“I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate…. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous…. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.”

—attributed to both Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and Haim Ginott

The corporate world has long looked to sports for inspirational analogies. We're all familiar with the clichés: “There is no I in team,” “Practice makes perfect,” “You miss every shot you don't take,” and “Let's hit this one out of the ballpark.” It makes sense that these and similar sayings have become commonplace across all kinds of work settings. After all, it's just as important in business as in sports for leaders to encourage colleagues to rally around a mission and work together (hard!) to drive results.

But the inspirational clichés are pretty superficial. I've written this book because I am convinced that there is a far deeper and more transformational lesson to be learned from the ways great coaches reach and inspire their players. The key insight is this: in the corporate world, as in the world of competitive sports, superb performance is all about relationships. The best coaches are simply, at bottom, the best, most inspirational relationship builders. They focus their time and energy on building authentic connections with their players, providing genuine support to them in good times and bad, and saving their direction for the end of each conversation and keeping it concise.

Above all, the best coaches are consistent. They maintain an even keel. They stand by their values and treat their players with respect and compassion, regardless of the score at the moment or whether they have a winning or losing record that season. And when they do put in their two cents' worth, they know how to keep their direction concise. Moreover, each player understands that the coach always has in mind the team's best interest—and therefore each player's ultimate best interest as well. The bottom line is that the coach strives, in everything he or she does, to coach every player up.

This book is meant to serve as a basic guide to a simple, straightforward, easy-to-learn method for more effective coaching. The Coaching Up Model boils down to these three essential elements:

1. Build an authentic connection
2. Provide genuine support
3. Offer concise direction

In any new relationship or first-time critical conversation, your first priority must be building the connection, followed by providing support, followed by offering concise direction. So, in the course of a 30-minute one-on-one conversation with a direct report, you may want to spend 15 minutes on connecting, 10 on supporting, and 5 on offering direction. If instead you spend 20 minutes putting forth direction after direction, you will have squandered time that should have been devoted to connecting with and supporting your player. Remember too that throughout these conversations, you want to spend at least as much time listening as talking.

Of course, when you have already built and solidified a long-established, fully trusting and transparent relationship with the other person, you may occasionally have conversations that start and end with direction. After all, one of the big benefits of practicing the Coaching Up Model is that, in the long run, it saves you time by enabling you to jump quickly into tackling pressing issues. But tread lightly here. If you move to a pattern of constant direction in all interactions, even with a player with whom you have succeeded in forging an authentic connection, you run the risk that over time you may erode the foundation of your relationship. You need to go back from time to time and check to ensure that the foundation of your relationship is still solid. It's good policy to periodically reinforce your connection, provide genuine support, and show your appreciation by recognizing the player both privately and publicly.

Authentic connection, genuine support, and concise direction—in that order. Not sometimes, not when it's convenient for you, not when you have free time in your day, but all the time. Even when it's hard. Even when it feels like you just don't have time for it. Remember this model when the clock is winding down; remember it in the middle of a fight; and remember it in the middle of a run at a championship season. Take a deep breath, and live by the model. And yes, live by it not only in a critical conversation with a direct report, but also in the heat of a major boardroom decision and in the comfort of your home, with people you love. Make it your mantra.

Trust the Coaching Up Model, live by it, and watch what happens all around you. Your relationships will flourish. As you coach people up, they will blossom and thrive, while you will become a more effective, more productive, and more fulfilled leader. People will choose to work with you precisely because they never feel they are working for you. In fact, if you lead well by practicing this model, you—and they—will feel that you are not managing them but serving them.

And they, in turn, may be inspired by your example to begin coaching other people up. Imagine what it would feel like to create an organization in which everyone, all the time, was forging authentic connections with one another, giving one another genuine support, and offering concise direction, up and down and across the organization—and even out to clients, suppliers, and others. Wouldn't that feel amazing?

I hope, as you put this book down, that you are feeling inspired to put the Coaching Up Model into active practice, starting today, right now. My wish is that through your actions, as much as your words, you will be modeling this model, to the great benefit of everyone in your organization and in your personal life. I hope you will find it both life changing, as I have, and richly rewarding.

Wishing you every success,

Jordan Fliegel

PS: If you have any questions about the Coaching Up Model, or any comments you'd like to offer, please reach out through my website, www.jordanfliegel.com. I'd love to hear how your experience with the model has helped you as a leader and what impact it has had on your colleagues and others close to you.