The Asks You Need to Make for Yourself

Take a minute and just think about the following asks, and see if you have ever thought about asking yourself for these things or have actually taken the time and made the ask of yourself:

• To be forgiven
• To have more strength
• To let go
• To have more patience
• To be more accepting
• To be a better listener
• To be guided
• To be liked
• To be loved
• To be heard
• To have faith
• To take the time to pray
• To have more fun
• To be more creative
• To be taken more seriously
• To get help
• To nurture your soul
• To get more exercise
• To get more sleep
• To eat less
• To eat healthier
• To be on time
• To be recognized
• To take better care of yourself
• To put yourself first

I could keep adding to this list, but I think you now see the importance and impact of the asks you make of and for yourself. Every day we have these ask conversations with ourselves about what we want and then make the decision as to what we will do. The problem for all of us is that we think about these asks, but then we justify them away. Here are the ways we justify not making the ask of ourselves:

• Time will heal all. I really don't have to ask for an apology.
• I'll get through this. I always do.
• I'm really hurt but too angry to do anything.
• I'm a patient person. I will wait it out.
• I'm always the one who gives in. Let someone else do it this time.
• If they just listen to what I have to say, we can resolve this.
• My instincts are always right. I don't need any advice.
• If I go out of my way a bit more, she will like me.
• I know he loves me. I don't need to hear it all the time.
• I know they are listening. They just don't admit it.
• I attend religious services. That's a demonstration of my faith.
• I'll take the time to pray each morning, starting next week.
• I'm too busy to figure out how to have more fun.
• I'm creative in my work; that's enough.
• It is not that important that they don't take me seriously.
• I'm fine on my own; I don't need anyone's help.
• I'm a spiritual person; people just don't see it.
• I'll try walking more each week. That's good exercise.
• Five hours a night of sleep is more than most people get.
• If I skip breakfast I'll lose weight.
• Next time I go to the grocery store, I'll buy nothing but organic products.
• Everyone shows up late for work; it's no big deal.
• There are so many other people who do what I do. I understand why they didn't select me.
• When I get home I'll deal with my migraine. For now I just have to deal with the pain.
• My family comes first, then I can take care of me.

So the question becomes, are the asks you need to make for yourself any different from the asks you make of other people? To me, all the tips, techniques, steps, and rules apply, but it is the soul-searching preparation that takes on a whole new meaning. There is a lot of soul-searching you must do when you get to the point of asking yourself “Can I do this? Can I ask for forgiveness? Can I ask for help? Can I ask and not be judged? Can I ask for permission?” Just this last example would involve permission to:

• Do what you have not done.
• Define success for you and you alone.
• Say no.
• Say yes.
• Take time for yourself.
• Create massive change.
• Take a big risk.
• Change what is not working.
• Congratulate yourself.
• Be wrong.
• Be right.
• Be upset.
• Be forgiving.

In a New York Times editorial, columnist Thomas Friedman wrote, “One reason for our resilience as a nation is that Americans have always had the capacity to forgive one another, when the asking is sincere.”¹

On that note, let's take the example of the ask to be forgiven and apply the three questions from Chapter 4 and the “5-Step Foolproof Method for Any Ask” from Chapter 5. Perhaps you have been in a situation where you hurt someone very close to you, maybe a dear family member or a lifelong friend. Maybe they wanted you to come with them to a doctor's appointment or to an event, and you said you were busy. It turns out you really did not want to go and they found out you really were available but made up an excuse. Or you confronted someone close to you, and the conversation got out of hand and you wound up saying things that were extremely derogatory and hurtful. It could even be that your neighbor, who you have known for years, constantly shovels his snow in front of your driveway. Instead of calmly asking him to stop, you angrily shout at him, catching him completely off guard.

The three questions can easily be applied when asking for forgiveness. First, why you? Well, you are the one that caused the disagreement or the argument, so you are the one that needs to do the ask. I do not advise sending someone else to do the ask. It rarely goes well. Can you imagine sending your daughter, a partner, or an uncle to say to your friend, “I'm sorry she did not go to the doctor's with you, and she says she asks that you forgive her.” This will only escalate your friend's anger. Second, why now? Waiting or postponing the ask for forgiveness only compounds the problem. The longer you wait, the more time you give the other person to distance themselves from you. Third, what will it do? Your ultimate goals when you ask for forgiveness are that you mend the relationship, put this unfortunate incident behind you, return to the positive relationship, and move forward.

