Being Confident

Confidence is precious. It enables you to do what you want to do without constant fear of failure, or even despite fear on some occasions, and to maintain your sense of self-worth and not be dependent on what other people think. If you’re confident, you can take center stage when you want—you don’t always have to linger in the background.

Thinking positive

The first step in building your confidence is to pay attention to what you’re thinking. Concentrate on your positive thoughts. It’s very easy to focus on the negative. You probably find that when you have been given feedback, at your appraisal perhaps, you concentrate solely on the one negative comment even though there were five positive comments. To help overcome this, build a bank of achievements and positive comments on which to draw. Sit down with a pen and paper, and answer the following simple questions:

Concentrate solely on the positives of each situation, don’t let negative “but” thoughts creep in. Commit the answers to your “achievement bank” and draw on them in moments of doubt.

• What have I achieved in the last year and in the last five years?

• What am I most proud of? What did it feel like when I did it?

• What am I good at? (create a list)

• What compliments have I received from others?

Drawing on experience

A young executive was given the authority by his boss, the group managing director, to negotiate the purchase of a company. This in itself was a daunting task, but, arriving at the meeting with a partner from the company’s lawyers as his only colleague, he was ushered into a room to find 11 people sitting opposite. The owners of the company he was buying were there, as were their accountants, tax advisors, and lawyers, and three merchant bankers. For an instant, he was totally overwhelmed. Then he remembered an industrial relations negotiating course he had attended a few years before. He recalled how he had handled that situation successfully, his confidence immediately returned, and he successfully negotiated the deal.

Managing thoughts

Most of us have a voice in our heads telling us to be careful and stopping us from doing things that would harm us. The same voice can also prevent us from doing new things and progressing: “If you do this, you’ll make a fool of yourself. Let someone else do it.” When you hear that voice, ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen if I do this?”, “How likely is that to happen?”, and “What’s the best that can happen?” In most cases you will find the good outweighs the bad, and you should go ahead. If not, at least you will have evaluated the risk logically and assessed whether it is one you are prepared to take.

Looking confident

It is also important to build confidence on the outside—how you appear to others. Even if you don’t feel it, “acting” confident can have an effect on both you and those around you. If you have a confident demeanor you will be treated like a confident person by others. This will reinforce your self-belief and help you to feel confident in yourself.

All of us get into bad habits, whether it’s slumping in our seat, forgetting to acknowledge people when we meet them, or not taking care over our appearance. Take a moment to think about the image you portray—is it one of a confident and professional person?

Appearing confident

• Do I maintain good posture? (An upright posture, keeping your shoulders down and your neck relaxed, makes you look and sound confident.)

• Do I control my breathing when I’m nervous? (Fast, shallow breaths make you light-headed and raise the pitch of your voice, betraying your lack of confidence.)

• Do I avoid closed body language, such as crossing my arms, and instead use open gestures and occupy the space around me as if I own it?

• Do I sit comfortably rather than rigidly, avoiding jerky movements and fighting the urge to fidget?

• Do I always dress neatly and appropriately and feel comfortable in what I wear?