10

PERSONAL PERSUASION

The secrets of persuasion described in the previous chapters apply to persuasion in all its forms. The secrets are grounded in the nature of the human mind, so as long as the target of persuasion is one or more humans, all seven secrets are useful.

There are three forms of persuasion:

1. Macro-occupational—attempting to change the behavior of millions of people at the same time (for example, marketing Cheerios or attracting shoppers to Target).

2. Micro-occupational—attempting to change the behavior of many people, one or a few people at a time (for example, selling cars in a showroom or canvassing for votes).

3. Micro-personal—attempting to change the behavior of one individual we already know well (for example, encouraging a child to stay in school).

All three forms can take advantage of the seven secrets of persuasion because the lizard inside controls behavior in all three cases.

However, the forms differ in target, tools, intimacy, and importance of the individual interaction.

When we engage in macro persuasion (marketing Cheerios for example), the job is to change the behavior of many people, millions. The target is mass. The tools of macro persuasion are of course things that can simultaneously affect many people’s behavior: price, packaging, distribution, Website, hours of operation, location, and advertising and public relations in any manifestation. The interactions are far from intimate. We don’t personally know the individuals in our target and we don’t come into contact during the interaction. In macro persuasion we have many, often millions of chances to succeed. A success rate of 20 percent in macro persuasion would make us heroes. If we could get 20 percent of the people who were going to buy Corn Flakes to buy Cheerios instead, we would be the toast of the business world. If we could, through macro persuasion, get 20 percent of the people who were going to vote for the other candidate to vote for our candidate, we are unlikely to ever lose another election. If we could, through macro persuasion, get 20 percent of the kids who were not exercising to begin to exercise vigorously, we would have a dramatic impact on the problem of childhood obesity. Because a 20 percent success rate is spectacular, each individual target interaction is less critical. Though we may fail with one, we have many more chances to succeed.

Macro persuasion is always occupational. It’s a job. It may be something we do for money, like marketing Cheerios, encouraging shoppers to visit Target, or encouraging people to use mass transportation. It may be something we do “pro bono,” like helping the American Cancer Society solicit contributions. But macro persuasion is a job. It is a task for which we have responsibility and feel obligation.

Micro persuasion can be either occupational or personal.

If I am a salesperson in an automobile dealership, a salesperson in a shoe store, an insurance agent, or a door-to-door canvasser for a political candidate, I engage in micro-occupational persuasion. My job is to change the behavior of many people, but surely not millions. I encounter these people one or a few at a time. Many elements of my interaction with the target are predetermined and outside my control, such as price, packaging, distribution, and hours. My primary tool is myself—my appearance, my facial expressions, my body language, my enthusiasm, how I appear to feel about the person I meet, and my ability to deal with the lizard inside the person I am interacting with. Can I, by the way I act, improve the association of the car with excitement, the association of the shoes with style, the association of the life insurance with caring responsibility, or the association of my candidate with prosperity? Can I show the customer how to get something he or she wants or how to feel the way he or she wants to feel by taking a test drive, by buying a particular type of shoe, by insuring against accidental death, or by voting for my candidate? Can I change the experience of driving that car, of wearing those shoes, of having that insurance, of voting for that candidate by changing that person’s expectation? Can everything I say be about what the target wants? Can I make everything I say something that person will be happy to hear?

As a salesperson, insurance agent, or door-to-door canvasser, in other words, as someone engaged in micro-occupational persuasion, my interaction with the target is one-to-one, or one-to-few. The target and I meet. We are in direct contact for the duration of that interaction even though we may never see each other again. Micro-occupational persuasion is far more intimate than macro persuasion, but not nearly as intimate as personal persuasion. Each interaction in micro-occupational persuasion is much more important than a macro persuasion interaction because I don’t have millions of chances to succeed. When I fail to persuade one person in micro-occupational persuasion, another one will come along, but the supply is not unlimited.

Many commercial, public service, or political marketing campaigns involve both macro and micro persuasion. Macro persuasion draws people into the showroom. Micro persuasion by the salesperson on the floor closes the deal. Macro persuasion gets parents to ask their medical professional about vaccinations. The medical professional completes the persuasion and schedules the shots. Macro persuasion gets people to lean toward one candidate. The canvasser guides people to vote early.

Personal Persuasion

Personal persuasion is quite different. The target in personal persuasion is not millions of people, nor is it many people one at a time. In personal persuasion, the target is an individual whom we already know well. The target might be a spouse we would like to stop smoking, a child we want to stay in school, a neighbor whose dog is keeping us awake at night, a boss we are hoping will give us a raise, or an older parent who we are encouraging to sell the family home. The persuasion interaction is intimate. We are not only face-to-face during the interaction; we have an ongoing, close relationship before and after the persuasion attempt. Each persuasion attempt is crucial. Success is all or nothing. If the persuasion attempt fails, there’s no one else. Our persuasion rate is either 100 percent or it is zero.

