Parties often struggle to move forward, particularly if a conflict has been ongoing for some time. As we saw in Chapter 1, Conflict in the Workplace, people can get stuck in a conflict situation to the extent that it starts to define them and it can be difficult for them to see beyond the conflict. It is also not uncommon for one party to be able to move on quite quickly while the other struggles to do so.
If you feel that things are getting stuck, that progress is not being made, or that one or more of the parties are circling, there are a number of things that you can try:
- Positively reframe the issues: This helps to focus on the gap between the parties and where they can further explore where a solution might lie. An example might be where there are disagreements regarding performance, manageable workloads, and priorities, where a positive reframe could be "the issues concern how to maintain appropriate workloads and set realistic performance targets acceptable to both parties."
- Summarize the position: Identify what has been agreed so far and what remains to be agreed or discussed. This can help parties to see what they have achieved so far and refocus. If in doubt, my advice is to summarize; if nothing else, it gives you some thinking time!
- Use a flip chart: Writing up the issues on a flip chart can often be a useful way to help visualize the position.
- Pick an easy issue: If one issue is causing particular difficulty, you could suggest that you move on to discuss other issues first. It might be that as you get agreements or understanding on other issues, the difficult issue becomes less difficult or important. However, you must come back to the unresolved issue; do not leave it unresolved.
- Move to individual sessions: Separate the parties and speak to them individually (see the following section). You can then explore in more detail what is preventing one party from moving on and what they would need to move forward or resolve matters. Alternatively, the reason for not moving forward may be due to them holding back from sharing what they are thinking and feeling in a joint session.
- Take a break: Allowing some time for parties to reflect can often result in movement; it is amazing how a little bit of reflection over a lunch break can help.
- Defer to the parties: Ask the parties what they want to do next. It may sound a bit odd, but don't be afraid to put it back to the parties; it is in their hands to move forward or not. If things are getting really stuck, clarify whether the parties want to continue with the process.
- Propose options: Offer a number of options for the parties to consider. There are no hard-and-fast rules here but try to offer two or maybe three options. If only one option is put forward, this may be seen as leading the parties down a particular path. The more options you suggest, the more opportunity there is for this to spark both discussion and alternatives.
- Brainstorm: Invite the parties to brainstorm ideas about solutions and what is possible. Be clear that there is no such thing as a bad idea.
- Look to the future: Ask the parties to think about what life would be like in the future if there is no solution. This invites a bit of reality testing on what the alternatives might be.
- Look to the future again: Ask the parties to think about what life would be like in the future if there is some form of agreement. This helps parties to contemplate life in the future without conflict.
- Ask the parties what is needed: Ask the parties what would need to be done for them to move forward. There are all sorts of things that may arise here, for example, a feeling that they have not really been heard and understood, that any apology is not really genuinely meant, that nothing will change, or that they do not believe any agreement will be kept to. This may help to identify issues that need further exploration and generate further discussion. A few examples of some questions that you might ask here are:
- What would give you the reassurance that you want?
- What would you like to see happen in the future?
- What else could be done?
- Are there any other alternatives?
- What are the gray areas for you?
- What could be done to improve x?
- What can you do differently?
These questions will help you to move things forward and help to move the parties from focusing on what is wrong to what is possible and then to what is going to happen. However, be careful that you don't get into a position where you are "flogging a dead horse" and starting to impose or push for agreement where there is none. On occasion, you have to accept that the parties cannot move sufficiently to reach agreement, and it is an important principle of the process that the parties have the power to decide this themselves. As a mediator, we do what we can to assist and encourage the parties to fully explore all the possibilities, but we also need to learn when to stop.