Enjoy your life
How to make this a simple enjoyable part of your life
You were drawn to this book because you want to change. This is an incredible opportunity. Don’t plan to change tomorrow, do it now. Remember this is all about achieving your potential and enjoying your life. If you love to dance – dance! It may not be an opportunity available to you next year or the year after that. We have to value, to give meaning, to the time that we have. Don’t spend the night watching TV and wishing you were doing something else. Choose everything more carefully, more mindfully – good books, good TV, good chocolate.
The commitment to change is the crux in any story of lives turned round on whatever level, from total transformation to minor positive boost. It’s as important as the process itself. We all know the old adage that insanity is the insistence on doing the same thing over and over while hoping for a different result. And, yet, we do it all the time. Everything in this book has guided you towards breaking this pattern, making the commitment to change happen. And it is natural, everything changes, all the time. Resistance is futile! Embracing the concept of change, of continual change, gives you almost unlimited opportunity and places you in sync with the natural world. You can be in the moment, you can respond in a simple non-melodramatic way. Life becomes an adventure because every conversation is an opportunity.
When we first begin the process of change, we feel as though we are relaxing our grip on life. A little way in, we realise we are actually taking up the reins. The sensation of being in control of our lives, perhaps for the first time, is extraordinary. Of course, there will be days when this journey doesn’t go so well, but hey, today is just today; course-correct.
To keep changing is to keep learning. Accept that the paradigm of how you think the world works is going to be broken as you learn new things. Make it a habit to learn and to be inspired by successful and inspiring people. Be open to all that others can give you. To do this means accepting other people‘s ‘otherness’, itself an invigorating and broadening process. And, wherever you can, try to be the one that is helping, nurturing, teaching. Focussing on a purpose beyond yourself will help you to keep the drive and motivation. Try to reflect or model the change that you would like to see in the world.
Reminders and tips
Be friends with your brain – be as aware of that monumental piece of equipment as you can be. Use the mindfulness exercises to gain focus and concentration. Notice thoughts that concern you or turn up uninvited, but do not let the ANTs invade. The mind acts like an enemy for those who don’t control it.
Self-Image – don’t let self-doubt creep in; it’s a weapon that you are turning on yourself. Be particularly vigilant when you have had a difficult day or you are tired.
Thinking Errors – keep working to reframe your Thinking Errors. Don’t awfulise, be vigilant in asking yourself ‘how awful is it really?’ And don’t procrastinate, step outside your comfort zone to do what needs to be done. Stop things hanging over you by using the 4Ds for each task – Done/Deleted/Deferred/Delegated. Let the doing become the habit, your most travelled path.
Gratitude – when people are grateful, they are noticeably more productive. Train yourself to stop noticing what you don’t have and start noticing what you do have.
Positivity – train your brain to see obstacles as challenges; dealing positively with these often give the most reward as they deepen your experience of the process and provide a powerful sense of achievement. Let go of that part of you that is cushioning yourself for disappointment. It is holding you back. Instead, catch your dreams. Congratulate yourself on them. Be proud of them. Remember to keep recognising your successes and celebrating them, and remember to look outwards. Look for potential in others and it will help you to recognise it in yourself.
Beliefs and Meaning – check in with your meaning as often as you can and remember to tie your goals, beliefs and meaning together as closely as possible. Gain awareness of as many of your beliefs as possible and be as honest as you can when deciding whether or not they are helpful. And remember, if any of your beliefs are causing you to beat yourself with a stick of your own making, you’re probably beating other people with it too.
Goals – in the chapter on goals, we stressed the need to set attainable goals. This does involve some managing of expectations. But remember that managing is not about lowering them; it just involves thinking about them clearly. Don’t strive for goals that would never make you happy.
Focus – don’t let the ANTs steal your brain. If you feel the downward spiral of negative thoughts begin, do a mindfulness exercise. And remember that you won’t enjoy anything unless you are paying attention to it.
Empathise – put yourself in the shoes of other people as often as possible.
Remember to use the ABC
Here is a quick example to remind you of the process – an ABC of email conflict. It’s something that comes up a lot on the courses we run.
With Rigid Demands
A Activating Event
Dawn had simply had enough. Work colleague Jon had sent another email bomb, copying in the world again, presenting Dawn and her team in a very bad light, diverting, she felt, his own failings.
