Chapter 24
Combining Money and Meaning
Fulfillment comes from applying your “full self.” Are you treating work as something completely separate from life? Or is life interfering with your work? Combine them to make the most of both. Work can enhance life, and life can enhance work.
Meaning Gone Wrong
It's cool now for people to expect their work to be purposeful, to be meaningful. As it should be. And Meaning Snobs can go on and on about how meaning is more important than money, or how impactful their gigs are … and that's great.
The truth is, putting meaning first, second, and third on your list of priorities won't make you money. For Avanoo's Daniel Jacobs, building a meaningful business didn't take off until he put money first, realizing that without being able to create predictable revenue or funding, nothing he created—however inspiring or meaningful—would last.
Putting meaning first, second, and third on your list of priorities won't make you money.
Luckily, there are many ways to make money meaningful. There's nothing like the fear of seeing your kids go hungry—or a payroll date coming up, or visiting people in dire need, or struggling to raise money for your nonprofit project—to get you over your hesitation in bringing in sales in new ways and see new meaning in money.
Here's one test you can run to see if someone's using “meaning” as an excuse to stay comfortable and avoid growing.
Imagine one of your friends, for example, one who means well and wants to help people but who pretty much just shares inspirational quotes all day or posts pictures of himself or herself being spiritual or edgy. Maybe they volunteer weekly or monthly. Now imagine this friend saying, “I'm going to create a $1 million organization to help/fix/address [insert cause].”
Can you see that person—or maybe it's you!—actually doing it? Can you see them walking the walk, jumping in and embracing the idea of putting money as a top priority, a necessity to support the mission? (Assuming integrity is a given.)
It's easier to hide and pretend that the “money stuff” (or whatever else you need to change) isn't important. No guts, no glory—and no risk of failing. Breakthroughs often require you to let go of your ego, and egos can be harder to break down than bad habits. Pride often interferes with taking the leap to grow.
Breakthroughs often require you to let go of your ego, and egos can be harder to break down than bad habits.
This is just one example of why we resist change: it forces us to admit that we could be wrong, or makes us feel we're not as good as we think we are, or that we don't know as much as we thought we did. It's easier to avoid facing those truths; including telling yourself and others that say money is a nice-to-have. Remember, comfort is the enemy of growth.
In your case, rather than telling yourself “you can only work at a job with meaning,” maybe instead it's a belief that you need to stick purely to software, and avoid creating professional services. Or you're afraid of raising prices. Maybe you can't accept help from others. Or believe standardization is impossible. Are you sure you're a need-to-have on your team, rather than someone who's surprisingly replaceable? You could believe that you're VP-level talent trapped in a manager-level role. Or that you're above average (which is statistically impossible) and deserve a break for being special. That you're going to be magically discovered …
This is why successful entrepreneurs care more about the brutal truth than about being right or looking good. They take responsibility for results, not intentions. It boils down to this: “Is this working? If the answer is yes—great, do more. Is the answer no? Then don't blame other people; instead, ask what can I do, what needs to happen, to fix it?”
Use crises to motivate you to embrace the change, as painful as it may be, rather than avoid it. And if you don't have a crisis, get creative with manufacturing one with Forcing Functions that drive you to grow anyway.
And if you just can't find something that'll drive you, or find the courage to keep creating challenging Forcing Functions, or spend the years needed to Do The Time … maybe you should give up on your current goals and find some smaller ones.
Try starting with what you're already doing. Don't assume that meaning will come only from quitting your job and finding some exotic new occupation. Or that you'll feel purposeful when you're helping homeless people, volunteering in Africa, or are inspiring X million people.
Don't assume that meaning will only come only from quitting your job and finding some exotic new occupation.
