7

“I Object!”

Those who manipulate see an objection as a stumbling block to change.

Those who influence see an objection as an opportunity to continue to problem solve.

Most people do not naturally study the true potential of their problems. If they did, not only would they quickly fix them, but cost would have much less significance. I’ve noticed that, regardless of their financial status, people never look for the least expensive surgeon when an operation is prescribed; in some cases the issue of cost has clearly apparent life-altering potential.

Now that you’ve learned how to influence behavior, all will be right in your world, right? Let’s see.

Struggling with the ethics involved in influencing another’s behavior? Done.

Need to create trust with another person? Done.

Trying to create a sense of urgency in another person’s mind? Done.

That’s right; there’s nothing like learning about the art and science behind the human drama of influence. Now nothing can go wrong. Or can it? Until now, we have been operating in a perfect world, in which everyone we seek to influence cooperates fully. It’s now time to upset the apple cart, and see what happens when our processes break down and when those we seek to influence cast aspersions on our perfect world.

WHY PEOPLE OBJECT

I often sense disappointment and fear in the people I work with when they are faced with an objection, but if they had a better understanding of what is making people object, they would be less anxious about hearing these objections. They might also be interested in knowing that the chance of changing someone’s mind is reduced by 24 percent when at least one objection is not voiced!

Reason 1: Fear of change

You may not actually hear these words spoken by the person you are trying to convince, but from experience I can tell you: Fear of change permeates just about any decision we make or struggle with. It’s instinctive, expected, and quite natural in an individual whose behavior we are trying to influence. After all, it doesn’t take a genius to keep things status quo, but to influence behavior, and to move someone from the known to the unknown—that takes courage.

No matter how solid your tactics are, be prepared to face the fear of change in those whom you are influencing. Don’t expect them to tell you explicitly that they fear change, but be prepared for some interesting reasons that they choose not to make a change. Unfortunately, this fear of change is often masked by excuses.

We’ve been working on this fear-of-change issue for a few chapters now, and we’ve shown that if someone doesn’t trust you, there is little chance this person is going to trust you to help him through the fear of change. If someone doesn’t feel a sense of urgency, there is little chance this person is going to feel the urgency required to work through the fear of change.

There is a solution, and it comes from your ability to stay away from solving his problem, and to focus instead on leading him to solve his own problems. That means taking those questions you are asking and drilling as deeply as possible into “the pain of the present.” If you want to defuse fear of change, it all hinges on your ability to study the problem.

You may hear a rambling story, you may simply hear someone stall, but be prepared to battle this objection giant. Never fear, we’ll get around to helping others who are caught in this fear of change, but we have a little more work to do first.

Reason 2: No need

Another classic and common reason people object is that they believe they have no need to change. It sounds simple enough, but it’s no accident that this ranks number two among the reasons for objections. The reason behind the objection should no longer appear strange to you because you now know that 79 percent of those struggling with a decision for change do not perceive the issue they are struggling with to be significant enough to warrant a change! Jumping in with a well-intentioned solution simply brings these objections to the surface sooner. The ultimate irony of this particular reason for an objection is that, although it may be a common reason people object, it turns out to be the easiest objection to avoid.

It’s amazing what can happen when you set expectations, create trust, and develop a sense of urgency. The proactive approach to working around this issue once again involves the various questioning techniques you have read in the previous chapters. This doesn’t mean you won’t have to address a “no need” objection. It does mean, however, that the better job you have done to set the stage earlier in the conversation, the less frequently you will be faced with this objection.

Reason 3: No hurry

A frustrating complaint that is often brought up in my seminars is one with which you are probably very familiar. It goes something like this:

Frequently I sit down with my son and everything seems to be going fine. I make a couple of simple suggestions, and I’m greeted with some favorable head nods. Then the conversation turns to when he will do what I’m asking him to do, and everything comes to a screeching halt.

Sound familiar? The person you are looking to influence might offer any number of excuses, but make no mistake about it: You are looking at a “no hurry” objection. What makes it so frustrating is that most people will swear they had the situation locked up and in the bag before the objection is made. Well, that bag has sprung a leak.

The reason I have strongly encouraged you to stay on a particular problem and ask second- and third-level questions regarding that problem is that this is where urgency lies. Our success does not lie in how passionately we express a solution, but rather in our more methodical effort to study the problem. “So let’s figure out what we’re going to do when, because the fear of change, exasperated by no perceived need or hurry, will strengthen someone’s resolve to still say no.”