B Belief
How dare you send this email, you idiot. You must not criticise me or my team in this public forum. Or, indeed, at all! No one tries to make me look a fool and gets away with it. I must not be made to feel a fool.
C Consequence
She flips and immediately sends a response to Jon in a very forthright manner. Every point made is responded to in the strongest and most emotive of terms. Once she’s satisfied that she has all the areas covered, she presses ‘copy all’. ‘Let the email war commence’ she thinks.
Emotional – Anger, anxiety, hurt
Behavioural – Knee-jerk reaction in sending a hastily written, highly reactive, emotionally-laden response that will, inevitably, continue the dispute.
Physiological – Pounding heart, head hurting, tearful.
With Preferences
A Activating Event
Dawn had simply had enough. Work colleague Jon had sent another email bomb, copying the world again, presenting Dawn and her team in a very bad light, diverting, she felt, his own failings.
How tedious. I would prefer that Jon didn’t do this, but I know that he has a reputation of using email in this way.
C Consequence
Emotional – Healthy anger, concern, sorrow.
Behavioural – Dawn takes some time to re-read the email. She notes down the points made and determines a response to each, based on facts, not anger. Once she has all the facts and evidence to hand, she goes to see Jon. That rather catches him off guard and Dawn then calmly, but assertively, takes Jon through each point, giving her own perspective. Together, Dawn and Jon agree a way forward and a suitable solution to each point. Dawn then sends an email to all those copied in the original, itemising each point and the solutions agreed.
Physiological – Dawn is fine. Feeling a little sad maybe. Confrontation is never her favourite thing. But as it’s measured and on her terms; her head feels OK and her heartrate is normal.
Conclusion
It’s vitally important that this process of change never feels like a chore. Love the journey that you are on. If it ever feels like a slog, then stop and hold yourself to account, because it’s how you feel that counts.
If you are writing down that you are grateful for something but not feeling it, break off, be aware; go and make a cup of tea. There will be things in your life that are challenging, difficult, but you are greater than your circumstances. Stay positive about the journey and your ability to make it happen, and that will power you to make the best decisions you can when the obstacles come along.
Let the change deepen inside you. Gradually, you will move from practising it to living it. You will learn to speak the language of your practice and you will be speaking from the heart.
Remember that this is a change that will strengthen your abilities to look outwards, to build relationships, to connect. It is not about spending time on the self – you are developing your abilities to be a strong, dynamic part of your family, your community and the wider world, and you cannot spend time more wisely than that. The new you will be able to invest meaning, make changes and make people happy.
Focus in on what you love and love doing. Whatever you choose to focus on expands in your life (which is a good reason not to focus on the things that you hate).
Happiness is not a myth or something we should relegate to stories for children. As we have said before, we think better, perform better and are healthier when we are happy. Research shows that happy people are good at relationships, at gratitude, philanthropy, optimism, living in the present, staying physically active and maintaining a commitment to goals. You can acquire the habit of happiness.
We are conditioned, in the West, to think that life should somehow be a struggle, that, if it does not feel almost impossible, then we are not trying hard enough. I (BW) don’t know why – I can think of no way to more surely waste a life. Through the Mind Fitness process, this mindset will melt away. I don’t know when it happened for me, but I can honestly say that I have never been happier. It’s not a constant euphoria, of course, it’s a deep-seated contentment. I feel awake and connected. There have been times in my life when I have had more (a husband and parents), but it doesn’t feel that way. I feel as if I have so much, an incredible daughter, a fantastic inclusive theatre company, the Mind Fitness courses and this book.
Andy feels the same way. Believe me, he is not a sentimentalist. His god is science; he gets angry about politics almost every day and he’s certainly an optimist by process of change rather than predisposition. But he’s happy. Once you have guided your thoughts over a period of time, you simply start living the life.
Live until you die, embrace change, make life! Whatever your beliefs about whether this is our only shot, it is certainly too good an opportunity to miss. Let’s set out to be calm, confident, kind and authentic, to enjoy this amazing life. Let’s make it count.
Six-week follow-up programme
Now you’re ready for the six-week follow-up programme. By the end of the six weeks, and with the work you have already done, you will have embedded the new practice into your way of thinking and daily routine. As with any fitness commitment, the practice has to be maintained, but it will have become part of your habitual behaviour – built into the way you think – it will be your route of least resistance.
