/10.21916/mlr.2015.47.

18. Linnea Engstrom, “Climate Change Is a Feminist Issue,” Friends of Europe, April 11, 2017, https://www.friendsofeurope.org/insights/climate-change-is-a-feminist-issue/; and Matthew Ballew, Jennifer Marlon, Anthony Leiserowitz, and Edward Maibach, “Gender Differences in Public Understanding of Climate Change,” Yale Program on Climate Change Communication, November 20, 2018, https://climatecommunication.yale.edu/publications/gender-differences-in-public-understanding-of-climate-change/.

19. Ed Frauenheim, “How the World’s Best Workplaces Create a Great Global Culture,” Fortune, October 2, 2019, https://fortune.com/2019/10/02/worlds-best-workplaces-global-culture/.

20. Business Roundtable, “Business Roundtable Redefines the Purpose of a Corporation to Promote ‘An Economy That Serves All Americans,’” August 19, 2019, https://www.businessroundtable.org/business-roundtable-redefines-the-purpose-of-a-corporation-to-promote-an-economy-that-serves-all-americans.

21. Conscious Capitalism, accessed March 4, 2020, https://www.consciouscapitalism.org/.

22. Frederic Laloux, Reinventing Organizations:A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness (Brussels: Nelson Parker, 2014), 48.

23. Laloux, Reinventing Organizations.

24. Ed Frauenheim, “From Man of Steel to Men of Teal.”

25. Brent Lowe, Susan Basterfield, and Travis Marsh, Reinventing Scale-Ups: Radical Ideas for Growing Companies (San Francisco: ReinventingScaleUps.com, 2017).

26. For more on the Teal Team, please visit https://thetealteam.com/.

Chapter 7

1. Donald Richie, A Tractate on Japanese Aesthetics (Berkeley: Stone Bridge Press, 2007), 57.

2. James Hillman, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling (New York: Random House), 1996, 4-14.

3. Ken Wilber, “Foreword” in Reinventing Organizations: A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness (Brussels: Nelson Parker, 2014), ix-x.

4. Matthew Fox, The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2009), xxvii.

Conclusion

1. Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness (New York: Riverhead Books, 2009), 129.

2. Matthew D. Lieberman, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect (New York: Broadway Books, 2013), 250.

3. Holly Barlow Sweet, ed., Gender in the Therapy Hour: Voices of Female Clinicians Working with Men (New York: Routledge, 2012), 9-10.

4. Practicing gratitude is associated with improved mental health. See “Gratitude Is Good Medicine,” UC Davis Health blog, November 25, 2015, https://health.ucdavis.edu/medicalcenter/features/2015-2016/11/20151125_gratitude.xhtml.