Chapter 3

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Gratitude

Gratitude improves emotional and physical health, and it can strengthen relationships and communities.

— Robert Emmons, professor of psychology, UC Davis

I once knew a woman (we’ll call her “Trudy”) who managed a team of graphic designers at a Minneapolis-based company. Trudy’s position required her to perform annual reviews with each team member, which she told me she despised doing since she felt she “shouldn’t have to babysit or tell people how to do their jobs. These are adults, after all.” Trudy’s employee Sharice had been miserable at work for close to a year, feeling overworked and underappreciated. Most of the staff felt the same way, and often shared their stories at happy hour, lamenting about Trudy’s inability to say “good job” or “thank you.” Sharice rehearsed what she was going to say to Trudy during the review. She thought fishing for a punch in the arm would sustain her moving forward, or at the very least clear the air with Trudy. Toward the end of the meeting, after Trudy ran through the quarterly objectives she had created for Sharice, Sharice spoke up. “I want to let you know that I feel very lucky to have a career that allows me to be creative and work with a team of other creative people. But I feel like my work isn’t noticed, and I am afraid that feeling of not being appreciated is starting to make my days feel weighed down.”

Trudy was filled with rage. Frankly, she was hard-pressed to make her own deadlines and reach expectations of those above her, so she really didn’t have time for this. She wanted to get back to business and Sharice wanted to talk about how she “felt” and what she needed Trudy to “give her” emotionally? Trudy snapped, “Sharice, you get paid in return for the work you do. This isn’t about stroking everyone’s ego all the time. If you didn’t have a job any longer, you would know I wasn’t grateful.”

Not surprisingly, Sharice went back to her desk, put her quarterly objectives in her drawer, and never looked at them again. Three months later, she went off on her own and pledged to come back for her colleagues when her boutique was up and running.

It might be easy to label Trudy a bad leader, but really she’s just a misguided one. And believe it or not, Trudy’s philosophy of “paycheck is gratitude enough” is more widespread than you think. In fact, would you be surprised to learn that Trudy worked her own tail off without a word from her managers about how well she performed or the great lengths she went through to keep her division running well? It’s the old trickledown theory that says when there is nothing at the top, there’s nothing available to rain down on the rest of us. Trudy is misguided, not evil. She hasn’t received what she ought to be giving: the encouragement that what she does matters. She also lacked the foresight to see that the feelings of her employee, if not dealt with, would cause her to lose quality staff. Turnover costs money, and a whole lot more. In the end, Trudy didn’t profit because she didn’t exercise the currency of kindness known as gratitude.

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the number-one reason people leave their jobs is because “they do not feel appreciated.”¹ In fact, eavesdrop on someone’s happy hour and most of the time venting among department members focuses on how little management knows them, understands them, or acknowledges them. Most of the time, “happy” hours are not focused on the angst regarding monetary compensation, raises, or bonuses. People are talking about their relationships with others: “He never greets me,” “She talks to me like I’m an idiot,” “They bring me down,” “He never smiles.” Or, like Sharice, people simply feel overlooked and are tired of it. Ultimately, they want to work less, give the minimum, and fail to go along to get along.

In the book How Full Is Your Bucket?, authors Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton, PhD, estimated that there are more than 22 million workers in the United States alone who are “actively disengaged” or extremely negative. “This rampant negativity is not only disheartening, it’s expensive: It costs the U.S. economy between $250 and $300 billion in lost productivity alone. When you add workplace injury, illness, turnover, absences, and fraud, costs could surpass $1 trillion per year, or nearly 10 percent of the U.S. Gross Domestic Product (GDP). These costs are not specific to the United States; they exist to varying degrees in every country, industry, and organization we have studied.”²

In order to succeed in business, we must show employees, customers, clients, and colleagues that they are appreciated, that their work means something to us, that their patronage and loyalty are the reason for our success—and we know it! Doing this is the equivalent of what is popularly known as “bucket filling.”

When a 6-year-old girl complimented me on my necklace, her mother said, “Good job for filling Jill’s bucket, Amanda.” I had known the theory of the dipper and the bucket, coined by Clifton, but never in the context of talking to a 6 year old. Teaching kindness as a choice is that easy, that it can be understood metaphorically by children. Schools use this concept early on for character development curriculum, and we can take a hint from our little humans. We face a choice every moment of every day: fill one another’s bucket or dip from it. It’s a choice that Rath and Clifton prove is critical when making the difference between a successful company and a failure.

