Chapter 16
In This Chapter
Knowing the essence of mindfulness
Discovering practical mindfulness exercises
Exploring tips for applying mindfulness in daily life
Mindfulness is simple in essence – it’s about cultivating present-moment awareness more than anything else – but the difficulty is in practising mindfulness consistently. This chapter gives you a series of short, easy ways of integrating the principles of mindfulness into your everyday life. Don’t underestimate their value – they may take relatively little time and seem overly simplistic, but many of these tips have been proven to be effective. Try them out for yourself and hold back your judgement until you’ve given the tools a try for at least a few weeks.
Having some quiet time every day is the most important tip I can give you. I can’t emphasise enough the importance of connecting with some form of mindfulness practice on a daily basis, preferably for ten minutes or more. By deliberately practising mindfulness every day, you strengthen your mind’s ability to be more aware and awake.
If you want to be more mindful, you need daily training, just as when if you want to become fitter, you need to exercise your body on a daily basis. If you only exercised once a week, you wouldn’t benefit as much. Your mind goes back to its original state even more quickly than the body does.
To practise mindfulness on a daily basis can involve sitting still and feeling the sensation of your breathing, or doing some yoga, or simply sitting in your garden and looking at the trees and birds with a warm drink before starting work.
Here are some ways to ensure that you remember to be mindful every day:
In the first instant that you meet someone, within a split second, you judge her. You may think that she’s too fat or too thin, you don’t like her hairstyle, she reminds you of someone you don’t like. Your mind instantly tries to categorise, which is why first impressions are so important in interviews. The moment you make an initial judgement of a person, you begin to look for evidence to support your theory. If she doesn’t look you in the eye properly, or fails to say thanks, you take these moments as evidence about her, and your opinion becomes more fixed. Then you create an image in your mind. You think that you know this other person, when all you know are your own judgements of her.
When you meet someone, connect with your senses rather than your ideas. Look the person in the eye in a natural way. Listen to what she has to say, rather than thinking about what you’re about to say. Be curious and ask questions rather than imposing your own perceptions so much. See things from the other person’s point of view – what would you be like in that person’s situation? How would you feel, and what would you want?
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
John Muir
Nature has a way of drawing a mindful awareness from you, rather than you forcing yourself to be mindful. Walking among old trees with their branches overhanging the path you’re treading, smelling the scent of freshly cut grass, or listening to the birds sing and the twigs crunching under your feet, you can’t help but be aware in the moment. Gardening is also a wonderful way of connecting with nature and experiencing ‘flow’ (explained in Chapter 5); absorb yourself in tasks such as weeding and planting and enjoy the fruits of your labours as you see tiny shoots grow into beautiful plants and flowers.
In a famous study in a care home, half the elderly folk were given a plant to look after themselves, and the other half were given a plant but told that the nurses would look after it. Those who had responsibility to water and nurture the plants lived significantly longer than the others. The study concluded that responsibility gave the elderly a sense of control, leading to longer life. The study also suggests that not only looking at nature in a passive way, but also growing plants and ensuring that they thrive as best you can, is a healthy and life-enhancing activity to engage in on a regular basis.
Humans are creatures of habit. If you think about the things you’ve done today, they’re probably the same things you’ve done many times before. One way of being more mindful is to change your routine. Yes, you have to get up, get dressed, go to work and so on, but you don’t have to do all that in exactly the same way. And what about the way you spend your free time (if you’re lucky enough to have free time!)? Do you always do the same hobbies, watch the same kind of movies, read the same type of books, meet the same sort of people, think the same sort of thoughts? The answer is probably yes.
Try changing your routine to boost your mindful awareness. When you’re in your routine lifestyle, your mind goes into a sleep state. You’re less likely to notice the good things happening around you. You’re unable to think creatively.
By making just small changes in your routine, your brain wakes up. You gently nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. And in that more awakened state, you’re immediately more mindful.
For example, today I had a cup of tea before my meditation practice, which I don’t normally have. It’s a small change, but it helped me stay present in my practice and has had a positive knock-on effect on my day!
Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.
This moment is the only moment you have, and you have it right now. Memories of the past come up in the present moment. Ideas of the future are shaped by past experience and projected into an imagined tomorrow. In reality, this present moment is all that’s available.
If you’re currently going through a difficult time, you probably don’t think that the present moment is wonderful at all. That’s okay. You can remember that you don’t have to worry too much about the future and only need to cope with whatever you’re facing here and now. In this sense, being in the present moment is helpful – you don’t need to worry about the future.
