Index
accomplishments, promoting your, 74–75
action, taking, 3–5, 9, 16, 21
action plans, 87
aggressiveness, 26
Allaire, Paul, 18
Allard, Alan, 34
alliances, 71, 81, 99. See also mentors/mentorship; sponsors/sponsorship
Altfeld, Suzanne, 3
attitude. See negative attitude;
positive attitude
attracting a sponsor. See
sponsors/sponsorship
audiences
listening to your, 32
reading your, 29
sensitivity to your, 41
authenticity, 27, 33, 38, 41, 55–56
balancing work and family/life, 64–66
behavior
changing, 94
during a crisis, 27
people-pleasing, 57
beliefs
core, 28
in intuition, 85
limiting, 13
negative, 13–14
Bhatia, Neerja, 15
Bidmead, David, 10
Blink: The Power of Thinking
without Thinking (Gladwell), 85
boundaries
determining your, 61–62
setting, 55–56, 57, 58, 59–60, 65–66
Bündchen, Gisele, 82
Buonfantino, Giusy, 9–10
Campbell, Jill
appearance/clothing, 37
giving feedback, 95
listening skills, 34
mad mind-chatter, 12
proceeding with caution, 88
respect for diversity, 29
setting boundaries, 65–66
standing out, 73
treatment of others, 27
career stages, myth and truth about preparation for, 12
caution, proceeding with, 88
charismatic leaders, 30
communication. See also
language style/usage
artful listening, 34–35
delivering honest feedback, 51–52
direct, 54
styles and language in, 36
confidence. See also Women
and Confidence Survey
benefits of developing, 1–2
reasons for lack of, 17–18
risk taking and, 19
Confidence Code, The (Kay and Shipman), 4
Confidence Sparks
attention to others’ appearance/presence, 36, 39
balancing work and family/life, 67
dealing with disappointment, 14
defensive reactions, 47
first reactions to others, 89
giving feedback, 52
inventorying your strengths, 13, 75
keeping your poise, 28–29
listening skills, 35
listing your skills, 17
negotiations, 63
perceptions, your own and others’, 48
public speaking, 33
receiving feedback, 49
reflecting on fear, 11
taking risks, 20–21
thirty days of suggestions for, 101–105
trusting your gut sense, 87
writing for clarity, 18
courage, Mandela on, 5
creating power parameters.
See power parameters
credibility, appearance and, 38
criticism. See also feedback
reacting to, 42
Davis, Ruthie, 19
defensiveness
DeHaas, Deborah, 27–28
detachment, 54
attracting a sponsor, 72
building a sponsor relationship, 76
following your intuition, 85
giving feedback, 50
knowing your audience, 96
direct communication, 54
disappointment, handling, 13–14
dressing for leadership, 37–38, 41
ego, 10
Einstein, Albert, 82
empathy, 33
Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success (Hewlett), 26
expectations, 12
experience, 94–95
Fayard, Gary, 77
fear(s)
as ally, 98
myth and truth about transferring, 9
of public speaking, 31
reflecting on your, 11
speaking up in spite of, 17–18
taking action despite, 16
feedback
cautions for giving/receiving, 52
delivering honest, 51–52
myth and truth about, 42
necessity of honest, 42
on others’ perceptions of you, 48
reaching out for, 22
sincerity of, 49
taking in/discarding, 48–49
taking the stigma out of, 44–48
tools for giving/receiving, 54
value of, 98
feelings inventories, 14
first reactions, 89
Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor (Hewlett), 71
Gadsden-Williams, Michelle, 71
Galinsky, Ellen, 64
gender issues
advancement for women, 77
appearance, 41
challenges for women, 83
communication differences, 30
expectations during a crisis, 27
giving feedback, 49
high-level positions for women, 72
inequities, 1
intuition of women versus men, 84
judgments on men versus women, 37
leadership, 26
listening skills, 34
male-dominated industries, 73
male/female self-identification, 115
meeting job requirements, 15–16
