Fear Less

In her book Soul in the Computer, Barbara Waugh says, “I force myself to ask of every obstacle, ‘What if this is a gift? What is it that this obstacle or setback is telling me?’ Someone who is initially the most skeptical may become my best partner, constantly detecting the hype and fluff and unnecessary complexity in my thinking about what we are doing and what the next steps are.”^[*]

Turn resistance to the new idea to your advantage.

You are an Evangelist(144) or Dedicated Champion(129) trying to introduce a new idea into your organization.

Any innovation is disruptive, so resistance is likely.

Every change agent complains about resistance, but if you think this is bad, consider the alternative. It’s frightening to imagine a situation with no resistance at all. If that were the case, you would be solely responsible to be 100% correct, 100% of the time. Scary, isn’t it? But nobody’s perfect. We need resistance to test our ideas. So, the first step in dealing with opposition is to appreciate it. Fortunately, it is universal. It’s like fungus; it doesn’t thrive in daylight. Therefore, once you suspect that there is resistance, your first step is to get it out in the open, rather than let it fester in the dark.

Skeptics can teach us a lot about what we are doing wrong. No matter how determined we are, how “righteous” our cause, we’re going to run into obstacles. No course of action is perfect. Skeptics present gifts; they provide us with information about the route we’ve chosen and how to alter our approach and our goals.

You will eventually have to address fear, both the listener’s and your own. Listeners may fear loss of position or status, loss of comfort, or being taken in by hype. Someone resists change because he is trying to avoid the pain he believes will result or the loss of something positive and enjoyable. Fears typically manifest themselves as resistance. Your reaction is likely to advocate your views harder. That too is motivated by fear: the fear of looking bad when everyone is watching, the fear that your ideas may, in fact, be wrong. The collision of two fearful people leads to an impasse. Resistance is not the primary reason why changes fail. It’s the reaction to resistance that creates problems.

It’s hard to listen to people when we don’t agree with them. Usually we just elaborate our point of view or repeat what we’ve said. A better approach is to encourage the other person to say more about his point of view. Sometimes just hearing what another has to say will help both of you reach a better understanding.

Therefore:

Ask for help from resistors.

Listen, really listen, to what a skeptic has to say and learn from him. Try to appreciate the differences in opinion. When people disagree with you, stop and think about the value in seeing things from their perspective. Rather than hiding the potential problems, ask for input on ways to address them. When someone makes a critical comment, reply, “What would you recommend?” You don’t have to agree with them; you can simply recognize them, and then seek to understand. Be sure the skeptic knows you are listening. Acknowledge and validate his expertise. Ask questions. Try to understand his arguments.

Bring the skeptic’s concerns to light and address them before he has a chance to use them to stifle your efforts. Include his objections as limitations and topics to consider when you do presentations or lead discussions on the new idea.

While listening to their objections, help resistors understand that learning a new idea does not mean throwing away their experience. Use Personal Touch(198) to show how the innovation can improve things for them. Sometimes people who are resistant to an innovation can become quite enthusiastic if they are just given the opportunity to try it.

Don’t assume that a skeptic’s position is fixed. Just because he is initially opposed to your new idea doesn’t mean that he can’t be open to what you have to say. It’s a natural human tendency to shy away from criticism, but it can be a sign of a healthy, vital culture when people care enough to air their concerns. Don’t avoid it but engage it and assess its merits with the critic. If the person is an Influential, his ability to sift through information and see benefits as well as problems—as well as revise his assessment when it is merited and to tell others—makes him a valuable complainer. He will likely change his opinion when he sees cause for change.

Invite resistance so that all concerns are heard. Find something to appreciate in all those who aren’t on your wavelength. Appreciation asks for nothing and gives everything. Research shows that it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time. Thus, appreciation can be an antidote to fear.

Be humble in your efforts and compassionate toward imperfections, including your own. While you may like some people more than others, keep in mind that a range of personalities lives in each person. The way you operate toward them will elicit the personality you see—the resistor you fear or the best person someone is capable of being.

The skeptics must be willing to talk and to listen—if they are not, put your energy elsewhere. It’s sad, but there are also people who will never be happy no matter what, and you probably don’t want to encourage them by spending a lot of time with them. Sometimes the resistance is due to a personality clash. If others who have adopted the new idea are willing to help, try Bridge-Builder(110). If some resistors become too difficult, find a Shoulder to Cry On(213)—you might discover other ways to deal with them.

If you know a resistor who is a strong opinion leader, consider giving him the role of Champion Skeptic(116).

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This pattern builds a relationship with a skeptic. It allows you to use resistance to your advantage rather than allowing others to use it against you. Listening to skeptics will bring to light the limitations of the new idea so that issues can be addressed frankly and honestly. Resistors may not welcome the new idea with open arms, but if you have done your best to calm their fears, some will come around or try to be open-minded. Other people who see you dealing respectfully with resistors, and even raising objections in advance, are likely to be impressed with you as the messenger of a new idea.

The risk is that resistors can overwhelm you if you are not prepared to handle criticism. Encourage them to talk with you one-on-one to protect yourself from a verbal attack in public that can end up damaging your cause.

You always know who “they” are—the people who don’t show up for your presentations, the people who don’t stop by to ask about a new idea, the people who just don’t care. So, you slip into denial and focus on the positive responders. You tell yourself that “they” will come around because your idea is so good. That was Roger’s strategy until another reorganization and subsequent move put him next to one of “them”—one of those guys who had been with the company forever. Roger was polite and nodded, “Good morning! How’s it going, Bill?” One day he heard him over the cubicle wall, “Okay, Roger, tell me about that new idea!” Roger was up like a shot. He spent nearly a half-hour with Bill and got to hear first hand what the skeptical co-worker thought the problems were. It was amazing that the two men were almost always in agreement. Bill brought up some things Roger hadn’t considered, so Roger included these points in his next presentation about the new idea. Roger and Bill still have great discussions, even though they’ve both left the company.

Lynn was giving a talk about a new idea and someone in the audience was angrily disagreeing with everything she said. After hearing a few negative comments, Lynn decided to ask the guy to have lunch, which was scheduled just after the talk. She sat down with him, pulled out her notebook, and said, “I can’t promise to do anything about your concerns, but I want to hear all of them. Fire away!” He kept her busy for the entire meal, and after it was over he said sincerely, “Thanks for listening. Everyone is usually too busy to care and they treat me like a crackpot. I appreciate that you took the time. Thanks.” Lynn wasn’t sure she had won him over, but she was glad she took the time to hear his viewpoint. That’s important for new ideas or anything else.