There's nothing wrong with those goals, but start by finding more meaning in the little things you already do every day: talking with a customer, giving someone a helpful idea, writing something (whether anyone else cares or not). Getting feedback from a coworker. Getting coffee with a teammate. Fixing a bug. Coding a new feature. Learning how to better organize your workspace. Talking with an angry customer and saving the relationship. Breaking through a creative block. Or just breaking something. Getting your reports and dashboards to finally work. Learning from a spectacular failure. Finishing your daily sales or activities goal.
What's Your Unique Genius?
How can you make unique contributions to the business and team? What would make your job more fulfilling? How can you stand out from the crowd?
Figure 24.1 You have one, even if you don't appreciate or understand it yet.
Unique Is Good Business
It's hard for companies that sound the same as every other business in their field to stand out. And it's the same for people: to succeed in your career, you have to stand out. Discover what makes you different, learn how to express (market) it, and apply it in a way that solves others' problems, whether they're coworkers or customers.
Discover what makes you different, learn how to express (market) it, and apply it in a way that solves others' problems.
Does your resume cover 100 different things you can do? Chances are you're sounding generic and vague to others, so they don't “click” with why they should hire, promote, or recruit you. How do your executives perceive you—as someone to watch or as a face in a crowd?
Being different and unique can create buzz.
Being different and unique can take courage.
A great brand (personal or business) repels as much as it attracts. Because it stands for something. And when you stand for something, no matter what it is, many others are bound to disagree.
Instead of thinking about all the stuff you could or should do, what do you want to do? Rather than thinking about many talents and skills you have, what problems or goals do you want to apply them to? What do you want to do or create, that you would be proud of?
Instead of thinking about all the stuff you could or should do, what do you want to do?
Figure 24.2 List out all your interests (you don't need to make it pretty).
Uncovering Your Unique Genius
Once you ask the question, “What is my Unique Genius?” your mind will begin trying to answer it. Here are some questions to help you figure out how to better combine money and meaning.
Once you ask the question, “What is my Unique Genius?” your mind will begin trying to answer it.
- What do you want to learn about, if you could learn about anything? List at least 10 things, and then pick the top few.
- Imagine having more money than you could ever spend, so you don't need to work. You take a few years to lie on the beach, and then get bored. What would you want to do, if you could do anything? (This is usually something that helps others or that makes a difference in the world.)
- Ask coworkers or customers the question, “What's the one thing you hired me for, or would hire me for?”
- Complete this: “If I could help anyone/any kind of person, I would help…” Or, “If I could have any kind of customer, I would have…”
- If you could start a project that wouldn't fail, that is assured of success, what would it do? Who would it help? What about it would make you proud?
- Who are you jealous of, and why? What would you have to learn, do, or have in order to not be jealous of them anymore?
- What have you been the most successful at so far?
- What frustrates you that you would like to personally help fix in the world? Especially something that you deal with personally or daily.
- What parts of work do you enjoy most? What daily activities do you like to do?
- What do people keep coming to you for help with, to ask your advice on?
- What do you secretly love to do, or love about yourself?
- If you're in a bookstore, what section do you go to first? What's your ideal book to read (or write)? What if you stick only to the business section?
- What would it take to make your work so enjoyable that you'd do it for free?
- What do your friends see as your strengths?
Apply these questions to your job today:
- What do you like, and not like, about your job today? Your company? How can you increase what you like, and reduce what you don't?
- Is your manager or work environment irretrievably toxic? If not, what needs to happen to improve it? How can you kick that process off?
- With what you want to learn, how can you make it relevant to your work? For example: If you want to get paid to speak, or inspire people through speaking, how can you begin doing it for your job?
- If you want to help kids, also try imagining those kids as grownups who you work with in some way today … How would you help them as adults?
- If you want to change the world or people, how can you make the same change happen in your team, business, or market?
You can find downloadable worksheets and other free resources at FromImpossible.com/unique.
Ignoring Real Life Doesn't Make It Go Away
In 2015, Amazon was publicly embarrassed by a New York Times article that said the company's work practices included “85-hour workweeks, annual staff culling, executives encouraging underlings to sabotage one another, employees weeping at their desks.” And that female employees who had suffered miscarriages, stillbirths, or sickness were expected to either remain productive or be punished.
