Introduction
Have you ever felt like no one was listening to you? Or if they were listening to you, they didn’t act on what you said? Do you find it hard to get people’s attention? Do you find yourself saying yes when you would prefer to say no? If these and related issues have been tugging on your mind, perhaps you need to be more assertive.
Many people mistake being assertive with being overly aggressive, overbearing, or tactless. Some think that to be assertive you have to nag. Some people associate assertiveness with defensiveness. In truth, assertiveness need not encompass any of these things. Assertiveness, defined in simple terms, is nothing more than compelling self-assurance. Assertiveness as I refer to it in this book means an ability and willingness to easily speak up for yourself, and to make your viewpoint heard and known, without trampling on the rights of others.
If you feel as if you need the extra edge in day-to-day situations with others, you’ve come to the right place. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Assertiveness focuses on helping you develop positive assertiveness, actually enabling you to program—or reprogram—yourself for interpersonal and professional success.
Serious, but Light
Unlike other books on the topic, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Assertiveness, in the tradition of the Complete Idiot’s Guide series, is humorous throughout, while delivering sound advice. I’m hoping you’ll enjoy every page and want to keep reading. After all, it’s no secret that we live in an over-communicated, over-informed, overly noisy society where practically everyone is having a harder time getting the attention of anyone else.
Kids have greater difficulty getting the attention of their parents. Employees have greater difficulty getting the attention of their boss. Spouses are finding it increasingly arduous to get the attention of each other. The need among many people to be appropriately assertive has, perhaps, never been greater.
As such, I’ve written The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Assertiveness to cover effective methods for developing positive assertiveness, including where and when to be assertive, with whom, and why. If you want to improve your career prospects while avoiding dead ends, have a happier home life, and in general be more effective and persuasive in interpersonal exchanges, you’ve got the right book!
What You’ll Find in This Book
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Assertiveness is divided into six sections. You can read the book from cover to cover, or you can browse through the Table of Contents to find the particular topics that interest you most. Here’s how the book is organized.
In Part 1, “A Little Attention Please,” I’ll address general issues about assertiveness—what it is and what it isn’t.
In Part 2, “A More Self-Confident You,” I’ll focus on a key component of becoming more assertive—increasing your self-confidence.
In Part 3, “I Assert, Therefore I Am,” you’ll find pivotal information about how to assert yourself and to get increasingly better at it.
In Part 4, “Assertiveness in Your Home Life,” you’ll learn all about being assertive at home—no easy feat!
In Part 5, “Assertiveness in Your Personal Life,” I’ll discuss assertiveness in everyday personal situations, including some special advice on assertiveness for women.
In Part 6, “Assertiveness in Your Professional Life,” you’ll discover how being assertive can make a difference in the workplace.
Extras
To guide you through the book, refer to the icons that contain boxed tips and information.
Word Power
Check these boxes for new words and terms that you may find worth knowing or worth revisiting.
Make It So
These boxes contain highly practical ideas and information that you can “run with.”
Handle with Care
Check these boxes for suggestions on handling situations that require a sense of diplomacy, tact, and consideration for others.
Just the Facts
Longer factual material that may be of interest to you is presented in these boxes.
Acknowledgments
A profound thanks to all the talented crew at Alpha Books, who picked me once again to be an author in their hit series.
Thanks to Gretchen Henderson, Gary Krebs, Jennifer Perillo, Carol Sheehan, and Lynn Northrup for their guidance, careful editing, and excellent performances.
Thanks to Jeff Jackson in International Sales for getting this book translated around the free world. Thanks to Rachel in Subsidiary Sales for making sure that excerpts are printed everywhere it counts.
A big thank-you to Margaret Durante in Promotion for getting newspapers, magazines, and TV and radio stations to give me a call. Thanks to Gardi Wilkes for booking me on shows where the hosts were enthusiastic and supportive. Thanks also to my agent, Trent Price, for his endurance and fortitude.
I’d also like to thank my two part-time editorial assistants, Mittie Jones and Erika Meyers, for their talents, insights, and energy. I would also like to thank Sandy Knudsen for her lightening-fast fingers that glide over the keyboard like quicksilver. Last and most important, a special thanks to Valerie Anne Davidson, age 7, who knows how to stand up and speak up for herself anytime, and has given me a lot of pointers.
Trademarks
All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be or are suspected of being trademarks or service marks have been appropriately capitalized. Alpha Books and Penguin Group (USA) Inc. cannot attest to the accuracy of this information. Use of a term in this book should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or service mark.