Offer Positive Feedback

We all like to hear we're doing well, especially from someone we trust to speak the truth. So tell your player what he or she is doing really well. Be specific, and also be general. If your player has been working on a particular skill and is getting better at it, be sure to mention that you've noticed that improvement and are very impressed by it. If there hasn't been much improvement, but the player is working hard at it, tell your player how much you respect the effort he or she is expending. Praise qualities of character, such as dedication, determination, and guts, as well as progress in individual skills or projects.

In The Inspiring Leader, the authors—John H. Zenger, Joseph R. Folkman, and Scott K. Edinger—conducted a study that led them to conclude the following: “Simply put, unless people possess high feelings of confidence or self-efficacy, there simply is no performance. It is too risky, as they see it. Investing your energy is not worth it unless you have a strong belief that you will succeed.” It follows that you, as a leader, must do everything in your power to boost the self-esteem of your players.

In basketball, it is common knowledge that a shooter gains confidence, and increases his or her accuracy, after seeing one of his or her shots go through the net. Coaches, competing players, and commentators talk at great length about the importance of preventing a talented scorer from getting easy buckets early in the game. Once that happens, a good scorer tends to heat up. Next time you watch great scorers, such as Stephen Curry or Kevin Durant, play basketball, note how their body language and shot selection changes after they have hit a couple of baskets. Despite being among the best scorers in all of basketball, even they face a mental hurdle at the start of a game. In the back of every scorer's mind is some degree of doubt—“Am I going to have an off night tonight?” So even terrific scorers will do everything they can early on in a game to get some easy baskets or get to the free throw line to make a few free throws. Once they do that, watch out! They could end up with a monster night.

The same is true in the workplace. Once someone gains confidence in his or her ability to get things done, he or she starts to look for opportunities to drive results. It's the same mentality good shooters have once they've made a few shots. They will start to look for their next shot, and most important, their teammates will start to look to them and try to find opportunities to get them the ball.

Once you foster an environment in which teammates believe in one another, and are looking for opportunities to assist each other, whether on the court or in the office, your team will take off. Steve Chandler and Scott Richardson write in 100 Ways to Motivate Others: “I learned that people perform in response to who they think they are for us in the moment. In other words, how we see others is how they perform for us. Once we create a new possibility for those around us, and communicate that to them, their performance as that person instantly takes off.” To keep with our analogy, if you help people realize that they are scorers, they will score more for you. The logic holds on any playing field and in any professional field.

But your praise and support have to be genuine. Most people can detect insincerity a mile away. Flattery works only with narcissists; normal people find it uncomfortable. So, tell it like it is. You can always find something truly praiseworthy in another human being.

You can also quote other people. Let your player know that one of his or her teammates or colleagues mentioned how impressed he or she was with your player. In fact, 30 percent of CoachUp coaches go out of their way to relate praise from other people to their athletes—whether it be from their parents, teammates, competitors, or other coaches.

You can give your player positive feedback in private, in a one-on-one conversation, or publicly, in front of his or her teammates, his or her parents, and others. Both ways are valuable. Virtually all the coaches responding to our survey find it highly effective to provide both private and public support for their athletes. Many of them remember in remarkable detail how praise or encouragement from one of their own coaches, early in their athletic careers, made a huge difference in their attitudes and their performance. Here are some representative examples:

“While I was in middle school, my wrestling coach praised one of my skills, and that made me feel great. From then on, I wanted to master more techniques.”

“During a film session, my head coach pointed out how well I made a block that allowed us to score. That made a huge impact for me. I played with a lot more vigor.”

“My coaches were short on private praise. The thing that heartened me most was overhearing coaches talk to each other about me. After my first scrimmage as a new quarterback, I overheard one coach say to another, ‘Well, it looks like we have the quarterback position taken care of.’”

