In terms of practicing assertiveness skills, the workplace is a special arena. Never mind all that stuff you’ve seen on inane television shows and movies where executives spar with each other in grandiose ways. There’s enough real-life drama that you don’t have to draw upon the false images the media conveys.
In this chapter, I’ll explore the assertiveness issues that could make a difference in your job.
How, you ask, can assertiveness be a substitute for accomplishment, competence, and effort? Study after study shows that if you and a co-worker have similar education, training, and experience, and all other things about you are equal, the one who is effectively assertive will predictably rise faster in his or her career.
Suppose two managers are alike in every respect—they have the same background, education, training, aptitude, skills, and so on. You know what this is leading to. One has no problem being professionally assertive in the following areas:
Make It So
Given that you are a competent employee who dutifully executes the requirements of the job, the nature of your interpersonal communications at work—how assertive you are—largely defines your progress.
The other manager is marginally effective in these areas. Who is more likely to rise faster and go further in his career? Okay, you say, this is a no-brainer. Anyone will say the first manager.
Now let’s complicate the issue a bit. Suppose that two managers are alike in most respects, but the first is not quite as sharp, and doesn’t quite have some of the technical knowledge possessed by the second manager, but is very good at expressing himself.
The second manager is very conscientious. He is a planner. Generally, he executes his tasks with precision. When it comes to expressing himself, however, there are some gaps in his ability. Sometimes he rambles on. Sometimes he’s not forthcoming with his views when the situation calls for it. Sometimes, to know what he’s thinking you practically have to pry it out of him. Nevertheless, he does a consistently good job and unquestionably is an asset to the organization.
Now, who’s likely to rise faster and further in his career? The answer isn’t so easy this time, is it? The odds remain that the first manager will rise faster even if he is lacking in some categories as compared to the second manager. Why? He has the ability to assert himself.
Before you start thinking, okay, well, the first manager has the gift of gab, he’s a schmoozer—he talks his way up the chain—think again. The professional who is able to assert himself as necessary enjoys significant advantages over his otherwise more talented counterparts who are unassertive. For example, the assertive professional can do the following:
What might befall the more technically competent manager who is not as good at asserting himself? The following are all possibilities, although it’s not likely that any one manager would be confronted by all of them:
Just the Facts
Until we can read each other’s minds, the otherwise talented but unassertive manager is more likely to be stuck in terms of his overall career progress. He’s more likely to stay at the same level longer than his more assertive counterparts. And, sadly, he’s more likely to be overlooked for raises and promotions.
If you doubt that any of this is true and you work in a large office with lots of other career professionals, make a few observations. On a scale of one to ten (with “one” being highly unassertive, and “ten” being highly assertive) quickly and mentally rate who’s in the larger or corner offices within your organization.
If there’s only one corner office, who has it? If there are two, three, or four, who’s occupying them? Chances are, you’ll find assertive types occupying this prime real estate.
To be sure, there are absolutely brilliant, talented, highly accomplished, non-assertive career professionals. Someone like that may be seated in your chair right now. However, if you’re not able to convey a sense of importance and even enthusiasm about your accomplishments—not able to “toot your own horn,” even though what you’ve done may be a matter of record—hardly anyone will know what you’ve done.
Handle with Care
Recalling what you learned in earlier chapters about how all career professionals today are overloaded with too much information competing for their time and attention, you have to acknowledge the reality that even your own boss, on far too many occasions, may give little more than passing notice to your accomplishments.
Not even your own boss is likely to grasp the magnitude of your achievement. How could this be? You were asked to do xyz and you did xyz. Doesn’t the performance speak for itself? Many times it does. Just as often, probably, the performance does not speak for itself. Perhaps:
Let’s face it, sometimes you may not even understand the value of what you’ve accomplished, and, if that’s combined with an inability to assert yourself, you might as well be working in the basement of the building.
I had a young man help me create a macro on my computer that enabled me to instantly convert any file that I had on disk to any ASCII or generic text format. He called me over to show me how it worked. He seemed pleased to have finished the task, but otherwise showed no enthusiasm or excitement over accomplishing what certainly was a challenge. I was very excited about this newfound capability, and my enthusiasm washed over the room. Eventually he caught hold of it and began to show some signs of life himself.
