STRATEGY

You've landed a good job, hopped on the career track, and all of a sudden, your immediate supervisor threatens to derail your dreams. They're criticizing you constantly, usually for no good reason. You need to find out why—and ask them to cease and desist. But this is a narrow track you must walk with caution. Be too passive and apologetic, and you risk not being taken seriously. Be too aggressive and accusatory, and you risk stepping on the third rail and losing your job. The right mix of assurance and rationality should let your supervisor see the error of their ways. If not, don't jump off the trestle; if need be, you can go over your supervisor's head.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Be calm, non‐confrontational and unapologetic. You want to set the example here. It's likely your supervisor will react angrily, so be prepared to absorb that and go on. Present your case rationally and coolly.
• Preparation: Have specific examples of the abuse at hand. Document their behavior outlining date, time, situation, and what was said. Be prepared to present this information.
• Timing: Again, set the example. Ask your supervisor for a good time to meet in their office, or if that's not possible, somewhere private. Make sure to have this meeting as soon as possible after an outburst.

  
  

• Behavior: You want to keep this job, so make sure your dedication is apparent. But don't downplay the seriousness of your predicament—your supervisor needs to know you feel you're being unfairly treated, and if need be, you will go over their head. Remember your focus is professional, not personal. Don't let this encounter deteriorate into a name‐calling free for all; this isn't a talk show, it's your career. Keep it short and sweet.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

• Ask a family member or friend to stop criticizing you unjustly.

KEY POINTS

• Calm rationality is key. Present your case honestly and unapologetically. Coming on too strong may hurt your chance to solve the problem.
• Don't be surprised at anger. An insecure supervisor might see this as a play for power. Relax, stay your course, and tell your supervisor you're willing to go higher for help.
• Should your assertions meet with apology and/or acceptance, let your supervisor know that you appreciate their honesty and willingness to help.
• In the event that anger and/or denial don't subside, stay firm. Reassert your position and state your intention to go over their head. Remember to document this meeting as well.
• Don't be pulled into an argument over smaller or personal issues.