As you become clearer about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you—the first time around.
—Oprah Winfrey
I remember how naive I was and yet how clearly I saw my future that last year of high school. I see my [younger] self with dangling legs, sitting on a school bench and saying, I don’t know what I want to be, but I want to do something that has to do with international culture and administration—which is exactly what I ended up doing.
—WiSER Britta
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Ah-h-h, this is a classic example of self-awareness—or is it? How self-aware are you? Sometimes, our sense of who we are isn’t necessarily shared by those around us. Do you see yourself as others see you? What does it mean to be self-aware? For the purposes of our study, we defined the competency “Self-awareness” as follows:
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Self-awareness |
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Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes—which are all based on your values—and using this knowledge to make critical decisions. |
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• You have a strong understanding of your values, personal strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and limits. • You know in which situations you will thrive and in which you will feel stressed. • You trust yourself and follow your intuition. • You know how you differ from others and accept these differences. • You know how you are perceived by others. • You spend your time on what is important and quickly zero in on the critical few and put the trivial many aside. • You demonstrate the ability to strengthen your own weaknesses through training and development. |
82 percent of the WiSER demonstrated self-awareness. Our research has shown that the presence of self-awareness was highest among women working in not-for-profit organizations (100 percent), followed by women working in governmental organizations (88 percent), and women in for-profit organizations (83 percent). Also, those women who had self-initiated their expatriation showed more self-awareness than women who were sent abroad by their organization, at 94 percent and 77 percent, respectively. This could be explained by the fact that, when you self-initiate your move abroad, you have already considered all the decisions that must be made regarding the country, the new job, and various aspects involving the move. Therefore, you are more fully aware, in general. In our research, we found that those WiSER who demonstrated a high degree of self-awareness took their careers into their own hands through active career management more often than the WiSER who did not show a high level of self-awareness, at 69 percent and 55 percent, respectively. All of this points to the fact that you are better able to steer your career when you know what you want—and also, what you don’t want.
On the spectrum of self-awareness, where do you think you fall? Where would you like to be? What steps can you take to get there?
Unaware of who I am 
I know who I am 
I know best
Self-awareness, or learning about yourself, is important to build a successful career. Values serve as the basis for self-awareness. Some of the most significant outcomes of self-awareness are heightened emotional intelligence and improved decision making. Greater emotional intelligence will position you to anticipate your emotional reaction to various people and situations, and to flex as needed in order to achieve an effective outcome. Self-awareness also serves as a compass to drive effective decision making. Finally, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, enables you to increase engagement and energy.
In an international role, the complexities involved demand an even greater sense of self-awareness. It will help you decide whether to adapt or not to adapt in your new environment. Do you know how you differ from others, and do you accept these differences? Do you know the effect of these differences when you operate in a different cultural environment? Like the queen in the fairy tale “Snow White,” you could use a “mirror”—that is, an assessment tool—to see what you look like. Assessment tools can help you gain insights into your values, qualities, talents, and interests. Tools like DiSC, Hogan (HDS), MBTI, and Gallup Strengths Finder are all excellent starting points. To go a step further, there are tools that will provide 360° input from subordinates, peers, and managers, so you can better understand how others assess your capabilities. Self-awareness, after all, is not just how we see ourselves; it also considers the way others see us. As WiSER Heidi aptly said: “I think making any move—whether it’s from one institution to another or one country to another—makes you reassess how you look at yourself, and how other people look at you.” Cultural differences may influence how you are perceived in a domestic versus international setting and self-awareness will help you manage others’ perception of you. Reassessing yourself is especially important when you are in a country with different cultural values than your own. As L. Robert Kohls, an expert in the field of internationalism, noted, “By lowering our defenses and viewing ourselves through the eyes of people from other cultures—from what is called the cross-cultural perspective—we can get a strikingly fresh view of ourselves” (Kohls 2001). Revealed and concealed culture impacts how people from a different culture perceive you. For example, Americans value confident opinions and questions when collaborating, whereas that same behavior is seen as brash in China. This one example alone demonstrates that the “mirror” is indeed a magic mirror: depending on where you are, you will look different.
Just like the queen in “Snow White,” the image the mirror reveals may be unsettling and may lead you to make changes. Similarly, after identifying your strengths and development areas based on assessments (the mirror) and 360° feedback, targeted changes may be made. “I did 360 [-degree] feedback frequently,” revealed WiSER Laura. “Some people hate that, but I love it, because [I] learn so much about myself and others and interactions, like how to deal with people. I think that’s one of my key success factors.”
