CHAPTER 22

Let’s Do Lunch

Dining Your Way to Success

Since the first cave person decided to share rather than fight over that rack of mastodon, people have been breaking bread and raising their glasses as a way to develop and nurture relationships. Among other things, dining together implies a heightened level of trust, dating back to when warriors or nobles poured a little wine into each other’s goblet to assure that no poison was afoot. Today we just clink glasses in a symbolic gesture of confidence in the other’s goodwill.

In the world of commerce, meals are often an essential element in conducting certain kinds of business, and knowing how to navigate gracefully around this maze of menus, manners, and maître d’s can make a significant contribution to your personal and professional success.

Before you grab the phone and invite that client, customer, or colleague to lunch, however, you need to answer some key questions: Does the purpose of the meeting suit a dining atmosphere? Is it a worthwhile investment of your time and your guest’s? Can you block enough of your schedule to be a gracious host or guest?

Although a business meal can be a great way to go off campus and conduct a conversation away from the normal interruptions of an office, not every business discussion lends itself to dining. Advancing a relationship to the next level, thanking someone for a job well done, taking one last look at a job candidate, or asking for support on a charitable fund drive are all legitimate business meal scenarios. On the other hand, any meeting that requires sticky negotiations, focuses on a sensitive or antagonistic issue, or calls for reams of paper spread across a table won’t work in a restaurant setting.

When You Are the Host

Doing business over a meal can be a great way to build or strengthen a business relationship. Of course, if, as the host, you handle the situation with a lack of finesse, you might accomplish just the opposite. Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind.

Location, location, location. Whether the occasion will be festive or forgettable depends largely on the restaurant. When inviting a guest to join you for a meal, choose a place you know. Save your adventurous dining impulses for the weekend dinner with friends, and stick with the familiar for business dining. That way, you’ll know that you can afford it, that it’s quiet enough for you to talk comfortably, and that you will have enough distance between tables that you won’t be distracted by others’ conversations or be concerned about privacy for your own conversation. I once took clients out to a business lunch only to end up in rather close quarters adjacent to a table where a man was asking his wife for a divorce. Needless to say, the people at my table didn’t have my full attention.

Pick a place that accepts reservations and offers either valet or easily accessible parking, in case of bad weather. It’s a good idea to keep a list of reliable favorite restaurants on hand, in case you draw a blank in the midst of issuing an invitation. In some cases, suggest two, and allow your guest to choose.

It’s all in the timing. If you’re taking someone to lunch, suggest a time other than 12:00 noon, when the crowd hits. A 1:00 p.m. appointment allows you and your guest to complete a full morning’s work and be ready for a more relaxed meal.

If time is an ongoing concern for you or your guest, consider breakfast. Many executives prefer to avoid a two-hour break in the middle of the day. Breakfast meetings usually last no more than an hour, cost considerably less than lunch or dinner, and don’t interrupt the work day. Inviting someone to breakfast also says that you are a real go-getter who is up and out early.

Be considerate. Provide directions and a phone number for the restaurant if your guest isn’t familiar with the location. Confirm the appointment with him or her the morning of the appointment (the afternoon before if it’s breakfast), and arrive ten minutes early so your guest doesn’t have to wait for you, wondering if it’s the right place. If you are expecting more than one guest, be seated with the first guest after waiting for at least ten minutes for the late arrival.

Know also that as the person who extended the invitation, you pay the bill, as well as fees or tips for parking and checking coats. Men should become comfortable allowing a female business associate to pay for the meal, even though they might not do so in a social situation. Indicating that you want the other person(s) to order first lets the server know who will be picking up the check.

The reason I called this meeting. . . . Although the purpose of a business meeting is, obviously, to discuss a business topic, having the meeting over a meal introduces a social element. Therefore, there must be a balance between the business focus and the social aspects of the gathering. Avoid talking any business until the server has taken everyone’s order. As the person who initiated the occasion, you should make a smooth transition from small talk to business. If the meal is dinner, keep the business conversation to a minimum, perhaps as late in the meal as dessert and coffee. On the other hand, since breakfast meetings are often shorter, you may begin discussing business once everyone receives the first cup of coffee.

If you’re the host, it’s your job to make sure that the dialogue stays focused and pleasant. Manage the emotions of the group, and use your voice and body language to keep things under control. Never raise your voice to a level that people around you can hear your conversation.

Handle interruptions gracefully. If you see a friend or acquaintance in the restaurant, a simple greeting is sufficient. If that person stops at your table, introduce him or her to the others at the table and say that it’s been a pleasure to see that person. Don’t engage in a lengthy conversation, and don’t ask the person to join you. Further, you shouldn’t table hop and interrupt others’ discussions.

If you must make a telephone call during the meal, leave the table to do so. Keep your mobile phone turned off unless you’re expecting a call critical to the matter at hand. The same goes for pagers or personal digital assistants. If you’re so busy that you can’t be unhooked for an hour, use the drive-through at Big Burger for lunch.

Mind your manners. Although our society grows ever more casual, many of our remaining civilizing rituals revolve around table manners. Here are a couple of key rules to remember:

Place your napkin in your lap as soon as everyone is seated. If you leave the table during the meal, leave your napkin in the chair, rather than to the left of your plate. A used napkin is unattractive and unsanitary.

Cutlery is arranged so that you use the piece farthest away from the plate first. If you have to leave the table, and you don’t want your plate removed, place the knife and fork in an “X” formation across the plate, with the knife on the bottom and the fork on top, tines down. When you are finished and want your plate removed, place the knife and fork parallel to each other on the plate, with the handles at four o’clock and the tips at ten o’clock. Don’t push your plate out of the way when you’re finished. Let the server remove it.

If You Are the Guest

Whether you’re the host or the guest at a business meal, many of the same rules apply. However, here are some additional rules to keep in mind.

Be courteous and considerate. When you are invited to a business meal, arriving on time shows professionalism and courtesy. Make every effort to avoid being late. If you arrive before your host, check to see if a reservation exists in your host’s name, and if the restaurant is becoming crowded, ask the greeter to seat you and then direct others to your table.

Conversely, if you are quite late, and others have started without you, begin your order with whatever course is in process. Never order the most expensive item on the menu, and don’t order anything alcoholic if no one else is drinking. If they are and you wish to order, one drink should be your limit at a lunch meeting.

If for any reason you can’t keep the appointment, call the person who invited you yourself. Don’t have someone do it for you, and don’t leave the message on voice mail.

When All Is Said and Done

If you were the guest at a business meal, a short thank-you note is a particularly thoughtful way to express your appreciation to your host. However, a phone call or an e-mail is better than no thanks at all. If you were the host, evaluate the occasion to determine if you accomplished your purpose or if another arena might have been more comfortable or productive.

Think of a business meal as a sizable investment, not an antidote to brown bag blues. Whether you are host or guest, you share the responsibility for making that investment pay big dividends for everyone.

The Bottom Line

Dining out is a great way to build rapport and conduct certain kinds of business.

Rules of conduct apply to everyone in any business dining situation. In addition, there’s specific protocol for the guest and the host.

Fulfill your obligations whether you’re the host or the guest.

Action Plan:

Over the next thirty days,

I will stop ___________________________________________________

I will start ___________________________________________________

I will continue ________________________________________________