RESOURCES
Discussion Guide
The following twelve questions are intended for men to ponder and discuss in groups:
1. On a personal level, what does it mean for you to be a man?
2. Identify a man who had a strong influence in your life. What did this man teach you about being a man?
3. What rules of manhood have you abided by? How did you learn these rules?
4. What brings out compassion in you? Why might you withhold compassion?
5. How hard is it for you to build and maintain close friendships? Why do you think many men are isolated?
6. Think about the women in your life. What kind of man do they seem to want you to be or become? How do their expectations affect you ?
7. How can men expand their circle of care and compassion? How might this expansion make the world a better place?
8. Do you practice self-compassion? If so, how? How can men help each other to develop self-compassion skills?
9. How have you seen confined masculinity show up at work? How have you seen liberating masculinity show up at work?
10. Do you notice growing expectations at work for men to be flexible, warm, and connected? Do you feel emotionally safe at work? Please explain your responses.
11. How frequently do you express your strong emotions to others? What gets in the way of being that expressive?
12. Can you describe a life experience that touched your very soul? How might being a soulful man enrich your life?
Reinventing Masculinity Self-Assessment
On each of the following items, circle the number that most accurately reflects your experience.
Places to Connect, Things to Do, Resources to Explore
Places to Connect
American Men’s Studies Association: “Advancing the critical study of men and masculinities.” https://mensstudies.org/
American Psychological Association: “Advancing psychology to benefit society and improve lives.” https://www.apa.org/
Better Man Conference: “An event with resources, support, and community to engage men as allies in creating an inclusive culture.” https://bettermanconference.com/
The Good Men Project: “An international conversation about what it means to be a good man in the twenty-first century.” https://goodmenproject.com/
HealthDirect: an Australia-based resource with mental health
resources for men. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mens-mental-health
Health Disparities Institute at the University of Connecticut: Seeks “to reduce disparities by turning ideas shown to work into policies and actions”—especially to eliminate injustices suffered by boys and men of color. https://health.uconn.edu/health-disparities/
Mankind Project: “A not-for-profit international training and educational organization.” https://mankindproject.org/
Men Mentoring Men (M3): “A self-sustaining council of thoughtful men dedicated to participation in and appreciation of the triumphs and failures of life’s journey by enriching the lives of each other, those we love, and the community at large.” https://www.MenMentoringMen.org
Men’s Health Network: “A national nonprofit organization whose mission is to reach men, boys, and their families where they live, work, play, and pray with health awareness and disease prevention messages and tools, screening programs, educational materials, advocacy opportunities, and patient navigation.” http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/
Men’s Resource Center for Change: “Supporting men, challenging men’s violence, and developing men’s leadership in ending oppression in our lives, our families, and our communities.” https://www.mensresourcecenter.org/
Men’s Suicide Prevention Resource Center. https://www.sprc.org/populations/men
National Institute of Mental Health: “Real Men—Real Depression Campaign.” https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health/men-and-depression/nimhs-real-men-real-depression-campaign.shtml National Organization for Men Against Sexism: “An activist
organization of men and women supporting positive changes for men. . . . We affirm that working to make this nation’s ideals of equality substantive is the finest expression of what it means to be men.” https://nomas.org/
Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinities, Division 51 of the American Psychological Association. https://www.division51.net
The Violence Prevention Alliance (VPA): “A network of WHO member states, international agencies, and civil society organizations working to prevent violence.” https://www.who.int/violenceprevention/
Things to Do
Get together with a few men to discuss your ideas about what it means to be a man. Start with the twelve questions in the Discussion Guide above. Continue with the questions posed throughout this book.
Introduce a conversation about men and masculinity with someone you care about. Tell them about a man who influenced your attitudes about masculinity.
Make a list of men you admire and respect. Describe their qualities, and why they inspire you. Can you interview one?
Search for a men’s group in your community. Religious centers, mental health providers, and community centers are good places to start. Or, since healthy men’s groups are hard to find, consider starting one—it takes only two men to start a discussion. Let it grow organically.
Encourage your local bookstore to carry more books about men’s physical and emotional health. Men’s issues are often seen as not important, or bookstore managers may believe that men don’t buy books. If it’s a tough sell, consider hosting a bookstore panel discussing men’s issues.