When making those changes, make sure that they are noticed by the right people in order to influence their perception of the changes you are making. “When I got promoted, that was kind of a big milestone,” said WiSER Allyson. “It was also [a] really good learning experience, because … I got some really good advice when I was promoted.” Among the most valuable pieces of advice she received was to be attentive to other people’s perceptions of her. “There was some concern about my level of conduct,” she recalled.
I didn’t think I was doing the things that people said I was doing, because that wasn’t my impression of how I was behaving—and I got a really good piece of advice during that time that said it doesn’t matter what you think you’re acting like. What matters is what other people think that you’re acting like.
She recognized that the impressions of others played a crucial role in her effectiveness. “You have to kind of look at it from other people’s perspective,” she added. “It helped me to just take a step back and look at myself, … not only so it can help me progress, but also just as a person.” Self-assessment is valuable at any career juncture.
Identifying Your Values
The first step leading to self-awareness is to identify your values, which are the essence of who you are as a person. Whether or not you are consciously aware of your values, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from practical, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more abstract, like a belief in self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose. When we examine the lives of others, we often see how personal values guided them, and in some cases even inspired others to rise to the top of their capabilities. Individuals that may come to mind include notable figures like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Teresa.
Values differ from person to person, and household to household, and many of them are shaped in our formative years. The WiSER shared childhood memories that had a profound impact on the rest of their lives. WiSER Julie’s parents were immigrants to Canada and her life was filled with moving around for her father’s job, a working mother and memories of growing up on a blueberry farm. She shared that the main principles in her childhood home were “respect for one another, love for one another, looking out for each other, respecting our elders.” In a similar vein, WiSER Kelli told us that her parents’ expatriate backgrounds helped to shape her values and interests. “My parents lived—and my father worked—in … Ethiopia …or about four years, just before I was born,” she revealed. “They had that kind of expatriate background and, of course, they always told great stories about that when we were kids.” She indicated these stories fueled her interest in living abroad. Likewise, WiSER Magi revealed how growing up in a military family influenced her. “I am a very big people person, and I think that that goes back to … growing up in the military.” Given that her family often moved, she recognized the importance of making friends quickly. “It just became a part of who I was,” she added. “I like being around people; I am very interested in other people’s culture and the people.”
Assessing your values, understanding where and how they were molded, and aligning decisions accordingly will increase confidence and reduce internal conflict. Abiding by core values serves as a compass in an ever-changing world and is evidenced in the way we go about our work. WiSER Sandra revealed that she encountered one of the darkest milestones in her career, when negative developments in the organization where she worked at the time created controversy about the business’s future and growth/profit model. “At the end of the day, I think the thing I learned is, if I don’t have alignment with the organization’s value and what the business is trying to accomplish and why it’s trying to accomplish it, it’s not a great place for me to be,” she said. So, once again, it all comes down to self-awareness. Although values are so integral to defining who a person is, it is not always easy to point them out and to consider them objectively. Following is a simple, yet practical approach to consider your own values.
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Values exercise |
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1. Review the values list below, add other values if you want, and keep in mind the following: What are your favorite values? At the end of your life, how do you want to be thought of? 2. Place a star or check next to the words that resonate with you or the ones you connect with. 3. Narrow the list to 10 values. |
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4. Narrow the list to three. These are your top three values. 5. Prioritize them. 6. If you don’t prioritize among these three values, they can conflict with each other. Let’s say that two values on your list are financial independence and honesty. What if someone offers you an opportunity to earn a lot of money in a relatively short period of time? The only hitch … it may be slightly illegal although you probably won’t get caught. If you have prioritized honesty over financial security, you will decline the offer. The bottom line … if you don’t rank your values you will find yourself making decisions that may not make you happy. |
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Core values list |
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Achievement Leadership Advancement/promotion Loyalty Adventure Market position Challenging problems Meaningful work Change and variety Money Clear communication Nature Close relationships Open and honest Cooperation Order Community Influencing others Pleasure Creativity Power and authority Customer service |
Privacy Decisiveness Public service Democracy Persistence Self-motivation Knowledge Humor Economic security Quality relationships Effectiveness Recognition Ethical practice Wisdom Work under pressure Integrity Work with others Involvement Working alone Expertise Stability Security |
Excellence Self-respect Excitement Serenity Physical challenge Competition Financial gain Personal development Competence Independence Status Freedom Supervising others Friendships Teamwork Growth Time freedom Helping society Truth Honesty Wealth |
Self-Awareness to Build Emotional Intelligence
How do you deal with challenges? How do you rally a team to achieve a goal? How do you lead? Emotional intelligence (EQ) is “the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them” (Howard Gardner, Harvard theorist). EQ is upstaging intelligence (IQ) when it comes to achieving personal and professional success. Reading other people’s signals and responding in a measured way is foundational to better understand, empathize, and negotiate—particularly in a more global environment. Pressure can derail your attempts to manage your emotional approach. Therefore, it is important to be aware of what triggers you to derail your emotional response, to sustain success in your life and career. Self-awareness is foundational to emotional intelligence (Goleman 2015).