If this all appears to be logical and simple, why don't we go through these steps and move on? Because for many of us, asking ourselves to apologize is an admission that we did something wrong, and that leaves us vulnerable. It can be extremely difficult to take a direct and honest approach and be responsible for our actions and our words. Throughout this book I have emphasized the winning and now healing effects of putting structure into your asks. If you can detach your emotions for just a bit and ask and then answer these three questions, your asks of yourself will be a whole lot easier and very rewarding for your relationships.

Let's see how the 5-Step Foolproof Method for Any Ask can help us with asks for ourselves. Step 1 is to know exactly what you want, including numbers and dates. What you want is to be forgiven and to have no hard feelings between you and the person who was hurt. As I've stated and as I'm sure you know, the longer you wait, the better the chance that the person who was hurt will be less and less forgiving. So I suggest that you put a date on this ask as soon as you can, like the day or two after the incident occurred. Think of how many family issues could be resolved if we just applied this simple step. Step 2 is to prepare the conversation. Here is where you need to write down all the responses you think the person will say. Your ask for forgiveness could be, “Jesse, I'm very sorry I shouted at you; I let my anger get the best of me. I apologize, and I ask that you forgive me. Can we put this behind us now?” Now let's write down everything we think Jesse might reply to your ask:

• “I've never before seen you so angry.”
• “I can't just put this behind us.”
• “You hurt me pretty badly.”
• “What got into you?”
• “There must be more to this. What are you really upset about?”
• “I was wondering what you were going to do after your tirade.”
• “I need some time to get over this.”
• “Are you like this with other people, or am I the only lucky one?”
• “We've been friends for years. I would never do something like this to you.”

You can add to this list, but it's a pretty good one to get you started. I started this chapter stating that asking for yourself is the same as any other ask except for the soul-searching preparation part. I believe this part is very emotional and it would be easy to skip it, just get it over with, or ignore that you need to ask and move on. But if you do spend your time preparing as you would for any other ask, I know you will be paving your way to an easier, less emotional ask experience.

Step 3 is deliver with confidence. When you ask for yourself, this has to focus on how you look and sound. Remember, this step requires strong eye contact and positive body language. It is natural to want to look down, look away, and turn inward, especially when asking someone to forgive you. After all, someone got hurt, and that does not lead to feeling upbeat and positive. I do not want you to be insincere or go overboard on being happy and effervescent, but be careful not to let the apology dampen the need for direct eye contact and body language.

Step 4, clarify what you think you heard, can get lost because emotions are running at an all-time high. Just look over the responses that Jesse gave to the person's ask for forgiveness. They range from trying to understand why the person offended him to trying to figure out how and when he will recover from the argument. Here is where clarifying what you think you heard reaches new heights. Here are ways you can clarify what you think you heard:

“I've never seen you so angry.”

“I agree. I haven't been this angry in a long time. I'm over it now, and I hope you are too. Can we agree that we will both move past this now?”

“I can't just put this behind us.”

“I can understand that you can't put it behind you. You need more time. Can you tell me exactly what it is you can't put behind you? I want to help you in any way I can.”

“You hurt me pretty badly.”

“Again, I am truly sorry about what has happened. I can't take it back. But what I can do is help you now. What do you need from me?”

“What got into you?”

“Sometimes I'm caught off guard. Sometimes things just get to me, and this was unfair to you. I apologize. Can we agree to move through and beyond this?”

“There must be more to this. What are you really upset about?”

“Honestly, there isn't. It was just a bad day and a bad time. We are still good friends, right?”

“I was wondering what you were going to do after your tirade.”

Actually, I was going to do nothing. I vented, I'm over it, and I apologize. Is there anything I can do to convince you this won't happen again?

“I need some time to get over this.”

“I've heard what you said. Yes, take as much time as you need. Please know I am here whether you want to talk or not. Is that OK with you?”

“Are you like this with other people, or am I the only lucky one!”

“Funny you should mention luck and anger. I'm so sorry, but I guess I take my anger out on the people I am closest to. I promise I will do my best not to take this out on you any more, OK?”