Known as the grandfather of positive psychology, Clifton taught that spreading positive emotions relied on focusing not on what is wrong, but on what is right, and we can do the same in our business ventures. Instead of being hyperaware of who screwed up, how little we have, or what we lost in a day, we need to ask, “What is right with our people, our mission, our culture? What is right about our intention, our service, our product, our last week?”³ When we do that, we find opportunities to notice positive things and in turn let others know how grateful we are. We fill up bucket after bucket until a brigade of good business relationships forms.

In their book, which became an instant international bestseller, Rath and Clifton surveyed more than 4 million employees worldwide on this topic. “Our latest analysis, which includes more than 10,000 business units and more than thirty industries, has found that individuals who receive regular recognition and praise:

increase their individual productivity.

increase engagement among their colleagues.

are more likely to stay with their organization.

receive high loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers.

have better safety records and fewer accidents on the job.”⁴

The thing is, nobody wants to believe they are running a company that is a Big Dipper, but it is so easy to get caught in the hustle and flow of the stresses and complexities of running the show. Just as we do at home, when we are stressed about our appointments, keeping track of family members’ schedules, outside responsibilities, and household chores, we tend to turn our backs on our own cadre. How many arguments have you had with a partner or a roommate about a late bill or an unpaid one? How many times have you screamed at your children because they won’t do their homework, or complained to nagging relatives, “I really don’t have time for this.” It’s not that you don’t love your family and friends; in fact, the irony is that the love you have for them is what drives you to get in over your head in the first place.

You’re not a bad manager, organization, or entrepreneur. By all means, the fact that you are reading a book about kindness is proof of that! However, maybe you can be more mindful, more focused on relationships, and more careful to not be swept away by things that require the energy or angst that currently sap you. The most natural way to bring everything back into perspective is through practicing gratitude.

Show Gratitude and Raise Your Bottom Line

Training costs, lost skill, lowered productivity, and disgruntled staff who are wearing too many hats are just a few of the hidden costs of unhappy employees. A New York Times article reported a Gallup poll that estimated that when employees are unhappy, lost productivity costs employers up to $300 billion a year!⁵ A study conducted by the American Psychological Association observed more than 1,700 employees and concluded that half of all employees intended to search for new jobs because they felt underappreciated and undervalued.⁶ Further, a CAP study found that high turnover makes employers eat 16 percent of the annual salary for low-paying jobs. For instance, replacing a $10-per-hour worker costs $3,328. Further, high turnover in mid-range paying positions cost employers 20 percent of the annual salary, meaning the cost to replace a $40,000 manager would be $8,000.⁷

One of the benefits of showing gratitude, as touted by an article on feelhappiness.com titled “Gratitude and Paying it Forward,” is that it usually inspires the recipient to show gratitude to someone else, and in a company or small business, this can lead to something called upstream reciprocity, which strengthens the culture of the business and affects customers and clients. Upstream reciprocity is the propensity of those who have been helped by others to pay it forward by assisting another person who needs help. “Therefore, an individual with a high propensity towards gratitude is likely to act in a similarly helpful way both to their benefactors AND to others,” the article said.⁸ This is precisely the opposite of the culture that Trudy invoked in her division and what ultimately led Sharice to move on from the company. So, is it really that easy to keep people happy by showing a little tenderness, saying a heartfelt thank you, giving a pat on the back, or even shooting off a quick email? You bet it is!

Several studies have concluded that employees are not motivated to do great work and stay loyal by extrinsic motivators like money or annual cash bonuses. Being generous and showing gratitude tap into the intrinsic motivators that we have been developing all of our lives, the ones that feel good because they accommodate our core values. The following list contains a few ideas on how to be generous with your time, your gratitude, and your skills to create and instill a culture of kindness:

If you see someone struggling, offer to help them. All too often we are struggling with our own stresses and time crunches, which is the reason this act packs a lot of punch.

Offer handwritten notes of recognition. The time spent getting a card and writing it out makes a lasting impression.

Be generous with praise. Have you heard about the five-to-one rule? It is a fundamental rule for parents, teachers, and businesses. Harvard Business School says that top performing teams are ones that give each other more than five positive comments for every critical one.⁹

Be a mentor and share your knowledge. In our highly competitive world, we tend to keep our cards close to our chests. We don’t want to share what we have spent our hard years learning and “give it away for free.” But in the long run, helping someone by offering wisdom and insights (solicited, of course) will instigate the upward reciprocity that makes business thrive. It also eliminates the rivalry between colleagues that can make an environment toxic.

