INDEX

A

Abandonment, 9, 56, 88, 125, 134, 136–138

Abdicating responsibility, 3, 48

Acceptance

compassion and, 103, 145–146

forgiveness and, 105, 116

in grieving process, 12

letting go/moving on from, 116–118, 120, 125–126

rebuilding trust with, 139, 142

of responsibility, 97

support and, 52

Affirmations, 105, 107

Allowing feelings. See Feelings, allowing

Apology, 23, 90–94, 111, 138, 141

Assumptions, 51, 58–59, 73–74, 96, 122, 128

Awareness

heightened, 6, 30, 49, 77, 121–122

impact of, 25, 27

of self, 16, 88, 109

in Seven Steps for Healing, 13

B

Benefit of the doubt, 7, 108, 125

Betrayal. See also Trust

continuum of, 2–4, 46

dichotomy of, 6–8

energy and, 6

feelings and, 1–2, 4, 32

healing from, 7–9, 34

impact of, 4–6

signs of, 24–25

vantage points of, 8–9

Betrayal, by others

feelings and, 39–41

forgiveness and, 104–111

healing journey and, 7–9, 34

intentional, 2–4, 105

letting go/moving on from,124–127

major betrayals, 3–4, 17–19

minor betrayals, 3, 17

observe and acknowledge step, 18–22

pain of, 33

reframing the experience, 73–75

responsibility and, 86–90

support for, 54–56

unintentional, 2–3

Betrayal, of others

feelings and, 41–43

forgiveness and, 111–112

letting go/moving on from, 127–129

observe and acknowledge step, 22–25

reframing the experience, 75–77

responsibility and, 90–95

support for, 56–58

Betrayal, of self

letting go/moving on from, 124–127

rebuilding trust from, 42, 56

reframing the experience, 75–76

responsibility for, 91

Blame (judgment)