Whenever we personally attempt to get an individual we already know to change their behavior, the situation is potentially confrontational and volatile. An attempt at personal persuasion unmistakably tells the target that we disapprove of their current behavior. Any persuasion attempt will likely be perceived as a criticism, putting the target on the defensive.

Because of the importance and the difficulty of an attempt at personal persuasion, the secrets of persuasion are even more important. The lizard inside is still in charge and we need every edge we can get.

Personal persuasion can make use of all seven secrets of persuasion but, to avoid confrontation, we might begin with an emphasis on two: (1) aiming at the act rather than the attitude and (2) fulfilling desires rather than changing desires.

Aiming at the Act Rather than the Attitude

Aiming to change an individual’s attitude calls forth intellectual antibodies and those antibodies are made all the more powerful and emotional by the implied disapproval of the target’s current attitude.

If it’s possible to adjust the situation so the desired behavior becomes a more natural, a more expected, an easier option, or the only option, we might change the target’s behavior without confronting their attitude.

If we are concerned about a spouse drinking and driving, we can make sure we get to the event by cab or by public transportation. Drinking and driving is no longer an option. We will still get the outcome we want, but the process is a lot less painful. And, as we know, the target’s behavior change is quite likely to lead to attitudi-nal change without any further intervention on our part.

For many people, back-seat driving (which usually occurs from the front passenger seat) is irresistible. The back-seat driver is rolling around at a high rate of speed surrounded by others doing likewise. No matter how much confidence a back-seat driver has in the actual driver, the urge for a sense of control is natural and powerful. The foot pressing the floor mat, the hand pushing on the dashboard, and the sudden intake of breadth all ask the driver to drive differently. And the back-seat driver cannot refrain from making helpful comments about speed and spacing. Nothing the driver says will change the behavior. Even if the back-seat driver wants to behave differently, he or she can’t. Being a back-seat driver is not a choice, it arises from an overpowering urge for self-preservation. Any attempt to change the behavior by information, reasoning, or complaint will have little impact other than to offend the back-seat driver. But the actual driver or the back-seat driver can adjust the situation and painlessly change the behavior. Distraction is all that is required. If the backseat driver is busy on a computer tablet, for example, surfing the Web, answering e-mail, or playing solitaire, the behavior ceases.

Without ever appearing to criticize eating habits, you can fill up your spouse with healthy food and thereby lessen his or her consumption of junk food.

Without complaint, you can reduce urination “spillage” on the part of boys of all ages by changing the circumstances. Try placing a fly decal at the proper spot in the toilet bowl. Airports have found that such a target improves aim and reduces “spillage” by as much as 80 percent.¹

Often, the easiest way to change behavior is to change circumstances. Different circumstances call forth different behavior.

Fulfilling Desires Rather Than Changing Desires

Persuasion in general, and personal persuasion in particular, can’t be about what I, the persuader, want. The only way to persuade anyone of anything is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Personal persuasion doesn’t involve talking to the target about doing what I want them to do. It is about helping the target find a better way to get something they already want. Persuasion is about fulfilling desires, not changing them. Personal persuasion requires understanding what the target wants and finding a connection between something they want and the behavior I would like to encourage. If I’m not thinking about and talking about what the target wants, my chances of success in persuasion are almost nil.

When we offer adolescent boys the opportunity to benefit financially from energy savings, we not only change the situation, we give ourselves the chance to talk about what the boys want and show them how to get it. We don’t have to change their desires. We can help them fulfill their desires. We no longer have to lecture them about energy costs and we don’t have to hound them about the temperature in their room. Their behavior will change because a change in behavior helps them get what they want.

If the person feels that by changing behavior he or she is bending to my will, I have little chance of success. When I change the situation or when I am able to show the target how to get what they want—fulfilling desires rather than changing desires—I defuse the drama. If the target feels the revised behavior is a response to a new situation or a way to get what he or she desires, the target is persuading themselves.

Personal persuasion is difficult and we will live with the success or failure day in and day out for a long time. Begin by defusing the drama, but don’t stop there. Unearth the reward that might motivate a change in behavior. Focus on what it will feel like to take your recommended option. Enhance the person’s experience by improving their expectation. And tell the target something they would like to hear.

Through it all, employ the language of the lizard. The lizard is as powerful in the person we know as it is in the person we don’t. Because we know the person well, we are tempted to ignore the lizard. We imagine, with our inside knowledge of the target, we can persuade by the power of our arguments. We can’t.

The lizard doesn’t yield to reasoned arguments, no matter how well-crafted.