Each day focusses on a different aspect of the course and we’ve ordered them so that they are easy to remember. This focus is set out to be done in the evening, but, if it works better for you to swap it round and do this at the beginning of the day, that’s fine.
Monday – Mindfulness
Tuesday – Change
Wednesday – Worry Less
Thursday – Think better
Friday – Feel positive
The rest of the day is simple practice of the key elements and these stay the same so that you have an easy-to-remember routine. You don’t need to be glued to the book and, most importantly, the fundamentals quickly become your most travelled pathway. These include a few check-ins that you do every day.
The weekends are about being creative and having fun. The amount of times we hear people say, ‘I can keep myself on track during the week, but at the weekend it all goes to pot!’ You should never feel like that about anything! If that’s the way you feel, then you are on the wrong diet or exercise routine, or the wrong course. There’s nothing in the world that you will stick to if it doesn’t make you feel better. That’s not to say that sometimes things (including the process of change) will feel like a challenge, but it should always, as you work through, make you feel better – not self-righteous, better!
You’ll see that there are two weekend days set out; it doesn’t matter which way round you do them.
Tuesday Change centres on tackling the ABCs and you’ll notice that these are reinforced through the Wednesday and Thursday exercises. Once you have engaged with whatever unhelpful belief you are currently challenging for the three days, it will be an embedded part of your thinking through the rest of the week.
Each day is set out for week 1. From week 2, we show only the changes.
Each week, from 1–6, your practice deepens. The separate parts of the process become more closely woven together.
We suggest you keep your notebook to hand to write down any issues that emerge, as well as any thoughts or ideas.
Good luck!
Week 1
Monday
Daily Practice with a Focus on Mindfulness
Morning
| 1. | Begin the day with Image Breathing – two minutes |
| 2. | Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image – two minutes |
During the day
In times of stress or anxiety, use one of the following:
| • | NOW (page 19) |
| • | Reframing a Demand to a Preference – ‘I would prefer that … |
| • | Using the Awfulising technique – asking yourself on a scale of 1–10 how awful is this really? |
| • | Power Poses (page 118) |
Also take notice of:
| • | Relationships – make sure you are watching, listening, empathising, not taking situations personally |
| • | Any unhelpful beliefs |
Evening
| 1. | Monday Mindfulness: | |
| • | This week do the Circles of Attention exercise (page xvii) | |
| • | Notice any thoughts and then let them go | |
| 2. | Make a note of: | |
| • | Anything that disturbed you through the day | |
| • | Any times you had to say ‘I would prefer that …’ | |
| • | Any situations you had to scale down using the Awfulising technique | |
| 3. | Congratulate yourself for all of these | |
| 4. | Gratitude – make a note of three things you are grateful for | |
Tuesday
Daily Practice with a Focus on Change
Morning
| 1. | Begin the day with Image Breathing – two minutes |
| 2. | Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image – two minutes |
During the day
In times of stress or anxiety, use one of the following:
| • | NOW (page 19) |
| • | Reframing a Demand to a Preference – ‘I would prefer that … |
| • | Using the Awfulising technique – asking yourself on a scale of 1–10 how awful is this really? |
| • | Power Poses (page 118) |
Also take notice of:
| • | Relationships – make sure you are watching, listening, empathising, not taking situations personally |
| • | Any unhelpful beliefs |
Evening
| 1. | Tuesday Change – working on ABC thinking | |
| • | Perhaps you are already aware of an unhelpful belief that you want to change. If not, spend a minute or two identifying one | |
| • | Work through this belief using the Disputing Form from Chapter 4 (page 54) | |
| 2. | Make a note of: | |
| • | anything that disturbed you through the day | |
| • | any times you had to say ‘I would prefer that …’ | |
| • | any situations you had to scale down using the Awfulising technique. | |
| • | Congratulate yourself for all of these | |
| 3. | Gratitude – make a note of three things you are grateful for | |
Wednesday
Daily Practice with a Focus on Worrying Less
Morning
| 1. | Begin the day with Image Breathing – two minutes |
| 2. | Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image – two minutes |
During the day
In times of stress or anxiety, use one of the following:
| • | NOW (page 19) |
| • | Reframing a Demand to a Preference – ‘I would prefer that …’ |