I’m not equating enthusiasm and assertiveness. However, the young man’s inability to express himself in the situation I described merely portended his inability to express himself when he needed to speak up for himself, air his views, or ask for help.
The dedicated, hardworking professional in the typical office who consistently does the job day in and day out but otherwise is unassertive, unfortunately gets passed over when it comes to the goodies and the kudos of work and of life. Here’s an exercise to show you how this happens.
Draw up a list of the people in your office. Now go back to the list and put a star next to everyone who got a raise, got a promotion, got recognized, or was rewarded in some way recently such that others in the office including yourself have knowledge of it. For example:
*Ahmad Maresh
Courtney Adams
Chris Colie
Roxanne Havers
Art Conners
Angela Freeman
Zack Debagan
*Katharine Ayers
After you’ve finished placing stars by the appropriate individuals’ names, review the list again. This time put an “A” at the end of the names of all individuals who on a purely personal and subjective scale you deem as being assertive:
*Bill Williamson A
*Ahmad Maresh A
Courtney Adams
Chris Colie A
Roxanne Havers
Angela Freeman
Art Conners
Zack Debagan
*Katharine Ayers
When you’re through, look back at your list. What do you notice? Do most of the people with a star at the beginning of their name have an “A” at the end of their name? Is there one with simply a star or simply an A and not both? If there are, I’ll bet the number is small.
The conclusion? Raises and assertiveness appear to have some significant correlation.
Given that you’re doing a good job, being assertive is probably the most important attribute you can have for getting pay raises.
When I was a full-time management consultant supervising a staff of eight, I had two young women on my team who had, in fact, nearly similar capabilities. However, one was assertive and one wasn’t. The assertive one came to me after a couple of months on the job and said flat out, “I’d like to talk to you about my salary.” I knew what was coming next and I also knew she would present a convincing argument.
She took the floor and waxed eloquently about how she had been doing consistently good work, sometimes putting in extra hours, helping others on the project, doing things she knew needed to be done that she wasn’t asked to do, and even anticipating challenges down the road. She talked about how others her age in competing firms were earning more and how she was actually more valuable to the firm since she first came to us months ago.
Just the Facts
What most people asking for a raise don’t understand is that the cost of replacing them can be inordinate. Depending on what you do and how well you do it, your organization may well prefer paying you 5, 10, or 15 percent more than you’re currently making to having to place an ad, interview more people, bring somebody on board, get them up to speed, and see if they can actually do the job. The smaller the company, the more costly it becomes to replace good staff.
Her arguments were sound and I could see that she was determined. Still, I used an old manager’s trick of saying, “Okay, let me think about it and we’ll discuss it again in a little while.” She said fine and left.
In two weeks, when I hadn’t brought it up again, you can be sure that she did. This time she added to her pitch. She discussed how she was helping out other members of the project team and how she was requiring less and less supervision (both true), and how eventually she’d be able to assume more of the burden while maintaining her productivity.
I told her I’d have to discuss it with the big boss. She seemed to know that I was going to stall some more, so this time she pinned me down as to when we would get back together. She had a specific increase in mind. I said I’d do what I could.
We had the meeting and she ended up getting the raise she sought.
By now, you’re probably drooling with anticipation. What exactly do you have to do to get a raise? What are the words, what are the gestures, how does the whole thing work? Actually, it’s not complicated at all.
The tactics and words used by my staff person as just described will work rather well. In somewhat chronological order, here’s how to assert yourself when it comes to asking for a raise:
Your boss may pooh-pooh your arguments in person; nevertheless, your points will register. If you can, come equipped with specific facts—preferably on paper—to back up these assertions. Instead of just saying you require less supervision, show evidence of a project that you handled solo.
However, there is always some financial slack in an organization when it comes to rewarding and retaining superior performance. You have only to find out what the CEO of your organization is making, including bonuses, and it will be abundantly clear that your organization can find the extra couple dollars per hour or thousands per year you’re seeking.
I’m frequently asked if it’s possible to over-assert yourself. The answer is yes. Recall the oft-quoted line in Hamlet, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” By asking for something too vigorously or too aggressively, you can actually diminish your chances of accomplishing it.