Now, we gotta take all this with a grain of salt. The New York Times and its writers, like all media businesses, is naturally going to take whatever ugly stories they can find, and embellish them as much as possible while remaining true to the facts, because it attracts readers. With any company that hires 100,000-plus people, you can find pretty much any story you look for. And as far as the news goes, drama brings in far more readers than happiness. People love to read about others' problems, yet never post anything about their own, instead sharing pictures that show how great their life is.
Pretending you or your team don't have kids, aren't exhausted or sick, or that “everything's fine” doesn't make it true.
Everyone at some point ends up living with challenges they can't just simply sweep under the rug.
Everyone at some point ends up living with challenges they can't simply sweep under the rug, and that will affect him or her at work …
- Babies
- Teenagers
- Death
- Sick family members
- Depression
- ADHD
- Cancer
- Debt collectors
- School
- Severe anxiety
- Addiction
- Divorce
- Breakdowns
- Abuse
- Sleep deprivation
- Lawsuits
All of these are a part of life. Life happens. So…how can you integrate life and work, even when you're being dealt a crap hand?
You Can Integrate Work and Life
How? Start by setting the example. Don't be embarrassed to admit you have problems. Keep it simple, without having to make a big deal or drama out of it. “Sharing” is about informing, not whining.
If you show other people how to be honest with personal challenges, and not feel judged or punished, it lightens the situation. And it stops others from wondering, “Why's Bob been so distracted and absent lately?” so they can focus and adapt, too. It can help prevent unhappy surprises later. When people are honest with each other, a solution can be found to help everyone win.
If you show people how to be honest with personal challenges, and not feel judged or punished, it lightens the situation.
The Golden Rule Always Applies
Lastly, you don't—and shouldn't—share everything. Some things should remain private. If you're having problems with your significant other, don't blab about a private matter without their permission. Respect the other person: How would you want them to treat your privacy?
You don't—and shouldn't—share everything. Some things should remain private.
You can say nothing, or keep it vague: “I'm sorry I've been distracted. I've having personal problems that have been a real drain on me, and I don't know how long they'll last.”
If You're Struggling with Juggling
Having a lot of time and money can make growing a business easier. But don't let a lack of either be an excuse to do nothing. A baby step is better than nothing; you can't take one that's too small. A lack of money or time can force you to be more creative with what you do have, if you look at it like a challenge. It's one reason I've limited myself to (usually) 20- to 30-hour workweeks, and using less than $100 to start each business.
Just because you have a tough or horrible challenge doesn't mean you have to give up on your goals
Even if you work part-time or “part-energy”—you can still make progress, as long as you find ways to set aside some time each day or week, or even year to focus. And keep setting or resetting goals. When you wander off track, get back on.
It might take you 3 or 10x longer than someone who can work full time or raise extra money, but you can get there.
Aaron: How the Hell Do You Juggle 12 Kids and Work?
Paul Heill wrote, “I see you're a dad of 12! WOW!!! How the hell do you do it man??? I have two with another on the way, and am stressed out.”
We have 12 kids (so far…), from a newborn to 17. The most physically and time-consuming part of being a dad has been having a new baby. So, while 12 kids may sound like a lot, I cheated by skipping the whole infant stage with many of them:
- I had two of them “from scratch” with my wife, as babies.
- Two are from my wife's prior marriage.
- Four adopted from China and one from East Los Angeles. It's a lot easier, physically, when the kids can dress, eat, and go potty by themselves.
- Our newest is a baby we adopted domestically at birth.
- Plus a teen daughter originally from El Salvador, and her baby.
Also, three of our kids have or had physical challenges—like our six-year old son Maverick, whose elbows and knees don't bend—but they are mostly correctable, and we all just adapt, so it ends up being not as big a deal as you might assume it would be.
