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When you want to say things that excite people

People are more likely to say “yes” when they see it’s in their interest to do so. This means it’s important to:

1. Know what’s important to them; and
2. Align your proposal to this.

This sounds obvious; but most people don’t do this well. Or consistently. Or ever. If they were better at it, you wouldn’t hear such phrases as:

  • Why should I do that?
  • It’s too expensive.
  • This meeting is tedious. Why am I here?
  • I haven’t time to respond to this.
  • I know what you want me to do, but it’s not a priority to me right now.

Be Benefits-Based, not Features-Focused

To engage people, focus on what benefits them. The best way to define what I mean by a “benefit” is to contrast it with its opposite, a “feature”.

A “feature” describes something. A “benefit” explains how someone’s future is enhanced by it:

  • “This toothpaste is minty” = feature: it describes the toothpaste.
  • “This toothpaste will help your breath smell nice” = benefit: it shows why you’ll be better off after using it.

So, you buy because of the benefits (your beautiful breath), not the features (the mintiness).

Similarly, if someone’s résumé said “I’ve worked in many different sectors. Do you want me?”, you’d say “no”. That’s a feature of them; you care about the benefit to you of them working in different sectors.

Or when a meeting’s agenda said “We’ll be discussing X. Do you want to come?”, you’d say “no” unless you happened to care passionately about X (and how often does that happen?!)

Sometimes, people try to make things sound beneficial, by using wonderful adjectives. But “This toothpaste is the mintiest on the planet” is still not a benefit. It’s describing how uniquely wonderful the toothpaste is. And, because it’s describing, it’s a feature – albeit a unique, glorious one.

I’m not saying features are irrelevant. In fact, if some are missing – like, for example, “suitable experience” – you won’t be considered a viable alternative in the first place. But these features are like a gambler’s table stakes: they let you play the game, but they don’t mean you’ll win the game.

Here are three simple rules about what makes a good benefit:

1. They focus on the other person, so usually contain the word “you”.
2. It’s only a benefit if the other person – not you – perceives it as such.
3. Benefits happen in the future, because they haven’t happened yet. This future-focus led me to suggest the word “AFTERs” instead of “benefits”. In other words, why are they better off AFTER communicating with you? I’ve found the word “AFTERs” helps people focus on improving the other person’s future (see chapter 1 for more on AFTERs).

These three elements help you see whether you’re saying things others will find in their interest. For instance:

c16-fig-5002

There are many benefits to you of knowing what the other person perceives to be a benefit. The next two chapters cover two of the best ones:

  • How to align your agenda with theirs.
  • How to persuade them to say “yes” more easily.

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