Publicly acknowledge your gratitude. Whether through an appreciation program, monthly announcements, or by bragging about your employees to customers and clients, public acknowledgment feels good.

Individualize. In Siblings Without Rivalry the authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish talk about the importance of individual attention, praise, and rewards. To do the same for children and treat them “equally” actually backfires.¹⁰ This is the same in business. If you want people to know they have value and their contributions are important, the praise and recognition you offer must be tailored and suited to their unique personalities, character, and needs, or else they’ll feel unnoticed. Individualized attention is the difference between people perceiving your praise as hot air or as a motivator that, over time, will bring returns to everyone.

Attitude of Gratitude

When Rising Tide Natural Market in Glen Cove, New York, celebrated 40 years in business, founder and owner Jerry Farrell decided to thank his community for its patronage and support, and for growing his business into one of the most successful natural food stores on Long Island. The birthday bash was complete with a barbecue, live music, store discounts, and free goodies. “I’ve made so many friendships over 40 years and I learn so much from our customers,” Farrell told the Record-Pilot newspaper. “I really feel like this is a community store. It really serves as a meeting place and network for a lot of natural lifestyles.”¹¹

So Rising Tide focused its celebration on those Jerry wanted to acknowledge as the reason he got into this business in the first place, and why the store had become a fixture in the community. In his speech, Jerry spoke of a “special” customer, one who has been a fixture at the store and a tireless networker and referral—a walking advertising campaign for the store—for all the 40 years the store has been in business. In turn, Jerry presented a basket of merchandise to his patron-turned-friend, joking that he had even had the pleasure of hiring both of the man’s sons as part-time employees. On top of that, Jerry publicly acknowledged Whole Foods, thanking the super store despite the fact that it slowed down his business for a short time. “We struggled a little bit for a few years,” said Farrell. “But we held on, and all of a sudden, business started picking up again.”¹² He said he appreciated Whole Foods for successfully promoting the importance of natural foods, which Jerry said has become “the standard.”

This attitude of gratitude toward his customers, staff, and his competitors has come to serve Jerry and Rising Tide in ways that surpass profit. His mission for delivering healthy natural foods to people on the North Shore of Long Island has led to a loyal constituency, an expanded retail location, and a true community feeling that makes people want to see Rising Tide in business for the next 40 years. But most of all people feel good going there, because they know they are more than a number on the cash register. They are aware their patronage brings purpose to Jerry’s life because he has told them so, and that kind of gratefulness cannot be faked.

My friend Ivan Misner, CEO and Chief Visionary Officer at BNI, described for me what he calls one of the best examples of gratitude he has seen in the last few years. He witnessed how gratitude becomes a great connector. Ivan had an opportunity to spend some time on Richard Branson’s island. As Mr. Branson toured Ivan and the group around, he stopped and excused himself in order to greet a man near a construction site. The man was with a group of sweaty workers, all holding sledgehammers, who were in the process of knocking down a single-family house. “I wanted to thank you for the work you are doing, because I can’t get my work done if you don’t do your work first,” Ivan overheard Branson saying. Branson continued to engage the workers by communicating what his vision was for the area after they were done with the demolition and how the men’s hard work played a part in that vision, making their job important beyond maybe what they even knew. “It was extremely powerful,” Ivan said. “I understand now why people who work for Branson love him. He really knows how to connect with people and make them feel connected.”¹³

The Irony of Thanks

Being grateful seems like something you do for others, but it is a wonderfully selfish act as well. For years now, books on mental health have been touting the benefits gratitude offers, and the same benefits—increased productivity, connection, energy, health, and motivation—leak into our business lives. So although saying thanks has positive effects on those who hear it, it turns out that those who are thankful have lots to gain. After more than two decades of global research, authors of The Power of Thanks, Eric Mosley and Derek Irvine, have revealed several scientifically proven benefits of gratitude, saying that people who are grateful achieve more success, sleep better, are more optimistic, are better leaders, and are good corporate citizens. Further, their research observed that grateful people burn out less, create positive feedback loops, experience less stress, and have moral and social awareness.¹⁴

