Chapter 5
Troubleshooting Your Writing: Fixing Common Problems
In This Chapter
Solving organization challenges
Honing sentences and fine-tuning phrases
Catching common language mistakes and correcting them
Proofing what you write
As I explore in Chapter 4, good self-editing requires you to look at your writing on two levels – macro and micro. Chapter 4 focuses on how you assess your content and present your material effectively. This chapter drills down to even more specific editing issues: techniques for organizing material and improving sentences and words.
Organizing Your Document
Many people, including a number of experienced writers, say that organization is their biggest challenge. If you follow the process I outline in Chapter 2, which shows you how to plan each message within the framework of your goal and audience, you may be able to sidestep the organization challenge substantially.
But this may not altogether solve your problems, especially when documents are lengthy or complicated, written by more than one person, or simply strike you as confusing or illogical once drafted. You may need to review organization at that point and reshuffle or recast material. The following techniques help. You can implement them at the writing stage – or the editing stage.
Paragraphing for logic
You may remember being told in school to establish a ‘thesis sentence’ and develop each paragraph from that. If you found this advice a little dumfounding, you’re not alone.
If you routinely produce uninterrupted strings of sentences, don’t despair: make the fixes later, during the editing stage. Read over what you’ve written and look for logical places to make breaks.
1. Scan your text to find places where you introduce a new idea or fact – or where you change direction.
Break the flow into paragraphs at these points.
2. If your paragraphs are still more than three to five sentences, go through the whole piece again and make decisions on an experimental basis. You’ll check later to see if they work.
The three- to five-sentence guideline is a general one that applies to print material. But an occasional one-sentence paragraph is fine and adds variety. When you write for online reading paragraphs should be sorter, as I cover in Part III.
3. Look carefully at the first sentence of each newly created paragraph.
See whether the new first sentence makes sense in connecting with what follows – or whether it connects better with the preceding paragraph. If the latter, then move the sentence up a paragraph and break to a new paragraph where it now ends.
If a sentence seems not to belong with either paragraph, it may need to stand as its own paragraph – or be rephrased.
4. Look at your paragraphs again in order and check whether any wording needs adjustment.
Pay particular attention to the first and last sentences of each paragraph. You want each paragraph to link to the next. Using transitions helps with this – read more about these in the later section ‘Working with transitions’.
If when you scan the whole message you don’t like the sequence of paragraphs, fool around with shuffling them. Adjust the language as necessary so that your paragraphs still clearly relate to each other.
Sometimes the reason you have trouble organizing your material is because you don’t yet understand it well enough to effectively present it to others. Ask yourself: What is my point? What are the components of my argument? Number or list them if you haven’t yet done so. (Omit the numbers later if that’s better for your purpose.) Also ask, am I missing critical pieces and need to research for them?
Building with subheads
Suppose you’re composing an email telling your staff that new technology will be installed department-wide. The new system is quite technical so you anticipate plenty of questions and some resistance. You want your memo to head off many of the possible challenges.
To organize your own thoughts and avoid writer’s block, turn your brainstorming of content (see Chapter 2) into a series of subheads. Perhaps:
System X24A: Rollout starts March 6
Who is affected?
Advantages of the new system
Changes in how we’ll work
Tech training plans
March 6: Department Q&A meeting
Arrange your subheads in a logical order and then just fill in the information under each subhead. As you write under each heading additional topics may emerge that you didn’t think of initially – for example, how the new system affects your team’s interface with payroll. Find a logical place in your sequence of subheads and add the new one.
In your final message, discard the subheads if you wish – or leave them in. Subheads usually work well to pull your readers through a message and keep them organized as well. The overall impact on readers, even those who only scan the message, is that they see you’ve got the situation well in hand and have thoroughly thought everything out. This feeling alone inspires greater confidence in both you and the new system, making people more receptive to the change.
