CHAPTER 4

The Leadership Wheel of Success™: The Inner Core and Coaching from the Inside Out

Do you remember when you learned to drive a stick-shift automobile? I do. My memories are very sad indeed! In 1973, at the age of 16, I was living with my family outside Boston in the middle-class suburb of Waltham. I learned how to drive a stick shift on a Volkswagen Beetle, black in color, no heat, no horn, and I think the car had half a floorboard! I recall the fateful day well when my dad said to me, “Do you want to learn how to drive a stick shift?”

I remember my uttering something pretty idiotic, like, “Dad, that’s not even a car; it’s a lawn mower!” My dad replied, “Get in the car. We are going to the high school parking lot.” I said, “Why?” My dad said, “Because the parking lot is big!” I said, “That’s negative.” You get the drift; we’ve all been there.

When we arrived at the Waltham High School parking lot, my dad, still behind the wheel, started to show me the procedure—depressing the clutch, shifting, and so on. So, my dad said, “What do you think?” Being a teenager and, of course, overconfident, I replied, “Move over!”

Until September 1997, when my dad passed away, I often told him how impressed I was with the initial patience he displayed. Note the emphasis on word initial, because when I finally took the wheel on the driver’s side, I’m not sure how or why, but I froze. I have to tell you that my dad’s initial patience quickly turned to incredible impatience. Understand that my dad, Dominic F. Mattone, was a tough Italian from Brooklyn, a son of immigrant parents who were also tough. After about 10 seconds of the freeze, I felt a smack on my shoulder. I was afraid to look. Another 10 seconds went by and then came another smack. Finally, I looked at him, and he said, “Do something. Do something! Now!”

I said, “I don’t know what to do!” He commanded, “Turn the key and step down on the clutch!” I looked down to find the clutch, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I said, “Dad, there’s three pedals. I only have two feet. There’s no way anyone with two feet can drive a car with three pedals. There’s no way; I can’t do it!”

As time went on that fateful day—and it was a very long day—something magical started to happen. Yes, I was a brash teenager; but I was also a product of my mom and dad, both very loving and caring parents. They were experts in tough love well before we came to know and understand the term. I was pretty tough too—at least I thought I was! I could always handle my dad’s particular feedback because I knew it was out of love. So what did I do? I became somewhat callous to the feedback and started to focus on the task at hand. I came out of my comfort zone and eventually turned the key with one foot on the clutch—success! I then came out of my comfort zone again when I maneuvered the shift to first gear with my foot still on the clutch—success! And then I placed my right foot on the accelerator and slowly let the clutch out with my left foot and the car miraculously started to move—success!

As I generated small successes, these so-called references—which make up part of our self-concept and are either positively or negatively charged, just like protons and electrons—became positively charged. Positively charged references have a significant impact on positively altering beliefs and thoughts because they enable you to effectively dispute the validity of initial negative thoughts. So my initial belief—“I can’t do it!”—gave way to a new, stronger, and positive belief: “I can do it!” That happened simply because I was doing it and experiencing enough success to reinforce the validity of the new belief and successfully dispute the earlier negative belief.

Learned Helplessness

One of the biggest challenges faced by leaders I have had the privilege of coaching is in knowing how to interpret failures or even difficult situations and people. Sometimes our reservoir of references is so negatively charged that we begin to believe that nothing we do will actually make any situation better. Some leaders, when faced with real tough situations and people, actually believe they are helpless. Their reaction, as understandable as it might be, is nothing more than a way to avoid fear and to preserve their self-concept in the face of a tough challenge. When leaders indulge in these types of defense mechanisms, they block their ability to act in constructive ways, solve issues, and mature as executives. This destructive mindset is called learned helplessness, and it is at the root of immature leadership behavior.

I had real good reasons to believe I couldn’t drive the car, not the least of which was that I had never done it. My reference reservoir was absent any similar positively charged experience, so there was real validity to my belief, even though my initial thoughts were positive. This is the reason positive thoughts in and of themselves are a necessary but not sufficient condition for propelling leaders to new levels of maturity. Positive thoughts need to be turned into firmly held beliefs by creating positively charged references that support the validity of those positive thoughts. Very little good can come from continually telling yourself, “I’m good,” “I’m confident,” “I’m worthy of success,” and similar sentiments if the words you use are incongruent with a reference system that says the opposite. The only way to create positively charged references is to create success. And you can’t create successes without taking a risk, without taking action aimed at providing support for your thoughts. I initially failed in my quest to drive a stick shift; however, deep down I did believe I would succeed despite having no reference in support. I remembered my friends who had successfully learned; if they had met the challenge, so could I.

