CHAPTER 3
CRACKING THE SENSORY CODE
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
— ERNEST HEMINGWAY
I do talk radio, and because my aim is to encourage debate (and when appropriate, change people’s minds), I tend to invite onto my radio program many people with whom I disagree. To turn this collision of opposing views into an interesting conversation instead of a one-sided rant, however, I have to first establish a rapport with my guest. First I try to find common ground. For example, conservative or liberal, we both love this country. We both live in this country. We both want a better world for our children and grandchildren. We all want safety and security.
Staying at the level of generalities usually doesn’t work for long, however, because even at that level conservatives and liberals are telling themselves different stories about how the world is and how it should be. Conservatives, who believe that people are evil and need their natural impulses restrained by being channeled into productive behavior, love our country because it is based on free-market capitalism, which they believe rewards those who work the hardest. Liberals, who believe that people are good and need opportunities to develop their potential, love our country because it is based on a form of democratic government that posits life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as our most cherished values. It doesn’t take long for liberals and conservatives to start talking past each other.
If you really want to establish rapport with someone, first step into their world.
To get to the building blocks that make up a person’s fundamental story about the world, we listen to how they speak and thus begin to understand how they think.
Listen long enough and you’ll discover that communication begins with the senses.
We talk about the world in pretty much the same way that we experience it.
Here’s an example from my family. A few Christmases ago, my wife and I were fortunate enough to have all three of our adult kids with us, and we decided to all go to a movie. We had spread the newspaper out on the table, turned to the movie pages, and were trying to decide which movie to go to.
My visually oriented wife, Louise, said, “Well, let’s see which movie we should go see.”
One of our daughters, also very visual, immediately replied, “Well, I’d like to go see that one,” and she pointed to a particular movie ad.
We kept talking, and we all noticed that our son hadn’t made a suggestion. So we asked him, “Which movie do you want to go to?”
He said, “I’m not really sure.”
So our first daughter asked, “Well, which one looks best to you?”
And he answered, “I don’t know.”
Then our second daughter, who’s very auditory (like me), asked, “Well, which one sounds best to you?”
Again, he answered, “I don’t know.”
All of a sudden I realized what was going on and so I said to him, “Which one feels right to you?”
And he said, “Well, that one!” and pointed to one of the movies.
All along my son knew what he felt, but he couldn’t explain it in a visual sense or an auditory sense in response to visually or auditorily based questions. This is very common. We experience the world through our senses. If we were unable to see, to hear, to feel, to notice balance, to smell, and to taste, we would have no experience of the world’s existence. All internal experience begins as some sort of external experience that we then internalize.
What’s critical to deciphering communication is to realize that we all have different ways of encoding and storing and using that information. My son didn’t understand the rest of the family’s questions because he experiences the world primarily through feeling things rather than hearing or seeing them. Most people rely primarily on one of our sensory systems and use that system as their main way of experiencing the world.
These senses, like the rest of the communication code, are value-neutral. Someone who is visually oriented can be conservative or liberal. That’s useful. It means that once you identify someone’s primary way of experiencing the world, you can use that tool to communicate with them at a very basic level even if you don’t share the same story about the meaning of the world.
MODALITIES
People in the communication field refer to sensory information used in this way as modalities. People who primarily see the world are using a visual modality. People who use their hearing to experience the world are using an auditory modality. People who feel the world are using what is called a kinesthetic modality.
We can usually use all of these sensory modalities when we need to, but most of us have one primary modality that acts as our first filter. For example, my primary way of knowing the world is auditory. It’s probably why I enjoy doing radio. I think it’s also why I can write reasonably well and love to read—because that’s all auditory: when I’m writing I’m hearing my own voice inside my head going out on the page, and when I’m reading I’m hearing the voices of the author and the characters.
