Message a company online these days and there's a pretty good chance you'll be interacting with a chatbot. Thanks to machine learning, these bots can now communicate with humans well enough that it's not always obvious whether you're talking to a real-life person or a machine. But despite these advances, it'll be a long time before machines can communicate as well as humans. Let's explore the field of interpersonal communication—and how these vital skills may need to adapt for the future of work.
Interpersonal communication is simply the exchange of information, emotions, and meaning between people. In the context of the workplace, this takes place constantly, in meetings and presentations, in emails, in those little watercooler chats—you name it.
Interpersonal communication spans four types of communication:
It's also how you say it, because it turns out that vocal and nonverbal cues like body language, eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, head movements, and hand gestures speak volumes. In fact, the overwhelming majority—as much as 93 percent—of communication is nonverbal.
Very often, these nonverbal signals are delivered and understood without us even realizing it, because our ability to communicate nonverbally is instinctual and innate, and as such often matters more than words themselves. In one study, participants' responses to spoken words were more dependent on the tone of voice than the connotation behind the word itself, so even a negative word like “terrible” was perceived neutrally or positively depending on how the word was delivered.1 (If you've ever had someone tell you they were “fine,” when their entire demeanor screamed that they were very much not fine, I'm sure you can relate.) This led the author of the study to conclude that the interpretation of a message is only 7 percent verbal, 38 percent vocal, and 55 percent visual, thus giving us the oft-quoted figure that nonverbal communication makes up 93 percent of understanding.
This is important because the ways in which we communicate have shifted drastically to written communication—emails, Slack chats, social media comments, and so on—in which these precious nonverbal signals are lost. Have you ever misconstrued someone's comment online, mistaking sarcasm or a joke for rudeness? It's because the nonverbal subtleties have been lost. Chances are, if it had been a face-to-face encounter, you would have gotten the irreverent meaning behind the comment loud and clear.
Luckily, more and more remote meetings are taking place via video platforms, which allows us to pick up on the nonverbal side of communication, as well as the verbal. I talk more about communicating remotely later in the chapter.
We don't all communicate in the same way. Broadly speaking, there are five different communication styles. You may not fall exactly into one category; you may recognize elements of two or more categories in yourself, or revert to a certain style in certain situations. The key thing is, if you can recognize your own communication style(s), and the styles of others, you'll be better placed to tailor your communication style to match different audiences.
The five communication styles are:
Generally considered to be the most effective communication style, this means communicating confidently and calmly, clearly expressing your needs, but without riding roughshod over others in the conversation. Assertive communicators tend to use a lot of active “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when you show up late for our meetings” as opposed to less active statements such as “You need to stop turning up late.” They communicate without emotional manipulation; rather, they consider and respect the rights and opinions of others, while standing up for their own needs, expectations, and boundaries.
If you want to be more assertive in your communications, inject confidence into what you say (even if you don't necessarily feel confident). Replace woolly words such as “could” “may,” and “might” with “will.” Listen actively to what others are saying and respond with clarity and calmness, while looking for mutually beneficial solutions.
To communicate well with an assertive communicator, ask them what they think and give them the space to share their ideas. They are solutions-oriented people, so they respond well to suggestions—and even criticism, providing it's delivered with respect.
While the assertive communicator seeks solutions and values what others have to say, the aggressive communicator wants nothing more than to get their own way. As such, they are frequently hostile, demanding and intimidating in their communications, and act like what they have to say is more important than everyone else in the room. Even if what they're saying is correct, the way in which they speak often turns people off.
If you want to get on with others, this isn't a style that I'd recommend you deploy at work. But what should you do when you encounter an aggressive communicator? First things first, be prepared for the fact that they might try to steamroller you or communicate in a way you find off-putting. Then get to the point of the conversation as quickly as possible, keeping it short and sweet.
These communicators are people-pleasers, plain and simple. They're easygoing and out to avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means they don't convey their own opinions and needs (which may eventually lead to resentment). Passive communicators are happy to let others take the floor, and go along with the ideas of others, and as a result their contributions may not be heard.
If this sounds like you, try to inject a little more confidence into your communications and emulate the assertive style (even if you're faking it at first). Remember, your contributions matter. Practice setting boundaries and saying no to unreasonable requests, so you don't end up overloaded and resentful.