| • | Using the Awfulising technique – asking yourself on a scale of 1–10 how awful is this really? |
| • | Power Poses (page 118) |
Also take notice of:
| • | Relationships – make sure you are watching, listening, empathising, not taking situations personally |
| • | Any unhelpful beliefs |
Evening
| 1. | Worry less: | |
| • | First check in with your ABC goal that you set out on Tuesday | |
| • | Write down two things that you are worrying about connected to this unhelpful belief | |
| • | Go through the reframing exercise ‘Awfulising’ using the scale of 1–10 (page 80) | |
| • | Now ask yourself – How persuasive is it? – How permanent is it? – How personal is it? | |
| • | Do a one-minute exercise visualising how you may reflect back on the problem in one year’s time | |
| 2. | Make a note of: | |
| • | Anything that disturbed you through the day | |
| • | Any times you had to say ‘I would prefer that …’ | |
| • | Any situations you had to scale down using the awfulising technique | |
| 3. | Congratulate yourself for all of these | |
| 4. | Gratitude – make a note of three things you are grateful for | |
Thursday
Daily Practice with a Focus on Thinking Better
Morning
| 1. | Begin the day with Image Breathing – two minutes |
| 2. | Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image – two minutes |
During the day
In times of stress or anxiety, use one of the following:
| • | NOW (page 19) |
| • | Reframing a Demand to a Preference – ‘I would prefer that … |
| • | Using the Awfulising technique – asking yourself on a scale of 1–10 how awful is this really? |
| • | Power Poses (page 118) |
Also take notice of:
| • | Relationships – make sure you are watching, listening, empathising, not taking situations personally | |
| • | Any unhelpful beliefs |
Evening
| 1. | Think Better: | |
| • | First check in with the ABC goal you set out on Tuesday | |
| • | Next, we are going to work on a Thinking Error. If you think there is one that ties in with the unhelpful belief you are challenging, pick that one. If not, pick one that you know you use. See if you can remember any moments this week where that Thinking Error has got in your way or caused you a level of distress. | |
| • | Now do the Thinking Error exercise on page 81 | |
| 2. | Make a note of: | |
| • | Anything that disturbed you through the day | |
| • | Any times you had to say ‘I would prefer that…’ | |
| • | Any situations you had to scale down using the awfulising technique | |
| 3. | Congratulate yourself for all of these | |
| 4. | Gratitude – make a note of three things you are grateful for | |
Friday
Daily Practice with a Focus on Feeling Positive
Morning
| 1. | Begin the day with Image Breathing – two minutes |
| 2. | Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image – two minutes |
During the day
In times of stress or anxiety, use one of the following:
| • | NOW (page 19) |
| • | Reframing a Demand to a Preference – ‘I would prefer that…’ |
| • | Using the Awfulising technique – asking yourself on a scale of 1–10 ‘how awful is this really?’ |
| • | Power Poses (page 118) |
Also take notice of:
| • | Relationships – make sure you are watching, listening, empathising, not taking situations personally | |
| • | Any unhelpful beliefs |
Evening – You will notice that the order is different on a Friday.
| 1. | Make a note of: | |
| • | Anything that disturbed you through the day | |
| • | Any times you had to say ‘I would prefer that…’ | |
| • | Any situations you had to scale down using the awfulising technique | |
| • | Congratulate yourself for all of these | |
| 2. | Feel Positive: remember that feeling positive is about how you see yourself and how you see the world | |
| • | Self-Image – find three things to congratulate yourself for. Spend a minute or so thinking about each one | |
| • | Compassion – spend a minute or two thinking about someone you care about deeply. Don’t spend it worrying about them (even if they’re your children), Just let yourself take notice of how wonderful they are | |
| • | Gratitude – make a note of three things you are grateful for – today spend a minute or so really thinking about how great they make you feel | |
Weekend – Day 1
Being Creative and Checking in with your Goals
Morning
- Begin the day with Image Breathing followed by a Body Scan (page 108)
- Positive Affirmation – your mantra of Self-Image
During the day
Choose any one of the Creative Exercises from Chapter 9
Evening
Check in with your Goals. Update the list you made in Chapter 5. Congratulate yourself for any that have been achieved or for significant progress towards them. Make sure that you add the Goal of Changing your Belief in accordance with the ABC challenge you set on Tuesday.