Share a Broader View

Remember that, as a coach, you are likely to have more experience in this arena than your player has. Where he or she may feel stuck or frustrated, you may see progress that he or she hasn't noticed. You may also be able to see potential in your player that he or she has not even imagined, let alone hoped for. Here are some firsthand experiences from our CoachUp coaches of how their own coaches' broader views changed their lives:

“In college I was unsure of myself and didn't have a lot of confidence in my game. But my coach would always talk about how much potential I had. He made me expect more from myself, which helped me to improve as a player. It's important to get the players I work with to have confidence in themselves.”

“When I was in college we had a new coach who was firm. He expected a lot out of the throwers and never settled for less than exceptional form. One day when I was struggling during practice I was worried about his reaction. He looked at me and simply said, ‘I'm not worried about you. You are a great athlete.’ Those words gave me the confidence to keep moving forward. That season I was a nationally ranked javelin thrower and conference champion.”

“During a high school football awards banquet, my position coach told the audience that they would be seeing me on Saturdays playing on TV. Prior to that moment, I had never looked past the season or had a goal to play in college. That statement changed everything about how I viewed my athletic future.”

“The first thing I tell all my CoachUp clients is the impact private coaching had on me, back when I was taking private lessons in high school. Between my sophomore and junior years I started taking private lessons. During the first session, my coach told me that if I worked hard I could not only play at the college level, but excel there. This comment really had an impact on me, as I hadn't thought much about playing beyond high school at that point. After that, I started looking at the big picture, long term, in how I should approach improving individually on the basketball court. There would be no quick fixes. I would have to work out and practice on my own, knowing that my game wouldn't transform overnight. Over time, I continued to improve. That first private lesson completely changed my outlook. Focusing more on the next level, instead of on just what was in front of me, improved my confidence by leaps and bounds.”

Remove Obstacles in Your Player's Path

Remember that your number one job as a coach or leader is to help your player or colleague identify his or her own goals and make progress toward attaining them. Toward that end, you and your player need to be clear about what those goals are, both in the short term and in the longer term. And then one of the ways you support your player is by recognizing and celebrating progress toward those goals, while another is removing obstacles in his or her path. Maybe a teammate or colleague is giving your player a hard time and needs to get set straight. Maybe there are health issues or scheduling issues or family issues that your player is wrestling with, and you can offer counsel or assistance of some kind. Sometimes just listening closely is all the support a person needs in order to feel better about an issue.

On a recent trip to the San Francisco Bay area to visit my uncle, I learned about his grandfather, Sander, the man who made the greatest impact on my uncle's life and after whom one of his own grandsons is named. “What was it about him that made such an impact?” I asked.

He answered, “We would go on fishing trips, and he wouldn't ask me a single thing. If I didn't talk, there would be no talking. He just listened, and responded to what I said. Mainly there was just silence. I learned to be comfortable in my own skin sitting out there on the water. He didn't care if he caught a fish or not, he was just happy to be out on the water with me, being together. I now realize how rare it is to be able to be comfortable with silence, comfortable with being who you are and being present in the moment.”

As a coach, sometimes all you have to do is sit next to your player and let him or her talk. Your player will feel your presence, your support, and your openness. Being there, and being present, is an important step in forming an authentic connection. My college basketball coach, Tim Gilbride—“Coach” to all his players—was great at this. Whenever I sat down with him one-on-one, I felt that he wanted me to do the talking. He listened actively. When we were together in a group setting, Coach would never be the center of attention—he would just be among us, laughing along with jokes the guys would tell and taking opportunities to poke fun at guys in his own way. He was really skillful at using humility and humor to reinforce that we were important to him and that he cared about forming and maintaining authentic connections with us. Whether you were a starter or stuck at the end of the bench, Coach would treat you exactly the same. We were all equal in his eyes, and he was one of us, not above us. I think that's why we all cared about him so much and played so hard for him and for each other.