As it is with the executive coaching I do, often there is benefit in getting executives to search for positively charged references that are outside their own reservoir (especially if few positive references exist) and seek out, identify with, and vicariously experience the positively charged references of those who have successfully met the challenge at hand. Therefore, I often have a coachee seek out and interview other successful leaders who have met the challenges faced by the coachee, and through this experience they begin to adopt a positive thinking and belief pattern that will lead to action.

All too often when leaders experience setbacks, they perceive their efforts as futile and develop the terminal discouragement of learned helplessness. When mature leaders experience setbacks, however, they refuse to allow this to happen. When mature leaders fail, they interpret the pain associated with the setback to be less permanent than do immature leaders. Although immature leaders use words such as always (“It’s always going to be this bad”) or never (“It’s never going to improve”), mature leaders see and phrase their setbacks as temporary. Conversely, when immature leaders succeed, they tend to see their success as being temporary, whereas mature leaders interpret positive situations as being permanent.

Another difference between mature (with optimistic belief systems) and immature (with pessimistic belief systems) leaders is that immature leaders tend to associate their setbacks and accompanying pain in personal terms. “It’s my fault!” “I should have done this!” Or they externalize the blame for their setback: “It’s your fault!” “You are responsible for this!” Mature leaders, on the other hand, tend not to overpersonalize or project, but, rather, they adopt a problem-solving mindset: “Why did this happen?” “What are we going to do to solve the problem?”

Getting Leaders to Change

As I work with executives and high-potentials, my primary focus is in identifying the unique strengths of each leader that must continue to be nurtured, strengthened, and in order for them to become the best leaders they can be, at the same time helping their organization achieve its goals. I am also passionately focused on identifying in partnership with each coachee the unique development needs that need to be addressed. The most effective way to change leaders’ views of themselves and what they are capable of becoming is by changing their reference reservoir. This means that they must learn to succeed. The more success they can create—the more times they are able to slide into that Volkswagen and drive it successfully—the more chances they will have to interpret their success as permanent and personal. The key lies in getting leaders to create more positively charged references where they have no choice but to interpret both the causes and consequences of those references in permanent, pervasive, and personal terms. The goal as a coach is to get the coachees to a point where they interpret whatever setbacks they experience in less permanent, pervasive, and personal terms. Your ability to help coachees create a more-versus-less dichotomy is based on getting coachees to take reasonable risks—to take positive, constructive action, accept the consequences of their behavior, course-correct, course-correct again, and never give up in their pursuit of positive constructive change.

Character

Achieving this is certainly easier said than done. However, a great place to start is with a positive, self-affirming value system. In the Wheel of Success, you will notice that a leader’s self-concept is truly multifaceted and complex. The self-concept consists of many elements including what we just discussed: the reference reservoir and belief system. But it also includes a leader’s value system, in which we always see their elements of character played out. As a coach, if I can isolate a leader’s value system, I also isolate his or her character; the two are intertwined and cannot be separated. Truly great leaders possess character. In Mark Rutland’s, book, Character Matters, he defines character: “The word character is from a Latin root that means “engraved.” A life, like a block of granite carved upon with care or hacked at with reckless disregard, will in the end be either a masterpiece or marred rubble. Character, the composite of values and virtues etched in that living stone, will define its true worth. No cosmetic enhancement and no decorative drapery can make useless stone into enduring art. Only character can do that.”

Character has six elements:

1. Courage

2. Loyalty

3. Diligence

4. Modesty

5. Honesty

6. Gratitude

Courage

True courage—noble courage, the authentic, spontaneous act of self-sacrificial concern for the defenseless—is not fanaticism but character. Courage is not the feeling of fearlessness. It is rather the willingness of mind needed to act out of conviction rather than feeling. I have coached many leaders who feel quite fearless but sometimes act in a cowardly manner. Conversely, I have worked with many executives who are fearful yet behave with incredible courage. Great leaders are courageous. It is beyond valor; in fact, heroism and courage are not synonymous because acts of heroism occur every day that are acts of impulse rather than true character. The measure of true character is consistency; we all know business heroes, public heroes, sports heroes who were bold enough to make a heroic mark but could not sustain it over time. They misstep, falling prey to controversy, financial ruin, and criminal activity. These people were never truly courageous—only brave at one point in time. Courage is the greatest character element any leader must possess; it is the catalytic agent that mobilizes every other virtue in the face of crisis. Knowing right from wrong is one thing; taking the right action based on this knowledge is yet another. Courageous leaders inspire their people and teams to achieve incredible new heights—it is the foundation for creating the will-do and must-do in people.

