Listening Effectively

Many people can talk, but few listen well. If you are good at hearing what others miss, it gives you a distinct advantage. Good listeners are also better at building rapport with others, so listening effectively is a good skill to develop and practice.

Being a good listener

Listening is not the same as hearing. You can hear something but not take it in or respond to it. The words are just flowing over you. When you are truly listening, the person talking to you knows you are listening and will appreciate it. Listening requires concentration and you won’t be able to concentrate if you are busy thinking about what you are going to say next. Be in the present. If you are really listening you will find your next words come intuitively.

Listen to what the speaker is saying, not just what you are hearing. Think about what the tone and inflection in the voice tells you about what’s behind the words. Are they congruent? If not, what is not being said? Their body language is important too and you will probably pick this up subconsciously. Does the speaker’s body language match their words?

As you listen, make sure that you understand what the speaker is saying. Summarize your understanding and, if necessary, ask the speaker to repeat what they have said, or ask for clarification if you are unsure. Never pretend to understand if you don’t.

Finally, make sure that you end the encounter on the right note. If you need to take further action as a result of your conversation, summarize what you have heard and then discuss the action you are going to take. Make a note of what is going to happen, ideally in your colleagues’ presence. This will emphasize the importance of what has been discussed and decided. Always make a note of important points even if this has to be after the meeting.

Listening well

Think about the last real conversation you had:

• Was I really listening to what was being said?

• Were my responses appropriate while the speaker was talking?

• Did my actions encourage or interrupt the flow?

• Were my questions well crafted and appropriate?

• Did I close the discussion appropriately?

• Was I helpful?

Giving advice

There will be times when you get the impression that a conversation is actually a request for advice. Be wary of this. It’s better to be asked for advice than to offer it unsolicited. If you really feel you have something important to contribute, ask the person if they want your advice, but be prepared for them to say no. Alternatively, give advice by telling a personal story of how you dealt with something similar. Do this carefully, however—no two circumstances are identical.

There are some times when there is nothing you can do. The person may be telling you something simply because they want someone to tell. Here, your role is simply to listen and empathize, letting them know you are always available when they need you. Above all, when someone tells you something in confidence, keep that confidence.