Drafting headings and subheads is a great way to be sure that you cover all the right bases, identify missing pieces early on, and build in good organization from project start. You also break up the writing process into do-able bits so it’s far less formidable. I talk more about using this approach with long-form documents in Chapter 8.
Use a consistent style for all your headings. Your Word program offers built-in styles, so it just takes a click to apply one.
Working with transitions
Transitions, those low-key words and phrases, are like the connective tissue that holds your skeleton together and empowers you to move where you want. Transitions tell readers how all the ideas, facts and information in a piece of writing connect to each other. They smooth your writing and pull people along in the direction you want to take them.
Transitions can consist of single words, phrases, or sentences. They can be put to work within a sentence, to link sentences, and to connect paragraphs. Think of them in several categories:
To continue a line of thought – or to shift a line of thought:
additionally |
on the other hand |
also |
but |
and |
however |
consequently |
alternatively |
for example |
originally |
furthermore |
nevertheless |
mainly |
despite |
so |
in other words |
sometimes |
conversely |
To establish a sequence or time frame:
as soon as |
ultimately |
at the moment |
finally |
first . . . second . . . third |
later |
to begin with |
next |
to conclude |
for now |
To reinforce a desired focus or tone:
disappointingly |
it sounds good, but. . . |
invariably |
counter-intuitively |
luckily |
of particular interest |
unfortunately |
at the same time |
Based on this data, we’ve made the following decisions.
Here’s why the problem arose.
We should pay special attention to the sales figures.
We now have four choices.
A number of questions were raised at the meeting. The most significant:
Notice how these introductory statements set up a super-simple way to organize subsequent material, including within long complicated documents.
As with all writing principles, there can be too much of a good thing. When you give your writing the read-aloud test and it sounds stilted and clumsy, review your transitions – you may need to remove some. Do so and you still have a well-organized, convincing message.
Working in lists: Numbers and bulleting
Lists offer an excellent way to present information in a compact, to-the-point manner. They suit readers’ Internet-trained text-skimming habits, and most people like them. They also automatically promote graphic variation, another plus for your document (see Chapter 3).
Numbered lists
Use numbered lists to present sequences – of events, procedures and processes. For example, a numbered list can guide readers on how to do something:
Follow these steps to activate the new software.
1. Turn on your computer
2. Choose Preferences in your graphics program
3. Select Formatting, then. . .
Scout actively for opportunities to organize a sequence by dates or milestones:
1. Jan. 7, Deadline 1: Submit preliminary budget estimates
2. Feb. 10, Deadline 2: Submit adjusted numbers
3. March 4, Deadline 3: Finalize department budget
These techniques may sound simple-minded, but they bestow a clarity that is so unambiguous, few people can misinterpret your meaning – no matter how hard they try.
The 7 Tricks for Warp-Speed Writing that Professionals Don’t Want You to Know
As I discuss in Chapter 9, many experienced bloggers think up a headline like that first, marshal their ideas around it and then write the copy. The Parts of Ten at the end of this book follow the same pattern. In addition to its reader appeal, this format channels your knowledge in a different way and helps you uncover ideas you didn’t know you knew.
When I wrote ‘Ten Ways to Advance Your Career with Writing’ (Chapter 15) for example, I committed to the topic because it seemed well worth covering. Then I brainstormed a list of possibilities, angling in on my knowledge base from a new perspective. I ended up with almost 20 ideas and chose the best.
Numbering is also a staple for speechwriters:
I’m going to give you five ways to boost your power to close the sale.
The technique works every time because audiences like knowing how much is ahead of them, and they love ticking off the speaker’s progress (and their own). It helps people retain information a bit better, too.
You need to know when to stop, though. In a speech, going above more than five numbered items is usually more than listeners can handle. In print, as with bullets, I would say limit yourself to seven. However, there’s something magnetic about ‘10.’
Also as with bullets, make items on your lists parallel in structure – begin them with the same part of speech. And they should work visually by being of approximately the same length.
Bulleted lists
Between onscreen writing habits and PowerPoint everywhere, writing has become a bullet-heavy experience.