“We've been friends for years. I would never do something like this to you.”

“You have every right to feel upset, and yes, we have been friends for years. This is on me 100 percent. I will do my best not to have this happen again, OK?”

This is really the best you can do to respond to their concerns. Remember it's about them not you when you are in these situations, so use the examples I've given, insert your own language, and speak from the heart. Above all keep it short; two sentences and a question will serve you well here.

Step 5, plan your next move at the ask, should be an easy task, but let's make sure you don't skip over this. You could say something like:

“I'm really grateful for your understanding. Friends like you are rare, and I don't take that for granted. How about we meet for breakfast on me next week?”

“Take all the time you need. I'm here. Would it be OK if I called just to check in with you next Tuesday at 7:00 PM?”

“I understand that you need more time. May I stop by in two weeks just to see how you are and what I can do?

I'm sure you are saying to yourself that all this takes way too much time and that you will never do any of this. Still, look deep into the steps I've outlined. Whether you apply the three questions or the five steps, it will save you a lot of time and emotional energy. Don't you wish at some point you had used these simple phrases I've outlined to mend some really hard situations that caused you stress and left you emotionally spent? Simple asks lead to simple solutions. Try it. It works, and it will work for you.

Laura's Story—The Hardest Asks I Have Ever Made

I would never ask you to do something or take an emotional journey unless I was willing to do it myself. I do practice what I preach, and I have preached in this book that if you make any ask, you should be prepared to be asked back. So I want to end this book (and endings can be very difficult), with an experience I had recently that actually motivated me to write this book. Read on, and you will see how this all comes together. Asks are not just about money or having someone do something for you. Asks are also what you need to do for yourself—what you and only you can do for yourself. That is why it is so important for your personal and professional growth that you focus on the asks you need to make of yourself.

I came to a point in my career when I felt stuck, really stuck. I had written the first two books on THE ASK, and despite their titles: THE ASK: How to ASK Anyone for Any Amount for Any Purpose and THE ASK: How to ASK for Your Nonprofit Cause, Creative Project, or Business Venture, my readers knew me and knew my work in philanthropy. They applied what I had written only to charitable causes and raising philanthropic dollars. Somehow they skipped over the “Creative Project” and “Business Venture” parts of the books. People would walk up to me and ask me how they could get the bank to give them a better rate on a loan, how to get people to finance their new play, how to ask for increased or repeat business, how to ask their children to get a job, or how to ask a parent to consider moving into an assisted-living facility? It was maddening to me because I would say, “It's in the book!” Alas, they thought it applied only to nonprofits. I was on a quest for quite some time to show the world that The ASK applies everywhere and in every situation. Even when I was speaking on The ASK internationally I would always say, “What you are about to hear applies whether you are raising money for charity, raising money for your business, or raising a family,” but somehow it would be taken to refer only to helping nonprofits.

I had a few choices I could make. I could continue helping nonprofits everywhere to take their fundraising programs to exciting new levels and be happy with my work, or I could pursue my goals. I chose the latter—surprise, surprise. My first goal was to get the message out that THE ASK applies to everything and on every level. I knew that I needed outside help and had to admit that I could not do this on my own despite my years of speaking and writing books on this very topic. I asked friends and colleagues and even went to networking sessions on how to build a business, given that I was in fact building a brand-new business—THE ASK for everyone. Getting outside the world of nonprofits and into the business and lifestyle area was completely new to me and represented a brand-new business.

I decided at first to hire a public relations firm to help me get the word out about THE ASK. I thought what better place than the media to be known as the person when it comes to asking for anything. Soon I was on national network television and radio stations talking about “Questions You Don't ASK Your Doctor that Cost You Money,” “How to ASK for Exactly What You Want on Valentine's Day,” and “How to ASK for a Divorce.” (I would have preferred to talk about “How to ASK Someone to Marry You,” but I wasn't the interviewer.) I hit the big time when I landed an interview on America's Headline News on “How political candidates can ASK for the big bucks for their campaigns.” I was quoted quite frequently in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal on topics ranging from “How financial planners can ASK their clients for donor-advised funds” to “How to ASK celebrities to do more with your organization.” Things were going really well, but once you are on or in the news, then what? It still was not getting through that THE ASK needed a bigger platform and a more ongoing presence. My public relations firm knew it too. They said they had taken me as far as they could and recommended that I speak with Daniella Cracknell, CEO and founder of Leonard George, an international reputation development company for entrepreneurs, philanthropists, and creatives. Daniella was an expert in reputation building, and that's what her company does; it builds reputations primarily with celebrities. I was not a celebrity (yet), and I thought my reputation was just fine so I really didn't see where this was going.