energy and, 107

forgiveness and, 114, 116

letting go/moving on from, 114, 116–117, 121

responsibility for, 33–34

support for, 55

C

Celebrating success, 123–124, 127, 129

Chödrön, Pema, 101–102

Commitment

betrayal and, 5–6

forgiveness and, 100, 102, 105, 111, 113–114, 138

from healing journey, 139–140, 142–143

letting go/moving on and, 117, 125, 127, 139

loss of, 20

to rebuilding trust and, 84–85, 131

responsibility for, 95, 96

Communication, 60, 70–71, 110, 121

Compassion

acceptance and, 103, 145–146

feelings and, 43

forgiveness and, 100, 101–102, 109

letting go/moving on with, 119–121

rebuilding trust and, 145

reframing the experience with, 64, 66–68

support and, 49, 57

through reflection, 110

Confidence

betrayal and, 5, 73, 90–91

forgiveness and, 100, 102, 112, 113

from healing journey, 139–142

letting go/moving on and, 117, 127, 130

loss of, 16, 20, 21

rebuilding trust and, 131

responsibility and, 84, 94

support and, 56

Connection to others, 145–146

Continuum of betrayal, 2–4, 46

Core truths, 53, 125

Crying, 34, 38–39

D

Defensiveness, 90–91, 145

Denial, 12, 16, 28

Dichotomy of betrayal, 6–8

Disappointment, 17, 24, 44, 104

Dishonesty, 9

Dressler, Larry, 96

E

Energy betrayal and, 6

blame and, 107

forgiveness and, 100–102, 104, 111, 113

from healing journey, 139–140, 144

letting go/moving on and, 116–117, 122, 126, 127, 130

loss of, 17, 21

reframing the experience, 79

responsibility and, 84, 94

support and, 52, 55, 60

Entitlement, 32, 48, 89

Exercise. See Physical exercise

Extramarital affair, 9–10

F

Fear

betrayal and, 2, 10

broken trust and, 26

forgiveness and, 101, 114

journaling and, 53

reframing the experience and, 64, 65, 68–69, 76

responding to, 36, 68

responsibility and, 85, 91, 95

support and, 62

Feelings. See also Blame; Fear; Healing; Pain

of abandonment, 9, 56, 88, 125, 134, 136–138

of betrayal, 1–2, 4, 32

of defensiveness, 90–91, 145

of disappointment, 17, 24, 44, 104

expressing, 57

of frustration, 44, 72, 104

of gratitude, 119–121

of guilt, 40, 42, 56, 116

healing journey and, 10, 25, 48

of helplessness, 7, 26, 56, 74

of hopelessness, 7, 26, 56, 88, 106–108

observing, 16

of resentment, 1, 7, 33, 48, 54–55, 87, 100, 102

Feelings, allowing

apology and, 92

free writing, 40

guilt over, 40, 42

during healing journey, 134–135

overview, 31–34, 31f physical expression of, 38

rebuilding trust and, 43–46

self-reflection, 36–38

to surface, 35–39, 43–44, 48

talking it out, 38–39

Forgiveness acceptance and, 105, 116

affirmations for, 107

apology and, 93

betrayal and, 104–112

blame and, 114, 116

during healing journey, 11, 138

lack of, 102

of others, 103–104, 105–109

overview, 99–101, 99f

rebuilding trust and, 104, 113–114

recognizing, 109–111

of self, 101–103, 112

Free writing, 40

Frustration, 44, 72, 104

G

Goldberg, Rob, 28

Gossip, 16, 33

Gratitude, 119–121

Group trust, 45–46

Guilt, 40, 42, 56, 116

H

Healing journey. See also Feelings; Seven Steps for Healing; Trust

betrayal and, 7–9, 34

breaking trust and, 18–22

commitment from, 139–140, 142–143

confidence from, 139–142

end of, 120

energy from, 139–140, 144

feelings and, 10, 25, 48, 134–135

forgiveness during, 11, 138

gratitude and, 119–121

inquiry in, 24–25

lessons and, 9, 11–12, 32, 34

letting go/moving on during, 138–139

observe and acknowledge step in, 133–134

overview, 131–132

reframing the experience during, 136–137

responsibility during, 11, 137–138

support during, 135–136

Heightened awareness, 6, 30, 49, 77, 121–122

Helping others

connection and, 145–146

forgiveness and, 103–104, 105–109

letting go/moving on by, 127–129

observe and acknowledge step in, 22–26

rebuilding trust and, 27–30, 43–46, 58–62, 77–79, 146–148

reframing the experience of, 77–79

with support, 58–62

Helplessness, 7, 26, 56, 74

Hopelessness, 7, 26, 56, 88, 106–108

I

Individual trust, 43–45

Intentional betrayal, 2–4, 105

Intentions, 59, 77, 96, 146

J

Journal writing (journaling), 37, 52–54, 60, 78, 123

Judgment. See Blame

Jung, Carl, 102

K

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 12

L

Layoffs, 2, 16, 54, 124

Lessons

betrayal and, 7

forgiveness and, 100, 104, 111–112

healing and, 9, 11–12, 32, 34

letting go/moving on from, 11, 119–121, 127–129

from mistakes, 77