Rank each of the three answer options below between 1 and 3, with 3 being “most often true” and 1 being “least often true.” When you’re finished, add up all the V’s (visual), A’s (auditory), and K’s (kinesthetic). The numerical scores will tell you (show you? give you a feeling for?) with which of the three representational systems you’re most and least familiar. Keep in mind that, at least at this point, this is just for your entertainment:
1. I naturally and easily say things like:
______V “I see what you mean”
______A “That sounds sensible to me”
______K “I have a good feeling about that”
2. When I encounter an old friend, I often say:
______V “It’s great to see you again!”
______A “It’s great to hear your voice again!”
______K “I’ve missed you” (and give a big hug)
3. I have:
______V a good eye for decor and color coordination
______A the ability to arrange the stereo and speakers so the music is balanced and sonorous
______K a special feeling for my favorite rooms
4. I let other people know how I’m feeling by:
______V the clothes I wear and the way I do my hair or makeup
______A the tone of my voice, sighs, and other sounds
______K my posture
5. My favorite romantic encounters include:
______V watching the other person, or vivid visualizations or visual fantasy
______A listening to the sounds the other person makes
______K touching and being touched by the other person
6. When I want to totally understand something:
______V I make pictures of it in my mind
______A I talk to myself about it
______K I roll it around until I have a good feeling about it
7. When I’m deciding on an important action, I:
______V must see all aspects of the situation
______A must be able to justify the decision to myself and/or somebody else
______K know when it’s the right decision because my gut feelings tell me so
8. When it’s important to me to influence another person, I pay careful attention to:
______V the pictures I paint with my descriptions
______A the intonation and the pace of my voice
______K what kind of emotional impact I can bring to the situation
9. When I’m bored, I’m more likely to:
______V change the way I look or how things around me are arranged
______A whistle, hum, or play by making sounds in my throat or chest
______K stretch, exercise, or take a hot bath
10. My favorite authors:
______V paint vivid pictures of interesting places
______A write dialogue that sounds true to life
______K give me a feeling for the story that is moving and meaningful
11. I can tell what others are thinking by:
______V the look on their face
______A the tone of their voice
______K the vibes I get from them
12. When I’m reading a menu, trying to decide what to order, I:
______V visualize the food
______A discuss with myself the various options
______K read the list and choose what feels best
13. I would rather:
______V look at the pictures in an art gallery
______A listen to a symphony or a rock concert
______K participate in a sporting or athletic event
14. When I’m in a bar with a band playing, I find most interesting:
______V watching the other people or the band
______A closing my eyes and listening to the music
______K dancing with or feeling close to the people around me
15. A true statement is:
______V “It’s important how you look if you want to influence others”
______A “People don’t know a thing about you until they’ve heard what you have to say”
______K “It takes time to really get in touch with another person’s core self”
Total your scores here:
______V (visual)
______A (auditory)
______K (kinesthetic)
Most people in our culture are visual. My wife, Louise, who is very visual, reads about twice as fast as I do. When she’s reading, she’s making pictures in her mind, but she only rarely sounds out the words in her mind the way I do.
No matter which sensory modality is primary for individuals, they disclose it in the way they think, talk, and write.
Visual people think/experience/talk/write in pictures. A visual person will say, for example: “I see what you’re talking about. I now understand—it’s crystal clear!” “We need to shine the light of day on this to see it better. Let’s show our readers what we mean. Here’s how I see this happening.” They’ll even say on the telephone, when they can’t actually see the person to whom they’re talking, “I’ll see you later”
Auditory people often prefer listening to the radio instead of watching television; they live in a sea of sound. When they communicate, an auditory person will say: “I hear what you’re saying. We need to tell this story to as many people as possible so they can all hear it in a meaningful way. Here’s how I’d want the message to sound.” Auditory people often end phone calls with, “I’ll talk with you later.”
People whose primary way of understanding is kinesthetic, experience the world through their feelings. When they see and hear things, they translate those visions and stories into feelings. Kinesthetic people will say, “I get your point. Thanks for sharing. I like how you said it, and I want to take it to the next level.” They’ll often end a phone call with, “I’ll catch you later” or “Let’s stay in touch.”