I explained to Daniella that I wanted to achieve my first goal: getting THE ASK beyond philanthropy and into business and everyday living and that now I had an additional goal. I wanted my own television show! That's right, I wanted a regular show that people could watch each day as I tackled their ask problems on health, fashion, travel, religion, relationships, beauty, careers, weddings, parenting, retirement, creativity, spirituality, and fun. After watching endless episodes of The Nonprofit, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, The Steve Harvey Show, The Doctors, and The Millionaire Matchmaker and listening to call-in radio shows across the country, I knew that THE ASK could help millions of people. Most of the problems and issues boiled down to one thing: People were living miserable or compromised lives because they could not ask. They stayed in miserable relationships because they wouldn't ask for something they needed in the relationship. They were intimidated or fearful to ask their doctor probing questions or for alternatives to the doctor's advice. They resented their work because they were not being paid what they were worth. They resented their boss for not appreciating their work. I found myself writing down everything they should be asking for on these shows using the exact words, and at that moment I said to myself, “I need my own show.”

Daniella listened to what I wanted but explained that the hurdles would be great. I wasn't 20 or 30 years of age, and that's what sells in the media. I thought to myself that at 20 or 30 years of age, I could not possibly have known what I know now. I hadn't experienced enough of life and challenging situations or practiced my asks, so how could I have asked for a show much earlier in life? That wasn't going to deter me. Next she laid out the timeline and her fees for what it would take to get The ASK into everyday living.

Then it happened. I was faced with the first and hardest ask I had to make of myself: “Could I put my dreams first and invest in me?” This was going to be a major investment, and I knew it—an investment of time and an investment of a lot of money. Then my money blockers came marching in. I can't tell you how many conversations I had in my head, the lists and edits of my pros and cons, and the back-and-forth I went through to reach this decision. “Is it worth it?” “Should I have done this years ago, and is it too late now?” “I'm about to wipe out an entire savings account; is that a smart thing to do?” “There are no guarantees. What if I do it, get nothing, and then have less for my retirement?” That's just a few of the dozens of questions that swirled in my head. The hardest part was to push away these fears, believe in myself and my dream, and answer my difficult ask: “Could I put my dreams first and invest in me?” After a spending a lot of mental and emotional energy and second guessing, I did it. I said to myself, “I'm worth it; let's do this!”

Daniella read everything I had written, all my books and numerous articles in the philanthropic, business and lifestyle publications and everything written about me. It surprised me how much media coverage I received over these years. When she was finished she said you are now “The Expert on The ASK.” A reputation was born—mine—and there was no turning back. Everything had to be aligned and consistent with my new brand. I had The ASK logo, The ASK tagline, “May Every Ask Be Your Best Ask,” a new website that featured how to ask for philanthropy, business, and everyday living (www.expertontheask.com). Even my physical appearance had to change. On Daniella's suggestion I hired a stylist, Andy Paige, who came to my house and literally discarded every piece of clothing I had, except for maybe 11 garments. Talk about a purge! My clothes were too business-like and in all the wrong colors. Andy shopped with me for two solid days from 9:00 AM until 9:00 PM until we had everything aligned with my brand. My clothes were now vibrant blues and greens to match my logo and the assorted jewel-tone colors that pop up on television and social media. We bought all new shoes, underwear, makeup, and jewelry. The third day I got a brand-new hair style and all new headshots that visually delivered with confidence that I was ready for my show and that this is what The ASK looks like. All these physical enhancements represented additional investments as you can imagine, but by now I was on a roll and there was no looking back and certainly no quitting.

