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by Anna Maravelas
How to Reduce Workplace Conflict and Stress
Praise
Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Chapter One - The Self-Defeating Habits of Otherwise Brilliant People: Getting ...
Hostility is on the rise
Irritability and hostility at work
Stress, incivility, irritability, and rudeness
Got a minute?
Costs of incivility
Predictable, pervasive errors
Don’t just resolve destructive conflict—eliminate it!
Duped by the dazzle of contempt
Blame and turf wars are not human nature
Trench-validity and stickiness
Frustration and “heart hassles”
Three cultures at work: Hostile, helpless, and hearty appreciation
In which category would you put your team?
The most important habit you bring to the table
Chapter Two - Anger Makes You Stupid, Lonely, and Depressed: The Stinky ...
I’m frustrated and it’s your fault!
Hitler and reflexive, irrational response to frustration
Inflammatory thinking and flooding
Contempt contaminates employees and clients
After being treated with disrespect, 60 percent of customers take their ...
Predictable workplace targets and scapegoats
Anger is a feeling; hostility is an attitude
Toxic anger, hostility, and heart disease
At 100 heartbeats per minute, we can no longer hear
Males rage—and rescue—more often
Anger makes you stupid
Is yelling effective?
The oblivious driver and the reflexive response
I’m frustrated and it’s my fault
Depression, work, and health
The stinky twins: Blaming others and blaming self
The flooded boss
Hostility and the fear of unworthiness
The Rabbi and the Grand Dragon of the KKK
Hostility brings relief from self-loathing
Hostility collapses into hopelessness and despair
Without positive energy, two dismal choices remain
Sending the stinky twins to reform school
Chapter Three - Curiosity Makes You Smart, Sexy, and Successful: The Most ...
Roosevelt: Reflective, analytical, and effective
The oblivious driver and the reflective reaction
“BIBS”
The health and happiness benefits of appreciation and affection
Love and health
Affection and the immune system
The helper’s high
Wealth and well-being: John D. Rockefeller
Chapter Four - Unspoken Reasons, Hidden Realities: Stories That Stick
The exasperated RN
The shut-out employee
The traveler who reeked
Arm candy
The missing supervisor
The defiant power plant operators
The scowling father of the bride
The brooding CEO
Assumptions
Chapter Five - Intelligent Fools: The Hidden Price Tags of Irritability and Contempt
Cost #1: Mind-boggling amounts of money are wasted
Cost #2: Credibility suffers
Cost #3: Direct reports and colleagues silently resent blame
Cost #4: Blame turns potential allies into enemies
Cost #5: Blame becomes an automatic response
Cost #6: Blame demoralizes employees and destroys pride in work
Cost #7: Colleagues and direct reports no longer trust you
Cost #8: Partners-in-crime sell you down the river
Chapter Six - A Touch of Genius and a Lot of Courage: How to Unplug From ...
Switch channels and activities
Train your brain to stop flooding
Identify your targets and triggers
Six ways to extinguish inflammatory thinking
EASE: Calming a flooded employee or customer
Revisiting the case of the angry police officer
In your words
Saving your time and sanity
Chapter Seven - If I’m Not Part of the Problem, There Is No Solution: Breaking ...
Negative reciprocity is reliable and predictable
Positive reciprocity is reliable and predictable
Christmas morning Marine
Hostility shows
Reciprocity flows: Cycles of Contempt and Courage
A Cycle of Contempt: Project managers and architects
A Cycle of Courage: Project managers and architects
A Cycle of Contempt: The crew chiefs and their new hires
A Cycle of Courage: The crew chiefs and their new hires
A Cycle of Contempt: The alienated son
A Cycle of Courage: The alienated son
A Cycle of Contempt: The angry police chief and the press
A Cycle of Courage: The angry police chief and the press
Cycles of Contempt on large scales
You are the center of your universe
Chapter Eight - Hard on the Problem, Soft on the People: The True Causes of ...
Human nature is vulnerable to the system
Changing systems changes behavior
First: Is there a baby in the back seat?
Second: Look at your systems and processes
The genius that dissed the president
Menopause Molly
Third: Look for conflicting performance measures
Fourth: Many inappropriate behaviors are the result of low skill, insight, or courage
An effective attitude for addressing problems
Hard on the problem, soft on the people
“All the managers are immature!”
The thinking pattern that will save your sanity and productivity
Chapter Nine - There Are Two Dogs Inside of Every Man: The One That Dominates ...
1. Open the conversation in the energy of appreciation
2. State the facts
3. Ask the other party for help in understanding his or her behavior
4. State the ideal behavior
5. State the consequence or open negotiations
Chapter Ten - You Can Be Effective or Self-Righteous—Pick One: Five Smart ...
Retaliation or reconciliation: Nelson Mandela
The advantages of avoiding blame
As we age: Wisdom or ignorance?
Chapter Eleven - Creating Cultures of Appreciation: Respect, Pride, and Fiscal Responsibility
Preserving goodwill
World-class appreciation
Building lasting relationships Ryan Companies US, Inc.
Best practices
Staying in touch
Appendix - Transforming the Enemy
About the Author
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