There are a few of us who have as a primary sensory modality a sense other than seeing, hearing, or feeling. In my fifty-plus years on this planet, I’ve met two people who leaned heavily on their sense of smell and taste, who remembered events by what they ate there and who described ideas as having “a good flavor” or with similar olfactory or gustatory metaphors. Both of these people had a weight problem, by the way, although that’s a pretty small sample on which to draw any conclusions. But such people are rare; most of us are visual, auditory, or kinesthetic.
Psychologist David Lemire found that 75 percent of adult learners in America are primarily visual.1 Having worked in aboriginal and indigenous societies on five continents, I’ve found that between 75 and 95 percent of these folks are primarily kinesthetic. Yet when they move from “the reservation” into “the city” and grow up going to “European” schools, they very often become primarily visual or auditory, like the average American. This tells me that kinesthetics represent the “natural” human way of being, probably our most functional and useful way of being, but also a way of being that’s changed or distorted by the experience of our public schools and early life, where virtually 100 percent of information is presented either auditorily (teachers lecturing or by reading books) or visually (through metaphor, pictures, and TV).
CRACKING THE MODAL CODE
Sensory modalities are very important for communication because when we process new information, we tend to use our primary sensory system to create internal memory structures describing what the world means and how things are.
For example, when a memorable event like 9/11 occurs, we will each store that memory differently. Even reading those numbers, people who are primarily visual may have flashed to pictures of the towers falling. People who are primarily auditory may remember the sounds of the towers falling, or the screaming and sirens, or a particular newscaster’s voice. People who are primarily kinesthetic will remember their shock at hearing the news and the surreal inertia they may have experience for days afterward. The memory is literally stored in our brains through these sensory modalities.
If you want to effectively communicate with someone, it’s important to first know which sensory modality is primary for them and then to use that modality to communicate. The key to cracking the modal code is simple once you understand modalities: people tend to communicate using metaphors from their primary modalities. When a kinesthetic person communicates, he does so using metaphors and words based on physical experience, touch, and feelings. For example, when you want to effectively communicate with a kinesthetic person, use language and metaphor that likewise evoke physical experience, touch, and feelings. Similarly, talk in visual metaphor to visually oriented people, and auditory metaphor to auditory folks.
If you want to communicate with a group of people, however, it’s useful to craft the message in such a way that it touches all three modalities. You can hear me do that on the radio (or see me do it on this page) by stringing all the modalities together into a sentence.
I’ll start out saying, “I want to talk to you today about the stories that we tell ourselves, the way we view the world, and the way we all feel as Americans.”
So some visual people in the room are thinking, I see that.
Auditory people are saying, “Oh, yeah, I hear that. That makes sense.”
And the kinesthetic people say, “Feels good to me.”
BECOMING MULTIMODAL
The greatest politicians and the greatest speeches are multimodal. Here are two examples. The first is from Ronald Reagan’s famous remarks at the Brandenburg Gate on June 12, 1987. People who have bought into the cult of Reaganism believe these remarks inspired Eastern Europe to tear down the wall just a year and a half later, on November 9, 1989. (The rest of us just looked at the CIA public reports during the previous two decades to see that the Soviet Union was disintegrating from within and its demise had little to do with Reagan. Nonetheless, his speechwriter, Peter Robinson, wrote a brilliant speech for him to deliver.) Modalities in the following excerpt are underlined.
Remarks at the Brandenburg Gate
June 12, 1987
Chancellor Kohl, Governing Mayor Diepgen, ladies and gentlemen: Twenty-four years ago, President John F. Kennedy visited Berlin, speaking to the people of this city and the world at the City Hall. Well, since then two other presidents have come, each in his turn, to Berlin. And today I, myself, make my second visit to your city.
We come to Berlin, we American presidents, because it’s our duty to speak, in this place, of freedom. But I must confess, we’re drawn here by other things as well: by the feeling of history in this city, more than 500 years older than our own nation; by the beauty of the Grunewald and the Tiergarten; most of all, by your courage and determination. Perhaps the composer Paul Lincke understood something about American presidents. You see, like so many presidents before me, I come here today because wherever I go, whatever I do: Ich hab noch einen Koffer in Berlin [I still have a suitcase in Berlin].