My speaking engagements and media appearances were transformed because I myself was transformed, physically and emotionally. I found myself dropping the nonprofit speak and getting into the lifestyle language. That was the piece that had been missing and that I could not figure out for myself. Although in my head I said that I was speaking differently to audiences and not boxing myself into nonprofit lingo, I really wasn't. My previous talks hadn't conveyed enough emotion, enough heart, and enough of my learning from my mistakes. I will never forget the time at the end of one of my speaking engagements a man came up to me and said, “But Laura, we aren't you and we can't be like you because you know how to ask so perfectly.” I thought to myself, this man and my audiences have no idea how many mistakes I made and it was through those mistakes that I learned how to make the right ask. Then it dawned on me that I had never shared my mistakes and how I corrected them to get me to this point in my life. From that moment on, I made sure in every presentation I said, “And I'm sharing all of this with you because I made these mistakes.” That simple adjustment that I was just like everyone else who needed to ask and figured out a system how anyone could ask made all the difference in the world. My previous talks hadn't shared enough stories or shown how ordinary or extraordinary people of any age living anywhere could use these simple steps and get their lives back on track. Now, armed with a new brand, a new look, and a new awareness of what THE ASK could do for anyone who needed it, I was ready to showcase THE ASK to mainstay audiences and to find the right developer for my show.

Or so I thought. Time was passing by, and even though I had speaking engagements for business and lifestyle audiences, I still didn't have my show. I stepped back to reassess, and I asked myself, “Why isn't this happening?” Then it dawned on me: Was I really ready for all this? Everything was changing, could I handle it? And then I made the second hardest ask of myself. I asked myself “Could I handle success when it comes my way?” That ask went deep, very deep. My answer was that of course I could, but I was fooling myself. All the self-doubt, all the “this is just a fantasy, it will never happen” came creeping in. I never realized I had so many sabotaging thoughts and ways to end what I had started, what I had invested in. Thoughts came in like “I'm not getting any younger,” “Social media has changed everything,” “No one is doing a talk or a panel talk show anymore,” and “If it hasn't happened by now, it never would.” That was the way I masked my fear of success.

So again I went back to where I started and remembered that whenever I could not do something for myself, I needed to ask for outside help. This was the third hardest ask I have made of myself: “Who could I trust to help me accept success when it comes?” This is a huge ask for me, and I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to hesitating to ask for help and trusting someone to help me. I really didn't know who would be the right person to help me get through and beyond this fear of success. After all, if you are a strong personality, as I am, and you are used to acting pretty independently, it takes a lot of commitment to put your trust and faith into another person or entity.

I must say that I did not go around asking for this kind of help, because I thought it sounded really silly. Besides, how do you frame that kind of ask? I didn't know how, so I didn't, and I kept it to myself. To my good fortune I had a colleague who was in a side business with me who had just come back from a Tony Robbins conference. Many of you may know that Tony is charismatic life coach who speaks around the world transforming people's approaches to relationships, money, careers, leadership and health. His conferences attract thousands and he is a well-known author as well. My colleague had had an incredible experience and in fact was going to do Tony's session “Unleash the Power Within” for a second time that July in Chicago. She said that I should go because it would help me be better at my business. At first I thought the timing was bad since it would be in the summer and I needed some time off. I had heard that Tony gets thousands of people at his conferences and that on the first night he makes you walk on fire. Did I really want to walk on fire? What could he do for me? Then I thought, “He has helped so many people around the world, so why don't I give it a shot? At the very least I would come back with a positive thought or two that could help me.” So off to Chicago I went.

To no one's surprise, I put myself through the five steps. I wanted to walk away at the end of the conference feeling 100 percent that I deserved the successes that I knew I wanted and were coming my way. I did my preparation by listing all the negative thoughts I had about why those successes would not or might not come and reversed them into positive affirmations. I asked myself whether I'd be willing to accept the remarkable successes that I was about to receive and answered, “You bet I am.” I showed up at the conference each morning one hour before it started, and gave it my all. Each night when I went back to my hotel I reiterated my own responses: “Yes I can,” “I'm up for this,” and “I have what it takes to be accepting of everything that comes my way.” I even walked on fire that first night, and it did wonders to release my inner fears that I had carried with me for so many years. At the end of the conference I made an agreement with myself to read and re-read the material we were given. I also promised myself that I would take a long walk at least once a week and listen to his motivational tapes that would reinforce the certainty that I was ready to meet success head on.

