16
Friendships
FRIENDSHIP: GREEN FLAGS VS RED FLAGS
You may have heard the terms ‘red flag’ and ‘green flag’ used to describe both friendships and relationships. But what do these terms actually mean? Like a red traffic light or a red card in a sporting match, a red flag typically signifies a reason to stop. In a relationship context, they serve as a warning sign that it is highly unlikely that you will be able to have a healthy and conflict-free friendship or relationship with this person. Conversely, green flags are the exact opposite and signify reasons to proceed. They are positive traits that indicate that a person can engage in a healthy, mature and supportive friendship or relationship.
The people you choose to surround yourself with play an important role in your success and happiness. Friendships provide the physical, emotional and social support we need as we go through the ups and downs that life throws our way. In the same way that great friends motivate, inspire, support and care for us on our journeys, there are toxic friendships that we may develop that drain our energy and hold us back from achieving our goals.
FRIENDSHIP GREEN FLAGS
ALWAYS HAS YOUR BACK
If you have ever found yourself in a tough life situation, think back to the people who never left your side and were there for you through it all. These friends are loyal and will stand by you when things are not going your way.
GREAT LISTENER AND GIVES THE BEST ADVICE
Sometimes you need to talk about what is on your mind, and a great friend will be there to listen. When it's the right time, they will provide advice and help you see clearly when you are caught up in the emotion of a situation.
GENUINELY INTERESTED IN YOUR LIFE
Your friends should have a genuine interest in your life. They should be clapping for you through life's big moments and providing support through the not-so-great times. They are genuinely curious and want to know what is going on in your life without having to be prompted.
SUPPORTS YOU AND HELPS YOU GROW
A supportive friend appreciates you for who you are and encourages you to pursue your goals. In times when your limiting beliefs are holding you back from making that decision to take that new job opportunity or bounce back after a break-up, a good friend will keep it real and remind you of all your amazing qualities and skills.
HAS SEEN YOU AT YOUR WORST AND NEVER JUDGES
A best friend can see you at your absolute lowest point and will never judge you. No matter what, they stick by you even if they do not agree with your decision or your values may not align. With that being said, a true friend needs to be honest and fair. Their honesty comes from a place of support and wanting what's best for you and your wellbeing. They aren't afraid to give you painful truths if it is for your greater good. Be wary of friends who claim to be honest but do not have your best intentions at heart. These people are not your real friends and their comments come from a place of jealousy and resentment.
ASKS QUESTIONS TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH
Whenever you are going through a challenging time or facing a tough decision, a good friend will ask questions to better understand what you are dealing with so they can support you and provide appropriate assistance. They will not dismiss you by making comments such as: ‘You'll be fine’, ‘You're over-reacting’ or ‘Stop making a big deal out of it. It's nothing’. Instead, they will provide you with a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings.
FRIENDSHIP RED FLAGS
SELF-CENTRED AND CREATES DRAMA
A big red flag is when a person expects all conversations to be about them. Their problems are always more important than yours, and they rarely (or never) ask about what you are going through. When you do bring something up, their typical response is: ‘That's not as bad as what happened to me’. They constantly create drama and every week there is a new argument, dilemma or issue with someone in their life.
CONSTANTLY PUTS YOU DOWN
If a person belittles you, makes you feel insignificant and criticises everything you do or say, they are not your friend. Whether the person is doing it intentionally or not, being constantly put down diminishes your confidence and self-worth.
NEVER HAPPY FOR YOUR SUCCESS
A supportive friend will always celebrate your achievements and cheer you on every step of the way. If you achieve a huge milestone and notice some of your friends stay silent, it may be a sign that they are jealous as they now see you as a threat or competition that they must outdo.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF YOU
Friendship is a two-way street. It is a red flag when someone always asks you for help or a favour, but never reciprocates when you need something. While you can't expect your friends to always drop everything when you need them, if you are providing more to the friendship than you are receiving for a prolonged period of time, you may be getting taken advantage of.
GOSSIPS ABOUT YOU TO MUTUAL FRIENDS
Another red flag when it comes to friendships are people who constantly talk poorly or spread gossip about others, including their so-called ‘friends'. They are quick to judge others behind their back, but will show a different face in person. If this person always gossips about others, it's a safe assumption they're gossiping about you to others.
PROJECTS THEIR INSECURITIES ONTO YOU
Reminiscing and laughing about old embarrassing stories with your friends is an enjoyable part of any catch-up. It crosses the line when someone always brings up the same story about something that they know you are insecure about. This turns good-natured banter between friends into demeaning and negging insults. Often this is a reflection of their own insecurities that they are projecting onto you.
HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR FRIENDSHIPS
Friends have a significant impact on our lives and overall happiness. They help you celebrate the good times and are there by your side to support you through the bad times. They make you feel like you belong and boost your self-confidence. They keep you accountable and encourage you to pursue your goals.
As we get older and are faced with many competing priorities, such as work and children, our friendships can take a back seat. Finding a true friend is rare, and it is important to invest time and effort to strengthen, develop and maintain the friendship. Focus on quality over quantity and follow these tips to nurture the friendships that mean the most to you.
CONSISTENCY
Consistency is one of the most important elements in maintaining and strengthening any friendship. There are several ways to maintain communication and contact with a friend: phone calls, texts, emails, in-person catch-ups or tagging each other in content online. No matter your preferred communication style, what is important is that you do so regularly. Checking in regularly with a friend gives you the chance to reconnect and provide support to one another. It can be as simple as sending a quick text saying:
- How was your day?
- I saw this and thought of you straight away! How have you been?
- Is there anything I can do to help you?
- Remember when (share a memory/photo)
Checking in regularly with a friend gives you the chance to reconnect and provide support to one another.
VULNERABILITY
The ability to be vulnerable and honest with a friend builds trust and allows both parties to connect on a deeper level. This does not necessarily mean telling someone your deepest secrets, but being able to express how you are feeling and what you are going through in a safe environment.
POSITIVITY
Friendships are built on positive experiences and supporting each other through difficult times. To maintain a strong friendship, avoid letting negativity, judgement or comparisons enter into your dialogue. Compliment your friends, tell them what an amazing job they are doing and reaffirm that you are there for them if they need any support.
TAKE AN INTEREST IN THEIR LIVES
Strengthening a friendship often begins with getting to know more about them. Asking questions about their interests, hobbies, family or job will give them the opportunity to open up and connect with you on a deeper level. Take an interest in their life and show up for them wherever possible. If they have a big event on for work or they mentioned something they were excited about, make a note to check in and see how it went.
MEANINGFUL COMPLIMENTS TO GIVE TO SOMEONE
A compliment has the power to change somebody's day and inspire a positive change in their life. It is no surprise that we still remember random compliments or kind words that we received days, weeks or even years ago. Compliments boost our self-esteem and ignite positive self-talk in our minds. When someone compliments you on something you typically don't feel confident in, your mind starts to question the validity and truth behind your self-doubt. Receiving praise from an external party can help you believe in the unique talents and strengths you have.
Compliments go beyond the workplace or our physical appearance. There are a variety of meaningful compliments that you can give to someone about their personality, energy and how they make you feel. After reading this page, call, text or email a friend, loved one or colleague and give them a compliment. I promise you, it will bring the biggest smile to their face.