The first chapter of this book emphasised how important it is to be persuasive and gave you the basic mantra of persuasive writing. This chapter builds on this by giving you some more tools to use in your writing to generate the correct reader response.

This section will cover the following:

• Ethos, Logos, Pathos
• Using emotive language
• You, We, I
• FABU
• Storytelling:
  • the seven basic plots
  • the seven basic needs
• A persuasive writing example.

ETHOS, LOGOS, PATHOS

Despite first impressions, these aren’t anything to do with musketeers. In fact, these are Aristotle’s¹ three modes of persuasion. They break down as follows:

Ethos

This refers to moral competence, expertise and knowledge. In order to be persuasive, an audience must believe that the speaker is someone to whom they want to listen. This can also be termed ‘respect’. Respect is specific to the audience. If you are a leading expert in the use of Intensity-Modulated Radiation Therapy (IMRT) for cancer treatment, you will be respected when you speak on that subject. If you try to use that expertise to get a street gang to respect you, you will most likely fail.

In writing, you should use your reputation to earn respect. If you have no reputation with your audience, build it through the quality of your writing. If you are succinct, accurate and persuasive, your audience is more likely to respect you and thus respond to your writing.

Logos

Logos is the root of the word ‘logic’. Readers will always respond best to an argument that has a logical element to it. The word of power here is ‘because’. If readers are given a reason, they are more likely to respond in the way you want them to.

Pathos

The last of the three, pathos, refers to emotions. If you play with the readers’ emotions, you can get some very powerful results. We’ll discuss this more below.

You may recall the mnemonic Reader Response = Result. This can be extended using our three principles above to make:

Reason, Respect and Emotion² = Reader Response = Result

In Appendix 4 you will find a flow diagram illustrating how all these aspects of persuasion come together. For now, however, just remember your three musketeers and you’ll be fine.

USING EMOTIVE LANGUAGE

If you are an engineer or a scientist, you’re probably cowering under the desk at the moment. Despite the years of training engineers have received telling them to avoid emotion in writing, persuasive writing relies on it. Remember our motto:

Reader Response = Result.

The reader response depends on how well you can manipulate their emotions. This doesn’t mean being theatrical:

“Please, I’m begging you, my children will starve to death if you don’t sign the order!”

But understanding the reader’s emotional levers will allow you to manipulate them for your benefit. In Chapter 1, we discussed emotional response and intent response. This is where we actually get to generate them.

Which emotions can you target?

Salespeople will often talk about greed and fear. If you can target one of these in a client, it will help your sale. Clearly, if you are writing a sales document, this will still be true. Here’s a list of common emotions you could look to tap into and the emotional/intent responses created:

• Greed – “I’ll do it because I get something in return.”
• Envy – “Everyone else is doing it, I must too.”
• Fear – “If I don’t do it, I’ll suffer.”
• Pride – “I’m the only one who can do it.”
• Pity – “Those poor people, I must do something.”
• Guilt – “I’m the cause of all this, I should do something.”
• Anger – “How dare they! I’m going to do something about it.”
• Happiness – “I’m so happy, I’ll do anything.”
• Hope – “If I do this, there’s a chance of a positive result.”

In this book, I’ve got a fairly dry subject to sell. I’m trying to keep you happy by writing in a chatty, light-hearted way, in the hopes that you’ll keep reading and the information will sink in.³ If I tried to play on your fears of catastrophe if you didn’t read the book, I don’t think you’d believe me. So picking the right emotions to target requires a good understanding of your reader.

Emotive words

You can manipulate your reader into an emotional state by using emotive words. For example, if I wanted to prey on your guilt about climate change to encourage you to buy products off my eco-website, I might use words like ‘damage’, ‘harm’, ‘catastrophe’, ‘global’, ‘suffering’ and ‘responsibility’. I would then want to give you hope that your actions can change things. This would require words like ‘action’, ‘help’, ‘difference’, ‘act now’ and ‘save’.

Once you know your reader and your intended result, use the emotions list above to work out the most appropriate emotional response. Then, write a list of emotive words that it may be useful to include. A word of caution: if your audience is very bright, you may need to be subtle in how you apply the words, otherwise you risk being seen as manipulative.

Loaded words

Loaded words are a specific type of emotive word. These are words with connotations beyond their meaning. If you describe a competitor’s product as ‘competent’ or ‘acceptable’, readers will assume there is something wrong with it, despite there being no negative comments. Other examples include:

“The merger was aborted.”