Loyalty

Where is the loyalty? Where has all the loyalty gone? Loyalty is the very fabric of community. Relationships cannot be developed, nurtured, or prospered when there is no trust to glue mutuality of commitment. When loyalty is lost, the fabric of relationship unravels. Loyalty is the willingness—because of relationship commitments—to deflect praise, admiration, and success onto others. Loyalty is a two-way street; it must function both upwardly and downwardly. Upward loyalty is shown to your boss. Are you willing to allow your boss to take credit while sometimes taking the blame? If a midlevel executive shows any disloyalty—either upward or downward—the fabric of community in that organization will begin to erode.

Diligence

In my coaching work, I sometimes encounter an executive who is looking for the quickest, shortest way … the easiest way … the way that will produce the greatest returns for them … and on and on. I tell them directly: Those kinds of ways don’t exist. There are no shortcuts to achieving anything worthwhile, and there are countless stories of CEOs, senior executives, and entrepreneurs who are quick to reinforce this undeniable notion that there is no substitute for hard work. When I encounter these executives, I get them connected with leaders who can share their experiences in vivid detail so that they begin to vicariously experience both the positive and negatively charged references that give them a dose of reality and perspective. Diligence is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition for achieving leadership excellence, but it does provide the leader with a solid foundation that serves to minimize the depth of setbacks. The diligent leader is a steady performer, and the steady performer is a finisher. Great leaders want accountability and are serious about their obligations; unfortunately, many managers are spiraling to lower maturity because of their unwillingness to finish—to be held accountable and to follow through on their obligations.

Modesty

Modesty means living within limits. It is the opposite of being bold, that is, putting oneself forward in the sense of aggressiveness or presumptuousness. Modesty is the opposite of arrogance. The greatest leaders are confident but they recognize that they are also not too good, too big, too rich, too powerful to be open to the views and perspectives of others all aimed at self-improvement and organizational improvement. Modest leaders see fiscal and operational constraints as safeguards, not hindrances. Modest leaders are able to invoke their own limits as they begin to realize again through positively charged references that greater individual and team results will be realized. Modesty is also a key counterbalancing mechanism that keeps a leader’s emotions in balance. I have coached countless executives in how to accept and adopt a more modest, prudent view of themselves and the operations they run. The absolute key in getting them to transform is helping them see that their own need for attention drives their arrogance and that their results are less than if they had adopted a more calm, self-accepting approach in handling challenges.

Honesty

There is a line between shrewd business and dishonesty. However, it is not nearly as fine as we think. Great leaders work hard to bend over backward for honesty because they realize truth and honesty are the pillars on which relationships, teamwork, and positive energy are built. Great leaders are comfortable missing out on deals rather than using deception to win. Great leaders would rather make a minor profit with honesty than a major one without it. Exaggerations, padded expense accounts, deliberately shaved tax forms submitted without hesitation, showing up for work late, leaving early, and theft of company property (which now reaches into the billions annually) are all acts of dishonesty. Mature leaders create an environment in which they themselves live and promote a truthful, aboveboard, honest existence.

Gratitude

Great leaders demonstrate enormous respect and appreciation for the sum of all their references (both positive and negative) because they know in their mind and heart that the very essence of who they are is inextricably tied to the sum of their experiences. They know and respect that they have learned to grow and mature as leaders through the highs and lows, and they appreciate their reference reservoirs as nothing more than a ratio of positively charged references divided by all of their experiences. It’s a batting average and, just like a batting average, the higher it is, the better. Nevertheless, much can be learned by striking out every now and then. In fact, it keeps us in balance, and we appreciate the hits all that much more after a healthy dose of setback. This is one of the great challenges I see with young executives who desire way too much, too soon. Many are just unwilling to see the value in experiencing setbacks; they slow them down. But the setback teaches contrast, it teaches gratitude for all experiences and special gratitude when the hits start coming again. Gratitude as an element of character is also at the root of providing praise and recognition to others (more on this later when we discuss Demarcation). Saying “Thank you” or “I appreciate your hard work” originates from this element. It requires selflessness, but showing honest gratitude to your people and your team will propel them to new heights.