Our gathering today is being broadcast throughout Western Europe and North America. I understand that it is being seen and heard as well in the East. To those listening throughout Eastern Europe, a special word: Although I cannot be with you, I address my remarks to you just as surely as to those standing here before me. For I join you, as I join your fellow countrymen in the West, in this firm, this unalterable belief: Es gibt nur ein Berlin [There is only one Berlin].
Notice how carefully Peter Robinson layered the modalities of Reagan’s speech. He starts with the auditory and the kinesthetic because he is, literally, speaking to people and wants to create a feeling in them. By the middle of the second paragraph, however, he appeals specifically to visual types who may not be seeing themselves in his picture.
The third paragraph is a masterpiece of multimodality, with visual, auditory, and kinesthetic references piled upon each other. That is no mistake as this is the moment that Reagan must establish a rapport and tie his belief system to that of his listeners in both West and East Berlin.
Reagan was both a naturally competent communicator and an actor who spent the first part of his life learning how to communicate. Here’s an excerpt from the most famous speech by another of the greatest political communicators of our time, Mario Cuomo, who was attempting to unseat Reagan. The speech that the governor of New York gave at the opening of the 1984 Democratic Convention has continued to resonate with Democrats today (showing up most recently in Senator John Edwards’s campaign speeches). Once again the modalities are underlined:
Ten days ago, President Reagan admitted that although some people in this country seemed to be doing well nowadays, others were unhappy, even worried, about themselves, their families, and their futures. The President said that he didn’t understand that fear. He said, “Why, this country is a shining city on a hill.” And the President is right. In many ways we are a shining city on a hill.
But the hard truth is that not everyone is sharing in this city’s splendor and glory. A shining city is perhaps all the President sees from the portico of the White House and the veranda of his ranch, where everyone seems to be doing well. But there’s another city; there’s another part to the shining city; the part where some people can’t pay their mortgages, and most young people can’t afford one; where students can’t afford the education they need, and middle-class parents watch the dreams they hold for their children evaporate.
In this part of the city there are more poor than ever, more families in trouble, more and more people who need help but can’t find it. Even worse: There are elderly people who tremble in the basements of the houses there. And there are people who sleep in the city streets, in the gutter, where the glitter doesn’t show. There are ghettos where thousands of young people, without a job or an education, give their lives away to drug dealers every day. There is despair, Mr. President, in the faces that you don’t see, in the places that you don’t visit in your shining city.
In this speech Cuomo begins with the kinesthetic and the auditory, then moves to the kinesthetic and the visual. His point is that President Reagan does not see the pain of the American people. The subtext is that Reagan is operating in only an auditory modality and that this has limited his vision. Cuomo emphasizes what Reagan is missing by staying, through most of the speech, in the visual modality and connecting that visual modality to the kinesthetic—the feelings those visuals evoke.
Toward the end of the speech, however, Cuomo moves back to what should be the president’s home ground, the auditory, connecting the auditory with the same feelings previously evoked by the visuals:
Maybe, maybe, Mr. President, if you visited some more places; maybe if you went to Appalachia where some people still live in sheds; maybe if you went to Lackawanna where thousands of unemployed steel workers wonder why we subsidized foreign steel. Maybe—maybe, Mr. President, if you stopped in at a shelter in Chicago and spoke to the homeless there; maybe, Mr. President, if you asked a woman who had been denied the help she needed to feed her children because you said you needed the money for a tax break for a millionaire or for a missile we couldn’t afford to use.
Notice that the president is cast as someone who uses only the auditory modality and is blind and unfeeling when it comes to what real Americans see and suffer. Cuomo is suggesting that because the president is limited to one modality, he should use that modality to listen to real Americans rather than to his corporate advisers.
It is this beneath-the-scenes play of sensory modalities—this code—that makes Cuomo’s speech so powerful at communicating a fundamental truth. And now you have cracked it.