I must share that I have never cried so hard in my adult life as I did at this conference. When I let everything go, I felt totally exposed and extremely vulnerable, but then it all lifted. When I recalled the expression “you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders” my shoulders going in felt like concrete cinder blocks but then became unbelievably light. It shocked me deeply that I would have such a hard time with something so wonderful. After all, doesn't everyone want success? And when it comes, do you say, “No, thank you?” But it was tremendously difficult for me, and that was a very precious and excruciatingly difficult ask. “Could I accept success when it comes my way?” has been one of the hardest asks I have ever had to make of myself to date.

Armed with an abundance of renewed confidence, faith, and commitment to myself that I deserved every success, I took my first goal of getting THE ASK into business and mainstream audiences to new levels. I starting attracting major corporate clients to train their sales forces on how to ask for business and repeat business. National lifestyle magazines, major business journals, online news agencies, and radio and blog-post commentaries all asked for my asking advice on topics such as cosmetic surgery, weddings, parenting, saving the elephants, politics, and wellness. My article on “How to ASK for a destination wedding” landed on the cover of Bridal Guide! Since wellness was and continues to be a hot topic for people of every generation, I created a 30-Day Money Wellness program, where your health is your wealth, and wrote an e-book, Money Wellness: Is Money Making You $ick? I followed that with a program I designed called the 7-Day Guide to Money and Your Significant Other. Both are available on my website (www.expertontheask.com). Now I became the THE ASK healer for physical and mental health and relationships. I was THRILLED!

But in the back of my head was that lingering thought, that constant reminder, that I didn't have my show. THE ASK was certainly getting more popular and gaining more traction with broader audiences, but I still didn't have that outreach on a consistent basis that a show can bring. Well, I got lucky again, very lucky. I say there are angels everywhere, and this one was looking down at me and saying, “Yeah—she's ready!”

A conference, “Speak Up Women,” was being held at the United Nations and the organizer of the conference asked me to be on a panel to talk about how women can speak up for themselves when it comes to their finances. I was covering how to ASK for money for your business and your life, and my fellow panelists were speaking about how to raise money through crowdfunding and how to attract a venture capitalist to invest in your business. When it came time for the question-and-answer period, a woman way in the back of the room asked a question I had never heard before: “How do I know whom to accept money from and in what order for my business?”

Well that got my attention, and before anyone on the panel could speak, I jumped off my chair and said quite loudly, “I've got this one. I have got to answer this one or I will fly out of this room.” So I first asked her whether this group of potential funders included one person or several people that she knew, liked, and trusted. She said, “Of course,” but some people had approached her first who were not in that category and there were others who could invest more but were not in that category. I explained to her that she should want to invest with people that she trusted as lifelong partners. These would be people she could learn from and grow with. Unless she knew, liked, and trusted them, all the money in the world would not matter. Her business would not grow, because there would be no solid bond of trust. When it comes to money, there has to be trust. Without trust, she would be right back at square one.

The conference ended and we all gathered at a hotel for a cocktail reception. It is a rare occasion when I would sit down at a reception, because I like to mingle and hear people's thoughts about the day. I love to hear what they learned and often ask, “What is the one thing you know now that you did not know at 9:00 AM this morning?” That lets me know what has resonated with each person and what they will take home and apply. Since I had been up since 5:00 AM preparing for this panel, I was tired. So I sat down and just started looking around the room and listening to peoples' conversations. Then a woman sat down at my table, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, “Laura, what do you want?” I thought, “What do I want! What do you mean what do I want, and I don't even know this person.” Before I answered, it dawned on me that this was the woman in my session who had asked that stellar question I had to answer: “How do I know whom to accept money from and in what order for my business?” So I said, “Oh you asked that question. I loved that question.” Then I asked her, “Do you really want to know what I want?” She said, “Yes” and nothing more. Not why she wanted to know. That was it.