Why is the simple gesture and act of gratitude so powerful? Some experts believe gratitude to be a great social movement, something so transformative it can create a global network of peace. In his Ted Talk, Brother David Steindl-Rast says “If you want to be happy, be grateful,” and adds that gratitude is the great connector because “all of us want to be happy.”¹⁵ How we imagine our happiness differs, but what we all have in common is the desire to be happy. According to Steindl-Rast, there is a connection between happiness and gratefulness, except most of us get the connection backward. He cites a common example that we are all familiar with: people who have everything that it takes to be happy, but are not happy, versus the people who suffer great misfortune, but are deeply happy. “It is not happiness that makes us grateful, it is gratefulness that makes us happy,” he says.¹⁶

I once knew a singer-songwriter who quit the road (and his dreams of getting signed) for a “real” job. The job happened to evolve into a successful career at a corporate music label, where he was able to work with other writers, artists, and producers. He eventually rose to the executive label and led his team to sign some of the most exciting new international artists. When I asked him how he avoided becoming bitter over not being as fortunate as the artists he was now discovering, he told me he was so grateful every day to have the opportunity to be making a solid living in an industry he adores. Although his capacity might not be what he imagined, opportunities to create and do inspiring things appear every day, and that is what he is most grateful for. That gratitude and the enthusiasm for the opportunity to do good work infects those who work with him. This, says Steindl-Rast, is what we mean by gratitude.

He explains, “When something of value is freely given to us, gratefulness arises…spontaneously.… We cannot just have grateful experiences; we have to live gratefully.… We do this by becoming aware that every moment is a given moment, it’s a gift…this moment with all this opportunity makes it a gift.”¹⁷

In your business, are you grateful for the customer who walks in the door, or the opportunity you have to meet and greet that customer day in and day out? That distinction is what separates an act of gratitude from an attitude of gratitude. It is not enough to offer end-of-year bonuses or discounts to loyal customers on Thanksgiving. As employers, service providers, and colleagues, we need to understand that every moment is a new gift, and if we miss the opportunity of this moment, another moment is given, and it must be seized. Steindl-Rast says that those people who avail themselves of this opportunity are the ones who enjoy true happiness.

This sounds so painfully easy, yet we know as we balance our books, take inventory, miss an important business call, or botch a delivery, gratitude is not our first reaction. When difficult things occur to us, it is a challenge to rise to that opportunity that Steindl-Rast says we are to be grateful for, however, we can rise to it by learning something from it. As he says, “The ones who avail to these opportunities, are the ones who make something of their lives.”

In business we must find great opportunities, but the currency of kindness shows that once the opportunities are in front of us, we don’t just seize them, we thank them. How to do this when there aren’t enough hours in the day, says Steindl-Rast, is very simple: “We have to build stop signs—the things that make us stop and see the wonderful richness.”¹⁸ In your business, maybe it is the customer who comes in every Monday without fail. Do you stop to notice the pattern and how your business is on that person’s agenda? Maybe it’s the referrals you keep getting month after month. Maybe it’s the great testimonial someone just gave you on your website.

The “look” phase requires that we open up our senses and our hearts to that opportunity; to experience the joy. That’s when the opportunity invites us to do something—to go. At the “go” point, we can be creative with the opportunity, spin it into something greater, or take a deep hard lesson from it to ensure it never happens again, all the while being grateful that the opportunity has presented itself in the first place. The moment is valuable beyond compare and has been freely given, and those opportunities, says Steindl-Rast, are abundant. “If you’re grateful, you are not fearful, and you act out of a sense of enough, out of surplus and not scarcity, and you are willing to share.”¹⁹

A network for grateful living sounds good to me, and even better when you turn that onto business. Can you begin by engaging in gratitude through “stop, look, and go”? Can you see how your business provides an opportunity that makes you feel grateful and act gratefully every day?

The Gratitude Journal With a Business Twist

A plethora of research in the positive psychology field points to the benefits of making a practice out of being grateful by keeping a gratitude journal—a designated place, whether on a computer or in a notebook, where you write down five things you experienced throughout the day or week for which you have been grateful. While you can certainly write these gratitude moments down every day, research says that entries can be a bit more explanatory and even done a few times a week to reap the benefits.²⁰ Because humans are wired for negativity bias—the propensity to remember the bad things in life over the good things—journaling about what we have found to be blessings each day, no matter how minor, keeps us in the positive frame of mind, but also helps us practice mindfulness to be aware of the opportunities that David Stendl-Rast spoke of in his TED talk.