“His performance was adequate.”

“She used chemical assistance to run that fast.”

Loaded words are an extremely powerful way of subtly manipulating a reader. Again, don’t over-use them for fear of your reader spotting their use.

Agitate, empathise and solve

This technique is a great example of exploiting emotive language. The first step is to describe the problem the reader has. Use emotive words to make the reader really ‘feel’ their problem. At this point the reader is at an emotional low. They will now be ready for two things: understanding and help. Empathise with the reader and show you understand their situation. This helps build your credibility and establishes common ground. Make sure you show you understand their particular problem, not the problem in general (see ‘FABU’ below). Finally, show you have a solution. By doing this, you put your reader in an emotionally vulnerable state and gain their trust, making it much more likely that they will accept your proposed solution. This approach is often used for healthcare products:

“Severe acne can be devastating for a teenager. The embarrassment, social rejection and resulting isolation can ruin young lives. We understand these problems and have dedicated our careers to solving them. The result of years of research, our groundbreaking new acne treatment will help you rebuild your life.”

YOU, WE, I – GETTING PERSONAL

This is another sales mantra that is very useful in persuasive writing. Any persuasive conversation can be approached in this way, for example:

“Julie, you have been doing an excellent job on regional sales. We have been given a new target to increase them by 20% and I would like you to take charge of this.”

This order puts the subject first, then looks at a partnership and finally takes into account your opinions. This makes the reader’s opinions/situation appear most important and puts your needs at the end of the text, making the reader more open to persuasion. Also, it reminds you as a writer to consider your audience from the start, which is never a bad thing.

In sales documentation, the order of word importance is the same. ‘You’ should be mentioned a lot, to focus the document on the needs of the client. ‘We’ should generally be used when speaking on behalf of your company and about your partnership with the client; and ‘I’ should be avoided, unless a personal opinion is required.

Let’s look at a real example:

Helping firms to implement innovation as a robust and continuous business tool to develop ideas for new products and services.

In partnership with regional, national and EC government agencies we provide access to over 10,000 scientists and engineers to develop the technology needed to realise these ideas and helping to share the costs of innovation through partnerships with other companies.

There is only one personalisation in this paragraph, and that is a ‘we’. The only reference to any reader is the generic ‘firms’ on the first line. If you read this paragraph, it doesn’t speak to you; it simply states things. A quick re-write gives us:

AceCorp can help you innovate your products and services, and help you discover the power of innovation as a business strategy.

AceCorp provides innovative concept development across industry. We also provide access to over 10,000 scientists and engineers to develop the technology needed to realise these ideas. We can even help you share the costs of innovation through partnerships and government support.

This is still dominated by ‘we’ (or the company name) but this is to be expected on a company website. However, it is much more personal, talking directly to you as the reader and discussing how ‘we’ can help ‘you’.

The only time you should ignore this rule is if you are required to write in the third person (e.g. academic papers, newspaper reports).

FABU

FABU is a useful acronym to show the difference between what something is and why anyone would care. FABU stands for:

• Features
• Advantages
• Benefits
• U-Appeal.

Features are the factual elements of a subject. Features give the subject advantages over other alternatives. These advantages then provide benefits to the users. The particular benefits that appeal to an individual are the U-appeal. Let’s take this book as an example:

• Feature: Persuasive Writing Flowchart.
• Advantage: all the key points for basic persuasive writing on one page.
• Benefit: no need to hunt through the book looking for useful information.
• U-Appeal: I’m very busy and don’t have time to look things up.

When trying to persuade, remember the reader has no real interest in features, advantages or benefits, only in the U-appeal. It doesn’t matter if a TV has a 50-inch screen, which allows for bigger pictures, helping you become more immersed in your movies, if your reader is really looking for a TV for their kitchen. If you understand what the reader wants and present only the features, advantages and benefits that apply to them, you will have a much greater chance of persuading them.

Putting this together into a business context, you may write something like this:

“Acecorp is the oldest widget manufacturer in Europe (Feature), meaning we have an unparalleled knowledge of our customers’ needs (Advantage). Whatever the situation, Acecorp has a widget to match (Benefit), saving you time and money searching for a solution (U-Appeal).”

For a different customer, the U-appeal may be slightly different:

“Acecorp is the oldest widget manufacturer in Europe (Feature), meaning we have an unparalleled knowledge of our customers’ needs (Advantage). Whatever the situation, Acecorp has a widget to match (Benefit), meaning you get the perfect, no-compromise solution and total peace of mind (U-Appeal).”