Like numbering, bullet lists convey information tightly and neatly. They’re appropriate for summarizing, offering checklists, and providing information-at-a-glance. What’s more, readers like them – but only up to a point. Used incorrectly, bullets can kill. Audience interest, that is.
Don’t use too many. Research shows that people can’t absorb more than about seven bullets at one go. They tune out after that because each bullet typically makes a separate point and gives little logical connection to hold onto.
If you must present more than seven Bullet1s, break them into more than one list and intersperse some narrative material.
Use the same sentence structure for every bullet. Start each item similarly. Sentence structure must be parallel so as not to confuse readers.
You can begin Bullet1 points with action verbs, for example, like when you present accomplishments in a résumé:
• Authorized…
• Generated…
• Streamlined…
• Overhauled…
• Mentored…
Or you can compose a Bullet1 list that starts with nouns, such as:
When you weekend in Timbuktu, be sure to pack:
• Tropical microfibre clothing
• Sunglasses with a good UV coating
• Sunhat with extra-long visor
Don’t be lazy and create Bullet1ed lists of unrelated mix-and-match thoughts, like this:
Here are goals to aim for in business writing:
• You want a conversational but professional tone
• When you quote numbers, check that your readers use those systems
• Don’t be emotional or make things up
• Jane is trying to standardize a similar look on charts and graphs. Once she does so, use that standard.
You can refine this list by rearranging points two through four to start like the first one:
• You want to check that all numbers quoted are in line with systems your readers use
• You want to avoid emotion or making things up
But that approach produces an annoying repetition of you want. The solution: Find an intro sentence that covers the points you want to make. For example:
In business writing, try to use:
• conversational but professional style
• non-emotional tone
• number systems familiar to your readers
• real facts and anecdotes
Punctuate and format bullets consistently. In this book, the first phrase or sentence is often bold, and we don’t use periods at the ends of bullet points. In some bulleted lists, each item begins with a capital letter, in others they’re all lowercase. That’s For Dummies style.
No one way of punctuating and formatting is right for every organization and every situation. Figure out your style, or your organization’s, and apply it consistently to all your lists.
Give bullet points meaning. Don’t depend on bullet points to convince people of something or expect readers to fill in the gaps between them. Bullets are only formatting. If you’ve seen as many poor PowerPoint presentations as I have, you know that when bullets are not given meaning, they possess very little.
Tell readers what your bullets mean with good narrative writing or a quick introduction that puts the bullets in context. In a bio or résumé, for example, using all bullets to describe your assets defies readability. Begin with a well-written overall description of your current job followed by a list of your accomplishments – but put the information in context. For example, a job description can end – ‘Consistent performance beyond company goals for three years’, followed by your bullet evidence. But no more than five to seven, and stated in parallel sentences.
Don’t make formatting decisions, such as using bullets and numbered lists, lightly. They may be easy to write but if they don’t present your message as clearly as possible, you undermine your success. When you use such formatting devices take a hard look during the editing stage to see if your material might present better (and be more persuasive) in narrative form.
Catching Common Mistakes
Unlike the common cold, common writing problems can be treated and even prevented. The prescription is simple: Be aware of your own mistakes, which are nearly always consistent.
Improving your grammar is somehow a personal thing, so if you want solid grounding, I recommend that you scout what’s out there in books and on the Internet. Choose a resource compatible with your learning style and dig in. Consider starting out with English Grammar For Dummies or English Grammar Workbook For Dummies, both by Geraldine Woods.
My grammar-related goal in this book, more modestly, is to:
Raise your consciousness so that you can recognize some of your own problems
Give you practical tips for fixing those problems that require little grammar know-how
Relieve you of some of your worries. What you’re doing may be perfectly OK for today’s less formal communication.
Infinitely more can – and has – been written about writing it right. See the sidebar ‘The Journalist’s Grammar Guidelines’ later in this chapter for what may be the most succinct rundown ever created.
