Appendix

Influence without Manipulation

At its core, when you are applying influence and changing another person’s mind, you are taking an idea, planting that idea in his brain, and making him feel as if he thought of it.

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Those who manipulate engage in persuasion regardless of their personal feelings about a solution.

Those who influence engage in persuasion only if their personal feelings support their solution.

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Those who manipulate obsess on persuasive tactics they can follow.

Those who influence obsess on understanding the decision process followed by those they are persuading.

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Those who manipulate don’t ask for trust.

Those who influence don’t need to ask for trust; they earn it.

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Those who manipulate put their faith in the right argument.

Those who influence put their faith in the right question.

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Those who manipulate tell others about their problems.

Those who influence allow others to tell them about their problems.

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Those who manipulate “push” a person through his statements, telling him about a problem that may exist.

Those who influence “push” a person through his questions, allowing that person to discover the potential of a problem that may exist.

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Those who manipulate passionately explain the impact of not acting on their recommendation.

Those who influence compassionately listen to another person explain in his or her own words the impact of not acting to solve an existing problem.

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Those who manipulate inadvertently display a sense of satisfaction when hearing of another person’s pain. It represents a personal triumph.

Those who influence display empathy when hearing of another person’s pain. It represents trust, and they too feel that pain.

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Those who manipulate believe the more you ask for a commitment, the greater your chances of success.

Those who influence believe you earn the right to ask for someone’s commitment.

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Those who manipulate see an opening as a way to mislead someone into engaging in a conversation.

Those who influence see an opening as a way to determine if there are mutual benefits in engaging in a conversation.

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Those who manipulate see an objection as a stumbling block to change.

Those who influence see an objection as an opportunity to continue to problem solve.

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Those who manipulate restate benefits to convince others a drawback to their solution isn’t necessary.

Those who influence restate benefits to help others gain perspective on their solution as a whole.

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Those who manipulate struggle with implementation, seeing the mastering of these skills as something they will revisit when it serves them.

Those who influence dedicate themselves to implementation, seeing the mastering of these skills as a way to help others in need of change.

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Those who manipulate focus exclusively on the strengths of their position.

Those who influence focus and analyze both the strengths and weaknesses of their position.

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Those who manipulate define victory solely by the change they create.

Those who influence define victory by the ethical effort they put forth in their attempts to bring about change.