Handling Objections

Background: You have been managing a new employee for about six months now. She is a workhorse, and will attack every task given to her with everything she has. However, when she joined your team you were told she had a history of not getting along well with others. Unfortunately, you had no idea how serious this issue was and it’s beginning to disrupt your entire team.

The Tactic: You want this employee to become more comfortable in group situations, so you attempted to convince her to attend an offsite training program to address this particular issue.

FOUR STEPS TO HANDLING OBJECTIONS

Many people feel that there is some deep, dark mystery to handling objections. Well, I hope you have learned that if there is a secret, it lies in your proactive approach to understanding how people make decisions, and intelligently mirroring their process to influence behavior. Still, if there is a secret to handling objections, you’ll find it sitting in step one.

Step 1: Clarify

The first, and by far the most important, step within the objection-handling tactic is to clarify the objection. Do not be deceived by what appears to be a simple step. Clarification can be a challenge because it requires you to think quickly on your feet. Still, it’s the most important step, and here are three reasons (among others) to do it:

Reason 1: Get at the Real Objection. Rarely will people give their real objection right up front. Maybe it’s embarrassing, maybe they feel it’s personal, or maybe it’s because they don’t think it’s as important as you think it is. One thing is certain: When you get at the real objection, you can address the real objection, and asking someone to clarify her concern will do just that.

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have personally jumped to my favorite response regarding an issue that had nothing to do with the question being asked because I didn’t get at the real objection. By the time I finished answering the question that was never asked, I was rewarded by having to fend off the objection I had now created. What a mess!

Reason 2: Avoid Sounding Confrontational. Here’s a strange irony for you: Let’s say you guess right and actually do understand the real objection without clarifying it first. Your potential reward will not be a compliment for your clairvoyant talents. Your reward will be annoyance regarding your confrontational, stubborn, and insensitive approach to communication. So instead of sounding confrontational, set the stage for understanding. Not only will you buy yourself time to think, by clarifying the objection that comes your way, you will be sending an important message regarding your intention to listen and understand.

Reason 3: avoid Talking Too Much. Picture yourself in the other person’s shoes for just a moment. You are looking at a rather difficult decision and trying to analyze that decision as carefully as possible. You are puzzled by one aspect of this decision, so you pose a rather harmless question to ask the person to help you understand something. Out comes a response that just won’t end. It goes on and on and on. You begin thinking to yourself, “This was really not such a big deal to me a minute ago, but judging by this person’s response, I must have hit on a bigger problem than I thought!”

The longer it take a person to answer an objection verbally, the more credibility the objection is given.

In other words, your inability to understand the objection, which you demonstrate by providing a boatload of information in which the answer is somewhere buried, dramatically damages your credibility. I’ve always been fond of this proverb to remind me of this message: “That which proves too much, proves nothing.”

If I still haven’t been able to convince you of the importance of clarifying, let me put it to you simply: One out of ten objections isn’t even an objection, and that’s a conservative number. What you are really hearing is someone who does not want to be influenced and who is stalling. If you ask that person to clarify the objection, don’t be surprised to hear, “Uh, well, you see, I think you actually answered that question earlier.” That’s because there is no objection!

Clarifying

The Need: Rather than creating an objection that doesn’t exist, sounding confrontational, or losing control of the conversation, you want to delve deeper into the issue.

The Tactic: You need to clarify the objection.

The Exchange: The conversation might sound something like this:

Employee: “I don’t really think I need to attend any outside training for this issue.”

Employer: “What specifically concerns you about the training program?”

Employee: “I told you I’d address this problem. I just don’t think an outside program is going to fix this. I have to fix this. I just don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

Employer: “So, if I hear you correctly, your real concern is the sensitivity, or in some cases, the lack of sensitivity that can be shown in programs like this. Is that correct?”

Employee: “Yes.”

You don’t want to antagonize the other person, or to put her on the spot, so be prepared to assist her out of her predicament gracefully. It might be helpful to make a comment about how confusing her topic is. However, I would rather help someone feel comfortable moving away from an attempt at stalling than to breathe life into an objection that does not exist.