In the chaos of modern life, however, most people are unaware of their emotions. Statistics show that customer service workers and middle managers both score higher than other workers in the area of emotional intelligence. Surprisingly, C-level executives rank the lowest. Therefore, we can surmise that C-level executives are not strong in self-awareness. The good news is that everyone tends to get emotionally smarter as they grow older. The better news is that women score somewhat higher in overall emotional intelligence than men, particularly when it comes to managing relationships. The best news, however, is that we can all improve our level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness through various tools and techniques. “When you’re emotionally intelligent, your emotions work for—not against—you, and you are respectful and mindful of other people’s feelings” (Bradberry and Greaves 2005). Thus, EQ results in a great predictor of a person’s success (Figure 4.1).
Figure 4.1 From self-awareness to success
Self-Awareness to Drive Effective Decision-Making
Relying on a strong sense of self-awareness will guide difficult or challenging decision making throughout your life as you come across many interesting professional and personal opportunities. Effective decision making may include whether or not to expatriate. WiSER Argentina was young, a single mother of two, and in the middle of completing her degree when she decided to accept a position in Burundi because she enjoyed adventure, challenge, and found learning new things interesting. Her colleagues at the time commented: “Are you crazy? Those people kill each other. They have ongoing wars between the Hutus and the Tutsis.” She took the risk, finished her degree while there, and the risk paid off in accelerating her career. WiSER Alicia was aware of the limitations of a dual-career marriage with the joint responsibility of raising a child, when she considered a particularly challenging job. She chose to turn down the offer. “So that’s the first time I ever had to say ‘no’ to a job,” she noted. “And I was very honest with my manager at the time, saying, ‘I know my personality … I need to be able to do both well.’”
Effective decision making may impact your career decisions. “I had worked at [a financial institution] for 10 years, and that truly was a great work experience,” said WiSER Alexis. “I’m very proud of many things we did there.” In retrospect, however, she recognized that her decision to accept the next job was ego-driven, and the job turned out to be short-lived. “I sort of knew that company would be bought or taken over, but they offered me a lot of money, I didn’t have to do any interviews, and I took that job,” she recalled. “It was a stupid career decision, and I … really didn’t enjoy my time there.” To make matters worse, she had to deal with a scandal the bank became embroiled in, involving a $25 million fraud scheme. Remember to always rely on your international gold standard—your core values—and be acutely aware of them when navigating rocky waters.
Effective decision making will help you make tough decisions. WiSER Maxine was forced to make some ethical decisions after being given a huge task and opportunity.
The whole idea was that, when the wall came down, when the communists had moved on, what you had was lots of people in government positions who had absolutely no management expertise, no expertise in manning organizations, because it was all about the process in those days,
she explained. “I took out teams of management trainers, teams of play therapists, teams of social workers, teams of educationalists to train up in the governments to create training institutions.” The five-year program was sponsored by the European Union, and after a year-and-a-half, WiSER Maxine took the controversial decision to close it down, given that it was set up in a way that struck her as unethical. “For example, we were paying our local staff in dollars, [which was] completely unethical, so I closed it.”
Effective decision making may impact work-life fit decisions, such as whether or not to have children. WiSER Claudia acknowledged: “I’m not married, and I’m not willing to have kids. Because, if I have to choose, I prefer my career—I prefer the excitement that a new challenge gives me. I prefer this liberty, this freedom to take my decisions and to choose the right way.” WiSER Kamini left a high-powered position for a few years when she had children and WiSER Nathalie G. decided to work part-time. WiSER Supriya’s first experience of life as an expatriate came when she followed her husband to Singapore. When she became pregnant, she had to be on “bed rest” for some time and, then, she took about two years off to spend time with her daughter—a decision that brought its share of joys but also made her realize that she really missed working. “When [my daughter] was about two, I put her into a play group and went to work part-time in research,” she said. For as many mothers with young children who want to stay at home, there are just as many who want to have a space in their lives that is entirely their own. Oftentimes, work can fulfill this need.