So I shared with her exactly what I wanted in graphic detail. I told her I wanted my own show and it would be called The Nonprofit. My show would be about my going into nonprofits and turning them around. It would be about mission, motivation, and money. The shows I designed would change with each episode. How could a celebrity become more engaged with a nonprofit so that the nonprofit could raise more money rather than just providing the occasional presence at a special event that many celebrities offer? When a charity experiences a tragic sudden loss of funds, what could I do to jumpstart funding? If the charity was burdened with some really bad publicity that caused donors to leave or board members to quit, what could I do to get back donor confidence? If an international charity wants to attract United States donors, how could I explain that U.S. donors invariably need a personal relationship or a connection to the charity before they will give? I had dozens of episodes mapped out that would attract a variety of audiences worldwide. Audience members would have the opportunity to support that charity online or give to the charity directly at the end of each show. I even had the episodes that would look back, a sort of “Where are they now?” show to see how the charity was doing after that show had ended. Best of all, I knew I was the right person for the show and that no one to date owned the space in the media to showcase nonprofits. I had to have this.

After my extensive explanation of what I wanted, the woman who sat down next to me at the reception said, “I can do that.” I thought, “You can do this? Who are you?” So I asked her, “What's your name and what do you do?” She said, “I'm Jenevieve Brewer, and I have my own talent-management company, and you would be perfect for a show like that.” I was stunned. At first I thought she was joking with me. To be sure I asked her to explain what she does and how she got to the point of owning her own talent agency. After she laid out her extensive background of initially writing for television shows and television publications and then becoming entrenched with finding and placing new talent for new shows, I was convinced she was the real deal and that she could help me. More important, I really liked her. She was younger than me and had accomplished so much. She was that “old soul in a very young body.” Having done my work to get to this point, because now I could trust someone to help me achieve my success I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Great; let's make this happen!”

Over the next several months, Jenevieve and I talked and met every week. Since we had the concept for the show, our next step was to find a production company. This was not an easy task because I'm not a known talent, I'm not a young talent, and our show concept was brand new. While Jenevieve was working her connections, I had to work mine. So I turned to my board of directors. I am part of a group of women. We call each other our “board of directors,” and we meet every four months to see how we can help each other out. I love it because it is right up my alley. We go around the room, and we can each make one ask. We ask for something that we need, and then we each see whether we know someone or have a connection for them.

My ask at the meeting was for a connection to a production company that would be interested in producing our show. As luck would have it, one woman at the meeting knew of a production company and offered to make the introduction for me. Just one month later, Jenevieve and I met with that production company. They loved our idea, and we were on our way to developing the show. My dream and my quest had all come together. If I had not had the courage to make the hard asks of myself, work through and beyond the money blockers, and do some very serious soul-searching as to whether I deserved all that was about to come to me, none of this would never have materialized.

As of the writing of this book, the story gets better. The initial idea to have me featured in the show The Nonprofit is on hold because we have something even better. While we were discussing all the possible episodes that could be in this show our development team became fascinated in what I knew about nonprofits, where I predicted large gifts would be targeted, how millennials would respond to volunteering, and how nonprofits would have a larger role. I've been in this field for 25+ years so I have a really good handle on the subject, but more importantly, they saw my talent for much more. They saw that I could critique a money pitch, since I know what motivates people to give, and refine it so that either an entrepreneur or philanthropist would be really interested in investing. They also saw that I know how people with millions and billions will or will not be inspired to give, since I have personally asked and coached people to do so.

So as I write, we are working on a show much like the show Shark Tank, where I will critique entrepreneurs' pitches for new ideas, products, or techniques to clean our oceans and then advise our potential billionaire investors if they should make that investment, partner with nonprofits, or save their money for a future deal. Imagine that! That is just the beginning. We plan to expand the show by inviting world-renowned marine biologists and other experts who could weigh in and help me advise our billionaires if the entrepreneurs' ideas are worthy of investment. I feel beyond elated that I did my work, as torturous and as painful as it was to take the time and get my answer to the question, “Could I accept success when it comes my way?” Armed with my excellent and extraordinarily talented team around me, I have 100 percent confidence that a show is forthcoming. I want this, I deserve this, and I am so ready to accept it when it comes. THE ASK got me here, and believe me, there is no stopping me now.

I do hope my story, my journey, and my hard asks of myself have inspired and will inspire and motivate you to make those hard asks of yourself. Trust me—they are not easy or comfortable, and you will cry a lot or beat yourself up with your negative thoughts. But if you devote the time and focus on the energies you will need for working through and beyond your stumbling blocks and the money blockers that are preventing you from having all that you deserve and all that you want, you will prevail. You are worth it. You deserve it. Make those hard asks of yourself. My money's on you, and I'm with you all the way!