The entries can range from the ordinary (“eating breakfast”) to the private (“the email exchange with an old colleague”) to the timeless (“the beach”). When you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, breaking things down by these categories can really take the pressure off and make you realize how much worse things could be. You can also take the approach of imagining how scenarios would play out without the people, places, and things in your life. For instance, for anyone who has had an air-brain assistant, imagine how your day would go if nobody was manning the desk at all. Taking the negative approach is a good last resort for those bad days when nothing can make you feel grateful.

Keep your gratitude journal near your workspace or start one online (I like http://thnx4.org/),²¹ be sure to set an alert either daily or a few days a week to remind you it’s time to reflect on the good things in life. Do it after the day is through, but before you head home for your next shift. Keep the room quiet, and remember: no need to rack your brain. By using the three categories as guides—ordinary, private, and time-less—you will see how blessed your business life is in no time. What’s more important is you will start to adopt an attitude of gratitude that is sure to be contagious to those who work with you.

Check out the following list for ideas of what to be grateful for on those tough days. They’ve been a helpful go-to for me during my worst times.

Quick line at the coffee shop.

The check was actually in the mail.

Health.

The nice exchange with the UPS person. K Laughing with my biz partner.

Rent didn’t go up.

Finishing up the loose ends on a lingering project. K The prospect that emailed me back.

Books.

The cancellation of a lunch date that was keeping me from a deadline.

A surprise thank-you card.

The Internet.

The surprise endorsement I received on LinkedIn. K A repeat customer who is sending “everyone” to me.

My customers.

Providing Meaning: The Real Bottom Line

The bottom line is: We all want to feel as if we matter to others. We want our lives to be meaningful, to have meaningful exchanges and relationships, and know that we are investing time into doing something that is bigger than ourselves. We want to connect and bond, because those things give us meaning. Gratitude is the way in which we tell others they are living lives that matter and it is the way in which we can practice living to remind us that every moment counts. Whether it’s in the form of a written thank-you card, a journal entry, a prayer or mantra, or giving public praise or private recognition, our gratitude serves as a lasting acknowledgment. But what we will find is that our lasting acknowledgment is met by gratitude, and usually in the form of loyalty and patronage.

Bill Taylor, founder of Fast Company, tells a fantastic story on HBR.com on how a Buick dealership helped his father feel like he mattered.²² For his father’s 75th birthday, Taylor offered to buy an all-American Cadillac. His father negotiated the price for a brand-new Lacrosse and realized he had a loyalty certificate at home that would afford him a discount of $1,000. Unfortunately, the septuagenarian was a day late; the certificate expired at midnight the night before.

Despite this discovery, Taylor’s dad researched the Buick Lacrosse, and a week later, on a Friday afternoon, the Buick dealer was handing him the keys for a test drive. In fact, the dealer suggested that while he spent the weekend figuring out how to honor the expired Cadillac loyalty certificate, Taylor’s father should drive the car for a couple days to see if he liked it.

Come Monday morning, rather than him driving the car back to the dealer, Taylor’s father was rushed to the hospital for a medical emergency. Taylor called the dealer to explain the situation, and heard genuine concern in the man’s voice. “Please make the car the last thing you worry about,” the man told Taylor. “Just take care of your dad.”

The next day, a lovely bouquet of flowers was delivered to the hospital with a card from the Buick dealer. “We were about to send the police after you! Get well soon,” read the card. This remarkably compassionate gesture moved the entire family. And can you guess which car Taylor’s father bought? And which story he told for at least six months to anyone who would listen?

The Buick dealer went out of his way to connect on a human level by sending a message to a sick man that said you matter. More than a customer, more than a sale, the 75-year-old’s existence mattered.

My biggest hope is that the salesman’s managers paid it forward by being grateful for such a dedicated member of their team, who, thanks to kindness, sent more clients and positive publicity their way.

The Competitive Advantage

A simple “thank you” leads customers to spend more, employees to get more done, and vendors to pay and deliver on time. It’s what Gary Vaynerchuk, social media expert and author of The Thank You Economy, says will give businesses the upper hand.