Character and Values

Visualize an iceberg. Beneath the water’s surface is the larger volume of ice; this represents your elements of character (see Exhibit 4.1). Above the water’s surface, the smaller volume of ice is represented by your values. Your character as a leader is always evidenced through your values. To value something is to place importance on it, to show genuine interest in it. If you value money, for example, you are interested in money. You tend to read about money, talk about money, look for ways to earn money, save it, spend it, and invest it. And what you display interest in, you have a favorable attitude toward. This attitude moves you to act in ways that move you toward the pleasures you have learned to associate with the values you possess. Because you value some things more than others, you are therefore more motivated to seek the pleasures associated with some values more than others.

Exhibit 4.1: Elements of Character

 

Basically, there are two types of values: ultimate and immediate. If I were to ask you, “What do you value most?” you might answer, “Love, security, independence.” These are ultimate values because they represent what you desire ultimately. On the other hand, if you answered, “I want money and family,” these would be more immediate values because we probe further: “What will money do for you?” or “What’s the importance of family in your life?”

A critical set of challenges for leaders to achieve greater levels of maturity and success is for them to:

1. Recognize the difference between immediate and ultimate values.

2. Understand their own hierarchy of values.

3. Understand where their own hierarchy of values may deviate from or align with the elements of character.

4. Then set goals for sustaining their strengths and improving development needs that are aligned with only ultimate values that support the elements of character.

This is no easy task, however, in the work I do coaching leaders, the opportunity to help executives through these four steps is truly a rewarding journey for me and the coachee.

There is a lot of confusion regarding immediate and ultimate values. You can quickly distinguish the difference after the fact if you find yourself asking, “Is this all there is?” If you are asking this question, it is likely that you are not connecting the goals that you are setting with the pursuit of your ultimate values. Here is a list of ultimate values that are measured by the Hogan Motives, Values and Interest Survey (HMVI), which we discuss in more depth in Chapter 7:

• Aesthetics: Art, literature, culture, imagination

• Affiliation: Social interaction

• Altruism: Desire to serve others, improve everything

• Commercial: Earning money, realizing profits

• Hedonism: Desire for fun, excitement, variety

• Power: Desire for achievement, competition, getting ahead

• Recognition: Desire to be known, visible, self-display, famous

• Scientific: Analytical, new ideas, technology

• Security: Structure, predictability, prudence

• Tradition: Appropriate social behavior, morality, high standards

All ten of these values give pleasure in some way, shape, or form. But when I work with executives, I ask them, “Which ones do they value more?” “Which ones do they value less?” I have them rank them in order of importance from 1 to 10, with 1 being the most valued and 10 being the least valued. It is critical to recognize that this hierarchy controls every decision a leader makes and ultimately the degree of pleasure or pain they experience as a result of those decisions. Certain leader types (more on this later when we discuss the other personality assessments)—let’s call them Helpers—value affiliation, security, and altruism as higher values than another type—let’s call them Drivers—who value power, recognition, and commerce. Are Helper and Driver leader types different people? Of course! They possess different values, beliefs, emotions, behaviors, and skills, and they probably have different automobiles.

It is important to recognize that although leaders’ value systems propel them in directions they associate with pleasure, their past experiences (i.e., reference reservoirs) have taught them which values are most pleasurable. Drivers, for example, have learned from their past references that taking risks, taking control, and being independent provide pleasure to them. Because these values are associated with receiving pleasure, they shape every decision a Driver makes. Leaders’ experiences shape whom they establish relationships with and how those relationships will work. They cause leaders to be uncomfortable in situations where they are unable to pursue the pleasure their values possess. Put immature Driver executives in a situation where they are unable to Drive, and the results are not good!

Harnessing the Power of Character and Values

Once leaders know their values, they can better understand why they behave the way they do. When you explore leaders’ unique value hierarchies and the degree to which those hierarchies either support or deviate from the elements of character, it becomes easier for them to see why they sometimes make erroneous decisions, can’t make a decision, or even why the decisions they make sometimes create conflict. Consider this: If a leader’s number one value is security and the second value is power, then he or she has conflicting values so close in rank that they are most likely to cause a lot of stress during decision making.