Step 2: Acknowledge

Assuming the objection has been clarified, it’s time to demonstrate your listening skills. It may be time to demonstrate your empathy skills as well. Acknowledging another person’s objection means it’s time for you to confirm your understanding of this person’s concern. When you acknowledge, what you’re really doing is demonstrating your understanding of the objection. Clarifying may help get you to the right objection. Acknowledging will confirm it for you. An example of the first two steps might sound something like this.

Acknowledging

The Need: You want to be sensitive with a person who has opened up a bit, and trusted you with the real reason for her hesitancy.

The Tactic: You need to show empathy as you acknowledge the objection.

The Exchange: The conversation might sound something like this:

Employer: “I can certainly understand your hesitancy. I’ve been to some training programs that don’t exactly model sensitivity. I want you to know I have not only personally attended this program, I know the trainer who teaches it. I can assure you, I would not send you to a program in which I did not have full confidence not only about what is taught but about how it is taught.”

Step 3: Respond

Assuming you now know what the real objection is, and you have acknowledged it, it’s time to respond. However, to do this effectively, we need to figure out what type of objection you are responding to. Then we’ll be all set to answer it. Fortunately, there are only two real types of objections. We’ll cover the easier one first.

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Ah, wouldn’t life be grand if all objections were misunderstandings? A misunderstanding objection means just that: The person you are communicating with has misunderstood something, so you need to clear it up. The solution is fairly simple, but not without an element of risk. In fact, it’s often a classic case of not what you say, but how you say it.

The goal here is not to fall into the trap of making yourself “right” and the other person “wrong.” The goal here is tactfully to remove an impending obstacle of personal ego, and get back on track to influencing behavior.

“Feel, Felt, Found”

I would like to suggest a technique I have admired and used for years. I refer to it as “feel, felt, found,” and when it comes to gracefully telling someone she is wrong, it works like a charm.

The feel portion of this technique is designed to deflect the ego that’s often in the way here. When you tell someone that a lot of people feel the same way she does, you immediately avoid the risk of putting that person in a defensive position.

The felt portion of this technique injects empathy into your response. It’s one thing for someone to hear that a lot of people feel the same way she does. However, it’s much more powerful for that person to hear that you felt the same way yourself!

The found portion of this technique provides your response. At this point the answer should be an easy one, but there is no sense dropping the ball here. By explaining what you have found, you open the way to offer your answer with the least amount of confrontation. Let’s hear this technique in action and pick up where we left off from the previous example.

Feel, Felt, Found

The Need: Faced with an objection that is really more of a misunderstanding, you do not want the person you are communicating with to feel as if she is wrong.

The Tactic: You need to avoid bruising her ego, show empathy, and correct this misunderstanding.

The Exchange: The conversation might sound something like this:

Employer: “I can assure you, I would not send you to a program in which I did not have full confidence not only about what is taught but about how it is taught.”

Employee: “Okay, but I’m still not sure I do well in these kinds of programs. You never know what the other attendees will be like. I’ve seen programs like this ruined by a few insensitive people.”

Employer: “You know, a lot of people feel the same way you do when they attend a program like this. It can be a bit intimidating, and you never know who else will be attending. I felt the same way, too, when I went through this program. I thought, ‘I really want to get something out of this. What if others in attendance aren’t taking this as seriously as I am?’ But what I found was when you have a good, solid curriculum and a great trainer running it, you don’t have to worry about the other attendees.”

Using the “feel, felt, found” technique allows you to tell someone, gracefully, that she is wrong. I would be careful not to use this technique more than once per conversation, and don’t worry if you don’t incorporate all three parts of the process. It’s a guide, and nothing more, but you will be amazed at how often it gets you out of a sticky situation!

DRAWBACK

The most difficult type of objection to handle is the drawback objection. An objection due to a drawback really means that there is a particular element of the argument you cannot address! Fear not, though, because where there’s a will, there’s a way!

First, let’s put this in perspective. The last time you bought a car, did you get everything you wanted? Oh, I’m quite sure you got the color or the style, but unless you ordered that car, and had it custom constructed just for you, I’m guessing it only had almost everything you were looking for.

You see, much like your car, or your job, or you house, or your spouse (okay, maybe not your spouse), I believe you made your decision based on the issue as a whole, not on only one or two pieces of that issue. If you believe that the decision you are influencing is truly in the best interest of the person you are persuading, stay strong, and push on! After you have clarified and acknowledged, I suggest you put things in perspective and summarize the benefits of the solution you’re driving toward.