To communicate effectively with a passive communicator, give them the opportunity to be heard by directly asking them what they think. Never dismiss their ideas outright or get confrontational, as it will dent their confidence; instead, keep things positive.
A hodgepodge of passive and aggressive, this type of communicator may appear passive and easygoing on the surface, but underneath lies aggression, frustration, and resentment. As a result, they may go too hard on the sarcasm or come off as patronizing.
Again, this isn't a style you want to be deploying in the workplace. But you'll probably come across passive-aggressive types at some point; in which case, don't be tempted to respond in the same style. Model an assertive, positive tone instead. Also, look for clues on why they might be communicating this way; for example, does their passive-aggressive style come out only at certain times, such as when they're stressed?
This type of communicator rarely says what they mean, and instead uses lies, manipulation, and emotional arguments to get the outcome they want. They may come off as two-faced, fake, or even patronizing. The manipulative communicator knows exactly what they want—just like the assertive communicator—but unlike the assertive communicator, they don't express it directly.
If you find yourself falling into this style, try to emulate the assertive communicator and be more direct about what you want—while recognizing that your needs are no more important than anyone else's in the conversation.
To communicate effectively with a manipulative communicator, try redirecting them away from emotional arguments and towards facts. Calmly but firmly sticking to your guns is a good way to show that you don't respond well to manipulation.
You can read more tips for boosting your interpersonal skills later in the chapter.
Twenty years ago I saw a presentation that forever changed how I give presentations. They delivered a speech with PowerPoint slides, yet every slide had nothing but pictures on it. No words—maybe the occasional number, but otherwise just pictures. The speaker then told a story around each slide, using anecdotes and real-world examples to give context. I was so impressed, I copied their approach, and continue to give presentations in the same way. It's revolutionized a part of my job that used to make me really nervous.
This was probably when I first learned the importance of storytelling in communication. By incorporating stories into your communications—especially presentations—you engage people and help them better understand your message. Storytelling is especially important when you're talking about numbers (see Chapter 2, “Data Literacy”). Numbers alone aren't engaging or memorable. Stories are. Which is why it's better to craft a narrative than spew data at people. For example, when I talk about the proliferation of smart, connected devices in our homes, I could reel off any number of statistics about the projected number of smart devices by 2030. Or I could paint a descriptive picture of the smart homes of the future, with smart lighting and speakers that use sensors to gauge your mood and adjust the atmosphere accordingly, and smart fridges that can tell when you're running low on ingredients and automatically order a grocery delivery for you. Which is more interesting?
Companies employ this storytelling strategy all the time. They tell stories of their history and values in order to engage employees and inspire customer loyalty. Politicians tell stories about themselves and their backgrounds in order to create an emotional connection with voters. Take a leaf out of their book and build storytelling into your own communications.
This is one of those no-brainer skills that I probably don't have to sell you on. We all know that communication is important for workplace (and life) success. But let's briefly explore some of the biggest incentives to sharpen up your communication skills:
Bottom line, employers can't afford not to have great communicators on their teams, and we as individuals can't afford to let communication skills slide. This is especially important to keep in mind as more and more of us work from home. When you have less “face time” with others, it can be easy to neglect those all-important, relationship-building communications, such as watercooler moments or giving a colleague encouraging nonverbal signals during a presentation they've worked hard on. We must all work hard to give interpersonal communication the attention it deserves.
Let's explore some of my favorite tips for sharpening your interpersonal communication.
Here are some additional pointers if you're working as part of a remote team:
The above tips for remote teams apply to organizations just as much as individuals, and will become especially important as more teams transition to remote working. Technology is your friend here, so invest in the technology platforms that will help your people communicate effectively from a distance—and perhaps set guidelines on which platform is most appropriate for which type of communication.
Do also revisit the practical steps in Chapter 9 (collaboration) as these will help you boost communication within the business.
In this chapter we've learned that:
I've mentioned remote working a lot over the last couple of chapters, because I believe it's one of the key factors that will shape the future of work. As well as working in remote teams, more and more of us will be working as gig or contract workers. This brings us neatly onto the next future skill.