When leaders make a decision, they measure and weigh the probabilities that the decision will bring pleasure or pain. Suppose, for example, I asked you to go into a batting cage and try to hit baseballs thrown to you at 90 miles per hour. If the number one state that you were trying to avoid was fear, you probably would not go into the cage. But if your fear of rejection was stronger and you thought others would criticize you for not going into the cage, you would be likely to enter the cage and face the 90-mile-per-hour fastballs. In other words, the pain that leaders associate with their referent experiences also affects their decisions. Here are some examples of emotional states leaders try to avoid:

• Fear

• Anxiety

• Guilt

• Worry

• Sadness

• Anger

• Depression

• Loneliness

All of these states are associated with pain, but which ones are most painful? That’s the question I pose to coachee executives. I ask them to rank-order these eight in the order of those they most want to avoid (1) to those they least want to avoid (8). It is a very powerful experience when executives admit that the number one state they most want to avoid, for example, is fear, and they then make the connection to why they are avoiding certain people and situations that make them uncomfortable.

To spiral toward greater levels of maturity, executives must set goals for sustaining their strengths and improving development needs that are aligned with only ultimate values that support the elements of character. Leaders must also recognize that the values to which they assign a high or low value are not the result of intelligent choices as much as the result of experiences, references, and values that have conditioned them within a clearly defined complex network of pain and pleasure.

We will introduce the Enneagram in much more detail in Chapters 8—10; however, using this personality assessment tool in your executive coaching will enable you to not only identify leader predominant types but also identify the degree of maturity/immaturity they exhibit in their predominant type and in their entire personality. My own instrument, the Mattone Leadership Enneagram Index (MLEI), will reveal this critical coaching data but will also reveal the values that empower leaders and truly propel them to higher levels of maturity as well as those avoidance states that are limiting. To make the kinds of concrete changes that will enable higher levels of maturity and success, leaders must often be coached to alter their values hierarchy in support of ultimate goals that reflect the elements of character. Once that is accomplished with a coachee, attention can be turned to creating and setting goals in support of the new values alignment.

When I work with executives, in general I want to work in concert with them to determine the extent to which their hierarchy supports or in fact deviates from the elements of character. Here’s what I am looking for:

• Altruism (very high priority)

• Aesthetics (low to medium)

• Affiliation (high priority)

• Commercial (medium priority)

• Hedonism (medium priority)

• Power (medium priority)

• Recognition (medium priority)

• Scientific (low to medium)

• Security (medium priority)

• Tradition (medium to high)

Ultimately, goals are established that clearly identify a leader’s strengths (i.e., behaviors and skills that must be sustained in support of ultimate values that demonstrate character) and development needs (i.e., changing behaviors and skills to better support ultimate values that demonstrate character). That’s where you must start as a coach. Beyond this, for your coachees to truly change, you need to work with them to:

1. Visualize new positively charged references associated with new behaviors/ skills.

2. Associate the new positively charged references as seen in their mind to be more positively charged than the positively charged references they experience with their present behavior/skills. (Note: 360 feedback helps here.).

3. Instill only positive thinking and a sense of optimism.

4. Take action, sometimes little steps first, where they can generate momentum and start to associate pleasure with those little steps.

5. Remove obstacles and impediments to their achieving progress.

6. Work with key stakeholders, such as their manager, peers, and employees, to show humility and admit to wanting to improve the need for their help in providing feedback along the way. This step is pivotal in getting leaders to change.

Coaching from the Inside Out

Great executive coaches work from the inside out. You must strengthen a leader’s inner core first and then focus on the outer core. If you can successfully work with leaders to strengthen their self-concept, character, belief system, references, and values, the inner core will drive positive thoughts (e.g., “I can,” “I will,” “I must,” “I am worthy of success,” etc.). In turn, positive thoughts directly drive positive emotions, such as happiness, anticipation, excitement, exhilaration, and empowerment. It is impossible to experience any emotion without first experiencing a thought. The cognitive component always precedes the emotional component. For example, suppose you were at work, one of your children got sick at school, and for some reason nobody could get that message to you. Would you experience the emotion associated with your child getting sick? Of course you wouldn’t, because you were unaware that your child was sick! It is never any event that creates stress, conflict, or concern; the thought about the event does that. So if leaders want to change their emotions, they must change their thoughts. In turn, however, positive emotions drive positive behavior, such as constructive problem solving, relationship building, and so on, and, of course, positive behavior drives the execution of the skills and competencies that define the outer core of executive success.