Trust me, when I hear about a family of two parents—with no extra help—who have had four, five, or more kids all biologically, I think “How the hell do they do that!?!”
Juggling
Jump in with both feet, and figure it out later.
- I jump in with both feet, and figure it out later. Another adoption? We need twice the house for twice the rent payment? Let's do it, and figure out how to pay for it or make it work later. Sometimes there are painful bumps to this approach (like having to be late paying rent), but it's always been worth it.
- It's gotten easier as the family gets bigger, and the kids have more people to play and work with. It's also easier as we've adopted children beyond the toddler stage.
- We hire a lot of help. One au pair. Two nannies during the week. A housecleaner. One grandfather lived with us for a year. A grandmother comes once in a while for a few weeks. Uber serves as backup transportation for older kids.
- I block out important things on my calendar: Monday dates with my wife. The whole day of Wednesday for writing. A couple of mornings a week for exercise—when I'm not writing a new book. Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday are for phone calls. These calendar blocks tend to evolve every six months.
- I stick to, but not rigidly, that 20–30 hour workweek. Typically three days a week are 4 to 5 hours of actual work, and two days are 6 to 8 hours. Some weeks it's a lot more, if I'm traveling or have a big deadline. For example, during many weeks of creating this book with Jason, it's often been more than 30 hours a week. Some weeks are less, if we have something intense going on at home like a new adoption (the paperwork and appointments tend to take a ridiculous amount of time).
- My other job (and 168-hour workweek): When I'm not “at work,” I'm a full-time dad. I vaguely remember what it's like to “relax” as a dim memory :)
- I trust my wife. And she is super organized at running the family calendar, our nannies, meals, and activities—all while creating her own books and SpyGirlHigh.com. She wasn't born that way, but was forced to learn time management as a single mom. She runs the family and does almost all our paperwork. I make all the money (for now). She does want to make money through her own business in the future.
- I stopped exercising. For about four years, all I did was Dad-aerobics. My exercises include the Trampoline Jump, Baby Press, Pillow Fight, Grocery Carry, and Furniture Move. So I'm still moving around every day!
- Our kids do zero to two activities a week. And most activities are within easy driving distance, like a music lesson at home, or a dance class nearby.
- Being present. When I work, I work. When I'm home, I'm home. When I eat, I eat. I rarely read or check my phone while I'm eating (with others). When I'm with family, I do my best to be attentive to them, looking my kids in the eyes—whether playing or disciplining them. I'll check email or texts in the evening, but quickly, when I take a break. I rarely work at night. I'd probably write at night if I could stay awake, but that never happens.
- I usually have multiple, major Forcing Functions at work. I commit to doing things before I know how I'll get them done: writing a new book, merging my company, committing to a paid keynote address, or selling a new kind of product or workshop such as the newest one, a Predictable Revenue Certification program (PredictableUniversity.com). Having clear deadlines cuts through my other busyness clutter.
Money
- The motivation (and sometimes desperation) to keep money growing fast, and far beyond anything I'd ever made before, has come from having a growing family. It's been the ultimate Forcing Function. I'm never comfortable, but always fulfilled.
- The methods I used in the first several years are the same as in #1 Nailing A Niche, #2 Create Predictable Pipeline, #4 Double Your Deal-size, and #5 Do The Time. In 2015, after cofounding Carb.io, and now that our software company is growing, I've added focus on the others #3 Make Sales Scalable and #6 Embrace Employee Ownership.
- I always have a 10x thing in development such as a book, merger, or product. They usually take 6–18 months to launch. I'm always investing in my future, even when it's years out.
- I work to find trusted partners on projects, so I'm not doing everything alone.
Kids
- Everyone is always “my kid” or “my son” or “my daughter.” And that's what they are. I never use the words “stepfather” or “my adopted son/daughter.”
- I play a lot with my kids. I play with them, rather than watch them play. I take them on motorcycle rides, whether they can ride their own motorcycle, or if I have to stick a smaller one on the cycle in front of me. Trampoline jumping with everyone. Card and board games. Forts. Legos. Cooking. Pillow fights. Hide and seek. Minecraft. Creating funny videos with them.