Weekend – Day 2
Being Creative and Adaptive
Morning
- Begin the day by listening to a piece of music – really listening. Pick out each instrument, the pauses. If it has vocals, be aware of the shape and weight of the words
- Follow this with a piece of new learning – it can be anything at all – google something you are interested in. Look up a place on a map
During the day
Go for a walk – do the Walking Exercise from page 147
Evening – Exercising the Imagination
- Exercise – Foxhole in my Mind – (page 24) build in as much detail as you can. Really feel the thrill of being in the special place
- Exercise – do a Goal-Based Visualisation (page 66). Either use the Goal that you are working on in your current ABC challenge or one of the Goals you thought about yesterday. Really exercise your imagination – concentrate on the detail and the emotions you feel as you imagine
Weeks 2–6
For weeks 2–6, the ‘Morning’ and ‘During the day’ activities remain the same. The evening’s designated exercise changes to broaden and deepen your experience of the process through this period. It is also structured so that the different areas of the programme increasingly overlap and feed into each other, so that it is cemented as a unified and cohesive way of thinking, feeling and responding.
By the time you are half-way through the process, it is much less about how you are doing the exercises and much more about how you are living your life. It’s not just a way of thinking, it’s a way of living. Your intuition and instinctive response will be working for you, and your default position will be helpful. You and your brain will be great friends and, like any good friend, it will be there to support you and to help you enjoy your life.
Week 2 (Awareness)
Monday Mindfulness
Do the Body Scan from page 108
Notice any parts of the body in which there is tension or a heightened sensory awareness.
Tuesday Change
Exactly as you did on Tuesday of week 1, choose a belief that you want to challenge, complete the Form and begin the process.
Wednesday Worry Less
First check in with the ABC thinking that you filled in yesterday. Was it something that you thought about during the day?
Make a note of anything you have worried about today. Consider the cause of the worry in terms of your response to the situation or adversity. Go through each of the situations saying, ‘I would prefer that … but …’.
Thursday Think Better
Today we are looking at Low Frustration Tolerance, a massively common Thinking Error. Identify the most recent situation in which you have exhibited this. Use the three questions in Chapter 6 to reframe this intolerance.
Friday Feel Positive
Self-Image – do the Big I Little I exercise on page 95. Make sure you write at least 10 little I’s. Read each Little I out loud, taking a moment to smile and feel proud.
Weekend – Day 1
Consider the Goals you revisited on the weekend of week 1. Do a Goal-Based Visualisation for the one that is most important to you. This exercise is on page 66.
Pick any creative exercise from Chapter 9.
Weekend – Day 2
Revisit the meaning that you considered in the early chapters of this book. Does it still hold good? Does it inspire you? If not, make any necessary changes.
Think about three things that you have done or are doing to ensure that this meaning has a dominant place in your life.
Week 3 (Emotions)
Monday Mindfulness
Do the Mindful Eating Exercise from page 148
Afterwards, commit to eating this way as often as you can during the coming week. Note the way that it makes your body feel. Note any emotions that it brings forward.
Tuesday Change
First revisit the beliefs that you set out to change on the Tuesdays of weeks 1 and 2. How far through the process of change would you say that you are on each of these? As long as you think that these two beliefs are starting to move, for example that you are starting to shift from intellectual understanding to emotional understanding, then begin working on a third belief. If not, then continue working with the two you have already selected. Create a Positive Affirmation linked to each of the new beliefs. Try to capture the emotion you will feel when this new belief has been successfully embedded in your life.
Wednesday Worry Less
Worrying less is about developing the positive as well as challenging the negative aspects of your life. Make a list of five helpful beliefs that you have and spend a minute thinking about each. Consider the positive impact each has on your life.
Thursday Think Better
Today we are going to challenge Selective Thinking, something we all fall prey to. One of the most common things that we do is to discount the positive. Consider one issue or problem that you are having to deal with at the moment. It can be personal or work-related. Make a scattergram, just jotting down all the various aspects of the situation, big or small. Then consider each in turn, focussing on any positives; for example, perhaps you have done something similar in the past that went well, have at least one or two good people to help you, and have meaning invested in the achievement or resolution.