Drawback

The Need: Faced with an objection that presents a shortcoming to your position, you want to help the person you are communicating with gain perspective on the situation.

The Tactic: You want to minimize this issue and focus on the solution as a whole.

The Exchange: The conversation might sound something like this:

Employer: “But what I found was when you have a good, solid curriculum and a great trainer running it, you don’t have to worry about the other attendees.”

Employee: “Okay, it sounds like a good program. But I don’t want to give up one of my weekends to attend it.”

Employer: “Unfortunately, the only time this program is held is over the weekend, to accommodate those who cannot attend during regular working hours. However, ask yourself what’s most important to you overall—a program that addresses your single biggest development issue, in a supportive environment, or giving up one day of your weekend to attend it?”

If, by chance, you are wondering where these other benefits to your solution magically come from, please remember the lessons you have learned up to this point. Remember that rather than tell someone what she should be doing, you created trust, and you created urgency around the other benefits of your solution. It was you who created perspective!

The only gentle reminder I would like to offer once again involves ethics. If the solution you are proposing does not address the other person’s most important criteria, you have to think seriously about what you are influencing her to do. The idea here is to gain perspective regarding this drawback, not to convince someone it isn’t necessary. We’re at a pretty important fork in the road here when it comes to influence without manipulation.

Those who manipulate restate benefits to convince others a drawback to their solution isn’t necessary.

Those who influence restate benefits to help others gain perspective on their solution as a whole.

Step 4: Confirm

Have you ever heard an objection that just did not seem to want to go away? You have responded to the objection, moved on, and, boom, it rears its ugly head once again. Sometimes objections can take on a life of their own, turning up over and over again, like a bad penny. Each time you think you have satisfied the objection with a good answer, ten minutes later you hear, “I’m still hung up on …”

The best way to handle this problem is to confirm that the person’s objection has been addressed.

Confirming

The Need: Faced with an objection that presents a shortcoming to your position, you want to help the person you are communicating with gain perspective of the situation.

The Tactic: You’ve worked hard to address this objection, and now it’s time to put it to bed.

The Exchange: The conversation might sound something like this:

Employer: “What’s most important to you overall—a program that addresses your single biggest development issue, in a supportive environment, or giving up one day of your weekend to attend it?”

Employee: “I see your point.”

Employer: “Great, then you’re ready to tackle this?”

Employee: “Well, if I’m going to do it, I might as well do it now. Sign me up.”

Often simply, “How does that sound?” or even “Okay?” will do the trick. The key is to try and get the person you are working with to tell you that her objection has been adequately addressed. Once you have asked this question, you can count on one of two responses. She either will or will not be satisfied with the way you’ve handled her objection. If she is not satisfied, you might as well know now before you move on. I would suggest more clarification and possibly a return visit to the questions that brought you here in the first place.

I believe that the confirmation step is almost as important as the clarification step. Still, if you listen hard enough, you will find that, on many occasions, the person you are talking with will confirm her responses to objections for you. It’s not uncommon to hear people say things like, “I really like that” or “That sounds great.” Needless to say, in situations like these, the confirmation step has already been accomplished for you. After someone has said, “That sounds great,” it would be awkward to say, “Uh, so does that address your concern?”

Now, I will not for a minute tell you that by confirming your response to the objection, you have guaranteed the objection will not be heard again. What I can tell you is that by confirming, you have psychologically made it much more difficult for the objection to be brought up again.

Sometimes an objection can be perceived simply as a question. And sometimes when people have a simple question, it can be perceived as an objection.

You could try to determine which it is by studying nonverbal cues, emotional expression, and other difficult signals to pick up, but I think this will only confuse the issue more. I have a better idea. Why not treat both objections and questions the same way?

When you are asked a question, doesn’t it make sense to clarify the question to make sure you understand it, and confirm it has been answered when you have finished addressing it? When you treat perceived objections and questions the same way, you no longer have to worry about misreading someone’s intent.

Oscar Wilde once wrote, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” Sometimes when dealing with various challenging situations and objections, it’s safe to say that you’ll be gaining some experience from time to time.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, and the most ineffective.

