Discussion Guide

Since the Women at Work podcast first launched, we’ve heard from people all over the world that it has inspired discussions and listening groups. We hope that this book does the same—that you’ll want to share what you’ve learned with others. The questions in this discussion guide will help you talk about the challenges women face in the workplace and how we can work together to overcome them.

You don’t need to have read the book from start to finish to participate. To get the most out of your discussion, think about the size of your group. A big group has the advantage of spreading ideas more widely—whether throughout your organization or among your friends and peers—but might lose some of the honesty and connection a small group would have. You may want to assign someone to lead the discussion to ensure that all participants are included, especially if some attendees are joining virtually. And it’s a good idea to establish ground rules around privacy and confidentiality. Women at Work topics touch on difficult issues surrounding sexism and racism, so consider using trigger warnings.

Finally, think about what you want to accomplish in your discussion. Do you want to create a network of mutual support? Hope to disrupt the status quo? Or are you simply looking for an empathetic ear? With your goals in mind, use the questions that follow to advance the conversation about women at work.

1. How do you define negotiation? Do you consider it to be a term that only applies to formal situations, such as contracts, job offers, and the like? Or do you feel it also includes informal and sometimes interpersonal situations such as dividing household labor with a partner or roommate, or trying to get your toddler out the door in the morning?
2. What low-stakes opportunities do you see to practice your dealmaking skills so that you feel more confident and competent when approaching high-stakes negotiations?
3. In chapter 2, small-business owner Marisa Mauro mentioned that she baked pies to get ready for a negotiation. How do you prepare for a negotiation? Do you rehearse with a partner or colleague, give yourself a pep talk in the mirror, or create and complete checklists?
4. Strong emotions are an expected and manageable part of any deal—not something to suppress or avoid. What sorts of emotions do you typically experience during a negotiation? Do you tend to blow up? Ramble on nervously beyond your prepared points? Or retreat? What emotions make you uncomfortable when your counterpart displays them? How might you change or expand your mindset to understand and use emotions more effectively in the room?
5. What are your negotiation triggers? When someone hits a nerve, what is your go-to response? Why do you think you have this response? What steps do you or could you take to neutralize your trigger(s) in the future?
6. How important to you is the location and context of your meeting? Do you feel more comfortable face-to-face where it can be easier to read the room, body language, and the like? Or do you feel more confident on-screen, with ready access to your notes and the ability to keep your nervous leg kick off-screen? What are some of the pros and cons of virtual versus in-person negotiations?
7. In what way might you reframe not knowing how a deal will play out from something unsettling to something with potential? In addition to asking yourself What don’t I know that I need to know?, how can you express curiosity and learn more about your counterpart, their business, and their wants and needs?
8. Consider a time a negotiation didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Why do you think it didn’t turn out well? Did your messaging or positioning miss the mark? Were your alternatives too few or too narrow? If you were to replay that negotiation now that you know more, what would you do differently?
9. For ongoing partnerships, how has your relationship with your counterpart been affected by the outcome of your negotiation(s)? Do you feel your relationship is stronger or weaker? If you’ve had a contentious conversation, what steps did you take to reset the relationship? Have you ever experienced a relationship that was irreparably damaged—or unexpectedly strengthened—after a negotiation?
10. When it comes to asking for what you want on the job, which aspect do you struggle with the most: Garnering resources for your team? Securing professional development opportunities or career advancement for yourself? Asking for accommodations around work-life balance or a health issue? If family or feelings are a factor, is it difficult to frame your request in the context of the business?
11. Consider areas where you don’t mind asking for more. What could you draw from that to apply to areas where you struggle? For instance, do you find it easier to make big asks on behalf of others? What can you use from those negotiations in your individual asks?
12. Have you attempted to negotiate a better salary, new title, or increased responsibilities in your current job? If so, were you successful? What do you think contributed to that success? Would you do anything differently (like dialing up your ask by three clicks of the remote, as mentioned in chapter 15)? If you haven’t asked, what barriers stand in your way?
13. Chapter 12 provides several powerful negotiation statements for readers to keep handy, like “Yes, I can do that, but what would I give up?” Which statements in this chapter resonated most with you? Think about a time when you were successful in a negotiation. Were there statements—or pauses or pacing—that you used that you could add to your library of go-to language to use in a future negotiation?
14. How do you take care of yourself after a negotiation? Do you review the process, and your role in it, celebrating successes and noting things you’d do differently? Do you talk it out with a trusted colleague?
15. After reading this book and participating in this discussion group, name one step you’ll take to prepare, conduct, and learn from your next negotiation:
    • Short term: tomorrow
    • Longer term: this month
    • Longest term: this year