STRATEGY

If you're single, you'll probably eventually have to deal with romantic overtures from a coworker in whom you have no interest whatsoever. Don't reflexively react with revulsion, horror, embarrassment, or amusement. You'll be seeing this person on the job day in, day out, and you may even have to work closely with them. Your goal should be to deflect their interest in a way that will let you maintain a working relationship. The easiest way to do that is to say you are in a steady, serious relationship…whether it's true or not. Just be aware that if you lie and they find out, you'll have made an enemy, regardless of how tactfully you originally handled the situation.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Be polite, but firm. You can't afford to waffle, since lack of directness may be interpreted as interest, or an opportunity for persuasion. If you respect or pity the flirt, it's okay to indicate you're flattered, just as long as you're still firm in your refusal. If the person making overtures is obnoxious, polite but cold is the formula.
• Preparation: Chances are you're going to be blindsided by your coworker/admirer. Still, if you intuitively know someone has a crush on you, try to be ready.
• Timing: You have no control over the timing of the initial approach. You do have control over your response, however: you can talk to them there and then and get it over with, or you can try to move the conversation to a different time and place. Awkward as it might be, having the conversation right away is preferable.

  

• Behavior: Polite but firm should be your mantra. Arms crossed will indicate your resoluteness. Try to avoid smiling, frowning, laughing, or smirking.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

• Deflect a friend, neighbor, or coworker's religious proselytizing.
• Deflect a friend, neighbor, or coworker's political fundraising.

KEY POINTS

• Your goal is to deflect your coworker's interest in a way that allows them to save face and you both to maintain an amicable, working relationship.
• No matter what your feelings, be polite, firm, and calm.
• If you are in a steady relationship, use that as a means to convey your unavailability.
• If you are not in a steady relationship, but are tempted to lie, think twice. Lies can come back to haunt you.