STORYTELLING

Fiction writers don’t have a monopoly on telling stories; all writers can do it. In a non-fiction story, we use the constructs of fiction writing to make text more engaging, exciting and better-paced.

Reams have been written about this subject but we’ll focus on two concepts here:

1. the seven basic story plots;
2. the seven basic story elements.

The seven basic story plots

A story plot is simply an overall theme that defines where the story is going. This ties in closely with our reader response – the plot should help us get the response we want.

Various people have made all sorts of claims for the number of plots that exist but I like this list by Christopher Booker the best:

1. Overcoming the monster – defeating some force which threatens (e.g. Star Wars).
2. The Quest – typically a group set off in search of something and (usually) find it (e.g. King Solomon’s Mines).
3. Journey and Return – the hero journeys away from home to somewhere different and finally comes back having experienced something and maybe changed for the better (e.g. Gulliver’s Travels).
4. Comedy – not necessarily a funny plot. Some kind of misunderstanding or ignorance is created that keeps parties apart, which is resolved towards the end, bringing them back together (e.g. A Midsummer Night’s Dream).
5. Tragedy – someone is tempted in some way (vanity, greed, etc.) and becomes increasingly desperate or trapped by their actions until at a climax they usually die (e.g. Hamlet).
6. Rebirth – hero is captured or oppressed and seems to be in a state of living death until it seems all is lost. Then, miraculously, they are freed (e.g. Sleeping Beauty).
7. Rags to Riches – self-explanatory really (e.g. Cinderella).

So how does this relate to persuasive writing? Consider writing an article for the popular press about a project you are working on. You could just relay the facts but people expect more in such articles, so why not tell them a story? Maybe your project has overcome great adversity to get where it is; maybe it is like a quest for knowledge; perhaps some misunderstanding meant it started badly before it was all sorted out. All of these could make interesting constructs for your facts, giving the reader much more than just information.

The seven basic story elements

As well as a plot, your story needs certain features which the audience can relate to. The following list is based on one by the screenwriter Robert Tobin. Not all these elements will be appropriate in all writing, but some will:

1. A hero – the main character, through whose eyes we see the story unfold.
2. The hero’s character flaw – a limitation that hinders the hero, rendering them imperfect.
3. Enabling circumstances – the situation the hero is in at the start of the story, which maintains the hero’s character flaw.
4. The hero’s ally – a companion to the hero who will help them overcome their character flaw.
5. An opponent – a character who prevents the hero getting what they want. This opposition might be conscious (the ‘bad guy’) but can be unavoidable.
6. The life-changing event – A situation, usually created by the opponent, which causes the hero to react and try to force a change. This reaction usually involves the hero’s flaw.
7. Jeopardy – something the hero must risk when responding to the life-changing event and overcoming their flaw. If there is no risk, there is no excitement to the story.

Again, what’s this got to do with persuasive writing? Consider our business article example under the seven basic story plots. If we want to tell a Quest story (plot 2 in the previous list), the story elements may be:

1. Hero – the company or research team.
2. Character flaw – perhaps a lack of knowledge or expertise.
3. Enabling circumstances – low budget or other restriction.
4. Opponent – government.
5. Ally – another research team from another company.
6. Life-changing event – a withdrawal of funding by government.
7. Jeopardy – the decision to team up with rivals to share the development costs.

The end result may look something like this:

It is Acecorp’s (Hero) mission to develop treatments for the less publicised diseases and provide them to those least able to pay for their healthcare. To do this, we rely on government (Opponent) grants (Enabling circumstances) to bring in key expertise missing (Character flaw) from our core team. Suddenly, in early 2010, this government funding was cut (Life-changing event), putting our entire research effort in jeopardy. To continue our good work, we needed a radical solution and found it in the most unlikely of places. Greedcorp (Ally) have unparalleled expertise in tropical diseases but have previously only worked in niche, commercial medicines. We realised we could both benefit from collaboration (Jeopardy) and this most unlikely of marriages will guarantee we can continue to help the world’s most vulnerable people.

Remember, you don’t have to include every story element; pick the ones that best suit the situation.

There’s a lot to remember in these first two sections, so, to help out, there’s a checklist in Appendix 5 that can be used as a pre-writing tool to make sure you’ve covered all the bases.

