When you are focused on a particular task or job you can become blinkered. Sometimes thinking through what is important to you helps you clarify and simplify situations. You have to be honest with yourself about your motives; there has to be congruence between what you say matters to you and your decisions and related behaviours. You can so readily deceive yourself if you are not careful.

Ambition is not a negative thing. Society needs motivated individuals who are ambitious to be head teachers, medical consultants, scientists, judges and mechanical engineers. Without ambitious people our economic and political systems would collapse. But if ambition means that individuals become too single-minded or are ignorant about the impact of their actions on others, it can lead to a sense of failure and dejection.

Healthy ambition means working hard and being focused. But also consider the effect of your ambition on others as well as its impact on your own health and well-being. Ambition that is unfulfilled can become a source of unhappiness or the starting point for the next phase of your life.

Talking about ambition can be uncomfortable. Start by asking yourself these questions:

There are times when an ambition needs to be reframed. A top scientist may move from wanting the accolade of personal discovery to leading a team effectively and then to mentoring young scientists. A lawyer's first ambition may be to be a good barrister, then to be a good judge and later a presiding judge, looking after the well-being of other judges. How open are you to letting your ambition evolve over time, perhaps moving from individual achievement to enabling others to deliver outcomes effectively?

We all need recognition, although we don't always admit our dependency on it. We can be deeply offended if our presence is not acknowledged or we are not invited into a discussion.

Bob was very conscious that his level of confidence suffered if his contribution was not recognised. While he never wanted to blow his own trumpet, he became dejected if he was ignored. He was aware of the issue and was probably more on top of it than he admitted. He knew intellectually that he could rely on his positive reputation and did not need to seek recognition every week, but it was less easy to realise this emotionally. Gradually he accepted that recognition was not going to be about glowing words of praise but was about others noticing what he said. He taught himself that recognition was about gradual influence and not about seeing dramatic changes directly attributed to his interventions.

Sometimes it is important to redefine the type of recognition that is most important to you. Elements of recognition might include a brief nod when you make a good point, a gradual shift in your boss's view of you, a quiet word of thanks from one of your clients or customers, or a smile from someone who has accepted your wisdom. Make sure that you are alert to the sources of recognition around you, and take heart from them when they appear.

Whatever people earn, they tend to compare themselves with those who are paid more. They always see their salary as less than it should be. Somehow the system is unfair and they are not getting their just reward. How easy it is to fall into this trap of only comparing yourself with those who are better off than you. Financial security is important. You want to provide for your family, you have come to accept certain luxuries and you see holidays as an investment in your wellbeing. Travel is your right as part of living in the twenty-first century.

But what are your real financial needs? What is a necessary level of income for the lifestyle you want to live? How much is left over to invest for the future? Where does charitable giving fit in? Does your personal conviction lead you to give away part of your financial assets for the well-being of others?

Honesty about your aspirations is important in the way you use your financial resources. If there are fixed points about where you live, where your children are educated, what healthcare provision you want to provide, these need to be reflected in your goals and ambitions. On the other hand, raising your game may mean lowering your sights in terms of financial assets: what matters to you may be more time with family and friends or working a four-day week so that you can put time and energy into voluntary activities. Ask yourself:

Your ability to choose varies at different stages of your life. In your 20s you are free to make all sorts of choices about jobs, friendships and partners. In your 30s and 40s you may find yourself living with the consequences of those decisions. In your 50s the opportunity to choose resurfaces as your pattern of work changes or children leave home. Often these changes will not be of your own choosing.

Your choices may be more limited than you would like them to be, but you always have the freedom to choose your attitude. You can decide whether the conclusion of one job is the beginning of the end, or the start of a new opportunity. The freedom to choose your attitude is a precious gift. Think about what choices are available to you and to what extent you want to make choices about your future.

Carole was doing a worthwhile job for a charity. Her contribution was often commented on, as she was always thorough and reliable if not that adventurous. Sometimes she felt that she was being taken for granted. There appeared to be no opportunity for advancement within the charity, as it was small and people rarely moved on.

Encouraged by friends, Carole began to reflect more closely on her skills and decided that it was time to look elsewhere. She started hesitantly and then more confidently. When she realised that she had a choice about whether to stay or go, it ironically had the effect of making her more assertive within the charity. The charity began to view her in a different way and offered her an enhanced role!