“We’re living in what I like to call the ‘Thank You Economy,’ because only the companies that can figure out how to mind their manners in a very old-fashioned way—and do it authentically—are going to have a prayer of competing,” Vaynerchuk said in an Entrepreneur.com column. “I care a great deal about the bottom line, but I care about my customers even more. That’s always been my competitive advantage,” he said.²³

Here are some economical and quick ideas to make “thank you” a part of your day in a way that lets people know the role they play in your business matters!²⁴

Send it in writing. If I just had a productive call or finished up a tough call, I like to send a thank-you email to that person or group to let them know I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of the team. Any time a referral calls me, even if it doesn’t pan out, I love to send a thank-you card to the person who threw my name out there. It is amazing how this act of gratitude makes me smile.

Refer business. Is there any better compliment than someone staking their own reputation on their opinion of you? To me, there is no greater way of saying thanks to partners, clients, or customers than by referring others to do business with them. It says you trust them explicitly to handle your clients just as carefully as you would. The law of reciprocity goes into effect here as well, as any time a good business referral comes to me, I am happy to return the favor when I can.

Thank the squeaky wheels. Inspired by an article I read on Entrpreneur.com, I thought the idea of thanking complaining customers was an important one. Very few people like to be the bearer of bad news, and most of the time when customers are unhappy, they simply stop coming around. If a person takes the time to offer criticism or even go out of their way to track you down and complain, it means they care and that they haven’t completely cut you out of their lives…yet. Hearing bad news can be helpful to your business. We all want to know where we can improve. “I’m so glad you brought this to my attention,” or “I’m glad you felt you can come to me with this,” are always gracious responses, especially when your ego will be a little bruised. It’s tough hearing that you might have let someone down, but giving the customers the benefit of the doubt that they are coming from a place of helpfulness rather than hindrance can prove that you have the tough skin and the soft heart that are both necessary for doing good business.

Choose your words carefully. Just like Mom always said, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” When doling out thanks, people can spot a fake right away. Don’t offer inauthentic gratitude or give it when someone hasn’t earned it. Saying things you don’t mean will cause you to lose street cred, which will not fare well when you want your words to actually sink in.

Hug the low man on the totem pole. Have you ever watched a pop star win a Grammy and credit her mother, maker, and manager? There are tons of people on the roster who helped make her dreams come true, and while it may be impossible to call out their names during a 30-second slot, I would hope everyone from her sound mixer to her nutritionist to her therapist gets wind of her gratitude at some point or another. We busy people in business fall into the same patterns (recognizing the people we work with day in and day out) while we need to remember to give props to the members of the team who make our days run smoothly behind the scenes, such as the mailroom clerk, the cafeteria manager who always has the lettuce you prefer, or the UPS man with the handy box cutter. We all make the world go round, and thanking these folks will show them, that yes, what they do matters!

Use Social Media. Entrepreneur.com suggests thanking customers by posting coupons or secret code words on Facebook that give fans exclusive deals. “Mention a loyal customer on Twitter to publicly show your gratitude. Or perhaps even profile one of your best clients on your company blog, explaining why you appreciate them so much,” the article says.

13,000 Thank-Yous (In Ink and Longhand!)

Writing the old-fashioned pen-to-paper thank-you note may seem like a daunting experience, especially when there isn’t enough time in the day to get the checks out. But even in this impersonal internet world, a young company has decided to kick gratitude old school by writing more than 13,000 thank-you notes to its purchasers. HEX, a fashion tech accessory brand that competes with giant brands like Michael Kors, has decided to send handwritten notes at the end of a customer interaction. That means after the money has been transacted! The approach has seemed to work, as HEX has built a thriving business and great customer loyalty.

So many of us who are consultants or contractors might try hard to get our clients at “hello” but forget to properly say goodbye. Here are a few suggestions from Solomon that will make your sign-offs open-ended send-offs.

Reference the specific reason you are grateful. “‘Thank you for being a customer,’ doesn’t cut it.”

Surprise the recipient. Don’t make it a matter of protocol. Pick and choose when you might write a thank you note. Try to avoid national holidays and maybe remember a birthday or something a bit more personal, perhaps an anniversary of being in business for themselves, or a milestone business transaction.

Don’t make the note an excuse to pass on your new website URL. Gratitude must not be self-serving; it’s an attitude. Solomon offers one caveat to this tip: “Don’t make it impossible to respond. If you’re not including your business card, you need to have your info either printed on the card or you can hand-write it on there.”²⁵