reframing the experience and, 64, 65, 69–73, 75–77, 84, 100, 137

in relationships, 70–73

responsibility and, 91, 93–94, 97

support for, 49, 53

Letting go/moving on

acceptance and, 116–118, 120, 125–126

betrayal and, 124–129

blame and, 114, 116–117, 121

choosing to, 121–122, 126–127

compassion and, 119–121

during healing journey, 138–139

integrating/celebrating, 123–124, 127

overview, 115–116, 115f pain and, 117–118

rebuilding trust and, 119, 129–130

self-betrayal, 124–127

support and, 125–126

Listening

betrayal and, 25

communication through, 60

crying and, 39

feelings and, 43–45

forgiveness and, 111

letting go/moving on and, 139

reframing the experience, 72, 75, 136

responsibility and, 83, 90, 92, 141

support and, 51–53, 57–62, 64, 135

trust and, 27

Lying, 2, 3, 75, 124

M

Major betrayals, 3–4, 17–19

Meditation, 37, 60

Millman, Dan, 103

Mind mapping, 46

Minor betrayals, 3, 17

Moving on. See Letting go/moving on

N

Nightingale, Earl, 70

O

Observe and acknowledge step

apology and, 92

betrayal and, 18–26

defined, 15–15, 15f

in healing journey, 133–134

rebuilding trust and, 27–30

Open mindedness, 122

Others, 145–146. See also Betrayal;Helping others

P

Pain

from betrayal, 33

forgiveness and, 111–112, 113

healing, 48–49

letting go/moving on from, 117–118

reframing experience of, 64–65

sharing, 45

as teacher, 53

Path of renewal, 7

Physical exercise, 37, 40, 52, 60, 69

“Pockets of readiness,”113

Promises, 9, 25, 93–94, 96, 111, 127, 131

R

Reconciliation, 110–111

Reflection. See Self-reflection

Reframing the experience

apology and, 92–93

betrayal and, 73–77, 125

the bigger picture and, 64–69

comparisons in, 65–66

with compassion, 64, 66–68

during healing journey, 136–137

lessons in, 69–73

opportunities with, 69

for others, 77–79

overview, 63–64, 63f

rebuilding trust and, 77–79

Relationships

commitment and, 5, 20

extramarital affair and, 9–10

lessons in, 70–73

renewing, 121

trust in, 2

Resentment, 1, 7, 33, 48, 54–55, 87, 100, 102

Responsibility

abdicating, 3, 48

acceptance and, 97

apology and, 93

betrayal and, 86–95

for blame, 33–34

forgiveness and, 101

during healing journey, 11, 137–138

overview, 81–82, 81f

rebuilding trust and, 95–97

for self, 82–83, 86–88

taking action with, 83–84, 88

Rituals, 46

S

Self-awareness, 16, 88, 109

Self-betrayal. See Betrayal, of self

Self-forgiveness, 101–103, 112

Self-reflection, 36–38, 87, 90, 110

Seven Steps for Healing, 9–13, 13f.

See also Feelings, allowing; Observe and acknowledge step; Reframing the experience; Responsibility; Support

Signs of betrayal, 24–25

Simple truth, 1, 146

Spiritual cleansing, 108

Standing in the Fire (Dressler), 96

Stillness, 39, 52–54, 60, 65, 125–126

Success, celebrating, 123–124, 127, 129

Support

acceptance and, 52

apology and, 92

betrayal and, 54–58

for blame, 55

getting, 49–53

during healing journey, 135–136

letting go/moving on and, 125–126

for others, 58–62

from others, 49–51

overview, 47–49, 47f

from self, 51–53

trust and, 58–62

T

Taking action, 83–84, 88

Tough love, 55, 57

Trust. See also Betrayal

fear and, 26

group trust, 45–46

individual, 43–45

vulnerability and, 1–2, 2f

Trust, breaking

healing from, 18–22

impact of, 17

lessons from, 70–71

reframing experience of, 64

signs of, 26, 27

support for, 56–58

Trust, rebuilding

acceptance and, 139, 142

from betrayal, 7–9

commitment to, 84–85, 131

compassion and, 145

confidence and, 131

feelings and, 43–46

forgiveness and, 104, 113–114

in groups, 45–46

helping others, 146–148

in individuals, 43–45

letting go/moving on and, 119, 129–130

observe and acknowledge step, 27–30

reframing the experience, 77–79

responsibility for, 95–97

support and, 58–62

Truth/truthfulness, 1, 23, 29, 53, 55, 58, 82, 100, 125, 146

U

Unintentional betrayal, 2–3

V

Vantage points of betrayal, 8–9

Victim posture (victimization)

assumptions and, 73–74

betrayal and, 7, 10–12, 33

reframing experience of, 67, 69, 74, 79

responsibility vs.,87–89

support and, 48, 54, 135

Vulnerability

feelings of, 42–43

forgiveness and, 108

listening and, 59

reframing experience and, 64

responsibility and, 90

of trust, 1–2, 2f

W

The Way of the Peaceful Warrior (Millman), 103

When Things Fall Apart (Chödrön), 101–102

Witnessing skills, 19, 131, 137

Y

Yoga, 37, 52