As explained, mature leaders are positive thinkers. Immature leaders tend to be more negative. Mature executives believe in their ability to work through the challenges presented by the people and situations in their lives. This confidence would not have been possible, however, without experiences to support the validity of their thoughts. Mature executives, then, are passionate about creating the actual success references that, in turn, strengthen their belief that they can be successful. This powerful combination of continually renewed thought and action propels leaders into an increasingly more mature cycle where they have no choice but to use positive thoughts and language.

But what about immature leaders? What about their language? As you might expect, their negatively charged references lead to negative beliefs, which lead to nonsupportive values, which lead to negative thoughts:

• I’m a failure.

• I’m being treated poorly.

• I’m a victim.

• Everyone is controlling my destiny.

• The world owes me.

• I can’t do it.

All of these thoughts are either true or false depending on the leader’s reference reservoir. Whether they are true or false, leaders who live with these thoughts are severely limiting their performance and potential. As a coach, it is critical you work with coachees who demonstrate negative thinking. Here are three ways to accomplish this:

• Stress inoculation

• Thought stopping

• Non-negative thinking

Stress Inoculation

Worrying about future events creates anxiety in the present, and stress inoculation is one way to reduce that anxiety and minimize negative thinking. Imagine you are coaching an executive who has a stressful performance review coming up. Let’s say that in the past, prior to previous reviews, he became worried and upset. His boss is tough—a fast talker, insensitive, and a poor listener. A technique I use with my coachees is to get them to write a message to themselves about the stressful situation before it occurs. Here’s an example:

Once the message is written, I have the coachee read it aloud several times before the actual review happens, but I suggest not memorizing it. I want the executive to remember its essence so that he can repeat portions of it at different times during the review and not sound rehearsed.

Thought Stopping

Another great technique to use when you are coaching executives who experience recurring negative thoughts is simply to have them close their eyes and tell themselves: “Stop!” It is incredible how effective this technique is in quieting destructive thoughts. Next, have your coachee quickly replace that one negative thought with a positive one. The unwanted thought will probably return, but, if you can get the coachee to repeat the procedure, you increase the time it takes for that negative thought to step back in. Here are examples of positive self-statements leaders can use to minimize the influence of negative thoughts:

• I am good.

• I am confident.

• I am competent.

• I am worthy of success.

• I am a gifted leader.

• I am respected.

• I am admired.

• I am a kind and sensitive leader.

• I am a major contributor.

• I can handle tough situations and people.

• I can handle anger.

• I can deal with stress.

• I will be the best I can be.

As mentioned, only positive thoughts, of and by themselves, can propel leaders to new levels of maturity and success. However, as we know, leaders must work hard to turn these thoughts into beliefs, and the only way to do that is by creating positively charged references that support the validity of these thoughts. In turn, leaders cannot create references unless they take risks and engage in the behavior that enables them to be certain about their thoughts as an important first step. As slow and frustrating as this is for many leaders, it is important to coach them to repeat, rehearse, and memorize the preceding list of self-affirming statements. It is also important to get your coachees to visualize the positive end results associated with the positive thought as well as the steps they plan to take to achieve those end results. When I coach, I try to get executives to visualize in vivid detail both the steps they will take and the results they will (not hope to) achieve: the who, what, when, where, why, and how. I want to help the executive experience a direct emotional connection that is tied to the positive thought; even a vicarious experience like this is often enough to stimulate positive action.

Non-Negative Thinking

Simply put, mature leaders are better than immature people at disputing the validity of their negative thoughts. One way to do this is to ask your coachees to offer proof for the validity of their negative thought. Ask for evidence. When mature leaders hear, “I never do anything right,” their immediate counterthought is, “Is that really true?” or “What exactly am I not good at?” These counterquestions help them dispute the validity of whatever negative thoughts they are experiencing.

Another way to get leaders to dispute the validity of negative thoughts is to help them explore alternative explanations. Very little happens to anyone that can be traced to one cause; most positive- and negative-charged references have multiple, complex causes. Your goal as a coach is to help your coachees analyze this complexity and get them to acknowledge and accept that there are in fact multiple causes to the setback they are experiencing. Immature leaders often latch onto one cause, and usually it’s the most dire.