In the following sections, I tip you off to the problems I most often find in even solid writers – all are easily fixed to make your writing a whole lot more effective right away. One general guideline to help you relax: When your own writing faces you with a grammar problem that’s hard to resolve, or you just can’t figure out, write the sentence differently to sidestep the challenge altogether.
Using comma sense
Stop stressing about commas! If visual cues don’t work for you, use oral ones. The reading-aloud trick I recommend in Chapter 4 works sure-fire to tell you when you need a comma. Note the difference:
Eat Grandpa!
Eat, Grandpa!
If you read the words aloud to say what you presumably intend – that Grandpa should eat – the first option sounds this way:
Eat (pause and downward inflection) Grandpa
A pause signals the comma is needed. And most assuredly, this sentence needs the comma.
Too many commas can also be a problem:
The use of the Internet, is part of a new culture, that more and more of the younger generations are entering into.
Read this sentence and you hear that it works better without pauses where the two commas are placed. They interfere with smooth reading and should be cut.
Badly placed commas in cases like this often signal a wording problem. A better version, once the too-obvious parts are cut:
Using the Internet is part of a new younger-generation culture.
Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on, the writers should use simple punctuation, properly place the punctuation marks, things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
The read-aloud test shows that a sustained pause calls for a new sentence after touch up on. The comma between the two middle thoughts doesn’t work either because an and should connect them. Insert that conjunction and it’s then clear that you need a period after marks, because to read meaningfully demands another sustained pause. The result:
Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on. Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks. Things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
Another way of fixing this paragraph is to connect the whole second part with a transition, and cut some redundancy, as in:
Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks, because too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
Train your ear and with a little practice, you improve your punctuation quickly. I once argued with the best grammarian I know about the reading-aloud method, running through a whole list of examples. Finally she said, ‘The problem is it only works 97 per cent of the time!’ I figure I’ll take my chances with the 3 per cent and you may also prefer to.
Using ‘however’ correctly
As with commas, reading aloud gives you the clue about how to include however in your writing.
Many perfectly decent writers undercut themselves with sentences like these:
I’d like to go to the office, however, my car won’t start.
Expense reports are due on Jan 15, however, exceptions can be made.
Reading these sentences aloud shows that long pauses are necessary before each however. You can break up both statements into two sentences with periods after office and Jan. 15. The second sentence in each case starts with However.
Replacing the however with but. If this substitution works, go with the but. It’s correct and less stuffy as well.
Using however only to begin sentences.
Moving a however that falls in the middle of the sentence to the beginning and see whether the meaning holds. For example:
He agreed with Jane, however, she was wrong.
He wants to know, however, so he can plan his vacation.
Moving however to the front makes nonsense of the first sentence. With the second sentence, however, moving it retains the basic sense.
Matching nouns and pronouns
Using the wrong pronoun is incredibly common, even in the work of professionals. For most communication jobs today, candidates must take a writing test. All those I’ve seen include a disproportionate number of questions geared to reveal this failing.
Pronouns have a simple function – to stand in for nouns so you don’t have to keep repeating them. One cause of confusion is when to use me as opposed to I, he rather than him, and so on. For example:
Just between you and I, Jean was correct.
Mark, Harold and me will go to the conference.
Both sentences are wrong. One way to figure that out: Switch some of the wording so the correct pronoun becomes obvious. In the first sentence, if you substituted us for you and I, it works fine. But if you substitute we, the sentence sounds absurd and you’re clearly wrong.
In the second sentence, you can choose to say We will go to the conference, and the singular for we is I, so that pronoun is correct. Or, you can eliminate Mark and Harold from the scene altogether, in which case you obviously must say I not me.
Another cause of confusion is when to use a plural pronoun (like their) as opposed to singular (his, its). In these situations, stay alert to the original noun.
A journalist must always be attuned to their readers’ interests.
Everyone should use their discount when ordering online.
