STRATEGY

Some organizations used to say they wanted to be like a family. And in the past, some workplaces served as social networks for the employees. Today there's more of an understanding by management of the boundaries that should be maintained in a workplace. That doesn't mean every employee maintains those boundaries. It's still common for people to ask personal questions, particularly of those new to the organization or department. While in some cases the people are being nosy, in other instances they are simply trying to be friendly. If you're new to an organization it's best to maintain your privacy and let any friendships develop naturally, over time. Rebuffing the questions too strongly could make it more difficult for you to fit into a tight‐knit work team. But answering initial probes could lead to even more questions. It's usually best to first use humor or non sequiturs to assert your privacy. Most people will get the message. If the person persists, take a polite but direct approach. There are some questions that, while very personal, are considered by some as a way to break the ice and get to know you better. Not answering may seem odd to some so you should consider it carefully. But remember, they are the one being rude by asking the question.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Be polite and lighthearted, if possible, in diverting personal questions. Assume they aren't intending to be rude but are just trying to be friendly.

  
  

• Preparation: When entering a new workplace have answers to the common personal probes prepared so you aren't surprised.
• Timing: It's best to rebuff personal probes as soon as they're launched.
• Behavior: Make sure you smile and speak with a calm, friendly tone, even if having to issue a second, harder deflection.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

• Deflect an acquaintance's or relative's probes for personal information.

KEY POINTS

• Smile and answer with humor at first.
• Be direct if they don't get the hint at first.
• Assume this is a misguided effort to be friendly.
• Don't feel pressured: they are one being rude by asking personal questions.