A healthy belief system, strong character, supportive values, and positive thoughts all contribute to the development of mature emotions. Mature leaders are fully aware that they control their own emotions; they simply make the decision to be happy, passionate, and hopeful in their work and life. As mentioned earlier, mature leaders are very good at mentally mapping out the positive emotions that empower them to act in mature ways. As a coach, if you are working with executives who want to improve their team player skills, for example, you can ask them to talk about (and write down) any and all past references when negative results were achieved because they were not great team players. Perhaps they were tentative about overcontrolling their team or did not want to come across as domineering. Whatever the reason, the point of this exercise is to get your coachees to see the connection: ineffective thoughts = ineffective emotions = ineffective behavior = ineffective results.

Here’s a brief list:

• Ask them to visualize the details of the situation (i.e., the who, what, when, where, why, and how), as well as the negative results—as painful as this might be

• Ask your coachees to verbalize what they have visualized

• Ask follow-up questions, such as, “What did you do to handle the situation?” or “By submitting to others, did that solve the problem?”

• Ask your coachees to verbalize their current feelings and emotions based on the details of what they have expressed

• Now, work with your coachees to get them to commit to change

Once you have helped the coachees map out a failure scenario, you need to get them to visualize a situation—even if they have few references to support it—where being a better team player will lead to feelings of excitement, exhilaration, and success. Get your coachees to visualize offering ideas to the team, solving problems with the team, opening up and listening to alternative views, and enjoying the success that comes with both leading and participating with their team. Get them to visualize again in vivid detail as they did with the failure scenario. Get them to verbalize what they have visualized; use follow-up questions to get them to envision and verbalize successful steps being executed and great results being achieved. Again, the point is to strengthen the association they experience between acting on their developmental goal of improving their team player skills and success, both individually and collectively.

The Power of Versatility

In this age of accelerating change and complexity, mature leaders demonstrate versatility. Versatility is independent of predominant leadership type, although some types, as we will learn when we explore the Enneagram, have a stronger predisposition to being versatile. Versatility is the most important of all behavioral tendencies because it also represents a measure of social endorsement. Leaders who have learned how to meet the demands of others in a wide variety of situations will, more often than not, receive support and endorsement from those they have helped. On the other hand, those who have been less resourceful in meeting the varied needs of others will often receive less support and endorsement. To be versatile is to observe and empathize. Great leaders are able to recognize others’ needs and empathize with their emotions, and as a result they enjoy stronger, more vibrant relationships and higher levels of maturity and success. Versatility is the true bridge that connects a leader’s inner core attributes to their outer core tactical skills and strategic competencies.

Here are some starting points:

• Being pleasant; smiling more

• Remembering names

• Asking questions about others’ interests

• Listening

• Supporting what you hear

Notice that these behaviors are basic in concept, yet amazingly difficult to consistently apply. The theme of great leaders, though, is, “What can I do to make it easier for others to relate to me?” One place to look for an initial answer to this question is in areas of commonality. Versatile leaders search their experiences for whatever ideas or events they might have in common with people they wish to relate to. The more they can find to share, the greater probability will be of effective communication. To the extent leaders and their boss, peers, employees, or anyone for that matter share more interests, they achieve greater levels of communication. Ironically, the levels of nonverbal communication increase with the increasing number of shared interests. Gestures take the place of words, and that is how it should be. Nonverbal communication is simpler and often less likely to be misunderstood because it emerges straight from feelings. Uncluttered, uncomplicated, and uncontaminated by thoughts, it represents the true self.

To reach this level of communication, versatile leaders know that the initial encounters with others necessitate modifying their style to prepare a face to meet the faces they meet without being phony. What makes this skill so difficult to master—for all leaders—is the inner tension that’s created when they temporarily abandon their own comfortable style to assume one that is more fitting to the individual or situation. Fortunately, any modifications made by leaders are temporary. When commonality is achieved, they are able now to gradually return to the ways with which they are most comfortable. The alternative to style modification is not to make the effort to adjust—to label as wrong or inferior what often is merely different. Labeling is a common practice of immature leaders and is designed to help them avoid the tension that is associated with having to make changes; it saves them work. Leaders who modify their style begin with a decision to accept others’ styles as legitimate and authentic as their own. The next step is for the leader to stretch their style to include qualities common to those to which they want to relate better. To be truly versatile, then, is to give more to others than might be expected of us. True versatility and maturity know no limits and are not tied to personality types.