Shoulder to Cry On

When I was trying to introduce a new idea into the organization, I would often make mistakes and become discouraged. Then I would see one of my favorite movie lines displayed on my office bulletin board: “One of the best things you have going for yourself is your willingness to humiliate yourself.” (Simon to Melvin in the movie As Good As It Gets). That was just like me, and because of this, I was willing to continue trying to introduce the new idea despite the embarrassing mistakes. So instead of giving up, I’d usually find a shoulder to cry on—someone who would help me recognize that things weren’t as bad as I thought they were.

To avoid becoming too discouraged when the going gets tough, find opportunities to talk with others who are also struggling to introduce a new idea.

You are an Evangelist(144) or Dedicated Champion(129) working to introduce a new idea into your organization.

When you’re struggling to introduce a new idea, it’s easy to become discouraged.

Misery loves company, but if it’s the right kind of company, commiserating can lead to rejuvenation. Getting together with others who share the same or similar problems can lead to surprising solutions. The group dynamic helps everyone become more creative in tackling tough situations. Research has shown that for certain issues, group support can be very helpful. Even if you are enthusiastic about the new idea, you will need and deserve a boost now and then. You’ll want to feel like you’re not the only one dealing with an issue. This by itself is useful.

Those who are first to adopt an innovation are often frustrated when they can’t understand complicated material. A common solution is to form a user group. Together they can “group think” and can solve problems that individuals in isolation can’t.

Therefore:

Get together regularly with others who are also working to introduce the new idea or are interested in the process.

Meet informally for lunch, dinner, or coffee. Try to find a place away from home or the office. Look for a “third place”—a local, public establishment that is a friendly, neutral spot where people gather together to relax and talk and take a break from everyday life.

If funding permits, attend a conference where you can learn more about the innovation and meet with others to talk about your mutual struggles.

There should be give and take among the participants. Give everyone a chance to “cry” and to “provide a shoulder to cry on.” Remember to Just Say Thanks(183) for any support.

When you can’t find a group of people, consider the Cardboard Consultant pattern written by Charles Weir and James Noble. It recommends that when you can’t find a solution to your problem, you explain it, in detail, out loud to someone or something. This will help you understand your basic assumptions, the chain of logic that led to your being stuck and your conclusions. They claim this works even with your dog.

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This pattern creates opportunities for you to discuss the challenges and successes you are having with your change effort. A community begins to form wherever people gather with a shared purpose and start talking among themselves. This community provides a confidence boost when you’re discouraged and a source of helpful suggestions and strategies. This is also a good way to meet Innovators(170) and Connectors(119) in your larger community.

But if you are not careful, a meeting can degenerate into a whining session. This will only make people drown in the negative and feel sorry for themselves. While some complaining is appropriate, focus on solutions to the problems that people raise. Once people have the chance to unload, you can use the larger intelligence to move forward.

When the Houston Independent School District made a major commitment to purchasing technology for the classrooms, teachers found that they had to confront the technology alone, using ideas from scattered sources with only modest results. The Electronic Community of Teachers was created to help teachers across the district learn from each other about computing in the classroom. This virtual community of practice allows teachers who find themselves isolated in their classrooms to build relationships with other teachers as they share experiences and document their best practices.

In the Greenville, South Carolina area, businesspeople gather monthly at the Wall Street Capitol Breakfast Club America meeting. During a recent event, the guest speaker, Rich DeVos, the co-founder of Amway Corporation, reminded them, “You are never alone. There are people all around you at this meeting to help and support you.”