Both are wrong because both nouns (journalist and everyone) are singular, not plural. But the first sentence raises other issues. If I correct the first sentence to:
A journalist must always be attuned to his readers’ interests.
Will I be accused of sexism? Perhaps, but the jury is still out on how to avoid this. You can
Say his or her readers, but that repetition gets tiresome.
Switch back and forth between the masculine and feminine. This approach works in longer documents, and that’s what I do often in this book.
Change the original noun to plural:
Journalists must always be attuned to their readers’ interests.
Rework the sentence to avoid the problem entirely:
Journalists must always be attuned to reader interest.
You can alter the second sentence to:
Use your discount when ordering online.
The company is widely criticized for its actions.
But in the UK the plural is used:
The company is widely criticized for their actions.
Weighing ‘which’ vs. ‘that’
Almost always, choose that rather than which. The latter word refers to something very specific. When you’re not sure which to use, try using that and see whether the sentence has the same meaning. If it does, keep the that. For example:
The report that I wrote at home is on John’s desk now.
But if you find that that doesn’t reflect your meaning, you may mean which.
Note that you can write the sentence this way:
The report, which I wrote at home, is on John’s desk now.
The second version calls attention to where you wrote it. And observe that you need two commas to set the clause off. Which always requires two commas unless the phrase appears at the end of the sentence. Another instance:
We provide afternoon breaks which, we know, help reduce stress.
You’re using which correctly if you can eliminate the phrase inside the commas (we know) without changing the sentence’s basic meaning. If you remove the non-essential phrase, the sentence becomes:
We provide afternoon breaks that help reduce stress.
Does this sentence carry exactly the same meaning as the original? Basically yes, but if the ‘we know’ is important, it doesn’t. In order for a sentence to carry your meaning you must know what you want to communicate.
Pondering ‘who’ vs. ‘that’
For reasons I can’t understand or explain, contemporary writing is chock-full of thats and very few whos. People have become depersonalized into objects. The following sentences are all incorrect:
The new office manager that started on Monday already called in sick.
My friend, that I’ve known for 20 years, is planning to visit.
The first person that said he was ready changed his mind.
Choosing ‘who’ vs. ‘whom’
This is foggier territory. Grammar enthusiasts insist that you differentiate between the word used as a subject (who) and as an object (whom, as in to whom). But adhering to the rule can land you in some stuffy places.
To whom should I address the package?
With whom should I speak?
To whom it may concern. . .
In the first two sentences, the less correct version works better for general business writing:
Who should I address this package to?
Who should I speak to?
In the case of the last example, don’t use such an archaic phrase at all. Always find a specific person who may be concerned, and use her name. If that’s impossible use a title (Dear Recruitment Chief) or a generic address (Dear Readers).
Beginning with ‘and’ or ‘but’
Like other wording choices I address in this section, grammatical standards have relaxed, and only the rare individual complains about sentences that begin with and or but. The Wall Street Journal does it, the New York Times does it. And so can you.
But don’t do it so often that it loses its effect. Starting sentences with these conjunctions adds to your rhythmic variety and gives you a way to add a little verve, especially to online writing. It works best with short sentences.
Because can be used the same way, although I still hear people repeating the schoolroom mantra against starting sentences with that word. And so can or and yet start a sentence.
Ending with prepositions
An often-quoted piece of wit attributed to Winston Churchill underscores the silliness of strictly obeying some rules:
This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.
Obviously it’s more natural to say,
This is the sort of bloody nonsense I won’t put up with.
Similarly, sentences such as these that end with prepositions are fine:
Leave on the horse you rode in on.
See if the answers add up.
He’s a man I can’t get along with.
We didn’t know where he came from.
Don’t make fun of grammarians, just because some of their ideas don’t go where you want to.
Reviewing and Proofreading: The Final Check
Before sending out your message or document into the world or to its target audience of one, review it at both the big-picture macro level (see Chapter 4), and the close-in micro level (everything I cover in this chapter).