Friday Feel Positive
Gratitude – make a list of five things that you are grateful for.
Now, by each, write why you are grateful – use detail if you have time.
Finally, go through writing the way that each of the five make you feel. Try to capture the emotion, really feel it as you write it down.
Weekend – Day 1
Revisit the Goals, Meaning and Belief you thought about in weeks 1 and 2. Choose the Goal that makes you most excited (not necessarily the one that you would say was most important.)
Do a Goal-Based Visualisation for this Goal (see page 66), really concentrating on the emotion.
Weekend – Day 2
Choose one of the Creative Exercises from Chapter 9 or simply do something creative – paint a picture, write a poem or choreograph a dance in your kitchen.
Afterwards, make a note of how creating makes you feel. Try to capture the emotion and hold it as you write it down.
Week 4 (Connecting)
Monday Mindfulness
Go for a Mindful Walk, preferably in a setting that you really enjoy, as on page 147.
Note any people that you see or meet along the way and smile. If you can, spend a moment imagining them in a positive situation.
Tuesday Change
By now, you will have at least two beliefs that you are currently working to change. Last week, we spent a lot of time concentrating on emotions so, today, we’re going to apply this to the beliefs you are working through. Think about the Unhealty Negative Emotions that used to be associated with each of your old unhelpful beliefs. Now think about the new healthier emotions that are evoked by, or are forming as a result of, your new more helpful beliefs. Write these down. Try to capture the emotion as you do so.
Wednesday Worry Less
The activity for today and Friday are linked. One of the proven ways to worry less about your personal situation is to be strongly connected with others and the wider world, the bigger picture.
Spend a few minutes drawing a little galaxy chart, with you in the centre and circles all around you, each representing a person or area of your life with which you have a connection.
Now draw a (preferably coloured) line, joining you with any that involve you feeling compassion or having a similar positive emotional investment.
Over the next two days, be as aware of these connections as you can, even when they only briefly cross your mind.
Thursday Think Better
As with many of this week’s exercises, we are going to concentrate on the way we connect or, in this case, the way that we perceive that we connect. We’re going to work on that Thinking Error that causes much unnecessary angst and wasted time – Personalisation. We all take things personally that were never intended that way, and it’s especially easy to do when we are struggling with other parts of our lives. It’s easier to tackle, however, when we are thinking and feeling positively about how we relate to the external world, which is the focus of this week’s activities.
Make a note of three occasions in the last month when you have felt that you were personally under attack. Spend a minute on each, looking at the situation through the eyes of the other person involved. Walk in their shoes, as we did in Chapter11.
Friday Feel Positive
Compassion – Make a list of all the times this week that you have felt compassion. Hopefully, a lot of these will be linked to the connections that you identified on Wednesday, but it can also include compassion you felt for someone whose story you heard about on the news or the plight of a friend who you know only indirectly.
By each line of the list, write a number denoting the level of compassion you feel or felt on a scale of one to ten. Now choose three and think about each for a minute, considering how you could push the number up a notch or two.
Weekend – Day 1
Goals, Beliefs, Meaning.
Consider the roles that other people play in your most important goals, in your most positive beliefs and, most importantly, in the parts of your life in which you invest meaning.
Focus for a minute or two on the way that these people make you feel.
Weekend – Day 2
Collective Creative.
If you possibly can, try to do something in which you and another will be creating together. Enter into a role play with your child or children, or persuade a friend to do the adaptive drawing exercise outlined on page 124. If that’s not possible, do something creative in which you are using a stimulus provided by another person. Rewrite a poem, using the first line of one that’s already written, envisage a video game that is a spin-off of an existing one, sing along to a well known record, but make up your own words!
Week 5 (Courage)
Monday Mindfulness
This exercise is called Back to Centre. Stand straight, feet shoulder width apart and arms by your side, but without tension. Close your eyes and take in the feeling of being perfectly balanced, of being ‘on centre’.
Move each of your arms, then your shoulders, then flex your knees so that the hips move, then move your head and neck. Each time, bring the body part back to neutral, experiencing the feeling of being back on centre. Keep your focus on the part of the body that is moving. Bring your attention back when it wanders. Move through each body part two to three times. Get a strong sense of your strength and courage every time you come back to centre.