How do you see the wonder of the present moment if you feel down, upset or annoyed? In these situations, don’t try to impose a different emotion on what you’re experiencing. Be in the present moment and open up the emotion as best you can. Remember that all emotions have a beginning and an end – try to see the feeling as a temporary visitor. Additionally, see yourself as separate from the emotion. The emotion rises and falls, but you maintain a sense of stability and greater emotional balance.
Imagine that someone turns up at your front door and rings the doorbell. You decide to ignore the sound. The bell rings again and again. You get frustrated and try all sorts of ways of distracting yourself from the sound of the doorbell, but you can’t. By simply opening the door and meeting the person ringing the bell, you can stop all your avoidance strategies. You’re facing your fears. You’re looking towards the unpleasant emotions rather than running away (which is an understandable response).
Moving towards the emotion, without forcing it to go away, often has the effect of dissipating the emotion. The emotion comes in, has a cup of tea or whatever, and off it goes. The emotion just wanted some mindful awareness. The idea is to offer just that – becoming aware of the emotions you spend so much time running away from with a kind, curious, open, non-judgemental awareness, as best you can. Explore and discover what effect this has on negative emotions in the long run, not to get rid of them, but to learn from them.
Chapters 12 and 13 are all about how mindfulness can help you deal with unpleasant emotions.
If you had the thought, ‘I’m a flying, pink chimpanzee,’ you obviously wouldn’t believe it. That’s a crazy idea. Then why do you believe thoughts like ‘I’m useless’ or ‘I’ll never get better’ or ‘I can’t go on’? They’re thoughts too, that have just popped into your head. Don’t believe everything you think. Your mind often makes assumptions and inferences that simply aren’t true. ‘I’m feeling low at the moment’ may be true, but ‘I’ll always be depressed’ is not. ‘I find it annoying when she doesn’t do her chores’ may be true, but ‘She never helps me’ is unlikely to be true.
As you discover how to observe the nature of your mind in meditation, you realise from experience that thoughts are always arising in your mind, no matter how much meditation you do. Even people who’ve been practising meditation for years have plenty of thoughts. The thoughts aren’t going to stop. You simply need to change your relationship to thoughts. Seeing thoughts as just thoughts rather than facts makes a world of difference. If the thought ‘I’m pathetic’ comes up and you believe whatever arises in your mind, you’re bound to feel low and uneasy. However, if exactly the same thought comes up and you’re mindful of it, you see it as just a thought and not a fact. This takes much of the sting out of the thought, and you’re free to dismiss it and carry on with whatever you’re doing, relatively untouched. This is freedom. Freedom, or peace of mind, isn’t about stopping your thoughts, but seeing thoughts as just thoughts and not giving them too much attention, and not believing them as reality. Reality is contained in the here and now, beyond ideas and concepts. You’re not your mind – you’re the observer, the silent witness, always complete, whole and free.
Gratitude is the best attitude! Gratitude is when you discover how to want what you have and not want what you don’t have. Usually, people want what they don’t have and don’t want what they do have. This is bound to lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. You can practise gratitude right now. Think about this book in your hand at the moment – millions of people in the world don’t have a single book. Think about the fact that you can read – another skill inaccessible to millions.
Gratitude is an aspect of mindfulness. Mindfulness doesn’t just mean concentrating, but an attention suffused with a warm, kind attitude. To be aware as you’re cooking of how fortunate you are to have food available to you is to be mindful.
When I’m feeling a bit down, which is sometimes a sign that I’m focusing on things that aren’t going well, I find myself practising gratitude. Just reflecting for a moment and trying to think of five things I’m grateful for helps to put things into perspective.
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary, because it means you’ve made a difference.
It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
Just as plants and animals evolve to better survive and thrive in their environment, technology has also evolved over time. And part of technology’s evolution is to become more addictive. With the advent of smart phones, you can use technology from the very moment you wake up until you drift off to sleep. And even if you wake up in the middle of the night, you can find yourself checking Facebook or surfing the web before you know it.
Video games are another form of technology that’s highly addictive. Some people spend so long playing games, it affects their work and home lives and has even lead to marriage breakups.
I’m not dismissing the huge benefits of technology, but you need to manage your use of digital devices. Here are some tips:
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.
Charles Chaplin
The muscles in your face link with your feeling of happiness. When you’re happy, you smile – you know that of course. But did you know that smiling can make you feel better? Try the process right now, no matter how you feel. Simply hold a subtle, gentle smile as you read these sentences. Continue for a few minutes and note what effect the smiling has. Combine this with feeling your own breathing.
You may feel reluctant to smile right now, because you don’t think that the smile is genuine. You’ll smile when you’re happy, not now. All I can say is, try it out. Yes, you’re bound to feel unnatural at the beginning but that soon goes. Just give it a try, even though it feels strange, and see what happens after a time. As someone said to me once: ‘Fake it till you make it!’