In order to make good decisions it is important to trust your gut reaction. It often serves as an echo of your values and your sense of self. That’s the advice of WiSER Jacqueline, who knew from an early age that she wanted a career that involved overseas travel. “I was the only child for six years, and my dad used to bring home … these National Geographic magazines and Life magazine—and I used to read them from cover to cover,” she recalled. “I remember when I was … 12 years old, I said to my dad that I was going to write for [a] magazine like this, and I was going to live in Africa.” She was convinced that she would write, and that she would travel in Africa, but she had no idea what she would do beyond that. As it turned out, WiSER Jacqueline’s first international assignment was in Kenya. WiSER Anuradha shared with us that, at a very young age, she knew exactly what she wanted to be. She was attuned to how a very common experience inspired her. “When I was 10 years old, I was taken to the observatory in Hyderabad. I looked up and saw … what the universe has to offer … I saw … [only] six planets … but that event … solidified what I wanted to do in my life. I wanted to become an astronomer.”
Self-Awareness to Boost Your Engagement
Recognizing and leveraging your personal strengths will boost your engagement resulting in increased productivity and energy, as well as improved feelings of fulfillment and competence. Being aware of your strengths also means that you understand what you are not particularly good at and are prepared to engage others with those strengths to counterbalance your own and drive results. WiSER Joanne described how she went about leveraging her strengths. “I thought I was going to be a starving artist,” she revealed in the interview. “Now, I used to draw because I love to draw, and I am really good at it. I had … [an] industrial technology professor at university, and we had to design a product for his course.” Although she was initially intimidated by the assignment, her professor encouraged her to build on her strengths: “He said, ‘You love to draw. I watch you draw. You design things all the time. Remove all the roadblocks and just design.’ This was a critical experience that prompted me into a manufacturing environment.” Similarly, WiSER Lillian, who was drawn to creative writing, found a way to leverage her strength into an exciting international career. “I really liked writing a lot more than speaking in front of people,” she said. “I just liked writing … but I wanted to also do something very international—and so, the one thing that [fit it] together was law.” Our strengths characterize us as a person. The key to success lies in ascertaining your strengths and building on them while ensuring that your weaknesses don’t become roadblocks to your success. Download the Women Leaders Toolkit from the BEP Publishing website for additional tools and resources.
Engagement not only comes from understanding and using your strengths, but also your likes. The simple calculation of multiplying the average number of 246 working days per year by 45 working years reveals that we spend about 11,000 days of our lives working, between the ages of 21 and 65. That is an enormous amount of time spent engaged in one activity. This begs an important question: What do you like doing? We can only assume that you want to spend this amount of time doing something that you actually enjoy. If you’re interested in better understanding what gives you joy, download the Women Leaders Toolkit from the BEP Publishing website for additional tools and resources.
Significantly, not all of the WiSER we interviewed knew their preferred career choice early on. That said, most had a strong sense of what they liked, and what they didn’t like. WiSER Gabriele indicated she had no idea where she wanted to take her career. While completing her degree in engineering in Germany, she taught evening classes at a private school. Clues to her long-term professional goals, however, were evident in her choice of recreation. During this time, she used every spare cent she had earned to travel, often to places as remote as Southeast Asia. “It was very clear [that] when I was finishing my studies that I wanted to go abroad,” she said. “I said, ‘If I need to work the whole day, then it must be fun, something that I really like, which is traveling.’” Meanwhile, WiSER Flavia remained steadfastly true to her interest, even though it limited her career. “If I had made different career choices throughout, I would be certainly at a much more senior level within the system,” she admitted. “But I would have had to make compromises.” She concluded that these compromises would have turned her position into a routine job, as opposed to an activity she found enriching and enjoyable and she refused to let that happen. “If you don’t come to it with an enormous passion, it becomes very difficult. I think all my choices have been not geared to where do I make the best career choice, but what sings to me. That is important, because if you like what you do, you do it better.”
In the absence of self-awareness, you may find yourself on a dangerous path that is filled with “energy zappers.” WiSER Gillian recalls an experience. “I was recruited into the global role and the global CEO retired about a month after I started,” she recalled. “The guy that took over from him … We were just not a match at all.” Over time, WiSER Gillian became so insecure that she dreaded going to work every morning. “I can remember how I felt,” she said. “I [would] wake up in the morning, almost on the verge of tears, and it’s not like me … It was [a] really, really dark moment.” After a while she made up her mind and decided to leave. Just by making that decision, she started getting her confidence back. Before leaving, however, she felt a need to regain some of her lost dignity. “I went to my boss,” she recalled.