Checking the big picture
Once you’ve edited your message or document and are satisfied with the writing, it’s time to return to the big picture and assess your overall message in terms of content, impact and tone. It’s not sufficient to send a technically perfect message that isn’t geared to accomplishing what you want!
Forgetting all the work and the decisions that went into what you’ve written and edited, look at your text as a self-contained piece and consider:
Is my purpose – what I want to accomplish – absolutely clear?
Does the piece support my sub-agenda? For example, does it promote the relationships I want to build, represent me in the best professional light and contribute toward my larger goals?
Do I get to the point quickly and stay on message? Does every element of the message support the result I want?
Does the message move well and smoothly from section to section, paragraph to paragraph?
Is the level of detail right? Not too much, not too little, just enough to make my case?
Step even further back and read your document from your recipient’s viewpoint.
Will the reader know what I want and exactly how to respond?
Is the message a good match in terms of tone, communication style, and audience characteristics? Does it focus on what’s important to the reader?
If I were the recipient, would I care about this message enough to read it – and respond?
Did I provide appropriate evidence to support the case I’m making? What unanswered questions could the reader possibly have?
If I were the reader, would I give the writer what he wants?
Can anything in the message possibly be misinterpreted or misunderstood? Could it embarrass anyone?
How does it look: Accessible? Easy to read? Plenty of white space? Good graphic devices? Visuals as called for?
And finally,
Will I feel perfectly fine if this document is forwarded to the CEO, tweeted to thousands of strangers, mailed to my grandmother, or printed in a daily newspaper?
Correct any problems using ideas and tips in this book, plus your own common sense. Chapter 2 tells you how to understand your goals and your audience and build messages that draw the response you want. Choosing appropriate graphic options is covered in Chapter 3, and the preceding sections of this chapter.
Proofreading your work
In professional communication circles, proofreading is seen as separate from writing and editing. But in these economically tight times, copywriters, journalists and even book authors often wear all three hats. Many publications now outsource their proofing services, or eliminate them altogether. If you’ve noticed a growing number of mistakes in what you read, that’s the reason.
Creating your very own writing improvement guide
Most writers are highly consistent in the errors they make, so creating a list of your writing shortfalls helps you sharpen up – and ultimately speed up – your writing.
Start by thoroughly editing your selected work using the various criteria I explain in this book. Look for patterns of errors and less-than-wonderful writing. Addressing these particular problems will really benefit you.
Record the challenges – and the solutions – systematically. For example, in editing the chapter you’re reading now, I made notes about what I found to need improvement. That list appears on the left. Then I wrote down the solutions on the right.
My Problems |
Solutions |
Too many words ending in ing |
Find substitutes for most and rewrite as necessary |
Too many sentences longer than 17 words |
Break them up or tighten by cutting |
Need to fix sentence rhythm often |
Read them aloud and add or cut words so they move better |
Too many sentences per paragraph |
Break them up |
Too many long words |
Replace with short ones, mostly |
Too much passive tense |
Keep an eye on Word’s Readability Index; find more interesting verbs that promote an action feel |
General wordiness |
Cut, tighten, and/or rewrite |
Too many qualifiers (you might, you can, you should) and extra phrases |
Cut the hedge words and WRITE IN PRESENT TENSE! |
This analysis produces a roadmap I can use to review everything I write, from an email to a home page to a proposal.
To care about what you write is a different way of thinking. Do you really need to plan, draft, edit, cut, rewrite, add, subtract, edit, and proofread everything you write? You be the judge. But before you decide most of the process isn’t necessary, consider whether or not your reputation and effectiveness is on the line nearly every time you write. I bet it is.
Try out the plan/draft/edit process in small ways, like for everyday messages, and see if you start getting what you want more often. I believe you will. The good – no, great news – is that when you practice the plan/draft/edit process on the small stuff, you’re ready to use it for the big stuff: proposals, reports, articles, websites, blogs, marketing materials.