PERSUASIVE WRITING EXAMPLE

The following is a real example and hence requires the back story. This abstract was written for a research proposal applying for grant funding. It was the day of the deadline and I had about half an hour to squeeze the proposal into a persuasive abstract (getting my excuses in early!). As a result, this is a ‘warts and all’, single-pass document produced under pressure. However, it still demonstrates how persuasive techniques can be used, even when the clock is against you.

The proposal was to develop a portable asbestos detector, so there was a clear health angle that could be used to create an emotive response. The abstract follows a problem-solution structure, in keeping with the proposal itself.

Asbestos-related diseases are the leading cause of occupational death in Europe. 500,000 European workers, mostly within the construction, demolition and remediation industries, are expected to die by 2030. Despite a ban on asbestos use, our members’ workers are continually exposed to this potent, invisible carcinogen from legacy products such as insulation, water tanks, ceiling panels, floor tiles and textured wall coverings. We feel that this level of risk is completely unacceptable for our members and must be addressed.

Currently, asbestos is detected by a slow process of air sampling, with samples sent off to a lab and results being returned days later. Not only is this too late to take action, but tests are only performed if asbestos is suspected to be present. There is currently no way to detect asbestos in real-time. The ALERT project will change this.

A decade ago, researchers discovered a way to detect asbestos fibres through a light-scattering technique. This work stalled due to technical and cost barriers; barriers we now believe we can overcome. We have assembled a world-leading consortium to extend this early research and develop a low-cost portable detector that can be worn by the worker to continuously monitor their work environment.

By developing the ALERT system, we will provide 30 million European workers with a means of detecting asbestos the moment it is disturbed, allowing them to protect themselves and avoid becoming one of the 100,000 people worldwide killed each year by exposure to asbestos.

OK, so why is this persuasive? Let’s break out some of the key elements:

Asbestos-related diseases are the leading cause of occupational death in Europe.

This is a fairly short sentence (12 words) containing a high-impact problem. By keeping it short, the reader is given time to digest the true seriousness of the problem before reading on. The next sentence in the abstract puts some meaningful scale to the problem. The primacy effect (see Chapter 3) should ensure these points stick with the reader.

potent, invisible carcinogen . . . We feel that this level of risk is completely unacceptable

Here we see emotive language used to increase the impact. Carcinogen is a heavily loaded word and the use of the phrase “completely unacceptable” in an otherwise calm and measured paragraph suggests a genuine anger at the situation and passion for its resolution.

There is currently no way to detect asbestos in real-time. The ALERT project will change this.

We are into the middle of the text now and, even in this short abstract, our readers’ attention is dipping. By using short, direct sentences, it keeps the reader alert and makes these critical points stick. To further help the readers’ attention, the paragraphs are kept short, giving more time to digest information and more start and end points, helping with recall.

A decade ago . . .

This is the technical bit, which also justifies why we need the funding. I used a storytelling approach to this paragraph, giving the history to the proposal. Despite its importance, we want the decision to be an emotive one at this stage, meaning this information shouldn’t be in one of the prime locations. Anything three-quarters of the way through the text is least likely to be recalled, so this information goes here.

avoid becoming one of the 100,000 people worldwide killed each year

Here we are showing the benefits of the project in relation to the problem posed. In particular, we are hinting at what will happen if the project isn’t funded. The subtext is, if you don’t fund this project, you’ve got to answer to those 100,000 people’s families. We can’t say this outright in this type of document so this is the closest we can get without losing credibility.

I’m delighted to say the proposal secured funding for the project, which is now developing this fantastic piece of technology.

SUMMARY

The most persuasive writing will manipulate the audience. Take advantage of the following techniques to create emotional and intent responses in your readers:

• Consider how you can use Ethos (respect), Logos (reason) and Pathos (emotion) to persuade your audience.
• Using emotive language to create different feelings.
• Talk directly to the reader and try not to talk about your opinions. Persuade them by identifying the benefits that appeal to them in particular.
• Tell stories to your readers. Choose a plot and include story elements to give structure to your writing and make it more engaging.

Remember:

Reason, Respect and Emotion = Reader Response = Result

1 A Greek philosopher in the 4th century BC. A student of Plato, Aristotle was a biologist, physicist, poet, ethicist and all-round clever chap.

2 If anyone can come up with a synonym for ‘emotion’ beginning with ‘R’, I’d like to know . . .

3 If you are still reading this, I guess that means it’s working.