negotiation strategies, 61
prejudices/biases, 4, 9, 11, 18
standards for males and females, 21, 60
work-family balance for women, 64–66
Gladwell, Malcolm, 85
Glickstein, Lee, 32
goals, 22–23
guilt, 104
gut feelings. See intuition
Harvard Business Review, 83
Hernández, Jackie
being agreeable, 57
envisioning positive outcomes, 31–32
following your intuition, 86, 87–88
learning from experience, 94–95
nervous energy, 16–17
stepping up, 78
Hewlett, Sylvia Ann
appearance blunders, 37
behavior during a crisis, 27
finding a sponsor, 71
reading your audience, 29
sponsor relationships, 78
tough women, 26
honesty, in giving feedback, 50
Hudnell, Rosalind, 20
humility, 27
inner compass. See also
intuition
for evaluating feedback, 49
relying on your, 92
scenarios for, 91
inner mentoring, 83
insights, sharing, 10
instincts. See inner compass;
intuition
international rules and culture, 30–31
interviews, addressing fears
about, 17
intuition. See also inner
compass
following your, 99
myth and truth about, 82
options for using, 87–90
tools for using, 54
trusting your, 82
as your business edge, 83–87
inventories
for attracting a sponsor, 76
spot-check, 24
of your feelings, 14–15
of your strengths, 13
Jobs, Steve, 83
Kay, Katty, 4
Kinney, Cathy, 16
Kudlacz, Lisa, 43–44
language style/usage, 36. See also communication
cursing, 43
for self-promotion, 75
when giving feedback, 52
leadership presence
artful listening, 34–37
attaining, 98
dressing the part, 37–38, 39, 41
as leader, 98
myth and truth about, 25–26
poise under pressure, 26–28
reading the room, 29–31
scenarios for, 40
speaking with, 31–33
learning from experience, 94–95
Lerner, Helene, 97
“Lessons in Leadership: My Rules to Live By” (DeHaas), 27–28
Levine, Shari, 3–4
life-work balance, 64–66
Lillie, Charisse
conveying your image, 38
following your intuition, 86
giving feedback, 49
overachieving tendencies, 60–61
picking your battles, 96
receiving feedback, 48–49
limits
self-imposed, 11–15
shaking off beliefs about, 13
LinkedIn, 76
listening
to expression style, 36–37
to sound of voice, 35
Lubel, Kim
attracting a sponsor, 72–73
effective communication, 34
fear of public speaking, 31
passion and success, 96
receiving feedback, 46
sponsor relationships, 76
trusting your sponsor, 79
uncertainty, 27
mad mind-chatter
about, 11
recognizing and changing, 15
self-doubt, 12
Mandela, Nelson, 5
mentors/mentorship. See also
alliances; sponsors/sponsorship
being your own mentor, 17
Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor (Hewlett), 71
importance of, 3
inner mentoring, 83
Mintzberg, Henry, 83
mistakes, perfectionism and, 21
moving straight ahead (using intuition), 87–88
Mulcahy, Anne, 18
Murphy, Kathy
candor as respect, 50–51
declining opportunities, 95
giving feedback, 46
reading the room, 30–31
saying no, 90
sponsor relationships, 78
myths and truths
confident women, 5
feedback, 42
intuition/inner compass, 82
leadership presence, 25
not having needed skills, 17
power parameters, 55
preparation for career stages, 12
sponsorship, 70
transferring fear, 9
negative attitude, 4–5, 11, 12
negative beliefs, 14–15
negative feedback, 50
negotiations
for balancing life and work, 65
power parameters, 61–63
win-win rule of, 63
nervous energy, 16–17
opinions, 18
opportunities
looking for, 96
uncertainty about, 88–89
overachievement, 16
passion, 96
people-pleasing behavior, 11, 56, 57, 104
people sensitivity, 41
perfectionism
being realistic about, 59
letting go of, 21–22
and sting of feedback, 44
Playing Big: Find Your Voice,
Your Mission, Your Message (Mohr), 75
poise under pressure, 26–28, 28–29
positive attitude, 20
power of your fears, 11