- All our kids go to different schools. It might sound crazy that few of our kids attend the same school—they're scattered at schools all over Pacific Palisades and Santa Monica. But any extra driving work is far easier to handle than when a kid doesn't fit a school.
- I'm wary of electronics. Electronics today make it easier than ever to create amazing things—or to sit alone watching videos or social feeds while life passes you by. We minimize them with younger kids. We push the older ones to use electronics to create, not just consume. I am much more liberal when the kids are using them to play with each other (it's been great bonding for them when not overdone), or if we're watching classics or musicals. This is an ever-evolving challenge.
- The kids play with each other a lot. And also fight. Either way, they're interacting with each other rather than needing parents all the time.
- Trips. It's been really fun taking one of the bigger kids with me on speaking trips. When she was 10, my daughter Aurora even helped me onstage to keynote the first Sales Hacker Conference. Any Predictable Revenue or From Impossible To Inevitable events will be kid friendly.
Challenges
- Less guilt. As much time as I spend with the family, frequently I feel guilty about not being there even more. Especially when I travel. So I look at it this way: when I need to work to pay the bills or create financial stability for my family, work is family time. You gotta pay the bills.
- I have as many challenges and frustrations as you or anyone. But they're better challenges than they were when I was younger.
- I'm far from perfect. My wife says I'm the calmest person she's ever met. It's hard to ruffle me. But I can get mad. Like when my 10-year-old snuck up behind me, while I was working on something important at home, and slammed a heavy pillow into the top of my head, hard enough to hurt my neck. I've yelled at our kids and judged them unfairly.
- Living paycheck to paycheck for years. I violate all the sensible financial advice from money experts and my family (which really upsets them, but what are you gonna do?). Whatever we make (and more), I invest in the family or business. Years ago I was so anxious about spending all or more than we made, including exhausting my savings and adding credit card debt. Now I've gotten used to running down to almost zero cash every month or two. And spending our savings or taking on debt was worth it for very important investments in the business and family—adoptions, new business programs, private schools for some kids, vacations (yes, these are investments), nannies, and help.
- One-on-one time with each kid, regularly. This just doesn't happen enough. Even a walk or bike ride alone, or going out for breakfast. Each kid needs some time alone with one or both parents.
- Avoiding Roommate-itis. Even with the fun chaos we have at home, my wife and I can get into routines, or just be busy, and forget to stop and connect with each other. When we start feeling like roommates, we amp up our own alone-time or do little daily things like leaving notes for each other, touching, talking, and going out on dates. We both look forward all week to Monday evenings, our Magic Mondays—our regular, jealously-guarded date night.
- Tiredness. I'm always tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. But when there's a choice between resting and doing something important, I keep choosing the something fun or important.
- I would like to post more on my personal blog PebbleStorm.com, but it's not a priority—yet.
The Bottom Line
In 2007 I spent a lot of time envisioning what I wanted to create with my life. I was still single. I wasn't thinking at all about kids. It had never occurred to me I'd have or want a big family.
I thought I wanted fulfilling work. And to make as much money as I wanted, doing what I loved.
Almost 10 years later, I've seen the impossible become inevitable. I just never expected family to be the main driver of both the money and the fulfillment and fun I wanted.
Though, even with all the growth, I can't see slowing down anytime soon in work or family. No comfort here, yet! Among other goals, my wife and I want to inspire more families to adopt and help kids who are alone in the world. I can't tell you how many people say “I've always wanted to adopt, but…[insert reason].”
Just do it.
When you're pursuing anything vitally important to you, you can figure it out. If you stick to it, especially through the times that feel like failures. Even if it takes you years longer to get there than you wanted, and in totally unexpected ways.
When you're pursuing anything vitally important to you, you can figure it out when you embrace the challenge and growth rather than avoid it.