Handle with Care
Overstating your case is an indication to others that you’re grappling with some other issue internally.
If someone is constantly complaining, say about the weather, the reality is he probably isn’t so concerned with the weather as something else.
When you assert yourself, make sure that the time, place, and person are appropriate. It doesn’t matter how assertive you are if you ask someone to do something that he:
Offer your points in sequence based on chronology, order of importance, or other useful criterion. Some communication experts tell you to present your best point first, and your other points in descending order of importance.
Other communication experts suggest that you present your points in ascending order; that is, start with the least important ones and work up to the most important one. In this manner, the last point that you make is your best and most important and the one most likely to be remembered by your audience.
In my opinion it doesn’t matter in what order you proceed—ascending, descending, or even offering your best point in the middle. More important is that you did a good job to begin with, you prepped your boss so that he or she knew that you were coming in to talk about something important, you reviewed the tips on assertiveness throughout this book, and you were your best self when you finally sat down and got around to talking about your value to the organization.
Many of the same principles apply when you’re interviewing for a job. Joe Sabah, author of the popular book, How to Get the Job You Really Want and Get Employers to Call You, advises his readers to push for action during the first interview using his three-step formula:
Having said such a statement, sit back and let the other party take the floor. They’ll have to either agree or disagree. Most of the time they’ll have to offer some form of agreement.
Make It So
Whether your best point is first, in the middle, or last, what’s most important is the impact of the message that you impart to your boss. What impression did he or she receive? Did he get the notion that you’re serious about getting this raise? If you present your case as, “Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if I could get wxyz,” you’re not likely to get it. If you present your case as, “I intend to be at the next level of compensation next quarter,” you’ve increased your chances dramatically.
Some people think this is aggressive, but it’s not—it’s merely being assertive, notes Sabah. Unfortunately, “Most applicants are too passive,” Sabah says. “They say something wishy-washy like I hope to hear from you soon, or it was really nice meeting you. This conveys a message to the interviewer: You’re a nice person. What it does not convey is that you’re ready, willing, and able to start on this job.”
Sabah asserts that this closing technique works. He’s been a guest on 625 radio talk shows and counting. To procure all these guest spots, he always closes every interview with the show host or producer with these three tips!
Sabah’s advice is valuable for many reasons. He’s saying to get directly to the issue. Whether you’re interviewing for a job or asking for a raise, or asking to be transferred to another department, go ahead and say exactly what you mean.
Make It So
The less other people have to read your mind, the further and faster along you’ll get in your career. Conversely, if people have to read your mind (and who can do that?) to know what you want or what you’re thinking, you’re likely to go nowhere.
Suppose you want to be transferred from the orders and processing division to the routing division. Instead of saying, “I hear that the routing division is doing some great things and it’s a pretty good place to be working these days,” try saying, “I’d like to be transferred to the routing division.”
In Chapter 17, I discussed the special problems women have being assertive, especially in male-dominated circles. Can a woman be professionally assertive in the workplace on par with her male counterparts and get the same general results? Happily, increasingly the answer is yes.
Since women represent a large share of the workplace today and will continue to do so in the coming years, a growing structure and network of resources will continue to form, giving women the support they need at various points along their career paths.
Researchers Pamela A. Geller and Stevan Hobfoll recently reported in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, that “gender bias is clearly evident” in work-related settings. “When women act appropriately assertive at work,” they say, “they may actually alienate support.”
Handle with Care
Researchers found that if a woman’s assertiveness on the job is misread as aggressiveness, support may not be forthcoming from men or women.
A woman should assert herself in the workplace when the situation calls for it, even if the men working with her ostracize her at first. Eventually they may change their behavior toward her when they realize she makes a valuable contribution and has valuable opinions. If she remains passive, she limits her opportunities to advance.
If you’re a woman, you may be upset that what you have to say may be interpreted by men as aggressiveness. Yet, women aren’t going to get anywhere by continuing to “play nice.” The dilemma is the long-standing cultural patterns that may be at play. The same action taken by a man and a woman often is perceived as aggressiveness in the woman and assertiveness in the man.
Evaluate your own reactions. For example, when your female supervisor calls you on the carpet for being late, do you react differently than when a male supervisor asks you why your report is late? If so, ask yourself why you have this different reaction.