Tuesday Change
Take a new and more challenging Belief to work on – something you never thought you’d be able to change! Fill out a new Form with as much excitement as you can.
Wednesday Worry Less
Make a list of the Beliefs and Thinking Errors that you have reframed or are in the process of reframing. Read through the list with a full sense of the courage you have shown and the strength you have used to effect this change.
Then make a list of 10 scary things that you can’t wait to do!
Thursday Think Better
Make a list of all the times that you can recall since you began this book where you have changed a rigid demand for a preference – every situation in which you have checked your response and said, ‘I would prefer that … but …’.
Now put a tick by any of these that are situations in which it has taken strength or courage to deal with the situation showing positivity and grace.
Friday feel positive
Spend a while searching for inspiring quotes about courage and bravery. Read through them, preferably out loud, really feeling their intent, making them your own.
Weekend – Day 1
Take six photos that you have (either hard copy or on your phone) and creatively link them together to make a story about courage. Either write the story down or tell it to a family member or friend.
Weekend – Day 2
Draw three circles. Write down in one a major Goal that you have, in the second an important Belief that you hold and in the third your Meaning. Use these as a stimulus for a poem, story or drawing. It can be as simple or as complex as you like.
Week 6 (Pulling it all together and checking in)
Monday Mindfulness Check-in
Choose three mindfulness or mindfulness-based exercises from anywhere in the book and do them one after the other.
Make a note of which one you think works best for you and why, and also a note of which you enjoy the most. Write a note on how you feel after the one you enjoy most and after the one you think is having the most effect.
Tuesday Change Check-in
Make a list of the six changes relating to any aspects of the programme that are having the most positive effect on your life.
Write a list of all the Beliefs you have changed or are in the process of changing. Rate each one according to how far through the process of change you feel yourself to be –10 is a completed change and 1 a small step along the way.
Wednesday Worry Less Check-in
Make a list of the different techniques you now use to worry less, to keep your stress level down. Note which ones work best for you.
Worrying less amounts to:
- Worrying less often
- Worry less intensely
- Feeling able to cope with whatever it is that is worrying you
Think for a few minutes about how you are doing on each count; if one area is lagging behind, decide on a couple of steps that you can take to catch up.
Thursday Think Better Check-in
Choose three Thinking Errors (detailed in Chapter 6) that you feel you now resort to less often. List three positive consequences, three ways in which the change has impacted positively on your life.
Friday Feel Positive Check-in
Make a list of the recent occasions in which you have stepped outside your comfort zone. Congratulate yourself for each. This is a key part of the process. Between your comfort zone and your panic zone is the Zone of Proximal Development and this is the place where we really learn. It’s often called the Stretch Zone because we want to expand it wherever we can. You can bet, with all the work that you have done through the book, that your Stretch Zone will have been well and truly stretched! And so the whole process of learning and continuing this change becomes easier.
Finish off with a Goal-Based Visualisation (page 66) imagining this procedure of stretch in either a real or abstract way, to cement the process.
Weekend – Day 1
First choose one exercise from the book – perhaps your favourite one that you particularly enjoy.
Then go through the book, writing out any quotes you like, notes, ideas or reminders onto separate pieces of paper. Post these around the house or your room (or office) as feels right. For example, the motivational ones might be placed where they will be most needed.
Weekend – Day 2
The last day of the six weeks and you are going to create a Vision Board with a difference. Rather than focussing on what you want to have (or achieve in the conventional sense), it will have at its centre what you want to be.
Take a piece of board (corkboard to pin things on or cardboard to stick things on – yep, this is old school!). At the centre, place a representation of the Unlocked You; for example, this could be an outline with all the big changes written inside it. Round the Unlocked You place pictures that represent your most important Goals, Beliefs and Meaning.
Now make different areas on the board for everything else that has been important to the process and is important to the direction in which you are headed – perhaps your family and friends, other goals and ambitions, places you would like to travel to, things you would like to learn about. Only put on the things you feel strongly and positively about, and add in a few inspirational quotes.
Place it somewhere important and easily visible; get into the habit of noticing what is on it and smiling. You have done brilliantly so far and this is a good reminder that it is all to play for.