Visit your primary physician for an annual check-up. Men underutilize health services of all kinds. Be the exception.
If you’re thinking about getting counseling, go for it! Find a therapist with experience treating men. Search online, or ask others if they know a good therapist.
If you are a parent, talk to your children about men and masculinity. Encourage your kids to feel pride about their gender.
Be generous. Give some of your time, energy, and money to causes that make the world a better place. Take direct action by helping others or our environment.
When socializing with others, begin a discussion about liberating masculinity.
Resources to Explore
Adams, Edward M. Becoming a Happier Man: A Man’s Guide to Living a Full and Meaningful Life. Pennsauken, NJ: BookBaby, 2017. https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Happier-Man-Living-Meaningful/dp/1483588289.
Adams, Edward M., contributor, The Good Men Project. “The
Healing Power of Compassion in Men’s Lives.” HuffPost, updated December 6, 2017. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-healing-power-of-compassion-in-mens-lives_b_8033430.
Brooks, Gary R. Beyond the Crisis of Masculinity: A Transtheoretical Model for Male-Friendly Therapy. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2010. https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Crisis-Masculinity-Transtheoretical-Male-Friendly/dp/1433807165.
Bush, Michael C., and the Great Place to Work Research Team. A Great Place to Work for All: Better for Business, Better for People, Better for the World. Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2018. https://www.greatplacetowork.com/book.
Englar-Carlson, Matt, and Mark A. Stevens, editors. In the Room with Men: A Casebook of Therapeutic Change. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2006. https://www.amazon.com/Room-Men-Casebook-Therapeutic-Change/dp/1591473322.
Frauenheim, Ed. “From Man of Steel to Men of Teal: A New Vision of Male Leadership.” LinkedIn Blog, June 14, 2019. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/from-man-steel-men-teal-new-vision-male-leadership-ed-frauenheim/.
Gilbert, Paul, editor. Compassion: Concepts, Research and Applications. New York: Routledge, 2017. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1138957194.
Gilbert, Paul. Mindful Compassion: How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others. Oakland: New Harbinger, 2014. https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Compassion-Science-Understand-Emotions/dp/1626250618.
Horowitz, Richard. Walk Like a Man: Redefining Masculinity for a Modern World (blog). http://oktobeaman.com/.
Laloux, Frederic. Reinventing Organizations: A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness. Brussels: Nelson Parker, 2014. https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Organizations-Frederic-Laloux/dp/2960133501/.
Levant, Ronald F. Masculinity Reconstructed: Changing the Rules of Manhood—At Work, in Relationships, and in Family Life. New York: Plume, 1996. https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Reconstructed-Changing-Manhood-at-Relationships/dp/052593846X/.
Lieberman, Matthew D. Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. New York: Broadway Books, 2013. https://www.amazon.com/Social-Why-Brains-Wired-Connect/dp/0307889106/.
Lomas, Tim. Masculinity, Meditation and Mental Health. New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2014. https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Meditation-Mental-Health-Lomas-dp-1349466379/dp/1349466379/.
Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself New York: William Morrow, 2011. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/B005SA69UM/.
Ogawa, Brian. Desire for Life: The Practitioner’s Introduction to Morita Therapy for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders. Bloomington, IN: Xlibris, 2013. https://www.amazon.com/Desire-Life-Practitioners-Introduction-Treatment/dp/1483604470/.
Rabinowitz, Fredric E. Deepening Group Psychotherapy With Men: Stories and Insights for the Journey. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2001. https://www.amazon.com/Deepening-Group-Psychotherapy-Men-Insights/dp/1433829444/.
Sapolsky, Robert M. The Trouble with Testosterone: And Other Essays on the Biology of the Human Predicament. New York: Touchstone, 1997). https://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Testosterone-Essays-Biology-Predicament/dp/0684838915/.
Smiler, Andrew. Is Masculinity Toxic? A Primer for the 21st Century. New York: Thames & Hudson, 2019. https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Toxic-Primer-21st-Century/dp/0500295026.
Wexler, David B. When Good Men Behave Badly: Change Your Behavior, Change Your Relationship. Oakland: New Harbinger Press, 2004. https://www.amazon.com/When-Good-Men-Behave-Badly-ebook/dp/B0073SV92A.6