All of us make mistakes. Sometimes when you are truly seeking information, and clarifying objections, you may gain a different perspective regarding the argument you thought you were making. In short, you may find that you were wrong. Take a deep breath, because here comes the most toxic word and most common mistake you can make when faced with a scenario like this. The mistake is to trust your instincts and to apologize.

It is a natural tendency to want to say “I’m sorry” to someone when you have let him or her down. Don’t get me wrong—I have no problem apologizing to my wife or to my friends when I have been at fault, and I would be happy to recommend you use these words in business if they were of any use. Unfortunately, they are not. Telling a customer you are sorry is the equivalent of waving a red cloth in front of a bull. It only makes things worse.

One of the reasons the word “sorry” is of such little use when dealing with challenging situations is that usually the problem you are apologizing for is not your mistake, and the customer knows it. Did you personally create the worldwide economic crisis? Did you personally underwrite questionable loans or create the banking crisis? To the customer, the word “sorry” represents an empty, useless word that can sometimes even appear to be more condescending than sincere. Used insincerely, the word “sorry” can feel just as hollow in a close relationship. People don’t want you to be sorry. People want their concerns to be acknowledged, and they want to be listened to.

The next time you hear someone complain about an issue involving you or your company, let this person know you have heard him by simply saying, “I can understand your frustration” or “I can certainly appreciate how disappointing that must be.” This acknowledges the other person’s concerns. Then restate the issue. “You placed a lot of income and faith in a market that has provided an enormous amount of volatility.” This demonstrates that you have been listening. It also demonstrates empathy, which is critical here. Now you can begin to address the real concern.

I cannot guarantee that if you follow this process an irate person will magically be happy with the realities of his current situation. What I can tell you, based on years of using this process and teaching it to thousands of others, is that it will dramatically help to defuse the emotion. The rest is up to you. Once this emotion has been defused, it is safe to ask your questions, and it will be up to you to reestablish trust, problem solve, and listen. This will allow you to lead the person you are communicating with to a new solution, and perhaps even to a deeper relationship with you.

THE ULTIMATE NEMESIS: “IT COSTS TOO MUCH!”

When I give a seminar, probably the most frequently asked questions center around how to address objections dealing with price. Specifically, what do you do when someone says, “It costs too much!” The answer is found in a three-letter acronym called “TCO,” which stands for Total Cost of Ownership. It’s human nature to look at a solution, particularly a premium-priced solution, and balk at its cost. Who wants to buy an eighty-dollar electric toothbrush when there’s a ten-dollar toothbrush sitting right next to it? Your dentist, for one, and your teeth, for another. You can walk out of that store feeling like you just kept seventy dollars in your pocket, but did you really find the least expensive solution?

My “Brush” with TCO

Peggy, my dental hygienist for years has had me on the straight and narrow path, and Peggy doesn’t lie. Yes, people can spend a whole lot longer with that manual toothbrush and get the job done, but do they? The experts like Peggy say no.

That eighty-dollar toothbrush you left in the aisle will stroke your teeth 400 times faster than your manual toothbrush. Most electric toothbrushes provide you with a two-minute timer, coincidentally exactly what the American Dental Association recommends for time spent brushing. Suffice it to say, I think it’s not too hard for Peggy to prove you will be brushing a whole lot more effectively with that toothbrush that “costs too much.” But let’s keep running the numbers here.

Before I got my electric toothbrush, I went in every six months for a cleaning. Now it’s every nine months because my teeth are cleaner.

Forget the part about me having a cleaner mouth, reduced risk for gum disease, and perhaps even a more professional appearance. Do you still think that manual toothbrush would have saved me money?

When moving someone to a TCO conversation, the question is a simple one: “When you say it costs too much, are you referring to the cost of buying it, or the cost of owning it?” Be prepared to see a slightly confused expression, and to hear the words, “I don’t understand the difference.”

That’s when you can spring into action and help someone understand the total cost of ownership. The key is to get those who are objecting to look at the total picture of a solution they are considering. It doesn’t matter if it’s a tangible, or an intangible, solution.

Over the years I’ve put this concept in place with solutions as obvious as a Xerox copier salesman selling copy quality and as obscure as a polygraph examiner selling the truth. Cost is an objection that should not surprise anyone, and being distracted from considering total costs is the norm, not the exception. In the absence of value, cost will always be the most important criteria in another person’s mind. It’s our job to get people to look at total costs, be it monetary, experiential, or emotional.