He was a board member, one of six board members. I said to him, “Look, I don’t want to work with you anymore,” and I told him why. … then, the global head of HR asked me not to leave and put me on some projects, and I ended up in another global role about three months later. So, I survived what I thought was a bridge burner.
Gillian’s example demonstrates how important it is to know your limits and adhere to them to preserve your engagement. On the other hand, WiSER Fiona discussed some of the reasons she refrained from advancing in her career: “I realized that I didn’t want to go any higher,” she said.
That was an important milestone. It’s not that I have stopped working hard, or [that] I have stopped striving to do the best I can do. I could work harder to become a deputy director general; or, let’s say, a director in a much larger center … but I don’t want to go there, and that was sort of [a] light bulb going on for me. I know where I don’t want to be in my career.
Higher engagement leads to increased safety, health, happiness, performance, and a better home life. The more engaged you are, the better you will be able to deal with the demands in your personal and professional life. You will be better at facing unfamiliar situations, dealing with uncertainties, and coping with work pressure.
The Journey to Self-Awareness
The WiSER, who demonstrated a very high level of self-awareness, shared four valuable insights to cultivating greater self-awareness.
Learn from Your Experiences
Don’t discount the value of any experience, even a negative experience. All experiences can contribute to your self-awareness. WiSER Esther, for instance, described an event that she referred to as a painful learning experience. “I worked for almost five years in Liberia during the war,” she recalled. “It was a very difficult time security wise … I did learn that, as a person, I am very vulnerable. I guess it was something that I needed to learn about myself.” During this period, she witnessed things that she would never forget, and had no desire to witness again. Although WiSER Esther’s experience was extreme, all international assignments are challenging, and they offer rare opportunities to deepen your understanding of who you are. WiSER Jolanda described the experience as follows: “All of a sudden you are put out of your comfort zone … in multiple ways, and it means you’re going to learn a lot about what you like and don’t like about yourself.”
Look to Your Role Models to Better Understand Yourself
It is helpful to observe others you respect or admire in order to get a deeper understanding of your personal motivations. WiSER Esther described the ways in which her own upbringing and childhood role model, her father, shaped her lifelong quest for social justice. “I never met my grandparents, because [they] both died in a concentration camp,” she said.
But my father, in particular, was very strong on the issue of social justice, and perhaps this is why I ended where I ended. He taught me at a very young age that it is important to remember that all human beings are equal, that social justice comes before anything else.
She ended up working in social relief organizations.
Harness Introspection
Have you reached the top of the ladder and found that maybe it’s leaning against the wrong building? In some cases, you may find that you need personal time to make decisions about your future. WiSER Ayesha had reached a stage where she was no longer stimulated by her professional career. At some point, she decided that she wanted something that was “far more noble, far more exciting, and far more challenging and pioneering.” Recognizing that her current path was no longer viable, she began to consider alternatives. “Can I put other steps into place?” she asked herself. “Or do I just make a clean break now and spend some time deciding what the next step in my life should be?” Ultimately, she decided to take some time off and make some clear decisions about her future. In some cases, a change of scenery can be helpful. WiSER Friederike left for India to do some serious introspection. She knew that she enjoyed working with people and liked networking. “But I also need to know who I am,” she added.
Engage the Help of a Coach
A coach is a trusted professional who can support you to identify your professional needs and goals, develop a plan of action, and achieve results. WiSER Anne related her experience with a coach. Fearful that she would remain with the same organization for the remainder of her professional life, WiSER Anne found that her coach helped her imagine other possibilities. “I think, really, what helped me make that change was, when I got back to the states, I got a coach,” she said. “She helped me go through a lot of kind of imagining new possibilities for … the future—something I [had] never really done. She kept saying, well that could be good, that might happen, so what else could happen?” she recalled. “I think it was just visualizing different things.”
It’s a Wrap!
As Lao-Tzu wisely said: “It is wisdom to know others, it is enlightenment to know one’s self.” In an international role, the complexities involved demand an even greater sense of self-awareness. Being self-aware involves knowing your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, which are all based on your values. Self-awareness is the basis of emotional intelligence, effective decision making, and engagement. Being self-aware increases emotional intelligence. In an international environment, this is particularly helpful to work effectively with others to drive results and make good decisions in critical situations. You can increase your self-awareness by learning from experiences, looking to your role models, being introspective, and working with a coach. If only the queen in “Snow White” had possessed a greater sense of self-awareness and taken the time to understand the reflection in the mirror, the story might have ended differently. Your story, however, has yet to be written.