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When you want to stop wasting your time with people who can’t make decisions
“My friend fancies you.”
The teenagers’ favourite chat-up line. And also one of the most useless. Because, as we all know, when you’re looking for love with that special someone, asking your friend to ask on your behalf rarely works:
- Your “date” will wonder why you aren’t asking.
- If you’re not there, you can’t react to what he says.
- Chinese Whispers means messages might be misinterpreted.
- Your chances of success depend on his relationship with your friend.
Let’s face it: involve a middle-man and your chances plummet.
It’s the same at work. When you want to influence projects, you must speak with the main decision maker directly, not indirectly through a middle-man. This involves three steps:
Here’s how to do all three.
Step 1 – Finding the Decision Maker
Sometimes, it’s obvious who the Decision Maker is. If it isn’t, you’ll have to ask such questions as:
Then, just as we discovered as teenagers, once we know who the Decision Maker is, we now go to them directly, not through someone else.
Step 2 – Getting in Front of Them
Accessing Decision Makers can be easy. For example, if you know her, just call her.
When you don’t know her, but feel you can approach her (or her PA) directly, say something like:
“Hi, my name’s X, and I’m working on PROJECT X.
“I want to help ensure it goes really well, so I’ll need to know your objectives and priorities. When would be good for you, for us to chat it through?”
This all sounds great, but what if you’re currently talking to a middle-man?, If so, going straight to the Decision Maker could annoy the middle-man (“why are you side-lining me?”) and/or the Decision Maker (“why have you contacted me? The middle-man’s dealing with it”).
In this situation, it’s often best to work with the middle-man, not around them. This time, make sure you stress the benefits to the middle-man of you seeing the Decision Maker. For example:
“I’m looking forward to working on this with you. To help me contribute in a way that reflects well on us both, I’ll need to speak with [DECISION MAKER] to understand her objectives and priorities.
How would you propose we make this happen? Would you prefer we set up a three-way meeting, or shall I contact her directly? I’m relaxed either way – what do you think?”
If the middle-man suggests you contact the Decision Maker directly, it’s now safe for you to use the previous script.
If they’d prefer the three-way: “Great. How soon can you do this, so we can get started?”
Sometimes, despite everything, you just can’t get in front of the Decision Maker. When this happens, decide whether you still want to be involved (I’d almost always choose not to be, but you might want/need to). And, if you do carry on, do all you can to find what the Decision Maker’s most interested in, and make sure you all achieve it.
Step 3 – Saying the Right Thing to Decision Makers
Now you’re in front of them:
- Find their objectives and priorities. Knowing this ensures you focus on the right things.
- Agree how you’ll feedback what you’ve achieved. This ensures they know it’s been a success plus you enhance your reputation because you helped make it happen.
The best questions are the ones you’d expect. To find their objectives:
- What are your objectives?
- What outputs are you looking for?
- How will you know it’s worked?
To find their priorities:
- What are your priorities?
- If we only achieve one thing, what must it be?
- If we did nothing, what would be your biggest concern?
To agree about feedback:
- How do you want me to feedback our successes?
- Who else do I need to update?
- How shall we debrief at the end?
These conversations work best when they do most of the talking (you’re unlikely to learn much if you do). As the old saying goes:
The three steps in this chapter are simple to understand, pretty easy to do and produce great results for you. Imagine if you’d known this as a teenager.