power parameters
balancing work and family, 64–66
myth and truth about creating, 55
negotiating, 61–63
saying yes to yourself, 66–67
scenarios for, 68
setting boundaries with yourself, 59–60
tools for, 69
power players, 99
Power Tools
attracting a sponsor, 81
giving/receiving feedback, 54
leading with presence, 41
moving forward, 98–99
online resources for finding, 97
saying no and negotiations, 69
stepping up, 24
trusting your inner compass, 92
preparation for career stages, 12
presence. See leadership presence
presentations/speeches, 29–33
pressure, poise under, 26–28, 28–29
proceeding with caution, 88
promoting yourself, 74–75
public speaking
language and voice tone, 43–44
preparing for, 31–33
reading the room, 29–31
Quiroz, Lisa, 78
raises, 62–63
reading the room, 29–31
relationships. See alliances; mentors/mentorship; sponsors/sponsorship
respect, qualities for earning, 73
riding the wave (experience), 94–95
risk taking
best bet action for, 20–21
positive attitude, 20
rewards of, 19–20
Sandberg, Sheryl, 12
negotiating power parameters, 61, 62–63
pleasing everyone, 57
soliciting feedback, 48
saying no
benefits of, 98
difficulty of, 55
myth and truth about, 55
negotiations and, 69
to opportunities, 90
not giving in to, 57–58
by saying no, 60–61
to yourself, 66–67
self-carriage, 39
self-doubt
projecting your, 12
during stressful moments, 13
self-estimation, 78–79
sensitivity to audience, 41
Shipman, Claire, 4
small, thinking, 15–17
speaking up
assertiveness and, 25–26
benefits of, 72
when wobbly, 17–18
speaking with presence, 31–33. See also leadership
presence
speeches/presentations, 29–33
sponsors/sponsorship. See also
alliances; mentors/mentorship
building relationships, 76, 78, 99
compared to mentors/mentorship, 70–71
Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor (Hewlett), 71
how to attract a sponsor, 72–74, 74–75, 81
myth and truth about attracting, 70
paying it forward, 79
relationship development for, 76–78, 99
scenarios for, 80
sponsor’s estimation of you, 78–79
trust and, 71
spot-check inventories, 24
standards, unrealistic, 59–60, 69
standing out, 72–74
stepping up
scenarios for, 23
to stretch goals, 21–22
voicing your opinions, 18
Storey, Debbie
determining your boundaries, 61–62
intuition for decision making, 85
trusting that you are ready, 93–94
strategic alliances, 71. See also sponsors/sponsorship
strengths, 13
stress, 13
stretch goals
finding, 24
stepping up to, 21–22
success, correlation between intuition and, 83
support. See also mentors/mentorship; sponsors/sponsorship
finding good, 97
mobilizing, 17
reaching out for, 22
survey. See Women and Confidence Survey
thinking small, 15–17
“thin-slicing,” 85
time management
balancing work and life, 66–67
for working with your sponsor, 76, 78
tone of voice, 43
tools. See Power Tools
transferring fear, myth and
truth about, 9
trust
building, 77
using intuition for, 89
truth and myths. See myths
and truths
unconscious processes, 85
Valenti, Jessica, 57
Verjee, Zain, 55
voice tone, 43
vulnerability, 33
Waller, Kathy
artful listening, 35
art of self-promotion, 74
being candid, 51
dressing the part, 38
promoting yourself, 94
receiving feedback, 46–47
sponsorship relationships, 77
taking action despite fears, 16
unrealistic standards, 60
Winfrey, Oprah, 82
win-win rule of negotiations, 63
Women and Confidence
Survey
advice to your younger self, 84
decision making, 86
enhancements to confidence, 72
feedback issues, 44
inhibitors of confidence, 14, 17–18, 59
negative mind-talk, 11
risk taking and confidence, 19
saying no, 56
survey instrument, 108–115
work-life balance, 64–66
writing about concerns, 19, 21
Zuckerberg, Mark, 57