Several years after I graduated, I attended an event honoring his long coaching career. The first thing Coach said when he got up in front of his players, many of whom are now middle-aged guys, was “I'm kind of uncomfortable being up here on this stage, with all this attention on me—I'd much rather be listening to all you guys talk, and having more of a chance to hear what's going on in your lives.” And each of us listening to him knew that that was true, because Coach is authentic. He practiced the Coaching Up Model, not only when we played for him, but also in the years that followed. It was always about us, not him. He still cared to connect with us and support us, even way after our playing days ended, and long after he stopped being compensated in any way for offering us direction.

Next time you have a chance at lunchtime, just plop down next to your player and ask, “Okay if I sit with you?” Let your player drive the conversation, or just be present and eat together. Doing that says everything. Really listen, and take time before you respond. Remember to show support first. You will be able to tell when it's the right time, if there is a right time, to offer concise direction.

A few more recollections from CoachUp coaches whose coaches supported them well:

“I was the starting quarterback, but the backup quarterback was very good, and I was insecure about my spot after I heard some kids talking about giving the backup an opportunity. My coach just reassured me that I was his guy, and not to listen to the naysayers.”

“I had a coach in high school who was an Olympic trials runner. While he always challenged me to run to the best of my ability, it wasn't until our sectional track meet in the spring that he came up to me with a surprise. He handed me his spikes—the ones he had run the Olympic trials in—and told me he wanted me to wear them for my race. He had never let anyone else wear them before. He joked that the shoes had never run slower than a 4-minute mile (he was an under-4-minute miler) and told me to make sure to keep them that way. That day I ran a 4:11 PR [personal record] and it felt like under 4! He was so proud of me. To this day, more than 35 years later, he was the best coach I ever had.”

“At the end of a high school game on the road, my coach came up to me in the locker room and said, ‘You completely carried us on your back tonight. Thank you. We couldn't have won without you.’ I realized then how I could take over a game—and how important it was to relax and have fun.”

“One of my coaches said that I had made a lot of progress over the summer, and that felt good, because I had spent that whole summer working on my individual game.”

“During my first season playing in college, I was not starting. And because I had been injured the season before, my confidence was only so-so. In practice one day, my coach mentioned that he had noticed me improving in defense, and said that I would get the opportunity to play soon. So that encouraged me to continue working hard. Then in a game against our school rivals, one of our defenders got injured. I got the chance to play, and I played really well. After the game, my coach recognized me in front of the team for stepping up to fill in for the injured player, and it gave me confidence to play well the rest of the season as a starter.”

But What about Negative Feedback?

“Behavioral studies continue to show that positive reinforcement works more than seven times better than negative criticism to change behavior.”

—Steve Chandler and Scott Richardson, 100 Ways to Motivate Others: How Great Leaders Can Produce Insane Results Without Driving People Crazy

While the CoachUp coaches who responded to our survey were close to unanimous in their shared appreciation for the value of praise in coaching, their views on using criticism or scolding varied considerably. Some of them report that they never use those techniques at all. Of those who do, most prefer to deliver those kinds of messages privately, rather than publicly. And several went out of their way to explain that they always find something to praise before or after offering criticism.

Certainly there are situations in which a coach must convey feedback to a player that will be hard for that player to hear. Negative feedback about performance can still play a supportive role, if the player and coach both understand it as providing an opportunity for improvement. Negative feedback works best if it comes as concise direction, following the formation of an authentic connection and the coach's genuine support of the player.

Here are a couple of typical quotes from CoachUp coaches, reflecting on both their practice with the athletes they are coaching and their own experience as young athletes being coached:

“The only time I ever criticize my athletes is if they are obviously not trying or are being unsafe and are risking hurting themselves or others. It's important to be honest with the athletes. However, I never leave an athlete's lesson without praising them after criticizing them—and letting their parents know why I criticized them.”

“The coaching style that has worked best for me is when a coach acknowledged my effort, before pointing out how fixing something I am doing will elevate my game.”