Introduction

ANY BOOK THAT teaches how to get people to do what you want is a book about manipulation. To manipulate people, you need to understand first what drives them.

Let's start by jarring your perception of manipulation. It is not necessarily a horrible thing, predicated on a desire to exploit someone. In this book, we look at the art and science of persuasion. When used appropriately, that ability can support team-building in the workplace, conflict resolution in tense situations, and harmony at home—and this is just an abbreviated list of the benefits. Looking across the spectrum of humanity, we know that humans are complex creatures. Even in the psychologically healthy bands of the spectrum, human beings run the gamut from altruists to curmudgeons. Within this very complex and diverse population, however, there are also recurrent themes; these form the foundation for this book. In some ways, it is a Machiavellian look at how to make people do what you want, so by its nature, some of it sounds like the “dark arts,” as Hogwarts students might characterize it.

Similar to our primate cousins, humans have a burning desire for companionship. First and foremost, we are herd animals with an instinct to belong. Once we gain that acceptance, however, we push more and more to set ourselves apart. Being a member of the crowd is generally not good enough. We want to hold distinction within the group—to be a member with clout at the least, or perhaps even the alpha in the pack. After striving to raise our level of importance within this group, when we achieve that and become a “big fish in a small pond,” most of us look for more. We aim to expand our circle to move into a new pond, one with a new group to which we can belong, only to start the process all over again.

If you doubt this premise, think about why you picked up the book. Are you moving into a new group and trying to better adapt and gain acceptance? Or are you looking to differentiate yourself from the crowd? Whether it is at work or in a social group, these two forces drive your choices at this moment, and other people around you are making daily decisions the same way. This book is about understanding those forces and making conscious decisions that will get the outcomes you want.

One added benefit of learning these tools is the ability to see how and when people such as politicians and advertisers manipulate you. Even if you never exercise the skills of influence we cover in this book, you will benefit greatly from other people's deliberate attempts to use them.

All the human drives we discuss in the book are applicable whether you are in face-to-face contact with a person or in virtual contact. They also factor into encounters with “perceived beings,” that is, video games involving characters, but especially with robots powered by artificial intelligence such as IBM's Watson technology.

Let's start with the premise that humans tend to interact with and respond to robots in ways that mimic our relationships with domesticated animals. In May 2007, the Washington Post reported that an Army colonel aborted tests that involved an autonomous robot whose job it was to blow up land mines. Built to resemble a stick insect, it blew up one mine after another in a live-fire test. Each time it stepped on a mine, it lost a limb in the explosion. Relying on its remaining legs, it picked itself up and moved forward. With only one leg remaining, it still rose up and charged on. That's when the colonel stopped the exercise because “the colonel just could not stand the pathos of watching the burned, scarred, and crippled machine drag itself forward on its last leg. This test, he charged, was inhumane.”¹

The colonel's response suggested he assigned an inherent human need to the robot to be safe, to preserve “life.” In a sense, he was manipulated into behaving in a way that seemed to run counter to his military training.

On the surface, this story seems heartwarming because it exhibits the compassionate nature of a tough human being trained for war. However, the story has a dark side: it illustrates the danger of assigning human feelings and needs to perceived beings. A robot powered by Watson or resembling a puppy is still a robot, no matter how articulate the former may be and how cute and cuddly the latter might be. We develop feelings for the robots because they have humanlike traits, or at least traits of living beings we value.

Some people were fooled into thinking that human beings sent legitimate information and human opinions about the presidential candidates during the 2016 elections in the United States. In reality, that election interference can be linked to robots that reflected an agenda of real people, but the “communication” with Americans was not conducted by real people.

The message to you is: there are attempts to manipulate you every day through various types of media as well as face-to-face contact. The more you know about how to manipulate others, the sharper your senses will be in detecting when someone, or something, is trying to move you in a particular direction.