Index

ad hominem argument 67

addressing other person’s arguments 44–5

agreeing to disagree 187

alliance with listener, forming 62

alternatives, considering 108

analagous situations 74–5

analogies 38

anger

children 140–3

physical warning signs 36

triggers 36

apologies 114–15, 127, 180–2

arbitration 109

assumptions 47–8

attacking the person 67–8

avoiding arguments 20–2, 186

at work 147–8

complaining 156

pros and cons 201

bankers see experts

Barry, Dave 114

“begging the question” 81–2

bias 9

bifurcation 71

Billings, Josh 87

blogs 98, 101

body language 37–8

Borg, James, Body Language 37

brainstorming 150

brevity 28

bribes, children 135–6

burden of proof 30, 159

Bush, George W. 71

causation 68–9

causes of arguments, between partners 192

children 133–44

angry 140–3

corporal punishment 138

general principles 138–40

guilt 137–8

logic 136–7

power 137

praising 139

rewards/bribes 135–6

teenagers 143–4

threats, use of 134–5

choice, false 71–3

circular argument 78

clarity 27–8

closing argument 105–7, 179

common ground 49, 62

compensation 158–60

complaining 155–64

about experts 173–4

avoiding argument 156

compensation 158–60

legal rights 161

politeness 157–8

preparation 157

reasonableness 158

who to complain to 160–1

compliments 50

compromise agreements 107–8

concealed questions 78–9

conclusions, challenging 59–60

confidence 18

confidentiality 18

contingent solution 51

continual arguments 185–93

agreeing to disagree 187

humor 187–8

is it worth it? 189–90

leaving 190–1

resolution 186

convincing other person 46–7

corporal punishment 138

counter-argument 32

dead horse 188

deadlock 109–10

doctors see experts

doormats 197–203

learn to say no 198–200

protecting yourself 201

email 98–100

loss of nuance 99–100

embarrassment 106–7

emotional associations, use of 33–4

emotional preparation 19–20

empowerment 39–40

ending argument 105–7, 179

entering arguments

points to consider 17–20

emotional preparation 19–20

information required 19

is productive outcome possible 17–18

private or public 18–19

readiness of other person 20

enthusiasm 29

experts 58, 167–74

asking questions 170–2

checking advice 172

complaining 173–4

difficult 173

preparation 168

respecting 167–8

facts 7–12

challenging 57–9

lack of agreement on 50–1

see also information

false choice 71–3

fanatics 18

flattery 107

formality 19

framing argument 6–7

generalizations 73–4

avoiding 12

goods, faulty 161

getting help 162–3

legal rights 161

group support 19

guilt, children 137–8

handouts 92–3

Hendricks, Gay 124

honesty 178

at work 150–1

hostile association 80–1

humor 32–3, 187–8

“illicit” process 70

inability to agree 50–1

inertia 105–7

information

reliability 9–11

required 19

sources 8

insoluble issue 21–2

intensifiers 38

Internet, as information source 8

interruptions 44

intimidation 19

keeping “cool” 35–7

Krutch, Joseph 6

language

analogies 38

intensifiers 38

pronouns 50

terminology 38

use of colorful 38–9

use of “we” 50

lawyers see experts

like cases 74–5

listening 43–52, 125

percentage of time spent 43

literalism 79–80

logic 6

children 136–7

conclusion 6

premise 6

losing 116–17

meetings, presentation 93

negatives, dangers of 69–70

no, learning to say 198–200

outcome required 5, 17–18, 127–8

partners 123–8, 189, 190–1

apologies 127

common causes of arguments 192

counseling 190

listening 125

positive outcome 127–8

reconciliation 127–8

time and place 124

useful phrases 128–9

Pascal, Blaise, wager 72

petitio principii 81

phrases

to use when you do not know what to say 87

useful, partners 128–9

Pirie, Madsen 57

place

arguments at work 148

partners 124

politeness, complaining 157–8

Popper, Karl vi

positive outcome 127–8

power, children 137

PowerPoint 93

praise, children 139

prejudices 47–8

preparation 5–13

complaining 157

emotional 19–20

experts 168

presentation 12–13, 27–37

abusive analogy 34–5

brevity 28

burden of proof 30

clarity 27–8

counter-argument 32

enthusiasm 29

getting start right 29

keeping “cool” 35–7

in meeting 93

use of emotional associations 33–4

use of humor 32–3

private or public argument 18–19

professionals see experts

pronouns 50

public

arguing in 91–4

presentation in meetings 93

speaking in 91–3

quotes, using 92

readiness of other person 20

realistic, being 5

reasonableness, complaining 158

reconciliation, partners 127–8

red herrings 76

relationships, maintaining 113–17

repetition 12–13

repetitive arguments see continual arguments

resolving argument 186

at work 150–1

using humor 32–3, 187–8

respect of other person 48–9

responding to arguments 55–63

challenging conclusions 59–60

challenging the facts 57–9

challenging with other factors 60–2

rewards, children 135–6

Roosevelt, Franklin D. 197

Russell, Bertrand 6

secret bids 109

“Serenity Prayer, The” 189

services

complaining about 155–64

getting help 162–3

legal rights 162

silence, power of 86–7

slippery slopes 82–3

Smith, Al 39

start of argument 29

statistics

bias 9

presentation 11

reliability 9–11

sample 9–10

straw men 85–6

teachers see experts

teenagers 143–4

see also children

temper

controlling 124

losing at work 150

terminology 38

third parties 109

threats, use of, children 134–5

timing 124

arguments at work 148

triggers 191

two wrongs argument 86

violence 124

walk away, learning to 200

“we,” use of word 50

what if? 84

winning argument 117, 207–10

giving way out 207–8

involving loser 208

seeking agreement 208

work, arguments at 147–52

avoiding 147–8

discussion, encouraging 149–50

healing after argument 151–2

honesty 150–1

losing temper 150

place 148

putting business first 148–9

resolving issues 150–1

time 148

written argument 97–102

blogs 98, 101

email 98–100

guidelines 97–8

opening words 97

wrong, arguing when you are 177–82

accepting you have lost 178

apologizing 180–2

ending argument 179