Creating an equilibrium in yourself involves looking at the way you use your time and energy. It means that you use up less energy doing difficult things and you are better able to withstand problems that come at you from unexpected directions. Your personal equilibrium needs to accommodate the ebbs and flows of life and the patterns of living that work best for you. An equilibrium that ties in with your values increases the likelihood of your being at peace with yourself. It also helps bring you an optimism rooted in practical reality rather than one permanently swayed by your emotional condition.
There are patterns in so many aspects of life. Your patterns of sleeping, eating and exercise determine your physical well-being. Your intellectual well-being comes from using your brain on a regular basis. Your emotional well-being flows from your understanding of yourself and your ability to communicate emotions effectively with others. Your spiritual well-being results from knowing what matters most in your life so that you keep things in perspective, whether this comes from enduring interests or relationships or is rooted in beliefs and faith. The rhythms of living that underpin this equilibrium need to be flexible, but if they are disrupted on a regular basis your well-being will suffer and your effectiveness will diminish.
James is very clear what helps hold him in equilibrium. For him, it comes from being in the centre of an organisation, having direct access to a very good boss, the sense of challenge that comes from being asked to do interesting things, a sense of achievement in having done them well, and wider interests outside the office. His equilibrium is a combination of the context he is in and his own frame of mind.
He is conscious that when he does not sense that he is in equilibrium, he begins to be negative and to experience a downward spiral that saps his confidence and energy. It has the effect of making him feel as if he is looking out through dark glasses. We talked about different approaches to tackling this downward spiral, which included moving to a different location, developing a thicker skin and challenging any sense of feeling 'I am crap'.
We talked about self-criticism, self-doubt and self-deprecation, all of which disrupt our equilibrium. The next steps for James in getting the right equilibrium involved investing in personal relationships, continually seeking new challenges, never underestimating what he had achieved and recognising and enjoying what he delivers. We reflected on the consequences of the anxiety that comes when he is out of equilibrium, which can lead to paralysis, negative thoughts, an experience of being overwhelmed and feelings of inadequacy. There can be a sense of 'I am drowning and I cannot cope'.
The challenge is how to learn and grow from a sense of anxiety, how to get the adrenalin flowing so that the anxiety works in your favour and not against you. One approach that James and I discussed was naming that sense of anxiety and acknowledging that it is a phase that, on all past evidence, will last for a limited period. We discussed coping strategies such as laughing at yourself, recognising and trying to box anxiety, and trying to keep anxiety under control through remembering stories that have helped him move through it in the past. We talked through key phrases to help James keep a sense of equilibrium:
I will always do things with a smile on my face.
The touch of anxiety is good because it keeps me on my toes.
I keep wanting to take on challenges because I enjoy them.
Recognising when you are in or out of equilibrium is central to understanding yourself and retaining your perspective. Keeping track of perspective and scale is crucial. Is this a drama or a crisis? Is it just apprehension or is it reality? As well as trying to understand the connections between different current events, it is important to understand the connections between the present and the future and to distinguish what matters most and what is less important.
Success comes from maintaining a sense of purpose and independence and refusing to be defined by any particular crisis or problem. It is about depersonalising events to keep objectivity and a long-term sense of perspective. It may not always mean accepting what people say at face value. It may mean pushing back to find the best equilibrium.
Sometimes we can get the point of equilibrium wrong. Bernard, a regional director in a government organisation, arrived in his job thinking that he could single-mindedly make a big difference. He was outspoken about the lack of information and the top-heaviness of the organisation. He acknowledged in retrospect that he came at it like a bull at a gate and got everybody's back up. He subsequently approached his role in a very different way and considered the effects of what he said on other people. He moderated his tone and language and saw things in a new way. Now he does not feel that he has to win every battle, he thinks thoughtfully and carefully before each engagement and he is now making a major difference in the organisation.
For Bernard, raising his game meant finding a different equilibrium that was more appropriate to the organisation of which he was now part. He found that his new approach meant there was a new resonance between his style and what was appreciated in the organisation. There are times when equilibrium becomes too cosy and the resultant complacency inhibits progress. Discordance is needed and old rhythms need to be broken. But when they are disrupted, this needs to be done for a purpose and with the intent of moving towards a new equilibrium.
Building effective equilibrium can require action at a number of different levels. It is a balance between the short-term and the long-term; between the extent to which you are guided by past experience and future experimentation; and between following your preferred approach and adopting approaches suggested by others.
It can also be about finding the most creative way of using your time and energy; developing your listening skills and handling emails well, for instance. Practical suggestions on increasing your listening skills are set out in Box 7 and on handling emails well in Box 8.
Often the most effective way of keeping in equilibrium is to do the basics well.
Successful leaders are able to create a pattern of equilibrium in interrelated areas. Six key areas that matter most when building your equilibrium are:
From Conversation Matters by Peter Shaw (Continuum, 2005).
Rigour, which is about focus and determination, not letting go when obstacles are put in your way. It is about having a framework that is robust and tested. It is about attending sequentially to specific issues and being rigorous in reaching conclusions in the time available.
Resilience, which is about coping with the buffeting that comes with decision making in a faster world. It involves holding firm to principles and values when all around you seem to be losing theirs.
Relationship, which is the ability to build alliances and persuade people of a particular course of action. Effective relationships that work are at the heart of everything we do. Success only comes when others are persuaded.
Responsiveness, which is the balance between clarity of principle and values and responding flexibly to different perspectives and external changes. It is being responsive and being seen to be responsive using effective communication (listening, engaging, influencing and persuading).
Relaxation, which is a balance between engaging in activities that sap energy and performing those that give energy. It is about using energy in the most effective way, allowing bursts of energy when they are most needed.
Responsibility, which involves clarity about individual responsibilities and knowing where the boundaries are. It is not feeling the responsibility of the whole world on your shoulders, but knowing what you are responsible for.
If you can keep these six areas in reasonable balance, you are more likely to find an equilibrium that will enable you to cope with the changes that affect you.
What rhythms are most important to you and how can you adapt them as circumstances change? You need rhythms that are flexible enough to cope with unavoidable external factors and are consistent enough to keep you at your best in terms of your physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual well-being.
Looking after your rhythms is principally about understanding them, nurturing them and building a sense of resilience within them. If they become too rigid, they become like a brittle pot that is easily smashed into small pieces. If your rhythms are like a well-crafted pot they can cope with liquids of different temperatures and are unlikely to break unless dropped from a considerable height!
Use phrases or mantras that help you maintain your rhythms. They could be texts or phrases from your faith or lines from poetry. They could be phrases like 'It will be alright on the night'. Even the most trivial of phrases can help in keeping your cool and your rhythms when the going gets tough.
